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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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I don't know how to feel joy or purpose for anything anymore.

 

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. {{{hugs}}} 

 

I often feel very lonely and think about getting another pet, not sure what I want though, but they help give me joy and purpose.

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Sending warm thoughts and hugs to everyone, I'm sorry you're all suffering. :hugs:

 

JJ - Good luck for the job interview.

 

 

Well, I'm really pi$$ed off right now.  The doctor wouldn't give my son any meds because she said he's so young (15) and now he has to see the psychiatrist next month and the paediatrician in October.  In the meantime he has to put up with this crippling anxiety.  I'm hoping the psychiatrist will prescribe something for him because we can't go on like this.  I feel like we're going around in circles and not getting anywhere.

I'm pi$$ed off too about this! Can you see a paediatric psychiatrist?

The doctor who was seeing my son when he was 8 years old prescribed ritalin (methylphenidate) for what we thought might be some attention deficit disorder. He never took a very high dose...but 8 years is young! 15 is not too young and there are more pharmacological options out there for young ones.

I'm sorry you can't get in to see the doctors your son needs to see, sooner. When will they stop treating children's needs as if they're making stuff up?!!!

/end rant

:hugs: for you Purple Storm

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freckledface

I hope your knee feels better soon.

Mia42,

How do you do that--make someone's user name a link? Will it "tag" the user, so they know to look for the post their name appears in?

Thanks!

Dolphin2013

 

 

By pure accident! What I did was copy and paste the username above the avatar. I don't know if it'll tag them, I don't think so.

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Stop making me cry. I will be okay, if I can't be brutally honest here then I have no safe place. I'm not looking for a pity party, just a soft place to land.

I am leaving the house and will be with a friend as she is going with me to my dr appt.

I'll check in tonight.

So glad you are going to be with someone today. 

This is a soft place to land, even if it feels like a pity party.

Hope your knees are feeling better and your thoughts have calmed down.

 

 

Edited by Dolphin2013
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I actually feel OK. I spent time with my kid on the beach. I flew my kites - got dragged down the beach by one. Found a nice shell for my kid. I got one kite up almost 400 feet, which is on the edge of legal since we're near an airport. All in all a good day.

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Hi all.

 

Just got home a little bit ago and dinner was ready right away, so I'm just now catching up with everyone'e status.  I'm sorry so many people are feeling down today.  I hope you all feel better.

 

Well, the update is that I feel very positive about the phone job interview that I had this morning.  The interviewer said that she'd pass my information onto another person in the company and that they will contact me.  The next step is a Skype interview as there is no one here to do a physical face to face interview for the company.  I'm waiting to here back now.

 

As for this dental drama of mine, I went to the dentist after my interview.  I was there for 2 hours and 40 minutes.  They put me into an emergency slot since my tooth was hurting and I wanted to be seen right away.  I didn't think they'd be able to help me with both of my problem teeth today, but they did.  I was seen by a dentist who works at this office and another clinic, so I still haven't met my regular dentist at this office.

 

They filled my lower right, back molar with the cavity with the white filling material.  It was badly decayed.  There was decay on the biting surface of the tooth and on the side by my cheek near the gums.  This didn't surprise me since it was hurting so much.  The good news is that the novocaine has mostly worn off and I'm not in pain anymore.  That's the nice thing about fillings, is that usually they take away your pain.  The exception is if it's a deep cavity that turns into a root canal.

 

They also fixed my fractured tooth.  This is my upper right, back molar.  The tooth had a root canal treatment done on it 2-3 years ago and didn't get a crown, because I was told I couldn't with the braces on.  I had no idea that I'd been told wrong by another doctor.  They put a temporary crown on the tooth and I go back in 2 weeks for my permanent crown, which will be done by my regular dentist.  I'm so glad they were able to do this tooth today also.  I really went in thinking I was only getting a filling.  The fractured tooth had been hurting and also irritating my tongue and cheek, so it's so nice to not have to deal with that anymore.

 

So, I guess I feel relieved.  I was a nervous wreck at the appointment for most of it, because this doctor was not able to administer nitrous oxide.  I'm not sure why.  My normal dentist can.  My nervousness, fear and anxiety were very apparent to myself and the staff.  I was shaking so badly.  I also get very quiet when I feel like that and often my voice will shake also.  They were very patient and very gentle with me.  I'm so thankful to the staff who worked with me today.

 

JJ

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I'm feeling down. I brought my kid down to the beach to see the Perseid shower and an ISS flyover. They saw the ISS and I saw a meteor (and the ISS) so I guess I should be happy about that. 

 

But we had to leave because my kid is afraid of fire and we were guests of someone who was having a bonfire on the beach. So I had to duck out early and my kid started freaking out and I just had to carry them back to the house with them crying. Eventually they calmed down but I'm worried because they were clutching their stuffed animal and saying "he will keep me safe from the bugs and the fire." 

 

I really hope I didn't cause my kid a huge emotional scar. 

 

I'm feeling down, though, because everybody else in my family is down on the beach having a good time and I'm feeling like an outsider again. I mean, I was happy to be invited to the fire and I was happy my kid wanted to see the meteors. But things didn't turn out the way I'd hoped and i'm down about it. I guess I shouldn't be down since we had a good time on the beach today, right?

 

I don't know. I feel lonely, I guess. I sometimes feel as though my family doesn't get me.

 

Peace

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I'm feeling down. I brought my kid down to the beach to see the Perseid shower and an ISS flyover. They saw the ISS and I saw a meteor (and the ISS) so I guess I should be happy about that. 

 

But we had to leave because my kid is afraid of fire and we were guests of someone who was having a bonfire on the beach. So I had to duck out early and my kid started freaking out and I just had to carry them back to the house with them crying. Eventually they calmed down but I'm worried because they were clutching their stuffed animal and saying "he will keep me safe from the bugs and the fire." 

 

I really hope I didn't cause my kid a huge emotional scar. 

 

I'm feeling down, though, because everybody else in my family is down on the beach having a good time and I'm feeling like an outsider again. I mean, I was happy to be invited to the fire and I was happy my kid wanted to see the meteors. But things didn't turn out the way I'd hoped and i'm down about it. I guess I shouldn't be down since we had a good time on the beach today, right?

 

I don't know. I feel lonely, I guess. I sometimes feel as though my family doesn't get me.

 

Peace

 

Starsea, you're such a good daddy.

 

Don't worry you haven't scarred your child.

 

I have often had to leave family functions in order to satisfy the needs of my children. I think that's called good parenting and if your family doesn't get it...that's ON them. Not you. I am sorry that you aren't able to join in on the festivities though.

 

I am certain your little guy will not even remember the scary parts when he gets older and will only cherish memories in photos, etc. Take lots of photos and preserve those memories. They go by so quickly.

 

(((Hugs)))

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Stressed, anxious and on edge. All my fault! My psychiatrist increased my Wellbutrin to 450mg and today was first for higher dose. In haste after a busy day and a rush to go to a choir rehearsal I did not take the busperone for anxiety as I should have.

 

So first day was not good. The rehearsal droned on way too long so by the end I was as I posted above. 

Learned my lesson. 

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Starsea - I agree with Freckled.  Please don't beat yourself up about it.  From my experience with my parents, scary situations are manageable if the child feels like their parents are supportive of them, and I'm sure you were. In my childhood, my parents would have said "come on you wimp, stop your *&^%^&^% crying, you're despicable."  Something like carves scars upon scars.  Your love and support would have made this a positive long-term experience for your child, because it would show him/her that, while some things in life are scary (that's life, a good lesson) I am loved and protected.  Tomorrow, maybe give your child a hug and validate his/her feelings - that was scary, eh?  Then tell them that it was all safe and you would not have let anything happen to them.  Just my ideas on it.

 

As for me, I have insomnia again.  Listening to stories of Ghengis Khan taking over the middle east and ******* tens of millions of people on a podcast.  I saw my "girl" friend Donna tonight - she is such a support for me - and I am chatting with another woman after an aborted dating sequence ended last night.  On we go.  Moving forward.  I am tired of lack of money and my job and feeling alone, but their is always hope as long as I can keep moving forward.  I intend to do that.

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JJ, that's great news about your dental visit today.

 

Starsea, great that you took your kids to see the meteor shower! They might even remember the scary parts with delight later on--it was an adventure and they survived! You are a good dad!

 

Freckled, how did the doctor's visit go? I meant to catch up on chat, but we had dinner at my son's apartment (we brought takeout in).

 

Brian, I hope you can get some sleep.

 

Me, I'm about to sleep. It was a busy day but at least the end is in sight.

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Stop making me cry. I will be okay, if I can't be brutally honest here then I have no safe place. I'm not looking for a pity party, just a soft place to land.

I am leaving the house and will be with a friend as she is going with me to my dr appt.

I'll check in tonight.

 

I'm sorry guys, I realize I came off like a real b!tch in my post and I didn't mean to at all. 

 

My doctor appt went about as well as I expected.  I have osteoarthritis and I'm too young for a knee replacement.  He gave me a cortisone shot and ordered a month of physical therapy if things haven't gotten better by then I'll have a series of Supartz injections, these act as a lubricant and shock absorber, over the course of 4 weeks.

 

I'm really just trying to keep my head above water. The pain levels are magnified by the depression/anxiety and the anxiety/depression levels are magnified by the pain.

 

I'm going to my room and ice my knee and hopefully cry myself to sleep. 

 

 

How can you be too young for a knee replacement!  How many more years do you have to suffer the pain before you're old enough to get one?  That makes no sense to me.  I hope your pain eases freckled (((((hugs))))).

 

 

 

Sending warm thoughts and hugs to everyone, I'm sorry you're all suffering. :hugs:

 

JJ - Good luck for the job interview.

 

 

Well, I'm really pi$$ed off right now.  The doctor wouldn't give my son any meds because she said he's so young (15) and now he has to see the psychiatrist next month and the paediatrician in October.  In the meantime he has to put up with this crippling anxiety.  I'm hoping the psychiatrist will prescribe something for him because we can't go on like this.  I feel like we're going around in circles and not getting anywhere.

I'm pi$$ed off too about this! Can you see a paediatric psychiatrist?

The doctor who was seeing my son when he was 8 years old prescribed ritalin (methylphenidate) for what we thought might be some attention deficit disorder. He never took a very high dose...but 8 years is young! 15 is not too young and there are more pharmacological options out there for young ones.

I'm sorry you can't get in to see the doctors your son needs to see, sooner. When will they stop treating children's needs as if they're making stuff up?!!!

/end rant

:hugs: for you Purple Storm

 

 

 

Thanks Dolphin.  The receptionist at the doctors said she'd ring if there was a cancellation for the psychiatrist sooner.  She squeezed me in as it is because it's kind of urgent.  Yeah I don't get the too young bit, I'm sure there are kids younger than 15 on anti anxiety meds and as you say, they prescribe ritalin for very young children.  Not that I really want him on medication but if it helps him face the outside world, then so be it.

 

 

Sending hugs to all who are suffering today :hugs:

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So much pain in my head. I’ve been exhausted all day with a head ache now it has increased. I need to start that project, so I finally opened up the email. The thought of having to do it has left me in tears. It sounds like I am a lazy b-astard but you don’t know the horror art has caused me. The pressure of it gave me depression, it tore me apart and I didn’t understand what was going on. For the last year it has been an awful struggle to force myself to do it. Now it’s still as painful. How can I devote myself to something that hurts me like this. I love it, I am so good at it but it’s like a self-inflicted torture.  

Heya. I can understand how you are feeling. I'm a really talented writer, but sometimes I'd rather carve out my own eyeballs than see another word. It's really hard, especially when you know you're supposed to be working on something and the white page is glaring at you. I imagine it's very similar for you, whatever canvas you happen to be using. I found the best thing to do is to create something for yourself and try to chip away at the project bit by bit. By creating something for yourself, you're free of expectations and restrictions. It can be anything; what's really important is getting started--putting pen to paper, brush to canvas, etc.--and allowing yourself to create, explore, and appreciate your art..

 

Its really nice to be hear from someone who can understand - talking to my Therapist about how much doing art hurts me seems pathetic, he can't understand because it is such a specific thing. I have started my project after overcoming the initial bout of anxiety. I am still not enjoying it though, constantly thinking about what is expected, how much care I should take in it and if I am taking too much care in it. Having to present it to a bunch of people I have never even met at the end makes me all the more paranoid.

 

I understand. If I think that everything I try to write is going to be published or presented to someone, I end up stonewalling myself--trying to figure out if my audience will like it, if it meets genre expectations, etc.. It's no fun when you're putting so many expectations on your work--whether those expectations are real or imaginary. You do not always have to create something for others. So, allow yourself the freedom to create something for you.Try to doodle, sketch, or explore a different style of art. Rediscover why you love your craft. :) 

Edited by lostinwords
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I'm doing better today than yesterday. On Tuesday, I received bad news from my spine specialist regarding my spine's healing prognosis: 2-3 years of limited duty to (hopefully) restore full function... I, like most people, cannot take a 2-3 year break from everything--not to mention being in chronic pain the entire time. So, I'm seeking a second opinion. I spent all of yesterday moping, crying, and spacing out with intermittent bouts of anger. Today has been much better--although I feel numb everywhere, and I was hoping to hear from that other surgeon by now... Sigh. Overall current feeling: Etiolated. 

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I'm feeling pretty good this morning...I mean it is a Friday.  Still have the concerns about all the things I need to take care of and the negativity lurking around my subconscious but that's ok as long as it stays there for now.   Should be a good evening as I have plans for dinner with a lady friend.  However she's in the air force and about to ship out for 6 months in the desert and I'm going to have to decide if that's something I can endure possibly happening for another 6 years.  Kinda of mentally taxing for someone already mentally overburdened such as myself.  

 

Anyway, I seem to be on top of the wave this morning instead of it crashing down on top of me repeatedly.  I actually had the following saying in my signature for awhile and it seems to apply to my mood as of late:

 

"You can't stop the waves...but you can learn to surf."  

 

And another good version of that is "Emotions are like waves.  You can't control them from coming, but you can decide which ones you want to surf." 

 

Hope everyone has a good Friday and weekend...from the looks of this thread it's been a long week for most of us and we could use a good one.  

PO

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I just don't even know. I feel depressed when I wake up each morning, but often that subsides.

 

SFCG --- so glad everything went well with your dental appt and that you got much taken care of! Good for you for getting through this.. I hope you got some sleep and that the pain subsides.

 

Brian --- I hope you get some rest this eve.. insomnia sucks. Sorry to hear. Glad you're just moving forward though. :)

 

Starsea -- I echo everyone's words. I'm sure your child will be fine and not scarred, and seems like you're a great daddy who cares a ton. Sucks to feel alone though in your own family. I know that feeling. Sorry you went through that. :verysad3:

 

I hope everyone else who is suffering today feels better soon.

Edited by havehope
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As I expected, I awoke tired and anxious this morning.  I am worried about everything in my life.  I think I have been mentally exhausted all year and I need something to happen, one way or the other, as I'm not sure I can go on like this.  However, as I write that line I also realize that my perspective is not as emphatic and gloomy as that.  I think something will change at some point.  I just hope it is soon.

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