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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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Thanks Falcon for a little diversion. 

 

I am just in the middle of a huge, deep and sudden down. All the meds, all the therapy, all the work to curb addiction.... and the core hurt, anger, resentment, regret, low self esteem, loneliness.... is still there. 

Just don't feel like doing a thing.

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I'm getting ready to go play with my granddaughter this morning.  Though I'm looking forward to it, I have this feeling bubbling beneath the surface that I can't quite put my finger on.  I think I'm starting to be angry about having lived with so much delusion and the people who took advantage of me while I was in this false reality.  Has anyone experienced this when they start to come out of a fog?

 

I tolerated such intolerable behavior from people.  I believe I must have thought so little of myself.  I learned yesterday that my ex is dating someone who is new in recovery and is a stripper.  I don't have a judgement about her profession, but I sure am floored that this is the same man who critiqued me for wearing a thumb ring.  I've no respect for predatory men, or women, for that matter.  To know that I spent ten years of my life with one is really throwing me.  Now don't get me wrong, I want nothing to do with that and I know it's not my problem, but I certainly had a problem if I didn't see his true nature.  In ways it's a relief to me because that's something he wasn't going to get from me.  Well, sorry for the rant.  I just had to put this down somewhere.

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Hi Renee, I can relate a bit.... I went through many abusive relationships -- and I mean many, and kicked myself over and over for not having seen the red flags and warning signs in the beginning, and for being far too open and nice --- I was taken advantage of as well, and may as well have had a target on my forehead that said "abuse me". But I suppose these are the lessons we learn in life over time, and the only way to learn is to make mistakes. It's natural to get angry at yourself, but don't beat yourself up. That only makes you feel worse and there's no point to it. As they say we live and we learn. But the good news is to learn from it. And it sounds like you have! Congrats on the fog clearing for you!

 

As for me, I really cannot deal with work today. My biotch of a boss is really getting to me. She fights me on everything.

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Burnt out after work, the last 2 days have been a real pain for me. Was about to lose my temper with the 4th year apprentice and rip into him, i've had enough of him and his BS.

 

Starting to wounder if i have low self esteem? Maybe cause i always eat donuts at lunch and smoko?

 

 

But on a happier note i've put the drivers door back together on the XH ute and pulled the headlights out ready to be restored as they've gone yellow.

 

I rather be at home than at work but i need income of some sorts. Time for me to move on from the bus company and move onto something else.

Despite being 100% USA and never traveled to Australia, I have long admired the Falcon Utes due to their uniqueness and combination of power and utility. 4.0 6 I assume, heard that is a fine and reliable powerplant. Knew a fellow in another city I lived in that had a pristine XA GT hardtop. Thanks for a bit of bright to my day.

 

 

Yes the 4.0L 6 cylinder is the standed engine with optional LPG. With the XR6 you can be N/A or turbo. The XR8 is the last V8 powered Falcon before production ends in 2016. I reckon that Ford Aus should've exported the Falcon's to the USA. GT Falcons are very valuable these days.

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Why oh why did I get up today? LOL.  Arose from my bed, slopped gucky wet smelly stuff at the bottom of my garbage pail onto the carpet; looked outside to find that the raccoons had been into my garbage - stuff all over the place; read my work Emails and my patronizing boss wants me to walk him through some 2 plus 2 calculations I did for a report just so he can make sure they are correct.

 

I wish I lived in Australia - I'd be back to sleep by now.

 

B

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Burnt out after work, the last 2 days have been a real pain for me. Was about to lose my temper with the 4th year apprentice and rip into him, i've had enough of him and his BS.

 

Starting to wounder if i have low self esteem? Maybe cause i always eat donuts at lunch and smoko?

 

 

But on a happier note i've put the drivers door back together on the XH ute and pulled the headlights out ready to be restored as they've gone yellow.

 

I rather be at home than at work but i need income of some sorts. Time for me to move on from the bus company and move onto something else.

Despite being 100% USA and never traveled to Australia, I have long admired the Falcon Utes due to their uniqueness and combination of power and utility. 4.0 6 I assume, heard that is a fine and reliable powerplant. Knew a fellow in another city I lived in that had a pristine XA GT hardtop. Thanks for a bit of bright to my day.

 

 

Yes the 4.0L 6 cylinder is the standed engine with optional LPG. With the XR6 you can be N/A or turbo. The XR8 is the last V8 powered Falcon before production ends in 2016. I reckon that Ford Aus should've exported the Falcon's to the USA. GT Falcons are very valuable these days.

 

 

Now THIS is a conversation I want to be part of!!  I love inline six engines, and the Australian market has some beauties. The Chrysler "Hemi Six" from back in the day is one of them, and the Falcon 4.0L is another. I've always been fascinated with Australian vehicles because they have so much character.

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Why oh why did I get up today? LOL.  Arose from my bed, slopped gucky wet smelly stuff at the bottom of my garbage pail onto the carpet; looked outside to find that the raccoons had been into my garbage - stuff all over the place; read my work Emails and my patronizing boss wants me to walk him through some 2 plus 2 calculations I did for a report just so he can make sure they are correct.

 

I wish I lived in Australia - I'd be back to sleep by now.

 

B

 

Hahaha. Sounds like my morning. First thing I did this morning was step in a pool of cat puke. Slipped on it and darned near fell on my asset. After cleaning that up, I noticed that one of the cats had shat just outside of the litter box. She undoubtedly thought she was going in the box, but her rear end was pointed the wrong way. Clean up in aisle 3.

 

And then I went to work. :verysad3:

Edited by JD4010
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Why oh why did I get up today? LOL.  Arose from my bed, slopped gucky wet smelly stuff at the bottom of my garbage pail onto the carpet; looked outside to find that the raccoons had been into my garbage - stuff all over the place; read my work Emails and my patronizing boss wants me to walk him through some 2 plus 2 calculations I did for a report just so he can make sure they are correct.

 

I wish I lived in Australia - I'd be back to sleep by now.

 

B

 

Hahaha. Sounds like my morning. First thing I did this morning was step in a pool of cat puke. Slipped on it and darned near fell on my asset. After cleaning that up, I noticed that one of the cats had shat just outside of the litter box. She undoubtedly thought she was going in the box, but her rear end was pointed the wrong way. Clean up in aisle 3.

 

And then I went to work. :verysad3:

 

 

You poor guy! I think I have said F it and went back to sleep. :nod:

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Why oh why did I get up today? LOL.  Arose from my bed, slopped gucky wet smelly stuff at the bottom of my garbage pail onto the carpet; looked outside to find that the raccoons had been into my garbage - stuff all over the place; read my work Emails and my patronizing boss wants me to walk him through some 2 plus 2 calculations I did for a report just so he can make sure they are correct.

 

I wish I lived in Australia - I'd be back to sleep by now.

 

B

Oh man, what a morning! Damn those raccoons!! I hope your day gets better, B!!

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Well after feeling pretty well for a week, my head feels really foggy this morning and my thoughts are dodgy at best.  Not sure if it's because I didn't sleep well last night or what is going on. Regardless, I'm just going to do what I can and not beat myself up over what I can't do.

 

I may have taken a step backward, but I don't have to go running for the start line again. :nod:

 

Sending hugs to you all.

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Kinda off.  I went to  Psychophamacologist (SP?) yesterday.  She told me my depression was too severe for her to treat.  I was kinda bummed but she was cool about it so no hard feelings.  On the other hand, it doesn't feel so great to be turned away.  Goes with the narrative though.  Not very motivated today but I don't do well in the heat.  I am a pasty white guy with a bald head so summer does not agree with me.  Not the worst thing to be apartment bound but I have Netflix and the Dude (My Cat) I've been having bad dreams, trying to crawl through razor wire, skating into the dark from the light.  Have trouble going to sleep as well.  Wife got on me for being on the computer all night, said that I needed to go to bed early.  I can't sleep that early plus I am up at 08:00  every day regardless.  My Mum is going to call me at 14:00 which I look forward to, I'll write some Yelp reviews etc.  I hope that you all have a great day and remember, ceteris paribus, it is good to be alive. 

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Freckled - great attitude.   :flowers:  My new mantra - "I will recognize dips for what they are, and not let them take me back to the starting line!!!"

 

JD - my morning was lousier :)

 

I have to go out to a meeting then a shrink appointment.  The way things are going, I am expecting the worst.  It's irrational, but it just feels like one of those days.

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I'm really not feeling well emotionally at all so far this week.  Don't feel like trying at anything...something I don't have the luxury of doing.  And Wednesdays are always the hardest work day for me...I mean I always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, and 5% Friday.  I like my work, it fascinates me.  I sit and look at it for hours.  So I'll just continue my day cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.  

Edited by PessimOptimist
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((((Big Hugs to all who need them...AND those who don't!))))

 

I'm doing pretty good, just tired and a bit anxious. I need to go through my wardrobe to see what is appropriate for work AND still fits. I had a pretty good therapy appointment, and then exchanged numbers with an exotic looking man with blue eyes in line at the grocery store. :nod: I'm not sure if anything will come of that, but I like talking to new people, and it is a good idea for me to at least get to know men.

I thought that stuff only happened in the movies  ;)

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Helpless, hopeless, worthless.  Just… less.  Broken record, I know.  I'm sort of in a "let the chips fall where they may" mode, which is just apathy.  Can't seem to do the things that seriously need to be done.  But I just don't care.  

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Helpless, hopeless, worthless.  Just… less.  Broken record, I know.  I'm sort of in a "let the chips fall where they may" mode, which is just apathy.  Can't seem to do the things that seriously need to be done.  But I just don't care.

 

Feeling the same way.  But reading your post brings to mind words from a former therapist.  "You are more than you know."  They seem applicable to us today. 

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It's been hard, lately.  I recently went thru a break up and I feel like I will grow old and die alone.  I hate that I can't seem to get a handle on my depression this time,  and why I am letting something like this bother me so much.  It feels almost like an obsession...     

 

It reminds me of when I was young - heart broken and couldn't face the fact that the relationship was over.   I've come a long way since then, and it's been a really long time since I've felt like this.  I absolutely hate it!

 

I'm having a hard time consentrating at work,  and finding any pleasure in life.   I'm 52 years old, and I've been dealing with depression nearly all my life - so this should not be "new"...

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It's been hard, lately.  I recently went thru a break up and I feel like I will grow old and die alone.  I hate that I can't seem to get a handle on my depression this time,  and why I am letting something like this bother me so much.  It feels almost like an obsession...     

 

It reminds me of when I was young - heart broken and couldn't face the fact that the relationship was over.   I've come a long way since then, and it's been a really long time since I've felt like this.  I absolutely hate it!

 

I'm having a hard time consentrating at work,  and finding any pleasure in life.   I'm 52 years old, and I've been dealing with depression nearly all my life - so this should not be "new"...

Ending a relationship is tough. It's natural to feel that way. I do the same thing plus I blame myself for failing and generally stay in the relationship longer then I should out of guilt. Stay strong who knows, maybe all your doing is allowing yourself the freedom to meet your Mr right.

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