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Ixeua

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread

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COLD (in temperature) and tired, but not awful. I had a pretty productive T appointment and am exploring a newer writing idea along with keeping the job search going. This insomnia and chronic fatigue has to go, though.

 

 Tomorrow is going to be stressful - I have a pdoc appointment, and 4 hours later I'm accompanying my sister to her first pdoc appointment to address her agoraphobia and obsessive thoughts. A day full of psychiatrists!

 

- Christina

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the meds are increasing my appetite - I've been eating and eating for a week.

I feel like a hot water bottle with a rock inside it - you know those rubber ones used to warm your feet.

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I feel like my last cycle of depression took me to the darkest part of myself. I survived through it, but, am seeing the true illness that battles within. I don't think I would still be here if it wasn't for a great doctor/right medication

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Feeling tired.  Haven't had much of a sex drive lately either. My constant state is one of at least mild depression at best, so I think when there is a change, I may not notice it right away. I think the lack of sex drive is evidence that I may have slipped down a bit deeper into depression. Not that I'm ever a nympho, but thoughts/sights/people that used to get me going aren't doing it. I'm just so tired of doing things that I don't want to do, but feel I have to in order to survive and cope: going to work, going to my in-law's family functions (very sweet people, but I just don't feel comfortable with them), and being married! Crazy as it sounds, I'm thankful for the marriage, for being a father, and for the job, because I know my life would be much worse without them, (and I fear losing them) but I'm still unhappy and can't see myself ever being happy. Not suicidal, but looking forward to this life being over and hope there is something better waiting for me.

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Started my new job today. Was and still am super nervous about screwing up, already spent half the day sweating xD

Gonna reward myself with a case of alcohol, just have to finish up here.

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Just deleted my facebook account. Got fed up of basically being ignored by my so called 'friends'. The whole thing was just a colossal waste of time.

I'm going old fashioned. Any new friends I make will just go in my phonebook.

In a bad mood but hopefully it will pass. In a way I'm glad I've made this move.. All this social media rubbish just made me feel worthless.

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Saraielle - Don't blame yourself if you are feeling uncertain about the guy you are chatting with - and please try not to let that spiral you backwards.  Dating can be a very stressful thing.  The thing is, you can't control who you will fall for.  Give it time.  Perhaps you will feel something for this guy, perhaps not. I know it's hard not to stress over it, but please try not to.  I don't think it's your depression that's calling the shots on your final answer. It's your heart - and again, that's not really something you can, or should, tell what to do.  You just have to listen to it.

 

Thanks, sal :)

 

I did "confront" the guy today because I feel the same as I did yesterday morning. I just told him I wasn't sure where he was, but I wasn't even close to being ready for a relationship and just wanted to be friends right now, and if something comes of that in the future then so be it. Turns out, even though he had been giving me completely different vibes before, he said he was on the same page (though he does probably want a relationship sooner than I do). So...  :emoticon-0141-whew:  I feel so relieved and free again. And yes, I feel stupid because, like usual, I jumped the gun and let my emotions control me, but that's just me and by doing so I was able to be shown that I really am NOT ready for anything relationship-wise and that I am able to recognize that and handle the situation. I feel a lot more confident, if not humbled and a little embarrassed, now. ;) 

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My parents always have to find a way to tell me I'm wrong. No matter what I'm saying, they'll chime in with reasons why I'm wrong and they're right.

I could literally say "water is wet" and they'd lecture me about how water is not in fact wet for an hour. Stuff like that has happened before.

This is ridiculous, I'm sick of living here.

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Went out tonight for a ride on my Ninja with a buddy of mine... And got pulled over... And sure enough got a speeding ticket. My first one I've ever gotten on a motorcycle. Told my Dad when I walked in and I haven't heard the end of it. Things surely couldn't get any worse...

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Made the mistake of looking up a bunch of old acquaintances on Facebook. Saw endless pictures of them with their spouses, having fun, lists of friends, smiling, people who care about them.... Stupid thing to do. Made myself feel kind of sick.

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