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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread


Ixeua

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Joined today because I am so lost. I feel like I'm spiraling and destroying my life and that of my family too. I have no idea what to do. I just want to close my eyes and stay asleep forever right now :(

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Joined today because I am so lost. I feel like I'm spiraling and destroying my life and that of my family too. I have no idea what to do. I just want to close my eyes and stay asleep forever right now :(

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Slept in too late and now have a bit of a headache and anxiety. Just really fatigued. I decided to call my parents to see how they were because they are on vacation, and usually they are happy to hear from me, but this time they just acted like I was inconveniencing them. All they were doing was relaxing in their room and watching the Indianapolis 500. Anyways the conversation sucked and now I'm really down and all those feelings of being unwanted and a burden are flooding in. I'm just...tired.

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Horrible today. And I have pregnancy paranoia.

 

(((ReggieSherman))) Since I'm not sure how recent, could you get a pregnancy test? Or is Plan B available in Europe if it was very, very, recent? I hope you find some peace, somehow. :hugs:

 

- Christina

 

 

I'd feel awful if I got pregnant, but my very recent partner (less than 2 months) seems like the most decent dude I've ever dated: I talked to him, he is okay with the possibility. I just wouldn't want to be pregnant because of my alcohol problem and my depression. However, I'm the high- functioning depressive, so I guess it isn't a tragedy. So no need for plan B in any case, but it's too late anyway. It's also probably only paranoia, and it wouldn't be the first time. For some reason I'm terrified of being pregnant.

But thank you so much for the kind words, Christina.

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Very high chronic fatigue symptoms today - fatigue, muscle aches, heart palpitations, headache.  Also, anxious, angry, lonely, depressed.

 

Dealing with jealousy (god I hate that one, alongside anger). All my single friends have hooked up, including the ex and ex wife.

 

The problem with taking time alone to get myself figured out is it just reinforces, in my mind, that I am unlovable and have no hope.

 

Fiddlesticks!

 

I've dealt with the same thing so many times! I'm so sorry you are fatigued at the same time. I bet those symptoms combined would have me in bed for the entire day.

A big hug to you and all the best wishes.

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I feel bad. I was looking quite normal:-) today and people were really nice to me. Well, there is no logic for me to feel depressed. I do miss emotions and cannot give anything back but emptiness of my heart.

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 Exhausted, but in good spirits today. I guess that's better than exhausted and in crappy spirits! I'll take what I can get. The sun felt like bliss earlier, and I actually feel inspired to start a new writing project. The last was a bit of a dud and was going to be more of an exercise anyway, this will be an actual story - hopefully a long one.

 

 Still, underneath all of the good spirits, I am worried about my grandmother and looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. I get the feeling I am really going to need a Monday night chat with some people I really enjoy this week.

 

- Christina

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Drakey - please stay with us!  I feel for what you are going through, and we would miss you!

 

Reggie - glad you've got a "decent" guy!  And thanks for the feedback. I hope it is not what you're fearing!

 

Wow, my friend (lady I dated and wentto Cuba with) came over today and we smoked some garden shrub and holy crap, I feel I see things more clearly right now (no, I am no longer high, LOL). 

 

Here's my issue: I really put out an unmanly vibe.  I know this was the issue with my ex wife and my ex not to mention my father when I was growing up.  I know this is an issue with my friend (who is just my friend and nothing else :)  ).   I am really quite female behaving, even though 100% (?? is anyone 100%) hetero.  It's amazing, but I should have been gay, like my son. As a result of being hetero, I am in a no man's land.  I am very bright, writing what I hope will be the greatest novel ever to come out of my country (on good days, I feel this, on bad, it's unpublishable), and yet, I am unaccomplished, an artist in aspiration only, a guy who is effeminate to the point of turning off MOST females who are looking for a level of daddy protection.

 

It's not an attractive mix of variable for a guy looking for a woman!

 

Now, you might think I'm beating myself up over this, but, weirdly, I am not.  I am who I am, and if that means there is no one out there for me, then, well, that is OK (sort of). I like myself!  I am a great guy.  But now I know more than ever what it is.  I have the explanation for my life so far. Not too many females want a guy who does not project confidence, control, a strong hand on the wheel. They just don't.

 

Even though I know I am as strong as most of the guys that come across as "manly" I don't not come across that way. That's the weird thing.  I am strong enough to face my emotions - many dudes don't.  Yet, it is on the more basic level of my lacking any Alpha behaviour (I really have ZERO alpha behaviour in me) that I am judged. 

 

It's amazing!

 

Wow.

 

Eureka!  Sometimes it takes till your fifty to know yourself.

 

Brian

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I'm going to see a bankruptcy attorney on Tuesday for some horrible decisions I made. I feel sick over it, and if he can't help me, I feel like my only option is suicide. I hate myself for getting into this situation. If it comes to the point where the creditors start taking my paycheck, what am I supposed to do? I do wish to be dead, but I currently don't have the courage to take my life. Depending on what happens with this, it could just be the push I need.

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Brian,

I hope you can find someone who won't be so caught up in gender roles and be able to appreciate the amazing person you are! 

 

Unfortunately, it has been true for me at least that great pain fuels great writing.  Is that true for you, too?  Some of my 'best' stuff has come out of some of my darkest times.  Nice to know we bleed rubies, huh?  Now if that could only translate to something we can use.  ((Brian))

 

 

 

I don't feel well today and haven't for the past three days.  I thought I was getting better and the new meds were starting to work then on three days ago I started feeling really down and lethargic.  I hate this.  I feel like it will never get better.  It's been years.  I did recently have about 7 months of feeling better and I though that was the turning point but I've been bad again for the last 5 weeks.  Looks like it was just a tease.

 

Michele

I hope you find a balancing point soon Michele.  It can get old when meds don't have staying power.  I know you can get through this.

 

 

 

Anxious again..i'll have neurotransmitter test done later.

Good luck on the test, desperado!

 

 

 

Joined today because I am so lost. I feel like I'm spiraling and destroying my life and that of my family too. I have no idea what to do. I just want to close my eyes and stay asleep forever right now :(

DeeB, I've really been there.  I know what you  mean.  Don't give up, though.  I know you feel like a waste, but your family values you very much, and it would be very painful for them to lose you.  Not to mention we would miss you, too. You have good things to contribute, DeeB, and you will find them.  Don't give up.  ((DeeB))

 

 

 

 

Slept in too late and now have a bit of a headache and anxiety. Just really fatigued. I decided to call my parents to see how they were because they are on vacation, and usually they are happy to hear from me, but this time they just acted like I was inconveniencing them. All they were doing was relaxing in their room and watching the Indianapolis 500. Anyways the conversation sucked and now I'm really down and all those feelings of being unwanted and a burden are flooding in. I'm just...tired.

Saraielle, you are absolutely not a burden.  Don't let yourself believe that.  Your family loves and values you.  Sometimes they might not be good at showing it, though.  I'm sorry you're feeling like this.  You are not a burden.  ((Saraielle))

 

 

 

I'm reaching the end stage here. Nothing makes me feel.

Drakey, those times I couldn't feel were the scariest for me.  Keep sticking around for us. It's not over yet, hon.  You can beat this. 

 

 

 

Dislike of myself and a few others. 

Sunshine, I can identify with that.  Especially the 'dislike of myself'.  Nothing I do is ever good enough.  Someone else can do it the same way and it's great, but if I do it that way, it's a failure.  BTW, like the avatar, where's it from?

 

 

 

I'm going to see a bankruptcy attorney on Tuesday for some horrible decisions I made. I feel sick over it, and if he can't help me, I feel like my only option is suicide. I hate myself for getting into this situation. If it comes to the point where the creditors start taking my paycheck, what am I supposed to do? I do wish to be dead, but I currently don't have the courage to take my life. Depending on what happens with this, it could just be the push I need.

Calla, please don't let this be the thing that pushes you over the edge.  I know it's scary, but you can get through it.  I'm glad you're taking the step to see an attorney.  Look into your options online, for yourself, especially if you are in the US.  You have rights in the US, even if the creditors are legit.  Don't let them mow you down or convince you otherwise.  If you live in another country, I'd still advise you to look into what your rights are.  Many people don't, and creditors count on that.  ((((CallaLily))))

 

 

:sleep_1:

As for me, my emotional exhaustion apparently translated into a nice 2-3 hour nap that was far far more refreshing than a night of sleep.  Go figure.  :smile:

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Calla, I echo what 20 said.  Please.  I have been there.  I got through it. Consumer proposal - if you have such a thing where you are.  You will have no credit but you can start again.  Please, please, it is OK.  The weight of the collectors and debt will be eased on you.  Please stay with us!

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Dislike of myself and a few others. 

Sunshine, I can identify with that.  Especially the 'dislike of myself'.  Nothing I do is ever good enough.  Someone else can do it the same way and it's great, but if I do it that way, it's a failure.  BTW, like the avatar, where's it from?

 

 

 

 

It's from Yumekui Merry. There are some people I dislike because of how fake they are and their lack of values. I dislike myself mainly because I have a lot about myself I want to fix and I feel I have to work towards that when others were born already good enough. Also because of some of the mistakes and choices I've made for shallow reasons or because of fear. 

Edited by Waning Sunshine
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Slept in too late and now have a bit of a headache and anxiety. Just really fatigued. I decided to call my parents to see how they were because they are on vacation, and usually they are happy to hear from me, but this time they just acted like I was inconveniencing them. All they were doing was relaxing in their room and watching the Indianapolis 500. Anyways the conversation sucked and now I'm really down and all those feelings of being unwanted and a burden are flooding in. I'm just...tired.

Saraielle, you are absolutely not a burden.  Don't let yourself believe that.  Your family loves and values you.  Sometimes they might not be good at showing it, though.  I'm sorry you're feeling like this.  You are not a burden.  ((Saraielle))

 

 

((HUGS)) Thank you. I really needed to hear that tonight. <3

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