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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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Good luck Sal and hope all goes well. I once told a job I desperately needed to go cluck... and although it was rough for awhile, it saved me from a bigger total breakdown. Keep us posted.

 

I just wish I could turn my brain off... all the negative thoughts... all the doom and despair... although things on surface look ok.. there is this buried storm going on.

Edited by Donaldopato
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"I did the best I could with what I had"...

But if what I have is not enough to be a good physical and mental health, that means I did the best I could only to make myself sick.

 

I'm guessing the quoted statement came from a therapist or someone you were sharing your story with.  I disagree with your interpretation.  The original statement says "You did the best you could with what you had."  That may be a completely accurate statement.  And it refers to how you have coped with life under depression to this point.  You did NOT take what you had and use it to make yourself sick.  You were already sick, and you took what you had and survived...and that is enough...and commendable.

 

Today, and moving forward from this point, hopefully you have gained knowledge from this site and from working with your therapist.  Hopefully you now have tools, skills, new ways of thinking, an ability to catch bad thoughts before they consume you, and the ability to recognize broken thinking that was learned from some influence in your past, and you are able to say "I'm doing better with what I now have."  Regardless of how much or how little the improvement may seem...it's still movement in the right direction.

 

As my psychiatrist likes to say to me, and which I have to laugh at sometimes..."Stop the stinking thinking."

~PO 

 

I agree with this part you said: "You did NOT take what you had and use it to make yourself sick.  You were already sick, and you took what you had and survived...and that is enough...and commendable".

 

I can confirm to you that what you said here is indeed accurate to me. I took what I had and did what I had to do to avoid being even more sick than I was becoming.

 

 

In the 2nd paragraph, you then said:  'Regardless of how much or how little the improvement may seem...it's still movement in the right direction".

 

This may be my problem. Lack of belief in things ever getting better and sometimes progress not moving as fast as I would like it to may be a problem. Maybe it goes with my generation where we want every gratifying reward after a challenge to be immediate.

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In the 2nd paragraph, you then said:  'Regardless of how much or how little the improvement may seem...it's still movement in the right direction".

 

This may be my problem. Lack of belief in things ever getting better and sometimes progress not moving as fast as I would like it to may be a problem. Maybe it goes with my generation where we want every gratifying reward after a challenge to be immediate.

 

 

LOL.  I'm assuming your generation is younger than mine...and I am very impatient with results as well.  If I put in the effort, any effort, I want to see a result.  And a good one.  My therapist has also taught me I have an All or Nothing outlook on things too...aka perfectionism.  If the result isn't what I was expecting or what I've been told or falsely learned as successful, 100%, then I tend to view it as a failure.  I have difficulty seeing all the progress or positive aspects of the activity, situation, reaction, whatever.  I have difficulty seeing the 70% I may have done perfectly.  Again, all related to my broken thought processes.  

 

Hopefully you can discuss these two points (lack of belief in things getting better or not progressing fast enough) with your therapist and they can provide some positive feedback/skills/tools to help you continue moving forward.  

 

If not, keep discussing here or start a thread on these two points.  If you think about it, just discussing it here helped you more specifically identify two things you may be hung up on. 

 

Just keep working on it man!  You're progressing.

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In the 2nd paragraph, you then said:  'Regardless of how much or how little the improvement may seem...it's still movement in the right direction".

 

This may be my problem. Lack of belief in things ever getting better and sometimes progress not moving as fast as I would like it to may be a problem. Maybe it goes with my generation where we want every gratifying reward after a challenge to be immediate.

 

 

LOL.  I'm assuming your generation is younger than mine...and I am very impatient with results as well.  If I put in the effort, any effort, I want to see a result.  And a good one.  My therapist has also taught me I have an All or Nothing outlook on things too...aka perfectionism.  If the result isn't what I was expecting or what I've been told or falsely learned as successful, 100%, then I tend to view it as a failure.  I have difficulty seeing all the progress or positive aspects of the activity, situation, reaction, whatever.  I have difficulty seeing the 70% I may have done perfectly.  Again, all related to my broken thought processes.  

 

Wow, I have this issue too! I am completely perfectionistic and cannot acknowledge the 70% or whatever percent that I gave to something and it's success so far.... if I don't see the results I want, I too feel like a failure, despite any small progress that's been made. I think in black and white terms too. Thank you both for bringing this up & for helping me to see something similar within myself. I learn something new every day from this forum and from all the incredibly beautiful people here.

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In the 2nd paragraph, you then said:  'Regardless of how much or how little the improvement may seem...it's still movement in the right direction".

 

This may be my problem. Lack of belief in things ever getting better and sometimes progress not moving as fast as I would like it to may be a problem. Maybe it goes with my generation where we want every gratifying reward after a challenge to be immediate.

 

 

LOL.  I'm assuming your generation is younger than mine...and I am very impatient with results as well.  If I put in the effort, any effort, I want to see a result.  And a good one.  My therapist has also taught me I have an All or Nothing outlook on things too...aka perfectionism.  If the result isn't what I was expecting or what I've been told or falsely learned as successful, 100%, then I tend to view it as a failure.  I have difficulty seeing all the progress or positive aspects of the activity, situation, reaction, whatever.  I have difficulty seeing the 70% I may have done perfectly.  Again, all related to my broken thought processes.  

 

Wow, I have this issue too! I am completely perfectionistic and cannot acknowledge the 70% or whatever percent that I gave to something and it's success so far.... if I don't see the results I want, I too feel like a failure, despite any small progress that's been made. I think in black and white terms too. Thank you both for bringing this up & for helping me to see something similar within myself. I learn something new every day from this forum and from all the incredibly beautiful people here.

 

 

Wow Wow!  I have this issue as well.  Perfectionist and impatience for things to be finished.  Interestingly, although maddening, esp now as I begin my 2nd draft re-write, the novel I have been working on since 2010! has helped me learn to do the work and not worry so much about completion or immediate gratification.

 

Just a thought - if you guys want to work on that kind of training, pick a long term goal and go for it (must be something you love doing) and force yourself to do it right, not fast.  Might be of some benefit.

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I'm thinking depression and anxiety are not good companions.  It just seems like what I do to treat one of them isn't working out for the other.  To ease anxiety, I can stay home and be quite cozy with myself, but this isn't great for depression.  To treat depression I find exercise helps but it vamps me up, which I don't need.  To find comfort from anxiety I can meditate, but that makes me relax and then I feel guilty the next day for not accomplishing anything which makes me feel depressed. 

 

Pizza and chocolate help both until the next day.

 

Boo.

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Feeling annoyed today.  Taco Bell was out of Pepsi; so, I had to settle for Dr. Pepper.  I mean, Dr. Pepper is alright; but, Pepsi just goes so much better with Taco Bell.  I shouldn't say they were "out," the soda machine simply was mostly spraying out water instead of Pepsi.  This is the only place in the area that has one of those old soda machines where you had all the options right there and you just pushed the up into the lever of the one you wanted.  Everywhere else they have those machines with the touch screen and about 100 options.  There are only two things so far that I don't like about the new machines.  When you fill your drink up with soda, it always has that layer of bubbles on top as usual; so, you need to wait a few seconds for it to clear before you finish filling the cup up.  The screen will automatically back out to the main menu before the bubbles go down.  And the other issue that I have is that occasionally the machines don't disengage when you push the lever to fill your drink.  Like, it will just keep pouring and pouring long after you removed your cup from the lever.  Sometimes I have even watched it pause for a few seconds, then it began pouring it out even more.  There are obviously some flaws between the mechanics and the software that need to be the resolved.  It is no surprise that those new machines are always out of half the options every time I use one; because, it dumped half of it down the drain.

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Why oh why did I get up today? LOL.  Arose from my bed, slopped gucky wet smelly stuff at the bottom of my garbage pail onto the carpet; looked outside to find that the raccoons had been into my garbage - stuff all over the place; read my work Emails and my patronizing boss wants me to walk him through some 2 plus 2 calculations I did for a report just so he can make sure they are correct.

 

I wish I lived in Australia - I'd be back to sleep by now.

 

B

 

Hahaha. Sounds like my morning. First thing I did this morning was step in a pool of cat puke. Slipped on it and darned near fell on my asset. After cleaning that up, I noticed that one of the cats had shat just outside of the litter box. She undoubtedly thought she was going in the box, but her rear end was pointed the wrong way. Clean up in aisle 3.

 

And then I went to work. :verysad3:

 

lol yeah it's always fun living with cats. my favorite is when the cat makes a stinky poo in the middle of the night and you're asleep but you wake up and are like 'omfg what is that horrible smell' lol.

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Not sure.  I have a big day.  First a trigger inducing meeting with my boss where I will be patronized like a child and he will go over all my simple calculations with a fine tooth comb to make sure I have done them correctly.  Then a meeting with HR at which I will tell them, finally, that I can't work for this ducking cluster duck anymore.  Quiet scared, actually. 

You know what, regardless of the outcome I am proud of you for doing this, for standing up and saying you are not going to take his sh-t anymore. If that guy is that bad of a boss somebody needs to know about it.

Edited by stardreamer
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I feel tormented right now. I think I got triggered by someone talking about narcissistic abuse. I wish I didn't even know what it was. Long story.

hugs.

 

Alliee, so sorry for your anguish... I believe that was me talking about it (perhaps?). Very sorry that triggered you. :verysad3: not sure what else to say except that I'm sorry & hugs to you  :hugs: 

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Finally got a couple of days of mostly R&R after my 10-day-straight work stretch. That was good because stuff was going downhill depressionwise due to lack of sleep and triggery stuff happening. I had a good couple of days, I went to see friends who were happy, it is important to go to those worlds sometimes, where people are happy and you can realize that somewhere in the world there are happy people. and you can sort of absorb some of it.
 

today woke up anxious about something i have to do today that is highly stressful and triggering, and affects my life. i've been avoidant since i woke up today. i'm trying not to freak out but whatever. i guess i have to go try and meditate and fight the ongoing battle again, and hope for the best in the event today. i just have to be careful to not go into this being already anxious because i might really lose it during it, which would not be good.

Edited by stardreamer
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I just want to go crawl into a hole until this year is over with. I really need a vacation and I'm not going to get one. I don't work so why should I need a vacation? I need to be able for us to go somewhere for at least a week where we can just relax and play and not have any cares. As long as I'm in this house all I do is look around and cringe at all the things that need to be done that I don't want to do.

 

Plus I'm bummed that it's my birthday Sat. (we're celebrating tomorrow, Fri. though) and we have no money to do anything except we do have a Chipotle gift card for lunch.

Edited by Mia42
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I just want to go crawl into a hole until this year is over with. I really need a vacation and I'm not going to get one. I don't work so why should I need a vacation? I need to be able for us to go somewhere for at least a week where we can just relax and play and not have any cares. As long as I'm in this house all I do is look around and cringe at all the things that need to be done that I don't want to do.

 

Plus I'm bummed that it's my birthday Sat. (we're celebrating tomorrow, Fri. though) and we have no money to do anything except we do have a Chipotle gift card for lunch.

hugs mia

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I'm feeling pretty crappy. If I were still getting periods, I'd say it was hormonal, but I'm was that (I think).

I started reading one of these "positive" books and I'm not sure I'm cut from the same cloth as these "positive" people. While I prefer having good days, if the bad ones happen more frequently, does that mean there's no hope for me?

I don't know. I'm just a flawed human being trying to do the best with what I've got--and sometimes, "the best," is just what little I can get by on.

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I feel tormented right now. I think I got triggered by someone talking about narcissistic abuse. I wish I didn't even know what it was. Long story.

hugs.

 

Alliee, so sorry for your anguish... I believe that was me talking about it (perhaps?). Very sorry that triggered you. :verysad3: not sure what else to say except that I'm sorry & hugs to you  :hugs:

 

Hey Alliee, I had a thought after the fact that I should have said please do vent/write about it here if you feel like it, or on a new thread if that's your desire -- it may help to let it all out and to get more support around it. I have a lot of experience with narcissistic abuse if you want to pm me as well... I'm here for you.

 

And big hugs to all who are suffering :hugs:

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In the 2nd paragraph, you then said:  'Regardless of how much or how little the improvement may seem...it's still movement in the right direction".

 

This may be my problem. Lack of belief in things ever getting better and sometimes progress not moving as fast as I would like it to may be a problem. Maybe it goes with my generation where we want every gratifying reward after a challenge to be immediate.

 

 

LOL.  I'm assuming your generation is younger than mine...and I am very impatient with results as well.  If I put in the effort, any effort, I want to see a result.  And a good one.  My therapist has also taught me I have an All or Nothing outlook on things too...aka perfectionism.  If the result isn't what I was expecting or what I've been told or falsely learned as successful, 100%, then I tend to view it as a failure.  I have difficulty seeing all the progress or positive aspects of the activity, situation, reaction, whatever.  I have difficulty seeing the 70% I may have done perfectly.  Again, all related to my broken thought processes.  

 

Hopefully you can discuss these two points (lack of belief in things getting better or not progressing fast enough) with your therapist and they can provide some positive feedback/skills/tools to help you continue moving forward.  

 

If not, keep discussing here or start a thread on these two points.  If you think about it, just discussing it here helped you more specifically identify two things you may be hung up on. 

 

Just keep working on it man!  You're progressing.

 

Thank you for the encouraging words.

 

I don't see any therapists. Therapists won't make my depressing environment areas any less depressing. This account is my only therapy. I oppened an account here so that I could say what I want whenever I feel the need to share things I can't share anywhere. I don't need to need to break my head going through lists of therapists while waiting and trying to figure anything out. I just need internet access.

 

My account here lets me express all my negative feelings like a "garbage disposal" (But don't worry, I follow the board's TOS. :smile:), so that I could express myself and always keep my negative feelings about some stuff silent from the real world. I get stuff of my chest while keeping myself safe from intolerance.

Edited by The_Unwanted
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