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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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I feel... confused. Can't keep track of all the different moods I'm in. I think I've been too busy lately and I've been walking over this feeling I've had for a while now. Today is the first day in a while that I've had nothing to do and I've been in my bed all day long. I feel sad and depressed and as if I don't have any control over the things that are happening in my life right now. I decided I should probably live under my blanket from now on and never come out. Seems like a plan. Hoping that this being depressed and doing nothing is just something I needed in order to process things and that I'll feel better after a few days of blanketdome-life.

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I hope everyone feels better.

 

Still not looking forward to going out tonight.  I might forget my guitar on purpose.

 

Christina - Gordon Lightfoot - not sure you would have hear of him but...  Rush was a good guess.  I am so old I remember them when they were just starting out and playing high school gyms.

 

Cheers, y'all.

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I wish I actually COULD feel anything. I lost all of my emotions. I can't genuinely laugh or even crack a smile. I see all the colors of the world but I still feel so dull, tired, and drained of emotion. I just wish to feel again..

This. Exactly.

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 My brain does not want to focus on anything right now which is a huge pain in the rear. Reading? Nope. Writing? Nope. I finally got the phone call I was waiting for about 15 minutes after my cranky post, and it looks like I'll be going to orientation for the job that I'm less thrilled about on Tuesday AND then a second interview at the bank afterwards. I'll be sure to strategically place heels and a blazer in the car so I can switch from orientation-mode to interview-mode with ease.

 

 I felt a bit overwhelmed earlier - I'm really pushing myself and know that it's for the best, but the anxiety still lingers around. It seems like I'm always either in "do little" mode or running around like a headless chicken with little in between.

 

- Christina

 

P.S. My little sister finally joined, under NeuroticCookie. This wasn't planned to be cute and match, it turns out she has been using that username for over a year now on sites. LOL.

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I hope everyone feels better.

 

Still not looking forward to going out tonight.  I might forget my guitar on purpose.

 

Christina - Gordon Lightfoot - not sure you would have hear of him but...  Rush was a good guess.  I am so old I remember them when they were just starting out and playing high school gyms.

 

Cheers, y'all.

 

 

Gordon's Canadian?  I don't think I was aware of that.  Young Straha was raised on GL LPs, among other contemporaries.  Inf. I dare say those same Vinyl Analogue Discs are within arm's reach.

Edited by Straha
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Sad, frustrated, anxious and numb all at once. A good friend has been diagnosed with a lung tumor, he is more upbeat than I am. He was my AA sponsor/mentor for a few years until he moved and thus I owe tons to him. Then another friend is suddenly moving away. He goes to my church and we sing in a couple of the same ensembles. He has no car due to not being physically able to drive so he rides with me. We have gotten to be good friends but he feels he needs to "escape" and move to Florida. Both things blind sided me and thus I am anxious and stewing over them. So thus everything is wrong and out of control, I am frustrated that the same negative thoughts keep coming back and frustrated with my whole situation. Wish I could escape too. 

 

I have a singing gig tomorrow. Normally I would be rehearsing and reviewing. But I am just going to wing it, because I no longer care. Only doing it 'cause I was asked. 

 

So that is it. For now.

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I'm feeling a mixture of emotions right now.  Feeling really stressed, anxious and nervous about going for my deep dental cleaning sometime this coming week.  I'm doubly nervous because I don't have a date and time yet.  I'm also just nervous because I've never had this done before and I don't know if I'll be able to cope.  The procedure is supposed to take about an hour and a half to complete, but I'll probably schedule for 2 hours because I'll need to take breaks throughout the appointment in order to keep from freaking out.  I think I'm going to try the nitrous oxide.  I found enough cash to pay for it out of pocket, but I've been going back and forth on whether I really want to try it.  I originally told them that I want to schedule with the nitrous oxide and see how I do without it first.  I have a feeling I'll need it though.

 

Then there's this job, insurance and financial situation.  I'm stressing trying to figure out how to handle this.  I'm going to look into unemployment first and see if I can apply sometime in the coming week.

 

I met with my new therapist this afternoon.  She gave me some good information, even though I can't start therapy for awhile.  I told her that I do want to start therapy, but can't currently due to financial issues.  I'm going to contact her after everything settles down.  I want to go through treatment to avoid the dental phobia and anxiety in the long run.  We're planning on working on the underlying traumas that caused it and help me to overcome it.  She wants to start me on relaxation techniques and self-hypnosis first.  Then later on we'll work on EMDR, desensitization and exposure therapy.

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I wish I actually COULD feel anything. I lost all of my emotions. I can't genuinely laugh or even crack a smile. I see all the colors of the world but I still feel so dull, tired, and drained of emotion. I just wish to feel again..

 

I feel... confused. Can't keep track of all the different moods I'm in. I think I've been too busy lately and I've been walking over this feeling I've had for a while now. Today is the first day in a while that I've had nothing to do and I've been in my bed all day long. I feel sad and depressed and as if I don't have any control over the things that are happening in my life right now. I decided I should probably live under my blanket from now on and never come out. Seems like a plan. Hoping that this being depressed and doing nothing is just something I needed in order to process things and that I'll feel better after a few days of blanketdome-life.

 

(((hugs))) to both of you and welcome to DF.  I hope you can find some peace soon :hugs:

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Like my entire chest has a lead weight in it. Just been so unendingly empty and lonely today. I've been getting several hours of exercise in every day but that can only distract my mind from tearing me apart for so long.

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Odd. I feel as if I've woken up from a disturbing dream. Or gone to sleep after a disturbing day.

 

I wouldn't say I feel destroyed, but I feel exhausted - and oddly, I want to go back into madness.

I have to go to work tomorrow and I'll probably have to explain to 20 people what happened to me, where did I go, what did I do?

And I will tell them and they will probably say:

 

"Ah, everybody gets depressed once in a while."

 

"Oh, I had that too. I was like totally depressed when I was like standing in like a queue and when I was like there and like... there wasn't any lip balm. Oh my GAAAD! ITS SAAH DEPRESSIVEEE!"

Edited by APFSDS
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About to head off to church and really dreading it. I don't feel good and am wicked anxious. Didn't get a good night's sleep and I dreamed that I went back to work at my previous place of employment. BIG trigger for me. :(

 

I did get a message on here this morning that made me smile though, so that was nice :) <3

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I did get a message on here this morning that made me smile though, so that was nice :) <3

 

Me, too. Thank you, freckledface. 

 

I'm pretty anxious this morning. My mom recently got back into contact with an old boyfriend and he's starting to act obsessive and creepy. I knew him and loved him like a father when I was very young, but he started drinking too much and getting violent and one day he was just gone. I never wanted anything to do with him again, and now he might be stalking my mother. It's become painfully clear to me lately how much extra anxiety my mom brings into my life. I love her, I'd do anything I could for her, but I need to put some healthy distance between us. Change scares me so much, but at this point the prospect of not changing is even scarier, so I've really got no choice but to try to make changes. I hope I'm up to it.

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Me three, thanks Freckled.  Big gigantic hugs.

 

I jammed last night, and though I was dreading it, it went well. I played with three pros - drummer, bassist and another guitarist and we plugged in and it was a real blast playing with guys who know what they're doing.  I just had to add in a bit here and there and play some leads. I didn't have to play many of the songs I know that I am sick of.

 

Off to see Pan Am Gold medal women's softball game - Can vs. US.  Should be fun and it's a nice day.

 

Nursing hand over though.  Drats!

 

Cheers

 

Brian

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Catching up on pages of posts.

OMG that's so awesome/cool that Purple's son & C's sister have joined!! So, so cool :-D Absolutely loved seeing Freckled & Dolphin's pics, And yep, thank you so much Freckled for that immensely sweet PM, aw I love this place.

Brian - wow, I'd love to have heard you play/sing. Be another demanding audience member :-). So glad the gig went well. I love the guitar. You've inspired me to pick up my beginners guitar tomorrow & try to learn some more chords. Re best songwriter - if I was judging, Bob Dylan (we..are..not..worthy :) would take out the prize.

Sorry about the cold S :-( Hope the party goes well & you don't feel too lousy.

I've decided not to get so worked up about things. Eating, sleeping, world's not going to end if I'm not immediately 100% on top of it all. Not sure yet how I'm going to convince my OCD brain to allow that to happen but I'm going to try negotiating with it.

Edited by Els1e
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Like my entire chest has a lead weight in it. Just been so unendingly empty and lonely today. I've been getting several hours of exercise in every day but that can only distract my mind from tearing me apart for so long.

I'm sorry cpu this sounds horrible at least the exercise may help you to sleep? Which could be some sort of comfort? (hug)
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I feel like the veil of darkness has wrapped around my cold body. As I twist and turn it only gets tighter around me. Soon my eyes will be vacant and all that will be reflected back is the emptiness of eternity.

I recommend sunglasses I hate people seeing my vacant empty expression. Hope you feel better soon
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