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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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I'm nauseous, irritated and really disappointed. I've filled out 11 applications/sent resumes in the last 2 days and only one place has sent a response. I've called a few of the other places and "they haven't had time to review my resume." I need some damn interviews set up. My head is all over the place right now, I'm standing close to the edge of the abyss and I know having some stability in getting back to work will help me get my footing back. The unknown is just really scary. :(

 

I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately.

 

((((Hugs))))

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I'm nauseous, irritated and really disappointed. I've filled out 11 applications/sent resumes in the last 2 days and only one place has sent a response. I've called a few of the other places and "they haven't had time to review my resume." I need some damn interviews set up. My head is all over the place right now, I'm standing close to the edge of the abyss and I know having some stability in getting back to work will help me get my footing back. The unknown is just really scary. :(

 

I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately.

 

((((Hugs))))

(((((Freckled))))) So sorry :( I know that feeling.... I think I told you, but I searched for over a year recently and went through the same process. It's excruciating and requires a lot of stamina and patience... I remember the days when I was so frustrated, upset and disappointed. It is scary not knowing what will happen... you just have to maintain faith in yourself and your own abilities. Be sure to take breaks from the job search and treat yourself to any kind of relaxation activity that will help. Also, can you get a recruiter to help you?? I used to scour the agency boards for jobs then apply and follow up with a phone call. Once you have a recruiter (or a few) looking, then opportunities can come your way vs the other way around. That helps! Crossing my fingers for you that the right opportunity comes your way.

 

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I'm nauseous, irritated and really disappointed. I've filled out 11 applications/sent resumes in the last 2 days and only one place has sent a response. I've called a few of the other places and "they haven't had time to review my resume." I need some damn interviews set up. My head is all over the place right now, I'm standing close to the edge of the abyss and I know having some stability in getting back to work will help me get my footing back. The unknown is just really scary. :(

 

I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately.

 

((((Hugs))))

(((((Freckled))))) So sorry :( I know that feeling.... I think I told you, but I searched for over a year recently and went through the same process. It's excruciating and requires a lot of stamina and patience... I remember the days when I was so frustrated, upset and disappointed. It is scary not knowing what will happen... you just have to maintain faith in yourself and your own abilities. Be sure to take breaks from the job search and treat yourself to any kind of relaxation activity that will help. Also, can you get a recruiter to help you?? I used to scour the agency boards for jobs then apply and follow up with a phone call. Once you have a recruiter (or a few) looking, then opportunities can come your way vs the other way around. That helps! Crossing my fingers for you that the right opportunity comes your way.

 

 

 

Thank you, if nothing pans out in the next week or so I'll look into a recruiter. I appreciate the feedback. (((Hugs)))

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Hi freckled - sorry for the job frustration! ((hugs)). I do think, though, that for the sake of your health you might want to accept that it is going to be a long process.  The days of getting jobs fast are long gone, unfortunately. Please give yourself a break and try to approach the searching process as a project/end in itself (the old journey, not the destination thing).  I know it's easier said than done.  I am using the same approach with respect to dating (most days successfully, some days frustrated as all **** LOL).  I read a lot of self-pressure in your posts - the expectation that you have to turn things around quickly.  From where I sit, you have already turned things around,in that you are out there looking.  That in itself is a victory!!!

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Awww... (((((((Stardreamer))))))) your post brought tears to my eyes since it's so close to home... I really feel for you. What struck me most is that you are able to precisely identify the string of thoughts and feelings that were triggered and interconnected... next time, since you recognize what is happening as it is happening, you could perhaps stop yourself in your tracks to acknowledge it and then recollect yourself? And give yourself a good healthy dose of self-compassion for what you are experiencing? Abuse is hard enough to deal with by itself.... insidious is a great word for how it can seep into your life without even seeing it -- you can't help what happened, and now you're recovering to a stronger you. I wish I hadn't gotten involved with my abuser too.... it led to the loss of my greatest dream. But it is what it is, and I'm dealing with that loss. I've kicked myself over it many times, but more importantly, I am grateful that I am no longer in that relationship. It practically destroyed me. Be proud of yourself for getting out.... that's something to feel good about. Some people never leave. You're lucky that you were strong enough to leave. Much  :icon12:  :icon12:  & big  :hugs:  to you!!

Yes, recognizing it as it happens and stopping myself is the ideal goal. Sometimes I am able to do this, and I do it. Other times it is hard to recognize that that is what is going on at the time it is happening. This week I've been tracking triggers so I guess I was more on my game than usual. lol. And yes I need to work on self-compassion.

Yes, I am so glad I left. At the time I left I still had no idea what I had just been through. It has taken a long time to really understand what happened during that. I still have versions of things in my head, the versions that he wanted me to believe were real (the "happy" relationship). It has taken a long time to really see it for what it was and to heal as much as I have from it.

When I first got out of the relationship, I was in really bad shape and just cried every night for hours and used to have these shooting pains that would go out my arms. And I had all kinds of really damaging ideas in my head about who I was and what I could expect from life, and I was still carrying out stuff toward myself that was stuff he used to do, thinking that is just what people are supposed to do, not realizing that it was abusive. When I got to a place where I got a lot of healing from, I remember when I first went there I used to never speak, and I would just sort of hide in the background, and I kept all my opinions to myself unless other people pulled it out of me. It took a long time to trust anyone for any reason.

The sad thing is I met him when I was young, and I have no idea what kind of person I would have been or what life I would have had if I hadn't gotten mixed up with him and taken so much damage from that experience. I hope I will eventually be able to dig out the rest of the BS that is in me from that time and get rid of it so I can be a better version of myself.

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Freckled - At least you are making a concerted effort, filling out applications/sending resumes. I can't even seem to get a decent resume put together... Depression-fueled inertia has led me to "settle" for a job that doesn't pay much and is more or less a dead end.

At least YOU are trying!

Hugs

T

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Yeah, Stardreamer.... I hear you! That's great you're tracking the triggers. and I know what you mean about not realizing what you've just been through, right afterwards. Abusers are so highly manipulative they want you to believe their version of the story. "Gaslighting" I believe it's called. So very insidious it starts to mess with your sense of your own reality. Mine used to tell me the sky was red when it was blue. It can also be very damaging to your self-esteem, like you're saying, which can take a long time to recover from. I'm so glad you had found place to help you through those issues after it happened. It's easy to live in regret, but perhaps somehow you're a better person now because of this experience. You're going to be a lot stronger for it, that's for sure.

 

I feel saddened that mine had been a good friend of 20 years before this happened, and I didn't know this about him at all while he was a friend. He did exhibit some warning signs later on that I brushed under the rug.... at the time, it didn't occur to me that my friend, a long time friend, could be that messed up.

Anyways, we can choose to live in regret or not.... bad things happen, we're much more naive and innocent when we're younger, and as they say, we grow wiser as we grow older. You can take the wisdom & strength you have gained from it and also know that you'll never return to that kind of relationship ever again. ((((hugs)))))

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All I want is a regular day...with no headaches or distractions.  I just want to enjoy one friggin' day without someone else ****ing it up for me.  I swear I've become such a magnet for a******s.  I liked it better when everyone thought I was nuts & left me the hell alone.

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Some creep on Linked In kept viewing my profile, so I blocked him, and now someone else, a strange looking "woman" from his company, keeps looking at my profile so i had to block her. What the hell?!? I think he created a fictitious profile. I'm so tired of all of this and am entirely creeped out. I've had it with stalkers... enough is enough! I'm completely irate.

 

And there's my rant...

Edited by havehope
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I just experienced an all-too familiar scenario. Out of nowhere I had an extremely lucid flashback to when I was with my ex gf. Almostly instantly a thought came to mind: 'I will never experience that again. Noone will ever love me again'. My head was ******* me, my heart raced, and my body seized up. I had a full blown panic attack. I wanted to hurt myself, but I didn't. The only way I could calm down was by running out the house into my garden and have a cigarette. This happens all-too often and it has become quite crippling in my day-to-day activities. It was a major reason for me resigning and becoming unemployed. I'm still shaking...

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Guess what guys... I'M DROWSY.  Not as bad as yesterday though.  I don't know why it takes me so long to wake up fully.

 

I'm also feeling a little meh about work tonight.  I had a good day yesterday, but I gave a task to my co-manager and I don't know if it'll get done :/  Or that she won't leave me a huge pile of stuff to put away when I have so much to do tonight for the new animals coming out tomorrow.

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I just experienced an all-too familiar scenario. Out of nowhere I had an extremely lucid flashback to when I was with my ex gf. Almostly instantly a thought came to mind: 'I will never experience that again. Noone will ever love me again'. My head was ******* me, my heart raced, and my body seized up. I had a full blown panic attack. I wanted to hurt myself, but I didn't. The only way I could calm down was by running out the house into my garden and have a cigarette. This happens all-too often and it has become quite crippling in my day-to-day activities. It was a major reason for me resigning and becoming unemployed. I'm still shaking...

hugs. i'm sorry you're going through this. 

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I just experienced an all-too familiar scenario. Out of nowhere I had an extremely lucid flashback to when I was with my ex gf. Almostly instantly a thought came to mind: 'I will never experience that again. Noone will ever love me again'. My head was ******* me, my heart raced, and my body seized up. I had a full blown panic attack. I wanted to hurt myself, but I didn't. The only way I could calm down was by running out the house into my garden and have a cigarette. This happens all-too often and it has become quite crippling in my day-to-day activities. It was a major reason for me resigning and becoming unemployed. I'm still shaking...

hugs. i'm sorry you're going through this.

Thank you for the support. Was supposed to be out with friends tonight. The incident has instead left me hiding out at home in my room. Feelings of loneliness are thus still strong but as I'm feeling a little calmer.

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I just experienced an all-too familiar scenario. Out of nowhere I had an extremely lucid flashback to when I was with my ex gf. Almostly instantly a thought came to mind: 'I will never experience that again. Noone will ever love me again'. My head was ******* me, my heart raced, and my body seized up. I had a full blown panic attack. I wanted to hurt myself, but I didn't. The only way I could calm down was by running out the house into my garden and have a cigarette. This happens all-too often and it has become quite crippling in my day-to-day activities. It was a major reason for me resigning and becoming unemployed. I'm still shaking...

PDP, (((hugs))) We have to believe that we can experience love again.... people come and go and such is life and the way of love, but if we can experience love once, we can experience it again, and sometimes, in a deeper and even more meaningful way.

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