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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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Okay already ankles! I know I am overweight, I know it is a strain to work out and move, but I am trying to lose weight and take some pressure off of you guys. Stop hurting and I will throw in an extra 10 minutes of step, please, pretty please with sugar on top? Oh and could you maybe forward this to the knees as well? They are not happy either. Thanks.

 

I feel achy and in pain, cranky and annoyed with myself for letting my weight creep back up this far, sigh.

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I won't call it depressed, but I am less than motivated to say the least...oh let's call it what it is...I'm mildly depressed.  The fact the small "family" company I worked for just got bought by a multi-billion dollar company isn't sitting well with me.  One of the "carrots" dangling in front of us was lucrative annual bonuses.  Well they did give us this years bonus the day before they announced we were bought. But they were paltry and several of us are disappointed and dissatisfied.  It's apparent the 4 owners of the company did very well and let us down.  You see, it was part of our culture to keep the company lean and work hard resulting in big bonuses.  Well our new owners promptly announced that the bonuses are going away.  But we get raises based on a percentage of our bonus.  Hellooooo, you just f'd us on our bonus.  So I'm p*****.  And it's obvious that some of the coworkers won't have a job long term with this company so that's sad.  And the software tool I work with is different than the one the new company uses so I will have to learn the new one or find a job elsewhere that uses the tool I'm trained/experienced on.   

 

It was upsetting enough that I allowed it to shut me down last night and I didn't do my morning routine I started on yesterday.  I "shouldn't" have let it get to me and I "should" have kept on with the positive activities and thoughts that are good for me.  Oh well.  Literally sitting at my desk wondering what the hell I'm supposed to be working on now.

 

 
Yes, that's right everyone...I'm Biotching about having a job, getting a bonus check (cough, cough), and a raise (cough, cough), and better benefits.  How many of you want to slap me up side the head right now?!?  Well let's see if I still have one in a few months or if they want me to relocate half way across the US to one of their other offices.  Yes, I'll have some cheese with my whine!

 

 

I’m sorry :verysad3:. A merger/takeover by a large corp of a small family owned business would really suck. That feeling, like you’ve been traded for cash, & the uncertainty. It'd weigh heavily on your mental health I think. The culture change would also be jarring - people becoming more of a ‘fixed cost’ than breathing, feeling, sentient beings. Large corps can be b*****ds.

 

I know there are upsides also, but the transition would be tough. Hopefully they allow the business to continue to run more or less autonomously & don't screw you too much on pay etc. It can work. My sister-in-law went through it about five years ago, & she's still really happy in her workplace.

 

N.b. The fact that other people might be worse off than you doesn’t invalidate the stress you’re going through Pess. You’ll always find someone worse off. You don’t need to feel guilty about feeling crappy about all this, there’s a very valid reason for it.

Edited by Els1e
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Feeling like absolute crap. The depression in the last few weeks has been just brutal. The emotional pain is horrific. The nausea is also plaguing me. I hit a particularly low, low yesterday. I started, uh, planning. I've stopped this morning tho. 

 

I have nothing to complain about, in terms of my external environment. Except for my broken brain/stomach (I could go on for the length of War & Peace :verysad3: ), & maybe the aloneness during the day on weekdays, everything (external) in my life is good. I’m just dead inside. Existing in a world of emotional pain.

 

Sorry. I'm really sorry  :verysad3:. I like this: 

Yes, I'll have some cheese with my whine!

 

 

I’m so stealing that :smilingteeth:.

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Els1e - sorry you're going through such pain!  I'm thinking about you! We all are, in fact. And, we're always here :)

Thanks so much sal, I really appreciate it. This is such a great place. A real comfort.

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I let myself get so hungry, I was nauseated. I kept thinking--this should be enough: a couple of slices of cheese and ham, mayonnaise and I'm avoiding bread, so it was just ham & cheese (sorry if this is triggering), with mayo.

I thought it would be enough, but it wasn't.

Low blood sugar and a headache...we went out for dinner and I had a huge salad with chicken and avocado and other stuff and some potato chips (/slaps my wrist!) (but I shared them with my family). Iced tea, no sweetener.

Now I'm ready to fall asleep.

edited to add: But what I meant to write was that I saw my therapist for the first time in about a month. A lot to discuss, especially my son's impending move and the way I was 2 years ago during a family vacation in Oceanside, California (exceedingly depressed, lots of SI, bad sleep, bad waking...all bad except for visiting the San Diego Zoo).

I'm going to have a better vacation this year. I just want to rest and forget about doing anything. If the beach is peaceful, I'll nap, relax there. If not, I'll sit in the sun somewhere else. That will be coming up soon.

Edited by Dolphin2013
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Feeling like absolute crap. The depression in the last few weeks has been just brutal. The emotional pain is horrific. The nausea is also plaguing me. I hit a particularly low, low yesterday. I started, uh, planning. I've stopped this morning tho. 

 

I have nothing to complain about, in terms of my external environment. Except for my broken brain/stomach (I could go on for the length of War & Peace :verysad3: ), & maybe the aloneness during the day on weekdays, everything (external) in my life is good. I’m just dead inside. Existing in a world of emotional pain.

 

Sorry. I'm really sorry  :verysad3:. I like this: 

Yes, I'll have some cheese with my whine!

 

 

I’m so stealing that :smilingteeth:.

 

 

Sorry you are feeling so down Els1e.I hope your depression and stomach troubles get better. :flowers: :flowers:

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I`m feeling pretty blue right now and at the same time feeling numb and empty.I have no energy and no motivation and I hate feeling that way because I don`t want anybody to think I`m lazy.I don`t want to be this way.This illness just saps all of my energy and makes me feel like there isn`t any point to all this.

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Sorry you are feeling so down Els1e.I hope your depression and stomach troubles get better. :flowers: :flowers:

 

 

Thanks bud. I'm just so sorry you're hurting so much also :verysad3: .  I hope the strength & meaning come back soon.

 

I don't believe in the concept of 'lazy' btw. At least I think it's all relative. It just depends on what your brain chemicals are doing. It's like a multi-billionaire who gives say $100,000 to charity vs a poverty stricken person who donates their last dollar. The latter person has done a (relatively) much better, more selfless thing IMO.

 

It's just, the less neuro-chemicals you have firing, the harder it is to accomplish anything. 

 

An ex-boss once told me, before the depression got really severe/disabling, that I was the most driven, least-lazy person he'd ever met (OCPD & 'lazy' don't really get along). I don't think I had a lazy moment my whole life, up until the depression got completely out of control, back in 2009. Now, I sit on my ass all day, amongst piles of laundry, with an unvacuumed carpet, & the dishes piled up high in the sink. I dread the shower. What I do achieve each day takes a monumental amount of effort. And it's not just effort, it's like you're taking on this unbearable mental pain whenever you try to do anything. And it's done while practically drowning in guilt & self-hatred.

 

Neither of us are lazy. But again, I can't take my own advice & it doesn't stop me loathing myself.

Edited by Els1e
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I feel really healthy and quite happy right now. Only thing is I still have this weird pressure on the side of my head but I have got a doctors appt and an eye test to try and figure what that is. One of my best friends says she no longer wants to be friends. We have only been friends for two years but I was still upset, but normal person upset not depression upset. I had my first CBT appt, my therapist seems nice. I said I was nervous about not being 'ill' enough right now to have therapy but he said that perhaps now was the best time to deal with it. Yesterday was my end of year art show, the principal wants to buy one of my pieces. I am sad that now school is fully over for me 100%. 

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Day started off ok, busy enough to keep focused but not crazy busy. Then I got a couple of the minor panic attacks that come from nowhere. I just have the urge to scream and feel like something horrible is about to happen. But they are transient and had no more in the last 4 hours.

 

Right now, just kind of sad and down... time for bed and my medicine... dog is throwing her food bowl around the kitchen so she is needing attention and her medicine. I have an epileptic pug, together we have some interesting medication!

 

Sending good vibes and thoughts to all!
 

DC

 

Note! I thought  I had posted this last night 7/2 around 11PM.. but it was still on my screen when I got on this AM.... so no I am not heading to bed at 6:30AM CST!

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Just have to say...I love DF and everyone here.  

 

It really does help me to type stuff here and get it out of my bouncing brain and then receive support.  

 

(((Hugs))) It's awesome to have you here, Pessim! I love having this place too. I admittedly haven't finished reading the entire thread but I hope today is going better for you than yesterday. I'm sorry about the dating obstacles. I can relate to you and Brian, except my dating obstacles are "small undesirable dating pool in my area" and "a bit neurotic about dating."

 

 

I`m feeling pretty blue right now and at the same time feeling numb and empty.I have no energy and no motivation and I hate feeling that way because I don`t want anybody to think I`m lazy.I don`t want to be this way.This illness just saps all of my energy and makes me feel like there isn`t any point to all this.

 

(((Hugs))) I hope today is better for you, LM. I HATE feeling that way too.

 

 

- Christina

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I'm doing anxious this morning, but not terrible (fingers crossed). Thoughts of dating soon are dancing through my mind, but I'm sitting on those thoughts before I go and arrange any dates.

 

My biggest woe the past few weeks is a combination of chronic fatigue and anxiety. I don't feel AS depressed in mood, yet still have the little gifts it brings: lack of energy, lack of motivation, insomnia, no appetite, poor concentration (less than before though), random crying spells I'll crack up to hormones, etc. I must have been severely depressed if I see this as improvement (LOL). I need money and have been slacking on looking for work because it's tough to imagine working with the energy level of a sloth. Bah!

 

Sending warm thoughts and hugs to you all.

 

- Christina

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Can totally relate Christina. Motivation is SO hard to find sometimes. There'll be an 'Important' business meeting or something and I just can barely summon the energy to attend it. Just seems so pointless. Maybe because I'm not at all passionate about my job.

 

Been having a bad day for lots of reasons and just feeling useless. Still stuck at parents home because my damn flat i'm buying keeps getting delayed and delayed and delayed. I've been here 3 months now and am going crazy.

 

In a really unhealthy routine though. Need to get back to exercising and not smoking. I feel much better then and les guilty and useless. Again, the motivation isn't really there.

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Totally different today.  I'm in a foul mood, agitated at how little my kids do around the house and how absolutely lazy they can be...which I then turn on myself for allowing and contribute to how I'm raising them...or setting horrible example when I'm lying on or passed out on my bed with depression.  And so now my brain is bombarding me with self-destructive, self-abusive thought after thought.  And I'm agitated about the changes at work.  I'm just in a really, really foul mood right now.  Already snapped at my son once...which I rarely do.  Grrrrrr.    

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I hear you Pess, I do that often. I wish I had some words of encouragement. Just know you aren't the only one that feels that way. Hope the weekend is kind to you.

My mind is ****ing with me. I twisted my leg or bent it the wrong way yesterday and since then I've been in awful pain and am worried I have something horrific wrong with me and those thoughts turn into worse thoughts and my mind is spiraling down the rabbit hole.

*sighs*

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As usual, disappointment and rejection with the "you'd be great, but..." caveat. A part time, easy job 8-10 hours a month was dangled before me because the person who it was offered to was not responding and the the person offering had second thoughts. But of course, they worked it all out and thus I am not needed. It would have been real nice and the extra cash welcome.

 

In the past I would be all angry at everyone and go act out or get drunk. But I guess with medication and therapy I just don't feel much of anything, sort of "whatever"... I also had a more rational outlook and I didn't count on it happening. 

 

But I am still disappointed and just chalk up another of a long string of "it would have been nice" situations that just never work out for me.

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As usual, disappointment and rejection with the "you'd be great, but..." caveat. A part time, easy job 8-10 hours a month was dangled before me because the person who it was offered to was not responding and the the person offering had second thoughts. But of course, they worked it all out and thus I am not needed. It would have been real nice and the extra cash welcome.

 

In the past I would be all angry at everyone and go act out or get drunk. But I guess with medication and therapy I just don't feel much of anything, sort of "whatever"... I also had a more rational outlook and I didn't count on it happening. 

 

But I am still disappointed and just chalk up another of a long string of "it would have been nice" situations that just never work out for me.

I'm sorry it didn't work out, Donaldopato. ((Hugs))

 

 

I was feeling very anxious and severely depressed this morning, but I feel a little better now. Mostly, I just feel really rundown and worn out mentally. I don't want to do anything except curl up in bed and watch a movie.

I hope you'll do something for yourself that helps you rest mentally and physically. Take care of you, sweaterweather. Love the username by the way. (((Hugs)))

Edited by freckledface
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freckled - I second your thoughts about our friend Zen!

 

I am quite content today, and for that I must thank the Great Sky Pilot or Leonard Cohen or the ghost of William S. Burroughs or whoever the heck is in charge of this planet.

 

I heard from a lady I thought was trying to get rid of me LOL.  Not that I will be interested in her anyway (I can't seem to get interested in anyone) but at least we're going out to see a Fringe play next week.  We went out once before and she gave me the cutest, dearest little peck on the cheek (god, I like little things like that!).  I finally broke down and got myself a smart phone (LOL - not sure if that's good or bad, but I am still excited).  I am going out with my lovely, fun, girl FRIEND tonight - she always makes me feel good.  Work is going well.  I am golfing tomorrow with my sweet boy!  And, tomorrow night I am getting a cat someone no longer wants!  I got the food, the litter, and the box sitting there ready to go.  Very excited to have some company at last.

 

Only downer is that I am symptomatic today - fatigue, nausea, headache, muscle aches, general flu-like feeling.  But, not even that is getting me down.

 

Brian

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