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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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(((((Group Hug)))))

 

Had my 2nd opinion today for my knee,  the doctor gave me a different kind of cortisone shot in a different place in my knee and is on board with the arthroscopic surgery if I get no relief from this shot.  I can feel the medication doing all kinds of weird things in there and the pain is already a different kind of pain. He says I should feel MUCH better by Thursday and I need to call into the office to give him an update. I'm really glad I went for the 2nd opinion and he's on board with the procedure if necessary. I feel a huge relief just knowing he's listening to me. I'm really lucky to have a good team of doctors.

 

Mentally, I'm doing okay.

 

Awesome, Freckled! I'm so happy for you :hugs:

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I feel extremely depressed, and I was hoping that this morning was just a brief, passing, feeling. Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope I feel better by then. I'm trying hard not to think catastrophically, but I've felt "off" lately and now I realize the past couple of weeks have been full of my "pre-episode" warning signs: changes in appetite and eating habits, significantly less social and chatty, want to be left alone. My sleep is almost always crap so I can't go by that =P Not jumping to any conclusions, but keeping a watchful eye on myself.

 

 I have a T appointment in the morning. Tonight I think I'm going to take it easy and make jewelry while I watch bad TV.

 

Brian, thank you very much for the support!

 

 

(((Big Hugs to all)))

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I feel extremely depressed, and I was hoping that this morning was just a brief, passing, feeling. Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope I feel better by then. I'm trying hard not to think catastrophically, but I've felt "off" lately and now I realize the past couple of weeks have been full of my "pre-episode" warning signs: changes in appetite and eating habits, significantly less social and chatty, want to be left alone. My sleep is almost always crap so I can't go by that =P Not jumping to any conclusions, but keeping a watchful eye on myself.

 

 I have a T appointment in the morning. Tonight I think I'm going to take it easy and make jewelry while I watch bad TV.

 

Brian, thank you very much for the support!

 

 

(((Big Hugs to all)))

 

Awww, C. I'm sorry friend. I hope you'll jump into the chat for a little while at least. It's bound to be a fun/interesting time :D Sending lots of hugs today. I'm glad that you are being mindful of the signs and symptoms. Depression and anxiety can duck off.

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Right now I feel like one of those older women who missed their chances to fulfill their dreams like become a ballerina or something and that maybe I'll be depressed forever living with this s***ty regret because you can't turn back time

 

Random Alice,

Have you ever heard of a sitcom Being Erica?  I watched it on Hulu several years ago as suggested by a friend.  In the sitcom, which seems a little goofy at first, Erica has the ability to go back and change situations where she believed she missed opportunities in her past.  With each episode she goes back and changes things and ends up in a worse predicament.  It's all done with a sense of humor but makes one aware of how we all think having done xyz in the year xyz would have resulted us with improved life situations.  

 

It's hard to know we can't unring a bell.  I'm in my fifties now and starting over again.  I'm sad about it sometimes but hey I'm still on the right side of the dirt so there's hope.

 

I've heard the name but can't really place it... might look it up thanks.

I get your point... I just wish I had the chance to try, I never had it. But alas, I got interested in some stuff long past the age of stuff being doable... and then people say "nothing is impossible!" but for most sports if you don't start really young your dreams are already crushed. Maybe next life if there's such a thing.

Having to settle is such a sad feeling. I hope I find something else to dream about one day that'll make me forget about this. At the moment just stop crying would be good.

Edited by random alice
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Stardreamer,

 

I could have written what you wrote nearly word for word just a couple of months ago and still can on a down day.  I'm trying to change my vocabulary in hopes in will help with the negative reinforcement I think I encourage, so bad days have now become down times really so I don't set myself up for an entirely bad day. 

 

I think it's good to be able to recall a time when you felt a little zippier.  It's a frame of reference, for me.  A place to get back to.  I sometimes ask myself what I was doing during that time that contributed to feelings of well being.  Some people have no such frame of reference because they've never really felt well.  I only have one such occasion when I felt really joyful for nearly a year.  I had a lot going on that year as I lost my job, broke up with my ex (who I reconciled with and then left again after two years), and my first grandson was born, which was joyous but took some getting used to because of my thoughts on aging.  I believe what made it joyful, in spite of the circumstances, was the focus I placed on healing.  For the first time in my life I wasn't tangled up with a relationship and this forced me to look at myself.  It also freed up my time to take better care of myself, which I had never really done.  I saw a therapist and did emdr therapy.  It was a challenging process but helped me put to rest some of my childhood stuff.  I was also in graduate school and wrote a memoir for my theses, which increased awareness of my situation.  I wasn't working so I was able to swim and exercise everyday, which helped so much.  I was also able to babysit my grandson a few days a week with gave me a sense of purpose and alleviated the feelings of being so alone.  Anyway, my point is that maybe you can recall those times when you felt more like you, and aside from any chemical imbalances you may have to treat or do already treat, pull back on what you were doing then.  

 

There were so many days this past couple of years when I would open my medicine cabinet in the mornings to take my supplements and think to myself that I was just wasting my time and my money.  I would honestly stand there and get mad at myself.  I'd say harmful things like what the he!! are you doing?  This isn't helping you a bit.  You are not getting better.  You know what, I still don't know if they are helping me.  What I do know is I was trying to do something to help myself and this meant that I did care about me.  Even if only a little bit.  I learned to just say I don't know if this is helping but I'm doing it anyway.  

 

I didn't have the energy to nurture some of my friendships and though I'm working on reconnecting now I can also see that some of them were one sided.  I felt depleted whenever I'd spend time with them doing social things that I really don't want to do.  I no longer do them.  I try to be there for them sometimes but draw the line at being a sounding board for people who seem to forget to ask me how I am during a conversation.  I had a therapist tell me she believed me to be an empath and that I needed to learn how to conserve energy.  I have to pick and chose where I place my emotional energy.  I chose to do it places like here where people are seeking solution.  The people here seem to understand that I may be up one day and down the next, so explaining that isn't necessary.  I guess I'm just tired of explaining something I don't really understand and can't control sometimes.  It is what it is.  

 

The last thing I want to share with you is that I, too, have felt that there wasn't much purpose in my life.  I'm working to pay the bills and keep a roof over my head and whoop de do.  Ha.  I tried to refocus on doing good deeds for other people.  I chose those people to be my immediate family.  I didn't want to keep getting my grandkids on my days off, but I did, though less frequently and we did activities that made room for my decreased energy levels.  We went to the park less and rented movies more.  My desire to do more with them has increased though it still feels all draining at times.  Do you have an avenue for giving?  Someone who needs mentoring or could benefit from your experiences?  It seems to help me feel better about myself.

 

I hope some of what I said helps you.  I get where you are coming from so well and wish you some peace today. 

Thank you for your long post. I think a lot of it is that back then my circumstances were much better... I had 2 or 3x the money that I have now, and wasn't having to deal with worrying about not being able to pay really basic things back then, I had perfect health back then, and I also was completely ignoring all my problems like they didn't exist. Which now I know all the problems that exist and I never allow myself to pretend they don't. Which... well it's progress in a way but in another way it makes things difficult. 

Yes I do need to learn to conserve emotional energy but it's hard when these things hit me like a storm sometimes... I do my best to stay in it for as little time as possible but don't always succeed.

I do have some avenues for giving, I do find it helps.

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Random Alice, I know he feeling... my big dream was crushed over a year ago and I thought that was the end of my life, literally. People have emphasized to me over and over again that dreams can be rebuilt, dreams can change and new dreams can be created. I'm trying to absorb this concept right now & it's hard for me to, but I know how you feel... settling is a sad feeling. One shouldn't have to settle. 

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Right now I feel like one of those older women who missed their chances to fulfill their dreams like become a ballerina or something and that maybe I'll be depressed forever living with this s***ty regret because you can't turn back time

 

Random Alice,

Have you ever heard of a sitcom Being Erica?  I watched it on Hulu several years ago as suggested by a friend.  In the sitcom, which seems a little goofy at first, Erica has the ability to go back and change situations where she believed she missed opportunities in her past.  With each episode she goes back and changes things and ends up in a worse predicament.  It's all done with a sense of humor but makes one aware of how we all think having done xyz in the year xyz would have resulted us with improved life situations.  

 

It's hard to know we can't unring a bell.  I'm in my fifties now and starting over again.  I'm sad about it sometimes but hey I'm still on the right side of the dirt so there's hope.

 

sounds like an interesting show.

i think the most important thing is realizing that we can only start from now, where we are in the present moment.

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I am very mad at myself. I'm at the point of nearly shaking from being so upset.

My husband's grandparents have never met me in person, but because they saw on Facebook that I am an atheist, they've completely lost it and not only come out to insult me on numerous occasions, but refuse to get to know the person over the monster they've made me out to be. I've dealt with it for so long without snapping, and today they decided to cut all ties with me (limited as they were).

I'm just upset with myself, but I know that it wasn't me who caused the conflict in this situation. I only hope that one day we will meet in person and they will see that I am not who they have already decided to paint me as.

i'm sorry they have decided to take action on something that is none of their business. well, if it upsets them so much they have the right to not interact with you. but really you have the right to believe whatever you want without other people's interference. so... that sucks, but it's not your fault--it's their reaction.

hugs to you.

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Yes, novangel - with me it is a matter of looking desperately for someone to make up for the lack of love shown to me by my parents.  At least, that is what I believe anyway.  I don't know if anyone ever could, and perhaps that's the problem I have.  I don't even know what I should be expecting from a relationship.  I'm that confused.

Unfortunately nobody can make up for your parents emotional neglect. Only therapy and/or time can help you with that, if you look to a significant other to heal that void it will lead to disappoint with that relationship and even resentment. Try to keep that separate. While I think the right person can fill the void 80% always remember they can't fix it 100%.

 

Yeah, there are ways to work through your feelings on this. And probably the best "expectations" to have from a relationship are "none". Because every person is different and the more expectations we have about it the more difficult it will be. The best thing is to become able to be OK while being alone... if you can be OK with that then you're in a good space to be with someone else, because you don't need them to complete you. It's a healthier outlook on it.

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Hi all.

Thanks for all of your support.

Just got back from the dentist. My appointment was at 3:30 pm today. I had a new patient exam and x-rays at this appointment and met my new dentist.

I have mixed feelings about this appointment. My new dentist wants me to get another deep cleaning. I told him that I just had one a month ago, but apparently I need another. I'm going to wait until I get the rest of my braces removed (from all of the bottom teeth) that way the cleaning will be more thorough. So my next cleaning appointment for a deep clean, will be in early November, the 9th.

He said over all my teeth look good. I just need the remaining 3 crowns to be put on my molars and this cleaning and that's it. I told him I was worried about my gums and that they look bad. I even have a couple of teeth that are really sensitive constantly. I told him this and even showed him the gums and he laughed. He said they look very healthy. They're pink so they're healthy. I don't know. They look awful to me.

I did find out something very important today. None of the dentists in this office are able to do nitrous oxide for treatments. They're not certified. Only the specialists in the office can use it (an endodontist and a periodontist). This is not good for me. I cannot have treatment without the nitrous. I don't even want to have the cleaning without it. I was coming to this office because of the lower cost and because I was under the impression that I could get the nitrous here. The doctor tried to reassure me and said he'd work with me and go slowly, but I'm not sure. I'm going to have to think about this. I may have to wait until I get a job and insurance again and go back to my private dentist.

I was nervous throughout the whole appointment. I'm still nervous now, because I don't know what to do. I'm going to have to give this a lot of thought.

Also, this periodontal check was done by the dentist today. I've always had this done by hygenists in the past. The periodontal check hurt a lot. My poor gums and teeth are sensitive with everything nowadays.

Thanks again everyone.

JJ

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Right now, I guess I am feeling decent. I got rid of a lot of things in my apartment that I don't need anymore, and it looks pretty empty (maybe more empty than a typical apartment looks). Either way, it will be a lot easier if I can move when my lease is up at the end of November. It's coming up here very very soon, and I am nervous and hopeful at the same time. Any kind of change would mean a new life for me.

 

Also, I have my third job interview in my major city on Thursday - an automotive company. I want to put this IT degree to good use eventually. Hopefully this will be that time. Third time's the charm, right?

 

I am also nervous because this is my first time driving down there, and I will be driving during rush hour most likely. I hope I can come back in one piece. Wish me luck anyway.

 

Stay strong all.

 

~ KS

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Overwhelmed, happy, frustrated. My sister told me she was pregnant today. While I'm happy for her, it boggles my mind since she's having a baby with her supposed ex-boyfriend. I also felt like for the majority of the afternoon and just gave up doing anything at all.

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I don't know, I just have no faith in Doctors.  The Psychiatrist put my son on Lovan 20 capsules 2 weeks ago, last week the Doctor changed them to the tablets so he could take half a tablet, and now the Psychiatrist has told him to go back to the capsules and also gave him a presciption for anti-anxiety meds which he was reluctant to give at the last appt.  I feel really defeated, mainly because my son isn't being very co-operative.  It's like he doesn't want anyone to help him and it's weighing me down and making me feel a bit useless.  What the **** am I supposed to do. :no:

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I think too much and I'm starting to think I actually feel very little. I mean, every day I can't remember anything other than 'feeling nothing.' What a life to lead - not caring about anything or anyone, except yourself, because you hate yourself (but do I really hate myself, or do I *think* I hate myself, because, like I said, I don't *feel* anything, right? /joke).

This is a step up from last year though, when I was in the depths of suicidal depression, so I'm thankful for that, at least.

(((Hugs))) Feeling nothing can be near-maddening, well, at least when some of your negative emotions are still in tact. I hope you feel better soon - even if you don't feel suicidal anymore, you deserve much more.

--- Thank you. You're really kind. In fact I am feeling better than yesterday so I guess your words are helping? :)

So, yeah, feeling better. I just got up. Looking forward to the rest of the day. I have some plans in mind. ---*

("---" equals my response. I still don't know how to quote people properly on here, I'm sorry.)

Edited by buttermybiscuit
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Annoyed.. I called in sick at work today, I've been not feeling well for a week now. But my boss didn't believe me! I didn't sound sick according to her, well no I have a headache and cramps, that doesn't affect my voice. She's so damn annoying!

Edited by Cupcake_girl
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Tried, work was ok i guess? I dunno, still cant handle being where i am. Rather be in Campbellfield doing clutches and brakes instead.

 

No motivation to work on the XD or the XH. The XH needs the most attention of course. Cant seem to adapt from working on buses to cars at the end of each day.

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I am exausted and mentally drained.

Almost put my dog to sleep yesterday, started having sezieures and eye bulging out, they thought glaucoma.

Most likely brain tumor or cancer.  3 vets later and tons of tests in the past 3 days we have meds for her and she is comfortable, too sweet to let her go so quickly.

Had her 10 years and is the sweetest dog I ever met.

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I am exausted and mentally drained.

Almost put my dog to sleep yesterday, started having sezieures and eye bulging out, they thought glaucoma.

Most likely brain tumor or cancer.  3 vets later and tons of tests in the past 3 days we have meds for her and she is comfortable, too sweet to let her go so quickly.

Had her 10 years and is the sweetest dog I ever met.

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