Jump to content

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

Recommended Posts

I had a great long weekend but then I heard from my ex abuser again. My email filter trick to another email address did not work, and it went straight to my inbox. He said he won't try anymore, but then proceeded to go on about his regrets and apologized for his part in things. I know he wants me to now apologize for my part in things, which I refuse to do since he yelled all the time and I had to flee the household for my own well being. I deleted the email and pray that he means it -- that this will be his last attempt. My boyfriend said I should just change my email, and I still am very resistant. I know I'm being stubborn, but I just can't bring myself to go to all that trouble. I'm very resentful...

I agree with your boyfriend.  this guy sounds like he's just going to be a thorn in your side.  think of it as a new beginning!  :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi-fem-hi-hello-female-smiley-emoticon-0

 

I'm a big ***** and kind of fell into a hole in my yard yesterday with my bad knee and messed it up... just got out of therapy so it's feeling temporary better because of the electrical stimulation. Tomorrow is my last PT appointment and I have my second opinion appt next Monday. Mentally, I feel stressed out. Physically, I feel beat down. It could be worse, it could be better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I had a great long weekend but then I heard from my ex abuser again. My email filter trick to another email address did not work, and it went straight to my inbox. He said he won't try anymore, but then proceeded to go on about his regrets and apologized for his part in things. I know he wants me to now apologize for my part in things, which I refuse to do since he yelled all the time and I had to flee the household for my own well being. I deleted the email and pray that he means it -- that this will be his last attempt. My boyfriend said I should just change my email, and I still am very resistant. I know I'm being stubborn, but I just can't bring myself to go to all that trouble. I'm very resentful...

I agree with your boyfriend.  this guy sounds like he's just going to be a thorn in your side.  think of it as a new beginning!  :)

 

Hi Mikeb, thanks for your input...much appreciated. I know this would be for the best..... I just don't have the energy to deal with it. It's going to take a half a day to do this, and I'm just downright resentful. Everyone keeps telling me this is what I should do. Why can't I just muster up the energy? I don't have energy for much of dealing with life issues these days. :verysad3:  I think it's my depression.... I'm stuck in paralysis. Hoping he just goes away I know doesn't resolve it.... GRRRR...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi-fem-hi-hello-female-smiley-emoticon-0

 

I'm a big ***** and kind of fell into a hole in my yard yesterday with my bad knee and messed it up... just got out of therapy so it's feeling temporary better because of the electrical stimulation. Tomorrow is my last PT appointment and I have my second opinion appt next Monday. Mentally, I feel stressed out. Physically, I feel beat down. It could be worse, it could be better.

 

OW OW OW OW OW!

 

Get better!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

((((Big Hugs to all who need them...AND those who don't!))))

 

I'm doing pretty good, just tired and a bit anxious. I need to go through my wardrobe to see what is appropriate for work AND still fits. I had a pretty good therapy appointment, and then exchanged numbers with an exotic looking man with blue eyes in line at the grocery store. :nod: I'm not sure if anything will come of that, but I like talking to new people, and it is a good idea for me to at least get to know men.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

((((Big Hugs to all who need them...AND those who don't!))))

 

I'm doing pretty good, just tired and a bit anxious. I need to go through my wardrobe to see what is appropriate for work AND still fits. I had a pretty good therapy appointment, and then exchanged numbers with an exotic looking man with blue eyes in line at the grocery store. :nod: I'm not sure if anything will come of that, but I like talking to new people, and it is a good idea for me to at least get to know men.

 

Go C!!! You have really good luck at the grocery store.  Oh and Congratulations on getting the job! Really proud of you!! :hugs:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

I had a great long weekend but then I heard from my ex abuser again. My email filter trick to another email address did not work, and it went straight to my inbox. He said he won't try anymore, but then proceeded to go on about his regrets and apologized for his part in things. I know he wants me to now apologize for my part in things, which I refuse to do since he yelled all the time and I had to flee the household for my own well being. I deleted the email and pray that he means it -- that this will be his last attempt. My boyfriend said I should just change my email, and I still am very resistant. I know I'm being stubborn, but I just can't bring myself to go to all that trouble. I'm very resentful...

I agree with your boyfriend.  this guy sounds like he's just going to be a thorn in your side.  think of it as a new beginning!  :)

 

Hi Mikeb, thanks for your input...much appreciated. I know this would be for the best..... I just don't have the energy to deal with it. It's going to take a half a day to do this, and I'm just downright resentful. Everyone keeps telling me this is what I should do. Why can't I just muster up the energy? I don't have energy for much of dealing with life issues these days. :verysad3:  I think it's my depression.... I'm stuck in paralysis. Hoping he just goes away I know doesn't resolve it.... GRRRR...

 

Well think of it like this. If you change your email and he no longer has any email addresses for you, and if you defriend him/block him on social media, and if you change your phone number, and if he doesn't know where you live, then you are home free. Think of the reward of never having to be anxious about this a-hole contacting you again. Think of the peace of mind! He's not going to stop. He's an abusive jerk who only thinks about himself, you already know who he is. He hasn't changed. He's an abuser trying to get his nasty foot in the door again. You don't need that BS. Half a day is probably worth it to eliminate the anxiety produced by this guy. Even if it took 1 whole day, you won't have to worry about it again.

Edited by stardreamer
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel somewhere between functioning on autopliot and procrastinating/overwhelmed.  I can get up and take showers which is a good thing even if I do delay in bed by being on the internet before I get up and do it.  My mind gets overwhelmed by the daily things like practice my 3 instruments, managing depression & social issues, finding motivation to work which I need to do as I have less than $100 in savings for expenses til October, eating issues.

Edited by zenzang
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

 

I had a great long weekend but then I heard from my ex abuser again. My email filter trick to another email address did not work, and it went straight to my inbox. He said he won't try anymore, but then proceeded to go on about his regrets and apologized for his part in things. I know he wants me to now apologize for my part in things, which I refuse to do since he yelled all the time and I had to flee the household for my own well being. I deleted the email and pray that he means it -- that this will be his last attempt. My boyfriend said I should just change my email, and I still am very resistant. I know I'm being stubborn, but I just can't bring myself to go to all that trouble. I'm very resentful...

I agree with your boyfriend.  this guy sounds like he's just going to be a thorn in your side.  think of it as a new beginning!  :)

 

Hi Mikeb, thanks for your input...much appreciated. I know this would be for the best..... I just don't have the energy to deal with it. It's going to take a half a day to do this, and I'm just downright resentful. Everyone keeps telling me this is what I should do. Why can't I just muster up the energy? I don't have energy for much of dealing with life issues these days. :verysad3:  I think it's my depression.... I'm stuck in paralysis. Hoping he just goes away I know doesn't resolve it.... GRRRR...

 

Well think of it like this. If you change your email and he no longer has any email addresses for you, and if you defriend him/block him on social media, and if you change your phone number, and if he doesn't know where you live, then you are home free. Think of the reward of never having to be anxious about this a-hole contacting you again. Think of the peace of mind! He's not going to stop. He's an abusive jerk who only thinks about himself, you already know who he is. He hasn't changed. He's an abuser trying to get his nasty foot in the door again. You don't need that BS. Half a day is probably worth it to eliminate the anxiety produced by this guy. Even if it took 1 whole day, you won't have to worry about it again.

 

Oh Stardreamer, I know you're right! I've definitely thought about what it would feel like to be completely home free, as you put it so nicely. That would end it for sure, and then there's absolutely no chance of him ever getting a hold of me ever again.

And yes, he is a total A-hole with a capital A, whose BS I don't need. He is definitely trying to get his nasty foot in the door again. My boyfriend last night told me that this guy, the abuser, thinks I'm weak. which I'm not... well, I can be, but that's on a totally separate topic. I don't want him to think I'm weak.... point being, I will never respond to him that's for sure.... sigh... ok, maybe I should just suck it up for a day and change my email. GRRRRR. It makes me really really mad though. He's already ruined & affected my life to a large degree.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

 

 

I had a great long weekend but then I heard from my ex abuser again. My email filter trick to another email address did not work, and it went straight to my inbox. He said he won't try anymore, but then proceeded to go on about his regrets and apologized for his part in things. I know he wants me to now apologize for my part in things, which I refuse to do since he yelled all the time and I had to flee the household for my own well being. I deleted the email and pray that he means it -- that this will be his last attempt. My boyfriend said I should just change my email, and I still am very resistant. I know I'm being stubborn, but I just can't bring myself to go to all that trouble. I'm very resentful...

I agree with your boyfriend.  this guy sounds like he's just going to be a thorn in your side.  think of it as a new beginning!  :)

 

Hi Mikeb, thanks for your input...much appreciated. I know this would be for the best..... I just don't have the energy to deal with it. It's going to take a half a day to do this, and I'm just downright resentful. Everyone keeps telling me this is what I should do. Why can't I just muster up the energy? I don't have energy for much of dealing with life issues these days. :verysad3:  I think it's my depression.... I'm stuck in paralysis. Hoping he just goes away I know doesn't resolve it.... GRRRR...

 

Well think of it like this. If you change your email and he no longer has any email addresses for you, and if you defriend him/block him on social media, and if you change your phone number, and if he doesn't know where you live, then you are home free. Think of the reward of never having to be anxious about this a-hole contacting you again. Think of the peace of mind! He's not going to stop. He's an abusive jerk who only thinks about himself, you already know who he is. He hasn't changed. He's an abuser trying to get his nasty foot in the door again. You don't need that BS. Half a day is probably worth it to eliminate the anxiety produced by this guy. Even if it took 1 whole day, you won't have to worry about it again.

 

Oh Stardreamer, I know you're right! I've definitely thought about what it would feel like to be completely home free, as you put it so nicely. That would end it for sure, and then there's absolutely no chance of him ever getting a hold of me ever again.

And yes, he is a total A-hole with a capital A, whose BS I don't need. He is definitely trying to get his nasty foot in the door again. My boyfriend last night told me that this guy, the abuser, thinks I'm weak. which I'm not... well, I can be, but that's on a totally separate topic. I don't want him to think I'm weak.... point being, I will never respond to him that's for sure.... sigh... ok, maybe I should just suck it up for a day and change my email. GRRRRR. It makes me really really mad though. He's already ruined & affected my life to a large degree.

 

 

Have you brought this up in therapy by any chance? It just makes me wonder why you're so reluctant to change your email address. I understand that he's done alot of damage to your life but it would make sense to me for you to change the email ASAP and be completely worry free of him contacting you any more. There seems to be a pattern that you're in constant worry about whether or not he's going to contact you and if it takes a full day or what not to get everything changed over, it would be relief to not having to worry day to day whether or not "this" day is going to be the day you get another email from him.

Just my two cents. Best of luck. :hugs:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Freckles.... thank you for your two cents. :) I'm reluctant because he's uprooted my life enough already and I'm super resentful of having to change yet something else. Plus it's a nightmare --- I have many accounts attached to this email -- everything online plus many professional newsletters and associations. It's a royal pain in the ass to change it, and I'm just very bitter. I know it would be for the best... just dragging my heels on it... I haven't had enough energy to just deal with it, and I know I probably should just do it. You're right though.... I do spend days worrying, and I could just end it. Thanks again for your input, much appreciated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

Oh Stardreamer, I know you're right! I've definitely thought about what it would feel like to be completely home free, as you put it so nicely. That would end it for sure, and then there's absolutely no chance of him ever getting a hold of me ever again.

And yes, he is a total A-hole with a capital A, whose BS I don't need. He is definitely trying to get his nasty foot in the door again. My boyfriend last night told me that this guy, the abuser, thinks I'm weak. which I'm not... well, I can be, but that's on a totally separate topic. I don't want him to think I'm weak.... point being, I will never respond to him that's for sure.... sigh... ok, maybe I should just suck it up for a day and change my email. GRRRRR. It makes me really really mad though. He's already ruined & affected my life to a large degree.

 

Of course he thinks you're weak... that's what they like. When I left my abuser, I told him I was going to leave, but I don't think he ever believed it. He knew for a long time, but I think he thought I was going to come crawling back to him and apologize one day instead of leaving. It did not hit him until he came back and all my stuff was moved out of the apartment and I had left the state. He left this f---ed up message on my phone, I could tell he had never thought I would leave. He thought I was weak and I wasn't. Or at least by the end I had enough gumption to get away. F--- him and the horse he rode in on. And f--- that guy who contacted you, and all abusers. 

Edited by stardreamer
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel somewhere between functioning on autopliot and procrastinating/overwhelmed.  I can get up and take showers which is a good thing even if I do delay in bed by being on the internet before I get up and do it.  My mind gets overwhelmed by the daily things like practice my 3 instruments, managing depression & social issues, finding motivation to work which I need to do as I have less than $100 in savings for expenses til October, eating issues.

Hugs. At least you are still practicing your music though! That is important

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

 

Oh Stardreamer, I know you're right! I've definitely thought about what it would feel like to be completely home free, as you put it so nicely. That would end it for sure, and then there's absolutely no chance of him ever getting a hold of me ever again.

And yes, he is a total A-hole with a capital A, whose BS I don't need. He is definitely trying to get his nasty foot in the door again. My boyfriend last night told me that this guy, the abuser, thinks I'm weak. which I'm not... well, I can be, but that's on a totally separate topic. I don't want him to think I'm weak.... point being, I will never respond to him that's for sure.... sigh... ok, maybe I should just suck it up for a day and change my email. GRRRRR. It makes me really really mad though. He's already ruined & affected my life to a large degree.

 

Of course he thinks you're weak... that's what they like. When I left my abuser, I told him I was going to leave, but I don't think he ever believed it. He knew for a long time, but I think he thought I was going to come crawling back to him and apologize one day instead of leaving. It did not hit him until he came back and all my stuff was moved out of the apartment and I had left the state. He left this f---ed up message on my phone, I could tell he had never thought I would leave. He thought I was weak and I wasn't. Or at least by the end I had enough gumption to get away. F--- him and the horse he rode in on. And f--- that guy who contacted you, and all abusers. 

 

Right on Stardreamer!! F them all! You are very strong to have done what you did!!! Very proud of you. My ex must think I'm weak which ticks me off to no end. But I think it shows strength to not give into his attempt to engage me. Silence is the best weapon... it says so much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

((((Big Hugs to all who need them...AND those who don't!))))

 

I'm doing pretty good, just tired and a bit anxious. I need to go through my wardrobe to see what is appropriate for work AND still fits. I had a pretty good therapy appointment, and then exchanged numbers with an exotic looking man with blue eyes in line at the grocery store. :nod: I'm not sure if anything will come of that, but I like talking to new people, and it is a good idea for me to at least get to know men.

 

Go C!!! You have really good luck at the grocery store.  Oh and Congratulations on getting the job! Really proud of you!! :hugs:

 

 

Thanks, Freckled! I know, strange grocery store phenomenon, hmmm! I hope your knee gives you a break soon, that thing is giving you more strife (((Hugs)))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kind of depressed today and tonight. First day in the office after being on the road and on a course all last week.

Saw a counselor this afternoon. Had a bit of a cry about my mom. She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know - it's time to invest in myself and do activities I enjoy. That'll be $100 dollars please. I went to register for Zumba classes but the line was too long so I just came home. I'll just do drop in classes when they start next week. I feel very alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Actually not a bad day.  Felt a sense of calm.  Very rare for me.  These feelings come and go.  Just wish I could hold on to the positive to pull me out of my depression for good.  I think we all need a break.  I know I am very hard on myself, my worst critic.  Full of regret, trying to re do things I did in the past, and beating myself up for not handling it better.  I wish, I wish I could break out of this cycle.  Living in the past is blocking my present life and my future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...