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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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Do universities just sit around and think of new ways to screw you??

 

I withdrew from my school like 4 months ago and there still sending me bills! I just doesn't even make sense. It's like their trying to discourage me from ever attending school again! It's insane! 

I'm really tired of bills.I want to put them all in a pile and have a nice little bonfire.

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senor, big hugs for you bud!  I really hope tomorrow is a better day for U.  There is hope.

 

I no longer believe in friends or lovers forever.  It's unfortunate, and maybe I am being a cynic, but I believe that in our ad bombarded capitalist culture - in which nothing is ever good enough and what is new today is old and worn out tomorrow, most people are no longer willing to work at keeping something/anything going.  

 

So, I guess i am saying, you can accept that and meet new people and move on, or you can let these inevitable transitions destroy you.  Boy did I let them bother me. I am the kind of guy who tries to be loyal and have a few, deep friends. Particularly because I never felt connected with my family, so I pined for long term friends/partners as surrogates.  Lately though, I have turned it on it's head.  I have told myself that nothing lasts, which means that there is always someone new to meet.  I have looked at it as a broadening of my life experience.  In the end, I have decided, I am alone - there is only myself.  It sounds lousy, but, it is true.  We are born alone and we die alone.  We still have the memory of the others and all the good times, but there are new people to connect with.  There is a little Buddhism in this, in that we and everything are impermanent and we must not cling to anything.  

 

Just my thoughts, senor.  Hang in there bud.  I encourage U to reach out.  I had gained one new friend in the last 10 years before last year, and now I am piling new ones up and it feels like a new lease on life, even if I know that they too, will not last forever.

 

Cheers

 

Brian

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senor, big hugs for you bud!  I really hope tomorrow is a better day for U.  There is hope.

 

I no longer believe in friends or lovers forever.  It's unfortunate, and maybe I am being a cynic, but I believe that in our ad bombarded capitalist culture - in which nothing is ever good enough and what is new today is old and worn out tomorrow, most people are no longer willing to work at keeping something/anything going.  

 

So, I guess i am saying, you can accept that and meet new people and move on, or you can let these inevitable transitions destroy you.  Boy did I let them bother me. I am the kind of guy who tries to be loyal and have a few, deep friends. Particularly because I never felt connected with my family, so I pined for long term friends/partners as surrogates.  Lately though, I have turned it on it's head.  I have told myself that nothing lasts, which means that there is always someone new to meet.  I have looked at it as a broadening of my life experience.  In the end, I have decided, I am alone - there is only myself.  It sounds lousy, but, it is true.  We are born alone and we die alone.  We still have the memory of the others and all the good times, but there are new people to connect with.  There is a little Buddhism in this, in that we and everything are impermanent and we must not cling to anything.  

 

Just my thoughts, senor.  Hang in there bud.  I encourage U to reach out.  I had gained one new friend in the last 10 years before last year, and now I am piling new ones up and it feels like a new lease on life, even if I know that they too, will not last forever.

 

Cheers

 

Brian

Really wise words Brian. Yeah I don't believe in forever in relationships either (apart from my entirely ineffective rule that no one's ever allowed to leave this forum :).

I absolutely loathe change though. I hate losing people. I never want to lose anyone. It's like a huge hole being cut out of my heart when someone drifts away.

But I'm also a master at cutting off, in my offline life, bc of the depression. I have no energy to keep up RL connections. And it just seems inevitable.

Change & losing people sucks though.

Arghhhh my ESO game patch is taking hours to load. I wanna play D***it. Maybe if I shout at my laptop it'll speed up.

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I no longer believe in friends or lovers forever.    

 

I have told myself that nothing lasts, which means that there is always someone new to meet.  I have looked at it as a broadening of my life experience.  In the end, I have decided, I am alone - there is only myself.  It sounds lousy, but, it is true.  We are born alone and we die alone.  We still have the memory of the others and all the good times, but there are new people to connect with.  There is a little Buddhism in this, in that we and everything are impermanent and we must not cling to anything.  

I had gained one new friend in the last 10 years before last year, and now I am piling new ones up and it feels like a new lease on life, even if I know that they too, will not last forever.

I tend to agree with this. Especially with romantic relationships, there is all kinds of societal propaganda out there that tells people that "love is forever" and that "marriage is forever" etc. Really, I think the truth is that people evolve and change in ways they don't understand, and go through different phases in their lives where their interests and focuses in life change, and they can't really control the direction of this process. As such, I think it's probably foolhardy to always be seeking "the forever" in relationships, or friendships as well. 

My thoughts on this are to enjoy the person as much as you can while they are there, because you don't know how long it will last, make the best of it while you can. Then if it ends, you will find new people. It's much more likely that things are cyclical, although it is possible for relationships or friendships to last your whole life, and if they do, great! Just maybe don't expect them to. I think letting go of the forever idea is better because you're not setting yourself up for disappointment with every person you come in contact with.

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Feeling blah today. Nobody is here so it is quiet. I think I will do my best to enjoy the quiet over the next while.

Feeling somewhat angsty at a friend who ignored me twice this week. Sometimes this person does this, or may do it several times in a row during a given week. Other times, we have a great interaction and I really feel supported. But it doesn't feel good when I send a personal message about something that is really important to me and it just goes ignored although I saw that they read it. I know they have the right to do whatever they want and have the right to not be interested in what I'm saying and have the right not to reply, and that it may not be about me at all. But it still doesn't feel good. I'm trying to shake it off but feeling somewhat grudgey, like why don't you care about my life. I guess I feel worse about it because this is the only person I can tell about this topic at the moment without having to explain a bunch of stuff I don't want to explain to other people. I know this person does care about me, just I think they don't like certain topics sometimes. Whatever. I guess I will just need to stop trying to talk to this person about this topic, which means I don't really have anyone to talk about it with at all anymore. I will just have to keep it to myself, having this thing that feels like a huge deal but there is no one appropriate to tell. Such is life. I guess I just need to accept that just because something is important to me, that doesn't mean it is important to anyone else, and they may not want to hear about it.

Feeling blah and not wanting to do what I must. Today is Day 7 of long work days. But I can't stop yet. Must keep on keeping on until this stuff is done. 

Hugs to everyone, wherever you may be.

Edited by stardreamer
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I no longer believe in friends or lovers forever.    

 

I have told myself that nothing lasts, which means that there is always someone new to meet.  I have looked at it as a broadening of my life experience.  In the end, I have decided, I am alone - there is only myself.  It sounds lousy, but, it is true.  We are born alone and we die alone.  We still have the memory of the others and all the good times, but there are new people to connect with.  There is a little Buddhism in this, in that we and everything are impermanent and we must not cling to anything.  

I had gained one new friend in the last 10 years before last year, and now I am piling new ones up and it feels like a new lease on life, even if I know that they too, will not last forever.

I tend to agree with this. Especially with romantic relationships, there is all kinds of societal propaganda out there that tells people that "love is forever" and that "marriage is forever" etc. Really, I think the truth is that people evolve and change in ways they don't understand, and go through different phases in their lives where their interests and focuses in life change, and they can't really control the direction of this process. As such, I think it's probably foolhardy to always be seeking "the forever" in relationships, or friendships as well. 

My thoughts on this are to enjoy the person as much as you can while they are there, because you don't know how long it will last, make the best of it while you can. Then if it ends, you will find new people. It's much more likely that things are cyclical, although it is possible for relationships or friendships to last your whole life, and if they do, great! Just maybe don't expect them to. I think letting go of the forever idea is better because you're not setting yourself up for disappointment with every person you come in contact with.

 

 

Ehh I dunno about that, today the societal propaganda seems to be more about shallow one night stands, at least the stuff I tend to see. But yeah, I agree. People never seem to stick around.

Edited by SenorDomino
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Normally I spend my life listening to headphones 100% of the time to mute sound for other people.
Since nobody is home for a few days, so I get to play music and TV on speakers whenever I want, at whatever time of the night that I want, at whatever volume that I want. Yay.

And I can walk naked through the house whenever I want, lol.

I'm going to do as many things as I can that I can't do when other people are here. 

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I'm just having a pity party in my head. Everyone invited (to my head, that is) is giving me grief about every single time I screwed up.

Maybe if I write down their freaking speeches, I'll get it out of my system. Want to shut down the motherf---

And I just saw "Straight Outta Compton," and I've imbibed the language...f the police in my brain.

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I just got off work and considering it was a long shift I feel pretty good.  Last week was pretty stressful with the funeral and family dynamics, but I must say I handled this time better than I thought I would be able to.  I have pulled back from checking on my Mom since Thursday but will call and check on her today.  I'm pretty sure she was even more exhausted than I and is probably just now ready to discuss the remaining concerns. 

 

Is it okay to brag a bit and say that I actually went through a crisis without letting my whole world fall apart?  Usually when something like this happens I resurface days or weeks later to find a refrigerator full of bad food, an empty gas tank, unpaid bills, and loads of laundry.  It seemed hard to push through things but I kept telling myself I didn't want to snap out of shock with a pile of stuff to do that would cause me more anxiety.  I'm just so tired of living that way.  It seems as if I've spent most of my life trying to recuperate after an illness, depression, failed relationship, or something that has caused me to grieve and I then have to dig myself out of a tunnel, which seems really hard for someone who, at times, finds driving a car difficult. 

 

I hope you all find a bit of peace today.

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Upset. My girlfriend is ignoring my texts about the other night... her roommate likes to cause trouble. No one likes him. If he hadn't stepped in & said nasty things to me, we would have had a fine night. Now I feel horrible about the whole thing, and I didn't even do anything or say anything wrong. Spending the day at the beach... maybe that will help.

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Many changes coming up, including the end of Summer.  

 

Be well, be safe and tai care of yourselves.

Hi TopekaK,

I always feel the autumn when it runs through me and has me on the melancholy side of things. Here, the weather is impossibly warm and I long for the cooler days.

I've read what you've been writing here lately and I want you to know how much I appreciate your wishes for wellness. They mean a lot to me, because you've been struggling yourself.

Take care, and be well.

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Normally I spend my life listening to headphones 100% of the time to mute sound for other people.

Since nobody is home for a few days, so I get to play music and TV on speakers whenever I want, at whatever time of the night that I want, at whatever volume that I want. Yay.

And I can walk naked through the house whenever I want, lol.

I'm going to do as many things as I can that I can't do when other people are here.

I love days like that! Best thing about my son moving out is that meals are less formal and we can talk without interruption and hanging out naked is definitely an option! It's excellent when one doesn't have to follow imposed rules about modesty!

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My pity party left shortly after I wrote about it.

Now it's the anxiety party, but I'm going to spend some of my day at IKEA, just looking and not buying. Well, maybe just buying some coffee.

What soothes me about IKEA is--when I'm not trying to buy anything--I just look at the nicely decorated fake rooms that have nobody in them and I try to imagine my life there. Sometimes my life looks good there; sometimes impossible, but it's kind of fun. Also, the names for everything! I'm not just sitting on a sofa, I'm sitting on Ektorp.

Hi Ektorp. Meet my butt.

But seriously...I'm going to have fun.

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Your funny Dolphin LOL.  Have a great day at IKEA, "Swedish for crazy names"

 

I am not too bad.  A little nervous about tonight. I have been invited by a friend I haven't seen in a long time to go to her place for dinner.  She said I could stay over if I want. I have a strong suspicion that I know what "staying over" means :).  We have sort of "stayed over" before, when we were in similar situations.

 

I would like to "stay over" LOL.  There will be other people there and I am unsure how to play the whole thing. Say I will be going home and wait for her to suggest staying? I suspect I know what she wants but I am not sure - I don't want to come across as "expecting" anything (though I sort of am).  Geez, it's making me feel like a real ***hat, though we are both single adults and it would be hurting no one.

 

Why the heck I am so confused about this?

 

It sure would be nice to get at least a base hit for once.  It's been a long time on the DL.

 

B

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Maybe I am a moron, but I believe in marriage forever.. When we stood before God and our families we meant it to be forever. I think I had good examples. My parents just celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary, my sister and b-in law 32 years, brother and his wife 27 years. We have been married 23 years. In all cases, it hasn't been all roses. My husband has been dealing with my depression from the get go. He is my biggest supporter and can't imagine my life without him.

I hope everyone enjoys one of the last weekends of summer. Peace and hugs to everyone.

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Extremely stupid. I got drunk last night. Passed out on the couch. Today, my hands are so shaky that I couldn't shave safely.

 

I poured a big bottle of wodka down the bathtub drain this morning. I can't drink ever again. I just can't.

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