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Ixeua

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread

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Not too bad. I started on a very low carb/sugar diet today. The first day is always easy, but I know it will get progressively more challenging. I'm determined to get rid of the mini spare tire I'm wearing. Years ago, I let it get to be a maxi spare tire. Never want that to happen again.

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ahhh insomnia my old friend, you have returned...you rat Barsteward

 

 Insomnia visited me too! That SOB. It took me forever to fall asleep and then I only slept for 3 hours. Needless to say, all of the Dunkin' Donuts in the world isn't keeping me awake now.

 

- Christina

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Exhausted after insomnia's unwelcome visit, but I made it through my pdoc appointment. My Zoloft is being increased to 200mg and the Klonopin boosted as well. Now I just need to keep my eyeballs open for appointment #2 (my sister's first).

 

- Christina

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Feel amazing. It's amazing what can change in just a few hours. I'm beginning to accept the end of one chapter and I'm excited to start a new one :)

We'll never get back together. I know that now. It's like Phil Lynott sang 'if that girl don't wanna' know, forget her'. Like a weight off my shoulders!

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SongsOfIce.. - yes, move on.  You have to go through the hurt.  But you have to, and you will, move on.  I have, finally. I seriously doubt there is any such thing as true healthy love out there anyway - my new plan is to jump from chapter to chapter, in hopes that it exists, but if it doesn't, who cares? Decay is to be expected. Must move on!  This view may be cynical but it's realistic and born out by all the statistical evidence.  I don't know any happy long term couples.  The only couples that seem reasonably happy are the ones where one partner exerts complete dominance over the other and they both seem OK with it.  That's the only model I've seen "work."  I don't want to be on either end of that kind of thing.  So, I'm resigned.  It's all about the moment.

 

Day 2 of eating less and no smoking.  I want to torch my house and rip the doors of the hinges.  JD, you're so right!  Day one is easy.  Now comes the serious pain.  I just had a meeting and I got so frustrated with the utter cluelessness of the people on the line that I thought I was going to lose it - thankfully, I didn't because it would have been my head, Ned Stark style.

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SongsOfIce.. - yes, move on.  You have to go through the hurt.  But you have to, and you will, move on.  I have, finally. I seriously doubt there is any such thing as true healthy love out there anyway - my new plan is to jump from chapter to chapter, in hopes that it exists, but if it doesn't, who cares? Decay is to be expected. Must move on!  This view may be cynical but it's realistic and born out by all the statistical evidence.  I don't know any happy long term couples.  The only couples that seem reasonably happy are the ones where one partner exerts complete dominance over the other and they both seem OK with it.  That's the only model I've seen "work."  I don't want to be on either end of that kind of thing.  So, I'm resigned.  It's all about the moment.

Thanks Sal :) I just got fed up of being in that place. There's only so many times I can keep analysing what went so wrong but it achieves nothing in the end. I realise it's not her that was making me feel so bad, but rather me blaming myself for another failed relationship. Now I've realised that, there's no reason left for me to hold onto those bad feelings. While it lasted I had a great time. I'll never regret spending that time with her. I'll always treasure those memories because I'm grateful that I was lucky enough to experience them.

But you realise this isn't the only person who you can and will share those feelings with throughout your life. Time to take her off that pedestal and give somebody else a chance to ignite a spark :)

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I'm starting to descend rather quickly. Landing lights just came on. I, too, had a visit from good ol' insomnia last night, and my energy level is flagging because of the lack of carbs. I'm eating some 85% cocoa chocolate. There's a bit of sugar in there, but nothing like the regular candy bar type of chocolate.

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I feel like a horrible person. Just found out my sort-of-friend has a new boyfriend and she's going on a fancy vacation and she's having a new job. The worst part is that she always tells me about that and never even asks me "how are you". It's always all about her... So now I am comparing my lonely and sad life to hers and feeling jealous... And I hate myself for feeling that!

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I'm starting to descend rather quickly. Landing lights just came on. I, too, had a visit from good ol' insomnia last night, and my energy level is flagging because of the lack of carbs. I'm eating some 85% cocoa chocolate. There's a bit of sugar in there, but nothing like the regular candy bar type of chocolate.

 

That's good, JD. Dark chocolate actually has some health benefits and I personally always feel better dieting if I'm not completely depriving myself (big sweet tooth here).

 

- Christina

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Still exhausted! My sister did go to her appointment, but not before refusing to get in the car several times and I felt bad because she cried all afternoon. However, she did excellent in the appointment and her pdoc seems exceptionally nice.

 

Time to nap.

 

- Christina

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Just deleted my facebook account. Got fed up of basically being ignored by my so called 'friends'. The whole thing was just a colossal waste of time.

I'm going old fashioned. Any new friends I make will just go in my phonebook.

In a bad mood but hopefully it will pass. In a way I'm glad I've made this move.. All this social media rubbish just made me feel worthless.

:welcomeani:  :welcomeani:  :welcomeani: You might try Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction if you have not already.  It was very hard for me to "get the hang of it," but once I did, it helped me tremendously.  Tons of good free info about it, MBSR, on the web, especially by Dave Potter(?Porter) and Kabat-Zinn (sp).  There are several styles of meditation taught in MSRB and they vary teacher to teacher, except I think Potter really tries to follow Zinn.  For example, I can rarely do the body scans as they can be triggering for people with trauma issues, but I have been able to do all the others.  

 

Whatever path you choose will be right for you.

 

Namaste,

 

 

Zen

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Picking up a friend at the airport tomorrow evening. Aside from that my Mom said she's very disappointed in me... Who's next?

 

Grandparents...

Aunts...

Uncles...

Cousins...

 

And now my own parents. This is driving me crazy.

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