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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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Walked around the city by myself for like 5 hours. Took lots and lots of pictures in the city park. Talked to a bunch of shop owners (which, considering how bad my social anxiety has been the last 1-2 years, was amazing because I really enjoyed it).

 

Started getting teary-eyed on the train home. I've had good days since I've started therapy again at the beginning of the year, but today was the first day in I-don't-even-know-how-long that I've felt normal. I'm constantly worried that when I'm happy, something horrible will happen. But today I felt like I'd rather fall from a 50-foot ledge of happiness than the usual crappy 1-foot ledge from moderate to severe depression.

 

Kind of weirded out I had one of my worst days just recently, and I've rebounded in less than 2 weeks.

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I'm calmer now but spent the better part of my day feeling so angry/aggressive that I stayed in bed until after 11am just because I didn't want to talk or deal with anyone. Long story short my ex (son's father) is as horrible as a human being can get & the day my son turns 18 will be the greatest day of my life, & my new job is giving me the runaround on hours I was told I would get upon hiring. I don't want to have to find another job to fill in the gaps but I can't afford to work 3 days a week. I am so livid I can't see straight. This week has been h***.

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Walked around the city by myself for like 5 hours. Took lots and lots of pictures in the city park. Talked to a bunch of shop owners (which, considering how bad my social anxiety has been the last 1-2 years, was amazing because I really enjoyed it).

 

Started getting teary-eyed on the train home. I've had good days since I've started therapy again at the beginning of the year, but today was the first day in I-don't-even-know-how-long that I've felt normal. I'm constantly worried that when I'm happy, something horrible will happen. But today I felt like I'd rather fall from a 50-foot ledge of happiness than the usual crappy 1-foot ledge from moderate to severe depression.

 

Kind of weirded out I had one of my worst days just recently, and I've rebounded in less than 2 weeks.

Nice! I'm glad you had some positive social interactions today. It definitely feels weird having enjoyable days after very recently being in a dark place. Just a month ago I had planned to not be around anymore, ready to go and everything then decided not to. I'll have like 2 good days a week now on average and it's extremely confusing to me when I think about how recently I was at the darkest point I've been in 7 years. It's almost like I feel I shouldn't be able to have a good day because of how I felt in recent days.

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Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and fearful.

 

I know I must sound like a broken record, but once again my dental health is ruling my life.  I'm so tired of this.  I'm driving myself crazy, because I can't decide whether to go with my previous dentist who's expensive (without insurance) and offers nitrous oxide (which I need to get through dental appointments) or to go with option 2.  Option 2 is to go with the new dentist I just met yesterday (who has reasonable prices) and to get treatment without nitrous (which means I'll be emotionally on edge through all of my appointments).  The trade off is that then I wouldn't have nitrous, but the doctor will go slowly with me, so hopefully I won't freak out.  Actually both dentists are willing to work at a slow pace with me.

 

I'm so torn right now.  The first doctor, I really like him (and I never thought I'd say that about a dentist).  Both doctors know my history now.  The first doctor I've seen several times, so I think we've started to build a rapport with one another.  Granted it's not a strong rapport yet, but it's something.  I really was starting to trust him until I lost my job and insurance.  It was a slow process, but I felt like he would do what he said he would.  It felt like we were working together, even though I was still terrified, we were working together towards a solution.

 

What can I say about the new doctor?  I've met him once.  I have no idea if I can trust him, yet.  I don't feel like he caught all of the problems that the first doctor did and that worries me.  I think I like his chair side manner.  I'm still not sure because I've only seen him once.

 

Why did this have to happen?  I finally found a doctor I like (the first doctor) and then I loose my job and insurance.  Now everything is upside down.

 

Then again there's always option 3...  I know it's not really an option, but I could just stop getting treatment altogether.  It's my choice.  Granted not the best choice, but it's out there.

 

Sorry I got rambling here.

 

JJ

Edited by SFChristianGirl
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My so-called friend might think I'm the dumbest person in the universe, but in reality I am not naive and I am fully aware of how crappy of a friend he is.

 

But what's really sad about this is not how he treats me. It's the fact that I have no one to replace him. Because even an awful friend like him still does a number of things for me that I need that none of my family ever does for me. And I don't have any other friends. I would have dumped him so fast, if only I could. But it's an f'd up environment I am in and I don't see things ever, ever getting better because I can smile, think positive, and be passionate all I want, but I don't believe in anyone or anything.

Edited by The_Unwanted
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The_Unwanted, if you want someone to talk to my inbox is always open. :) *hugs*

 

Thank you. But I spend enough time talking to users on the computer as is, and quite frankly I am sick and tired of spending all my time talking on the computer.

 

I don't mind doing it, just not 100% of the time.

Edited by The_Unwanted
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I feel extremely depressed, and I was hoping that this morning was just a brief, passing, feeling. Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope I feel better by then. I'm trying hard not to think catastrophically, but I've felt "off" lately and now I realize the past couple of weeks have been full of my "pre-episode" warning signs: changes in appetite and eating habits, significantly less social and chatty, want to be left alone. My sleep is almost always crap so I can't go by that =P Not jumping to any conclusions, but keeping a watchful eye on myself.

I have a T appointment in the morning. Tonight I think I'm going to take it easy and make jewelry while I watch bad TV.

Brian, thank you very much for the support!

(((Big Hugs to all)))

:-( I'm so sorry Christina. I'm feeling the same. Those damn polar magnets probably :-(. Hope the therapist appointment went well/helped.

Spent another day in bed. H stayed home with me & worked from home today. I'm a bit of a worry I think. I'll be ok. I ate ok today & am also sleeping ok so fingers crossed this'll pass.

Edited by Els1e
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I've finally came out as a transgender female online. It makes me feel more happy being able to be who I really am online finally! I'm just stuck as to how I'm going to explain this to my immediate family. I feel uncomfortable.

Hugs! Congratulations for taking the first step. I know it's tough thinking how to come out to people especially your family, but you can do it. Stay strong!

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Walked around the city by myself for like 5 hours. Took lots and lots of pictures in the city park. Talked to a bunch of shop owners (which, considering how bad my social anxiety has been the last 1-2 years, was amazing because I really enjoyed it).

 

Started getting teary-eyed on the train home. I've had good days since I've started therapy again at the beginning of the year, but today was the first day in I-don't-even-know-how-long that I've felt normal. I'm constantly worried that when I'm happy, something horrible will happen. But today I felt like I'd rather fall from a 50-foot ledge of happiness than the usual crappy 1-foot ledge from moderate to severe depression.

 

Kind of weirded out I had one of my worst days just recently, and I've rebounded in less than 2 weeks.

yeah, sometimes i wonder. these things do seem somewhat cyclical. if there was some kind of graph i could generate of "mostlynormal" "light depression" "moderate depr" "severe depr" etc., i wonder if i would see a pattern.

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Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and fearful.

 

I know I must sound like a broken record, but once again my dental health is ruling my life.  I'm so tired of this.  I'm driving myself crazy, because I can't decide whether to go with my previous dentist who's expensive (without insurance) and offers nitrous oxide (which I need to get through dental appointments) or to go with option 2.  Option 2 is to go with the new dentist I just met yesterday (who has reasonable prices) and to get treatment without nitrous (which means I'll be emotionally on edge through all of my appointments).  The trade off is that then I wouldn't have nitrous, but the doctor will go slowly with me, so hopefully I won't freak out.  Actually both dentists are willing to work at a slow pace with me.

 

I'm so torn right now.  The first doctor, I really like him (and I never thought I'd say that about a dentist).  Both doctors know my history now.  The first doctor I've seen several times, so I think we've started to build a rapport with one another.  Granted it's not a strong rapport yet, but it's something.  I really was starting to trust him until I lost my job and insurance.  It was a slow process, but I felt like he would do what he said he would.  It felt like we were working together, even though I was still terrified, we were working together towards a solution.

 

What can I say about the new doctor?  I've met him once.  I have no idea if I can trust him, yet.  I don't feel like he caught all of the problems that the first doctor did and that worries me.  I think I like his chair side manner.  I'm still not sure because I've only seen him once.

 

Why did this have to happen?  I finally found a doctor I like (the first doctor) and then I loose my job and insurance.  Now everything is upside down.

 

Then again there's always option 3...  I know it's not really an option, but I could just stop getting treatment altogether.  It's my choice.  Granted not the best choice, but it's out there.

 

Sorry I got rambling here.

 

JJ

don't choose option 3!

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Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and fearful.

 

I know I must sound like a broken record, but once again my dental health is ruling my life.  I'm so tired of this.  I'm driving myself crazy, because I can't decide whether to go with my previous dentist who's expensive (without insurance) and offers nitrous oxide (which I need to get through dental appointments) or to go with option 2.  Option 2 is to go with the new dentist I just met yesterday (who has reasonable prices) and to get treatment without nitrous (which means I'll be emotionally on edge through all of my appointments).  The trade off is that then I wouldn't have nitrous, but the doctor will go slowly with me, so hopefully I won't freak out.  Actually both dentists are willing to work at a slow pace with me.

 

I'm so torn right now.  The first doctor, I really like him (and I never thought I'd say that about a dentist).  Both doctors know my history now.  The first doctor I've seen several times, so I think we've started to build a rapport with one another.  Granted it's not a strong rapport yet, but it's something.  I really was starting to trust him until I lost my job and insurance.  It was a slow process, but I felt like he would do what he said he would.  It felt like we were working together, even though I was still terrified, we were working together towards a solution.

 

What can I say about the new doctor?  I've met him once.  I have no idea if I can trust him, yet.  I don't feel like he caught all of the problems that the first doctor did and that worries me.  I think I like his chair side manner.  I'm still not sure because I've only seen him once.

 

Why did this have to happen?  I finally found a doctor I like (the first doctor) and then I loose my job and insurance.  Now everything is upside down.

 

Then again there's always option 3...  I know it's not really an option, but I could just stop getting treatment altogether.  It's my choice.  Granted not the best choice, but it's out there.

 

Sorry I got rambling here.

 

JJ

i am wondering why the 2nd doctor won't give you the nitrous. can you explain to him the situation and tell him you really need it? he has got to have it at his office. 

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Brian --- I'm sooo glad you're feeling better and that the feeling of being unlovable has passed. Yippee!! You deserve to feel better, as do we all. And sounds like you're in a good, strong position at work, good for you! Glad writing a letter provided some much needed relief for you! :)

 

SFChristianGirl --- Ooh boy, that is a tough decision! I would definitely not go with option 3.... if it were me, I'd go for option 2 simply because it's cheaper, but I know how much anxiety you go through with each procedure..... wish I could give you some sound advice here, but choose whatever you feel most comfortable doing...

 

As for me, I'm actually feeling OK this morning for a change. I think conversion optimization may be a better fit for me career-wise, which I am looking into.... it's how I already think anyways. I'm always telling my boss, if you did this to your landing pages & banner ads, you could have more sales.. or if you did this to your website, you could have more visitor engagement.... it brings together my website design/mgmt & SEO experience nicely.... hmm..

I know people probably don't know what the heck I'm talking about -- I do digital marketing and work in a niche field, SEO, within digital marketing. I'm responsible for getting websites & content to the top of search engines based on search terms. Conversion optimization is more about getting leads to convert into customers and tweaking web content, ads and websites to do just that.

Anyways, I feel a little more inspired today and hopeful... even though this field also requires technical expertise and coding knowledge (my weaker points), I'm going to look into some education in this niche and see if I can become an expert in it within my current role. Now I just need to do it.

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