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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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Brian - since that lady didn't acknowledge your request to see one another more, I suspect the warmth of her reply was her attempt to sound like a nice person. Just because she's a nice person, please don't pine after her since she didn't respond. Go with your gut! (I'm all about the gut feeling today!)

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Freckled, you are NOT a bad mom! I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight. (((Hugs)))

 

 

 

Questioning whether this is creepy or sweet?
So today I am in the bus back home from work. There is this guy sitting next to me who keeps smiling, then he starts talking to me, asking me all these questions, telling about himself. Pretty cool conversation. Then he starts asking me out, so I'm like.. Uh let me check my schedule lol. I gave him my FB instead. I mean he was nice but to go out with a total stranger is kinda scary you know? Also what I find funny was that I just looked awful.. Make up smooched out, a messy bun.. jeans full of stains and all sweaty. Definitely wouldn't be attracted to myself looking like that haha.

I'm glad you trusted your gut with that one, and hope that you can get to know him better via FB. So if he checks out okay, maybe he's okay to go out with.

 

 

I agree with Dolphin on this one. He could just be really outgoing, or he could be a bit of a creep, it's very hard to tell this early. See how he acts on Facebook. If he gets too pushy for a date or starts sending excessive messages, you have your answer. Also, I think we are much more critical of our appearance than others are. Good luck!

 

 

 As for me, I'm doing emotionally okay, just physically a bit "meh." I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning and hope that doesn't leave me wanting to punch trees. I am beating myself up a bit for not being more productive today, after a very productive day yesterday, but I just feel icky and tired. I'll try to give myself a break. My T appointment went very well. I mentioned DF and that I planned on staying even if remission is on its way (giant IF here). When I mentioned that someone was afraid I'd leave, I got so touched that the water works came :coopcray:

*Waves to Els1e*

 

- Christina

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Feeling hopeless, like I'll never change, like my path was set for me long ago and all I can do is walk it. The rut I've been in the last eight years, I just don't know if there's any getting out of it. I'm afraid there's not enough fight in me. I've buried myself alive, and I'm no Beatrix Kiddo--I don't have the strength to punch my way out of this coffin. I don't think I really want to change. I'd truly rather die, but I'm not ******* allowed to so I have to try to talk myself into wanting to change and I can't ******* do it. I can't be something I'm not. I'm not really a person who wants to live, I just pretend to for the sake of others.

 

I wish I had therapy this week. Kind of feel like I need it today. But it's like the song says, when you need a train it never comes...

 

(((Barrier Maiden))) I wish you had a T appointment this week. Could you get in touch with him/her? You never know, they might be able to squeeze you in, especially if someone called and rescheduled their appointment.

 

 I'm sorry you feel so hopeless. Just as a forum fly on the wall, I've seen you go from being afraid of getting any help to actively getting help and even rather liking your T. Some of that may have been for others, but I don't know, where you reached out and emphasized you needed help - something tells me that a lot of that was YOU doing for YOU and not just for other people. I think you have more strength than you give yourself credit for, BM. But I also know the misery of depression and how it makes us view everything through "sh*t goggles."

 

:hugs:

 

- Christina

 

 

Appreciate that, Christina. Thank you. I do like my therapist, but she's on vacation this week; won't see her again until next Friday. I'll survive, though.

 

I'd like to believe I do some things for myself, but I'm really not sure. I don't feel like I've ever had a solid grasp on my own identity. It seems like my entire life I've just done whatever I need to do to fit in and fulfill expectations or, when I can't do that, escape pain. I've discovered through therapy that I am intensely codependent. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that.

 

I'm sure binge-watching the final season of Sons of Anarchy isn't helping my mood. God, what an absurdly nihilistic show that turned out to be--and not nearly as well-written as The Shield. But I'll spare ya'll my take on anti-hero-centered cable dramas.

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Little things have left me frustrated. Annoyed at a couple friends, one who keeps wanting me to do things, but without asking (of course I being a pleaser can't say no) and the other always drunk when we meet up. I have been sober over 2 years.

 

So just one of those days when the brain won't stop.

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I don't know how I'm feeling.  Like a failure as a mother and I don't deserve to be one.  This is the second day this week my son has had off from school.  When he does go to school he doesn't eat and he wont eat breakfast so he goes all day without food.  He doesn't want to see a councellor because he's terrified of talking to people.  If I take him to the doctors he'll have to have blood tests which he is also terrified of.  He's just scared of everything and It's my fault,  I've passed it on to him and I can't handle the guilt.  All I can do is hug him and tell him I understand. 

 

I've tried talking to him about things that might be happening at school that's causing this but he swears nothing has happened and he's not being bullied.  What do I do for my poor boy.  This is destroying me.  I'm lost and so confused and I haven't cried this much in a long time. 

 

Sending hugs :hugs:  to everyone who needs them today and for those who are doing ok :thumbs-up:

 

I think about you all often and wish you all the best.

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I don't know how I'm feeling.  Like a failure as a mother and I don't deserve to be one.  This is the second day this week my son has had off from school.  When he does go to school he doesn't eat and he wont eat breakfast so he goes all day without food.  He doesn't want to see a councellor because he's terrified of talking to people.  If I take him to the doctors he'll have to have blood tests which he is also terrified of.  He's just scared of everything and It's my fault,  I've passed it on to him and I can't handle the guilt.  All I can do is hug him and tell him I understand. 

 

I've tried talking to him about things that might be happening at school that's causing this but he swears nothing has happened and he's not being bullied.  What do I do for my poor boy.  This is destroying me.  I'm lost and so confused and I haven't cried this much in a long time. 

 

Sending hugs :hugs:  to everyone who needs them today and for those who are doing ok :thumbs-up:

 

I think about you all often and wish you all the best.

I'm so sorry purple ***HUGS*** I wish I knew what to tell him. I had a rough time when I was a kid. I didnt eat in school from about 7th grade till 12th. I didn't like to or want to. So I can kinda see where he's coming from. You are not a bad mother at all. Try to keep encouraging him and giving him love. If I think of something else I'll be sure to let you know. Much love and light.

 

Drew

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Kind of tired. The cat woke me up at 4 am. I couldn't fall back to sleep so I got up at 5 am. I was at work before 7 am. I even had a productive meeting (imagine that)! Hope to be in bed by 9:30-10.

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Unmotivated and almost hopeless. I've felt like this for the past 4 or 5 days and I feel like I'm worse than I was before the medicine changes. But I also feel like it's just me and the medicine isn't doing anything. I don't know but I don't have any motivation to be creative and I want to be creative so badly. I just don't let myself and I have no idea how to stop putting myself down.

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I don't know how I'm feeling.  Like a failure as a mother and I don't deserve to be one.  This is the second day this week my son has had off from school.  When he does go to school he doesn't eat and he wont eat breakfast so he goes all day without food.  He doesn't want to see a councellor because he's terrified of talking to people.  If I take him to the doctors he'll have to have blood tests which he is also terrified of.  He's just scared of everything and It's my fault,  I've passed it on to him and I can't handle the guilt.  All I can do is hug him and tell him I understand. 

 

I've tried talking to him about things that might be happening at school that's causing this but he swears nothing has happened and he's not being bullied.  What do I do for my poor boy.  This is destroying me.  I'm lost and so confused and I haven't cried this much in a long time. 

 

Sending hugs :hugs:  to everyone who needs them today and for those who are doing ok :thumbs-up:

 

I think about you all often and wish you all the best.

Purple, I'm going to send a PM. Sending massive hugs your way.

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Unmotivated and almost hopeless. I've felt like this for the past 4 or 5 days and I feel like I'm worse than I was before the medicine changes. But I also feel like it's just me and the medicine isn't doing anything. I don't know but I don't have any motivation to be creative and I want to be creative so badly. I just don't let myself and I have no idea how to stop putting myself down.

 

Hey PurpleParrot, I can empathize with you about the motivation to be creative, I've lost it at the moment too.  I wish I had the answer on how to stop putting yourself down, we all do it and it's frustrating.  I keep trying to correct myself when I say I'm stupid or useless because I know I'm not.  I just wish I'd listen to the positive voice and not the negative.  You're not hopeless, just going through a bad patch.  Hopefully we'll both get our motivation back soon.  Take care.

 

PS, I like your avatar

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Brian, maybe it's not a game, you can't know at this point. Often what seems like games are people just trying to protect themselves.

I know if a man said to me "let me know if you want to see me again" I would take it to mean he wasn't interested in pursuing me, but would be ok with me pursuing him (and that's not good from my point of view). But I don't have all the facts, like does she take days to respond to a message? I don't need to know, YOU know.

But what do I know? I am bitter yet hopeful for things to work out for others, what the heck is that called?

 

My day, I took a chance, something I was wondering about that would allow me to move to where I not only want to be, but feel others think I should be (then resent the pressure, lol). So I asked a question about something I would need to make it happen; asked in a casual way, and the answer was "no". SO, the door closed, the obligation somehow lessened, it made me really sad though. But I know in a way, having one option gone, makes life easier sometimes.

 

(I tried to quote here, don't know if it will work.)

Edited by feelinglostagain
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Feeling inadequate...tired of feeling that I am less than enough...just never enough.

 

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It's not true at all though. You are enough! I'm going to repeat that so that maybe it will get stuck somewhere between your ears. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

 

 

Feeling inadequate...tired of feeling that I am less than enough...just never enough.

 

I often feel the same way brother. But you are enough. You do matter. And s***zz you are awesome. Sometimes I feel intelligence makes us cursed. Try to keep your head up.

 

That goes for you too.

 

Sending hugs to everyone tonight.

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Tired.  For the first time I can remember, I am actually a little nervous about meeting someone for the first time tonight.  On the other first dates/blind dates/followup dates I've never been nervous...I guess I was just still numb from grief and depression.  I guess I really didn't care.  Maybe I can actually care now...interesting.

Let us know how it goes! Sounds like a little bit of a switch for you.. new dates can be very exciting...

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I shared these lyrics recently -- they help inspire me when I've been down-- not sure if they would help anyone else but here they are.. and how I'm feeling/hoping/praying now after a very low week.. easier said than done, but something to aspire to, at least for me. Hope it helps:

 

When you’re all alone and cryin’ in a doorway
And you haven’t got a second chance to lose
When you’ve tried it all and hit the wall and dyin’
And you’re on your own with nothing left to choose

 

Reinvent yourself. It’s time
Reinvent yourself and fly

With your head up high
And the answers to guide you
Reinvent yourself
You’ll be turning it all around

 

When you’re underground, beaten down and bleeding
And the claws of cold have cast your dreams aside
You can break the chains that cut your veins. It’s easy
Just free yourself with a whole new, state of mind

 

Reinvent yourself. It’s time
Reinvent yourself and fly

With your head up high
And the answers to guide you
Reinvent yourself
You’ll be turning it all around

 

When it’s inside-outside-inside consultation
Your dream master will show you what to do
He’s your mirror and truth-teller, he’s gonna tell you:
“Phoenix fly with a whole new point of view”

 

And reinvent yourself. It’s time
Reinvent yourself and fly

With your head up high
And the past behind you
Reinvent yourself
You’ll be turning it all around

-

 Hugs to all in pain and hope your suffering eases :hugs:

Edited by havehope
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