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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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I've reached the point where I've seen all the tv shows and movies that can be seen and played all the games I want to play.

Usually this is where people start to get a hobby or something.

Not me though, I've tried everything and I can't get myself to legitimately enjoy doing anything. Even if I was competent and could actually do things like other people, I still just don't enjoy doing anything.

All I feel now is this pent up energy in my chest to go do something but every time I actually do, I just feel drained and even more bored.

Life is hell.

 

My depression kept me from trying things because I was sure I wouldn't be any good at them. This, of course, kept me from getting good at anything because getting good takes practice. It's tough. I think I know how you feel.

 

Peace

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I just keep running away. From everything. Everyone. Every sunny day.

I feel like an asteroid is streaking right down at me and all I can do is ask people for marshmallows so I can make some stores.

Hmmm toasty!

 

Aw A, Don't run too far we'll miss you. :verysad3:

 

 

I feel as if I'm just existing.

 

I know what you mean freckled, me too :hugs:

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Right now I feel really tired but pushing myself to get things done.  Feel overwhelmed.  Had a final fall out with my sister, and I think that will be the last I hear from her.  This is really, in the long run, the best decision to keep my power and self dignity.  Went over with my counselor the contents of the e-mail I sent her.  This is in response to an e-mail I got from her this month wanting to get together after six years.  I won't go into details but she has made my life a living Hell, and my parents to a lesser degree.  I don't trust her.  But my trust in people has been deteriorating through my depression.  Except solid friends which are about five, and people I meet who don't know my past.  I sometimes wish I could reset my life and cancel out so many of the negative things that have happened in the past.  

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I hadn't taken a nap in a while, but I took one today. I think it must have been about 40 minutes long and I kept dreaming that the dishes were being put away wrong...

I drank a lot of iced coffee this afternoon, so I wonder if that will keep me up.

I am trying to plan for when I have more time. I so much hate the idea of working for an organization, whether it's for profit or non-profit. I am feeling rebellious against rules. Maybe this is good for me.

I feel and it's sad I feel this way, so double sad, but I can tell you here: I feel so much of my life has gone by--and it's true--and I haven't done anything I wanted in a big way (like write the great American novel for instance). Every time I get to where it could be "big" or I could be successful at something, I stop and let something distract me.

Being a mom, it's all been having to deal with my son on a day-to-day, sometimes an emergency basis. So I never reached out and had networks of friends and/family who could help. Just me & my spouse. Oh when he was little, there were a couple of nearby people--we traded off babysitting.

I don't want to be distracted anymore. I want to just want what I want and have it be okay to do and accomplish.

I feel sad that I am nearly 60 and feel so tied down. And I'm not like my father who ran out on us. I just run away in my mind.

Feeling a little blue tonight.

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Confused.

I'm looking at my wife and I do not see any love there.

It happens. I've been in love, been hurt, and then fallen out of love.

Maybe it's a blessing and you can let go. Monitor those feelings. Maybe you can have a new kind of relationship without struggling now.

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Absolutely exhausted.  Between stress, anxiety and hormones I have no energy left right now.  Worrying about my appointment tomorrow.  I'm really wondering what the dentist is going to say.  Maybe all that's happening is just a way of me finding out that this isn't the office for me after all.  I felt like I was gaining a tiny bit of trust, but I've lost that now.  I'm angry and scared.  I'm in pain and I'm near tears for, I don't know how many times in the last few days.  I just want this to all be over now.  I hate the idea of looking for another office.  Especially now that I'm already in crisis mode.

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Like to many nights I'm ready to go to bed and I feel like I could have done so much more than I did. I feel like my life is slipping away and I haven't accomplished anything.

I so know that feeling. I got in bed at 8:45 just tired and no desires in life. I just get up early work 10 - 11 hours a day. Come home eat drink and sleep then repeat.

Edited by SMC
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Anxious and desperate. I have an appointment with the spine specialist tomorrow to get stabbed six times. I've lost track of how many needles have gone into my back, and I still have severe lower back pain. I'm hoping this works, but so far--MRI's all show the same: little to no improvement. Yay to be 27 and an invalid. I'm so tired of all this. 

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Confused.

I'm looking at my wife and I do not see any love there.

 

Hey Starsea, 

Since you said you're confused I'm going to answer as if you do really still love you wife.  I don't know what your marriage has been like, but I've gone through periods of time where I didn't feel for anything...not even love for my children.  My daughter likes hugs and gives me one nearly every day and yet there are days I feel nothing.  My own kids, all I really have left in life to care about, and nothing.  My point being it really could be just the severe depression you are experiencing.  I hope that is the cause for your inability to feel love at this time.  Speaking as a single 45 year old guy, finding a love strong enough to get married again feels next to impossible.    

 

Really hope this feeling subsides and you love for your wife is rekindled asap. 

PO

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Woke up exhausted.  I did a good bit more yesterday than usual but I didn't think it was enough to feel this tired.  My arms and body feel like I worked out yesterday even though I didn't  My mind is foggy and I really would love to take a PTO day at work.  But I've gotten up and at least started going through the motions on schedule and hoping some energy comes from somewhere...coffee...something.  Maybe I'm just old now and can't physically do what I used...I dunno, kinda baffling.  

 

Glad I posted about being determined yesterday.  Hoping that will be enough to get me through toady.  

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Like to many nights I'm ready to go to bed and I feel like I could have done so much more than I did. I feel like my life is slipping away and I haven't accomplished anything.

 

Try to take pleasure in those things which you were able to accomplish. If you focus too much on a goal, you won't enjoy the journey to reach it.

 

PS, I love West Virginia.

 

 

Absolutely exhausted.  Between stress, anxiety and hormones I have no energy left right now.  Worrying about my appointment tomorrow.  I'm really wondering what the dentist is going to say.  Maybe all that's happening is just a way of me finding out that this isn't the office for me after all.  I felt like I was gaining a tiny bit of trust, but I've lost that now.  I'm angry and scared.  I'm in pain and I'm near tears for, I don't know how many times in the last few days.  I just want this to all be over now.  I hate the idea of looking for another office.  Especially now that I'm already in crisis mode.

 

Take it easy on yourself. You're amazing and try not to let your anxiety rule you. Try not to worry about what your dentist will say until they say it. An old therapist of mine once said, "I've never had a patient tell me, `I'm really glad I worried about that. Worrying made it a lot better.`" She could probably have said it a little better but the message is a pretty good one. Worrying about something gives it emotional weight it might not need to have. That's the difference between worrying about something and dealing with it. You've been fantastic about dealing with your fear and taking care of your health. You've been treating yourself with a lot of respect and it's really wonderful stuff.  We're in your corner. Don't give up on yourself.

 

 

worst panic I've had in months...I feel worthless, undeserving, anxious & scared.  I hate when it hits you like a truck out of nowhere :verysad3:

 

It's really tough when that happens. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Try to understand what you're feeling anxious about. Is it something you need to worry about? If it is, do you think there is anything you can do - even something small - to start to address your concern? I've found in the past that taking steps to address my concerns helps me to deal with them and be less anxious about them. It can seem an insurmountable task at first. But even taking a small step can be really empowering.

 

 

 

Confused.

I'm looking at my wife and I do not see any love there.

 

Hey Starsea, 

Since you said you're confused I'm going to answer as if you do really still love you wife.  I don't know what your marriage has been like, but I've gone through periods of time where I didn't feel for anything...not even love for my children.  My daughter likes hugs and gives me one nearly every day and yet there are days I feel nothing.  My own kids, all I really have left in life to care about, and nothing.  My point being it really could be just the severe depression you are experiencing.  I hope that is the cause for your inability to feel love at this time.  Speaking as a single 45 year old guy, finding a love strong enough to get married again feels next to impossible.    

 

Really hope this feeling subsides and you love for your wife is rekindled asap. 

PO

 

 

Thanks. I agree. It's probably just me having a hard time right now. Plus, I've been self medicating again, which is a really bad idea for anyone to try. I will get that under control today. It's coffee, Red Bull and water for me today. So I have written. So it will be done.

 

I did feel something when I hugged and kissed her this morning. This is probably just a teeny rough patch in a larger rough patch we're trying to get out of.

 

Peace, all.

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