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Ixeua

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread

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Spiralling out of control. Haven't felt this bad since the beginning of January, before I started therapy. All these little things. Feel like therapy was a waste of money and don't want to continue. That thing last week with my friend giving my childhood friend my number. Finding out my cousin is getting married this year and don't know if she'll invite our family, which really hurts. Dad complaining about my younger brother being so quick to anger nowadays and not bothering to ask why (because the answer is so obvious my dad has to be incredibly willfully ignorant or just plain stupid). As always incredibly depressed about my family situation.

Just this pervasive feeling of despair. Not crying again. Strong feelings of not wanting to be here.

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Feel like absolute garbage today. Didn't sleep worth sh!t last night. Mind racing, ruminating, insomnia, etc.

Ultra-wrestling with the ex-girlfriend situation. Simply don't know what to think or do. Paralyzed. Very torn between what my heart feels/thinks it might want, and what my head/gut is telling me, (which also happens to be the very thing three good friends are telling me.)

Had a perfect opportunity to walk away for good last night, and didn't take it. Chose to hang on, and I think this may be the wrong thing to do. Want some easy answers, and there just aren't any right now. Additional time passing is, unfortunately, not bringing additional clarity, but only additional chaos, confusion & indecision, not to mention untold emotional torture and mental anguish. Wouldn't wish this upon anyone.

In short, this whole thing would be so much easier if I didn't truly love this woman. But, I do. That just is what it is, and it's currently wrecking my world.

I'm so sorry and I understand so much more than what I could ever put into words. FWIIW, when I was in the same situation, my therapist why do you have to label the status right now? She said that deciding to refrain from deciding is a decision. Of course, I had all the same reasons you've listed for needing closure or togetherness, but I gave it a try because she had never steered me wrong. FWIIW, it worked! Making a decision not to decide was something I could live with and not an extreme either way. Being comfortable with a decision that I had been uncomfortable with for so long lessened my anxiety, fear, etc., over the outcome and let me let go of the outcome. I was able to just love him, no labels on the relationship status, etc. and things worked out! I don't even remember the particular relationship, there had been many like that prior to the lesson, or how it worked out, but I do remember what she taught me. It might not work for me, but the relationship ended with so little pain, drama, etc., that I don't even remember the specifics! LOL! (Also, it was over 20 years ago....) I hope that this helps, even if just a little or at least gives you a giggle!

Zen

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Feel like my life and family is completely falling apart. Been "seeing" a co-worker for a few months even though I'm married. I constantly lie to my wife about where I am and where I been. I haven't felt more distant from her now than in the 7 years we been with each other. She absolutely doses not understand me or my past issues with depression (still an issue), cutting (no longer issue), and substance abuse (possibly an issue still). I cant even talk to her about that stuff. Actually I cant talk about anything. Every conversation ends in us yelling at each other after 2 minutes. However, my co-worker i been "seeing" does appreciate the work I do and can relate to my twisted childhood. Speaking of substance abuse, I been clean (white powdery substance) for about 3 years, until last weekend where I escaped on a solo vacation. Now worried about relapsing. By the way, the co-worker is not making me feel much better, its actually complicating it more. It feels like an awkward teenage relationship. Now what?

Edited by radfas

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PDG even though in pain! One or more of my meds is really working, to the point of making me giggle and grin for no reason! I'm going to ride this one as long as I can. LOL!

(((((HUGS))))) to all, and extra to those feeling bad.

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Feeling uhh... okay, I guess. I'm never 'okay' (I'm actually quite terrible), but I found out something useful about myself. I tried improvising lyrics while playing guitar and I seem to have better luck finding words to describe what I'm feeling and why through musical means. It's kind of therapeutic. Gives me that same feeling of release I get when I talk to myself out loud, except better. Maybe I should only talk through a guitar for the rest of my life.

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Just not digging this evening. I had said I felt weird earlier and it has not gotten better. Worse for some reason.

Wore on me as the night progressed. Nothing interested me, TV bored me. Going to have to use meds to sleep tonight which I hate doing. Been a while since I had to do that.

Sucks, but that's life.

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There is nothing like clearing out paperwork.

I am grateful to my medication and my therapist and ADD coach--it truly takes a village.

I'd like to especially thank my friends on the DF!

I'd like to thank the Academy...j/k

but seriously, it was a busy day and I didn't have time to slide down into emptiness. A good day. May we all have them, more than not.

Edited by Dolphin2013

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Exhausted. I had a meeting today for 2 hours with 20 random strangers. I was so anxious the entire time and I'm not good with talking to other people so that doesn't help when it's supposed to be about networking.

Then when it started they went around the room and everyone had to introduce themselves which I HATE and I could feel my heart pounding so hard I felt like it was bouncing off my ribs. As soon a it finished I left even though you are supposed to network after the meeting as well. I hate networking, seems so fake and I suck at it.

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Morning anxiety. I dread going in to meet with my boss. I thought I would try to quit smoking yesterday and it lasted 6 hours. I find cigs are now just making me more anxious. I am close to trying, but it just feels like everything is too complicated right now.

On the plus side I have a busy social week - I'm out every night. And, I have a date lined up for Sunday - talked with this lady for almost 2 hours last night. I just fear that, when she finds out about the "real" me, anxious, sometimes depressed, not strong, poor, she will bolt like everyone else. Well, in hindsight, that wasn't very positive, was it?

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I'm very tired and sleepy still. Woke up, took care of my dog, debating now on what I feel like doing. I hate being unemployed. After a while, I feel like I've done everything I can do at home. I just wanna feel useful to other people again. I don't think that's a lot to ask for

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I'm very tired and sleepy still. Woke up, took care of my dog, debating now on what I feel like doing. I hate being unemployed. After a while, I feel like I've done everything I can do at home. I just wanna feel useful to other people again. I don't think that's a lot to ask for

I love and hate being unemployed. I love not having to deal with strangers but hate feeling useless.

Edited by Barrier Maiden

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I'm very tired and sleepy still. Woke up, took care of my dog, debating now on what I feel like doing. I hate being unemployed. After a while, I feel like I've done everything I can do at home. I just wanna feel useful to other people again. I don't think that's a lot to ask for

I love and hate being unemployed. I love not having to deal with strangers but hate feeling useless.

This sums up my feelings to a T.

- Christina

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I'm very tired and sleepy still. Woke up, took care of my dog, debating now on what I feel like doing. I hate being unemployed. After a while, I feel like I've done everything I can do at home. I just wanna feel useful to other people again. I don't think that's a lot to ask for

I love and hate being unemployed. I love not having to deal with strangers but hate feeling useless.

This sums up my feelings to a T.

- Christina

I was on the dole for three months last year, August to October. I love my job more than anything, and it's pretty much the reason I go on (I currently teach 16-year-olds exclusively, and they all have psychological issues due to some sociological factors I won't get into- since I am diagnosed with only mild depression and moderate anxiety, I am allowed to work with them), BUT it was ao great not being employed. I had all the time in the world for myself, my legs were shaved all the time, I played the guitar more, I did yoga, went to art shows, a bunch of things!

So I completely understand you guys, because by the end of my unemployment I was like "what to do, what to do".

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Very depressed. Joyless. Devoid of most emotions. The AD's are trying so hard to help my brain, one day at a time, but today is not one of the good days. I managed to get out to the grocery store and get Dunkin' Donuts. I feel sore from my workout which means progress; I'd be happy, if I could feel happy.

I just finished sitting on the couch and staring, glazed over, at the TV for an hour without actually watching it. I barely spoke and did not want to move. I forced a nutrition bar into me, but can't bring myself to eat a meal yet. My issues with food and depression run deep. I hate to sound so "woe is me" but needed to say this somewhere. It is utterly maddening to feel no positive emotion. The world feels like a different place, like there is a haze covering everything, and I am sinking in quicksand while the rest of the world goes on as normal.

I owe a few people here messages and will get around to it later. I do care about others here very much. I am just too depressed right now, worse than when I woke up.

- Christina

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Very depressed. Joyless. Devoid of most emotions. The AD's are trying so hard to help my brain, one day at a time, but today is not one of the good days. I managed to get out to the grocery store and get Dunkin' Donuts. I feel sore from my workout which means progress; I'd be happy, if I could feel happy.

I just finished sitting on the couch and staring, glazed over, at the TV for an hour without actually watching it. I barely spoke and did not want to move. I forced a nutrition bar into me, but can't bring myself to eat a meal yet. My issues with food and depression run deep. I hate to sound so "woe is me" but needed to say this somewhere. It is utterly maddening to feel no positive emotion. The world feels like a different place, like there is a haze covering everything, and I am sinking in quicksand while the rest of the world goes on as normal.

I owe a few people here messages and will get around to it later. I do care about others here very much. I am just too depressed right now, worse than when I woke up.

- Christina

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I know that it may be even more devastating after experiencing so good moments recently. If you can, try to hang on to those good moments if you can. It does appear that the Zoloft is going to work for you; it may just take more time. I know all this is easer said than done and my heart breaks for you as I write it. I have been where you are for years at a time, with no good intervening moments, and know how uttlerly miserable it is. In my experience, for what it is worth, this might be a good time to utilize your anxxiolytic, if you are not. For me, when I was that devoid of life, spirit, soul, essence, everything vital, I got so anxious about it that it only made my depression spiral. You have worked hard to get this far and I know that you will continue to do the best you can with what you have at the time. This is just off the top of my head and if it doesn't resonate, of course dismiss it entirel - maybe it is time to consider accepting what is in this moment, knowing that moments are ever-changing and things won't always be this way. I think that you and I, and many others of course, are both fighters and don't quit. For me, that made "acceptance" very different; it felt like I was quitting, was giving up. What I learned was that it was not quitting, that it was living in the moment Of course that is limiting, but freeing at the same time. As I see it, from a rational perspective, and this is the easy part, the past is behind us. I didn't want to just live in the present and lose my "future," not one day of it because I loved my work, animals, art, etc. and felt like I would have no life without them. And I did not have much of one, to be honest, until I found DF. Then I realized that there was more for me, even if it was not what I wanted. Once I stopped fighting and focused on the only thing that really mattered, the present, the future opened up for me again. I know that this may sound like a bunch of hooey; all I can say is that it is/was my truth. I am not a sunshine blower; I try not to judge those who seem to be, but to me, it is insulting. But I digress.... I'm going to shut up now and continue to send you all the love and good wishes of the universe. Peace my friend.

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Have a headache because of sinus congestion. Frustrated because I don't understand why people feel the need to make idle conversation with strangers. Seriously. Stop it. I'm here to do a job and it does not involve chit-chat.

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Restless as hell and really don't want to be at work right now! Started snowing a little while ago, nothing serious. But I haven't been able to concentrate or focus today worth a damn. Suppose it's my ADD acting up. Probably fueled by no sleep Mon night, and marginal sleep last night. Have had two very long, taxing days in a row, also. Which I'm sure is contributing. Need to take it easy and let my mind go tonight. Just wish I could calm down a little and relax right now...

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Anxious about leaving the house to see family members in a couple days. I would rather not... but I'm not doing it for me. Music is helping me keep distracted as usual. Excited about finally being able to cut my own hair and not having to worry about leaving the house for that after today. I also shaved for the first time in 5-6 months a few days ago. I really shouldn't have.

Overall feeling pretty bleh. Not bad, not good.

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Very depressed. Joyless. Devoid of most emotions. The AD's are trying so hard to help my brain, one day at a time, but today is not one of the good days. I managed to get out to the grocery store and get Dunkin' Donuts. I feel sore from my workout which means progress; I'd be happy, if I could feel happy.

I just finished sitting on the couch and staring, glazed over, at the TV for an hour without actually watching it. I barely spoke and did not want to move. I forced a nutrition bar into me, but can't bring myself to eat a meal yet. My issues with food and depression run deep. I hate to sound so "woe is me" but needed to say this somewhere. It is utterly maddening to feel no positive emotion. The world feels like a different place, like there is a haze covering everything, and I am sinking in quicksand while the rest of the world goes on as normal.

I owe a few people here messages and will get around to it later. I do care about others here very much. I am just too depressed right now, worse than when I woke up.

- Christina

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I know that it may be even more devastating after experiencing so good moments recently. If you can, try to hang on to those good moments if you can. It does appear that the Zoloft is going to work for you; it may just take more time. I know all this is easer said than done and my heart breaks for you as I write it. I have been where you are for years at a time, with no good intervening moments, and know how uttlerly miserable it is. In my experience, for what it is worth, this might be a good time to utilize your anxxiolytic, if you are not. For me, when I was that devoid of life, spirit, soul, essence, everything vital, I got so anxious about it that it only made my depression spiral. You have worked hard to get this far and I know that you will continue to do the best you can with what you have at the time. This is just off the top of my head and if it doesn't resonate, of course dismiss it entirel - maybe it is time to consider accepting what is in this moment, knowing that moments are ever-changing and things won't always be this way. I think that you and I, and many others of course, are both fighters and don't quit. For me, that made "acceptance" very different; it felt like I was quitting, was giving up. What I learned was that it was not quitting, that it was living in the moment Of course that is limiting, but freeing at the same time. As I see it, from a rational perspective, and this is the easy part, the past is behind us. I didn't want to just live in the present and lose my "future," not one day of it because I loved my work, animals, art, etc. and felt like I would have no life without them. And I did not have much of one, to be honest, until I found DF. Then I realized that there was more for me, even if it was not what I wanted. Once I stopped fighting and focused on the only thing that really mattered, the present, the future opened up for me again. I know that this may sound like a bunch of hooey; all I can say is that it is/was my truth. I am not a sunshine blower; I try not to judge those who seem to be, but to me, it is insulting. But I digress.... I'm going to shut up now and continue to send you all the love and good wishes of the universe. Peace my friend.

Sorry about the spelling, etc., my computer froze up while editing and then I guess my time ran out because it would not let me make corrections! How embarrassing!

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