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Ixeua

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread

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(((Massive hugs to everyone who needs them))) :hugs:

 

I'm feeling mildly/moderately depressed, though certainly not as low as I could feel (thankfully!) I still haven't heard squat from my employer-to-be (lol), but I really don't think that is triggering any of the down/blah feelings. I had a good T appointment yesterday followed by a pdoc appointment. I'm off of the Klonopin, which I didn't care for, and taking Ativan/Lorazepam now. I am likely going to be put on a low dose of Abilify at my next appointment, but thankfully pdoc is keeping me on Zoloft/sertraline.

 

Searching for motivation. I think it's hiding under the couch or something.

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Meh. Not too bad. We are having July weather in late September...and being part polar bear, I'm not enjoying the heat. They say the Greenland ice sheet is melting quickly; maybe I ought to get over there and stake out my claim on newly uncovered land.

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Feeling ill, headachy, dizzy, exhausted, sore-throaty.  Weird thing with me - and extremely frustrating thing too - I will feel like this off an on until April. It usually hangs around low grade, which means that I never know if I am actually sick or if it is a mental thing. 

 

Duck Dodgers!

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I'm thinking it's time for me to consider getting off of the night shift.  Aside from my natural inclination to isolate and sleep, nights just makes it that much harder.  I spend my first day off feeling like I have a hang over from lack of sleep and then just get caught up and it's time to go back to work which means I have to force myself to sleep that day, too.  I'm just so reluctant to make any more changes in my life right now.  So much has happened and I've felt the need to have some routine, but I may be ready.  I'm tired of missing out on so much that happens during the day.  I'm sure the cave I've created here, so I can sleep during the day, isn't good for me.  I should probably take vitamin D.

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I'm not feeling too good today so far.  I'm not sure why either.  Work was stressful last night and I didn't get everything done, although they were really just small things I left for my co-manager this morning.  I have the day off but I'm finding it hard to relax.

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Good morning everyone.   :Coopwink: 

 

After having a horrible night last night, I'm feeling better today.

 

Long story short, I was up several times last night and tossing and turning because of a tooth that's causing me pain.  Convinced myself to call and make an appointment with my dentist.  They saw me this morning at 9 am.  This is Dr. R., my 'new' dentist who specializes in working with phobic patients like myself.  I say 'new' because I've only seen him over the course of 4 months, but I've seen him 6 times in that period.  He's my regular dentist now.

 

Basically, the tooth has a filling from a cavity, but is having root canal symptoms.  Right now Dr. R. doesn't want to do a root canal but we may have to later on.  Right now he wants me to monitor it and do salt water rinses and if it gets worse then he'll see me again.  We're trying to avoid doing a root canal treatment if possible due to my past traumatic history with them and another doctor.

 

If it gets to the point where I really have to have one I'll do it.  It's better than the pain this tooth is causing.

 

JJ

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I'm back from the psy doc. I was shaking before and during my appt. and tired and relieved when it was over. He prescribed Wellbutrin, the lowest dosage for now and I'm going to go with that. Hopefully it'll work. I really wanted the supplements to work, oh well. The prescription will be cheaper anyway.

 

Now that I've met him, and have seen how nice he is, I hope I won't be so nervous next time. Whew, glad that is over with...six weeks of being nervous over one appt. GAH!

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Woke up with morning anxiety as usual,drinking coffee and smoking as sun rises more suffering awaits.

 ditto, des!

 

So much to do today, which is OK I guess. It's will keep me preoccupied.

 

Oh yes sal!

 

i've 15 years more to spend to be at your age,already bored of living as world getting a worse place to live in.Sad to see polar bears get skinny and die from starvation,according to the scientists 2016 and 2017 will likely be hottest years on record.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by desperados

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I could peel the smile off a pygmy marmot!

 

The ducking dickiot boss just chewed me out for cutting and pasting something he wrote and putting it into a DRAFT Email I sent to him to review because what he wrote wasn't suitable to be sent out externally.  He even brought up my medical issues, as in, if this is a fatigue thing we can work something out - then he lapsed into his condescending, patronizing set piece, "you did such a good job on that article you wrote..." like my performance that time was as miraculous as the time Moses did all that water work.

 

The fact is, his list looked good on a cursory scan, and if it wasn't correct, he should have marked it DRAFT.  The guy is a nut.  So, by his protocols, if he sends me a five hundred page report to put on our website I have to read the entire thing before putting it up?  Good to know.  And it's not like I sent it out, I sent it to him and others in here to review.

 

You know, it's real simple:  If you've arranged something in an official looking list that I know you've been working on for weeks, you might want to include a note that says DRAFT or "list needs to be fixed up", or something in your communication.  Just saying, HassDat.

 

B

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In 1900 there were 1.5 billion people on this planet.  By my calculations, that means at least 1.4 billion knuckleheads. 

 

Now we have 7 billion, which means we are living on this tiny orb with roughly 6.5 billion exemplars of the tragedy that is lobotomy.

 

Global warming notwithstanding, what have we done?

Edited by salparadise6132

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While I have spent most of my day sleeping and playing some video games for a bit I finally managed to get in my studio this afternoon. I'm not exactly recording anything but am going back through my electronic albums. Re-learning synth lines and trying to get back into the state of mind for performing. My main problem is my voice... I can't reach most of the vocal notes anymore for most of the songs.

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Thousands of Chinese people including many children had been forced to work for mass production of iPhone, iPad or Macbook and other electronic pieces of modern world.

 

1 million workers.90 Million iPhones and 17 suicides at facilities.

 

Even making two internet searches through google produces about the same amount of carbon dioxide as boiling a kettle.

 

 

Coal generates 44% of our electricity, and is the single biggest air polluter in the U.S.
 

c01_i3b.jpgAir pollution: Burning coal causes smog, soot, acid rain, global warming, and toxic air emissions.
Learn more.

c01_i3c.jpg

Wastes generated: Ash, sludge, toxic chemicals, and waste heat create more environmental problems.
Learn more.

c01_i3e.jpg

Fuel supply: Mining, transporting, and storing coal levels mountains and pollutes the land, water, and air.
Learn more.

c01_i3f.jpg

Water use: Coal plants need billions of gallons of cooling water and harm wildlife.
Learn more.

A typical (500 megawatt) coal plant burns 1.4 million tons of coal each year. As of 2012, there are 572 operational coal plants in the U.S. with an average capacity of 547 megawatts.

Coal pollutes when it is mined, transported to the power plant, stored, and burned. Click on the pictures above left to see more about the kinds of environmental damage caused by coal.

 

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Feeling a little better. I found 2 awesome things I've been searching for to watch on the internets so that makes me happy.  But now I don't know which to watch first.  Having obscure interests sucks sometimes but it makes it all that much sweeter when I do find things I'm looking for.  I'm still feeling a bit low though.  I haven't gotten any phone calls from work so my stress is lessening a little.

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Identity crisis comes to a head. Suddenly I get the feeling of needing to fix that empty hole in my heart. ... Yep, I dyed my hair, folks. This was a more arduous process than I expected, but it's kept me occupied for a good portion of the day. Now I should feel more confident! Ready to face the... "world" would be the cliche to put here, but "myself' fits better, though I'm not facing myself myself, I was just distracting myself with a leisure activity and riding on the high of the thrill. In fact this would probably be considering 'running away from myself,' if anything.

I feel good at the moment (and maybe could've achieved this same feeling by doing something like taking a long walk outdoors).

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I'm getting really anxious and fearful about my dental health again.  I'm following my doctor's orders and trying to wait this out, but I'm still afraid that this tooth pain is ultimately going to end in a root canal treatment.

 

JJ

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I just experienced an all-too familiar scenario. Out of nowhere I had an extremely lucid flashback to when I was with my ex gf. Almostly instantly a thought came to mind: 'I will never experience that again. Noone will ever love me again'. My head was ******* me, my heart raced, and my body seized up. I had a full blown panic attack. I wanted to hurt myself, but I didn't. The only way I could calm down was by running out the house into my garden and have a cigarette. This happens all-too often and it has become quite crippling in my day-to-day activities. It was a major reason for me resigning and becoming unemployed. I'm still shaking...

PDP, (((hugs))) We have to believe that we can experience love again.... people come and go and such is life and the way of love, but if we can experience love once, we can experience it again, and sometimes, in a deeper and even more meaningful way.

Thanks. That is a reassuring way of looking at it. A lot of my triggers and negative thoughts stem from the relationship and my loneliness. I find it difficult to talk about because even when someone is fairly understanding about my health issues their response to that is usually just 'get over it'. Shame I can't change the messed up way my brain tortures me. Anyways...

Friday's round the corner and I'm off to a Japanese convention this weekend so that's something to look forward to. Even managedbto finish my cosplay just in time. No, it's not Japanese, I just felt like doing Arkham Knight's version of Riddler. Anyways, thanks for the support and hugs to you all :)

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