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Should I Get A Job?


Rui

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Hi, it's me again. Sorry I never ended up responding to my first post.

So today was all well and good (went to see How to Train Your Dragon 2 with my friend and it was amazing) until I got home and started watching youtube videos about how to program in modifications for a game called Minecraft.

Well... about... a few weeks ago, my whatever-years old bamboo tablet just stopped functioning. It was kind of breaking down and then it just refused to work at all. Thing is, part of the thing I would need to do for the modifications is do some texturing (coloring) for my models. The new tablet I'm looking at would probably be about $100. It's a pretty standard tablet of a small size, and I think it's about average on pricing. I'm a little hesitant to buy anything cheaper since I would like another tablet to last me several more years. And I HAVE the money, but... its my parents', really. More of my dad's since my mom has been unemployed forever due to her medical condition.

I feel incredibly guilty about spending any money, since in my eyes I haven't earned it. The money I have on my card isn't just for luxury items, it's also for my medical bills. Due to pills, my therapist and my psychiatrist I easily cost at least a couple hundred dollars a month, and that's not even starting on food or other necessities.

So... this is where I am now. I am currently taking 1 summer school, T/W/T from 5:30 to 6:45 PM. So... I'm thinking about a part time job. But there's a few problems with this. 1) I'm not sure I have the mental fortitude to search for a job, let alone work one; 2) I'm pretty terrible at committing myself to anything; 3) I don't want it to stress me out to the point that it affects my class; and 4) my mom's medical condition pretty much requires that she not be left alone for more than a few hours at a time, at maximum. My brother has a full-time job buying/selling cars, and my dad is divorced from her. So is my step-dad. Oh, and the rest of her family is in Poland, with whom she does not keep up with at all.

And still the problem of feeling not a cent worth the money I'm spending persists. I've sold some art before, but for pretty measly amounts. Plus, y'know... I would need a tablet to do that.

Yeah, I really don't know.

Edited by Rui
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Well, feeling guilty when you're already feeling bad isn't doing anyone any favors.

It sounds like you need to feel productive, need to feel like you're getting something "done" and contributing. It sounds like Minecraft was going to be a means for you to do that. So in that regard, it's part of your mental-health care.

Getting a job, or looking for a job could be a good thing for you. Because actually working and contributing can build self esteem. One thing you can do is play mental trick on yourself. Write out that you will pay yourself 1$ per job application submitted, then do that many applications before you spend your money on yourself. This way, you'll have not only earned the right to treat yourself, but you'll have done something that can better your mental health in the future. (I say 1$ per app, because lets be honest, it takes a lot of apps to get a job in this job market. 100 isn't far off depending on the state/county you live in).

Whenever you spend on yourself, let it be guilt-free. You can't afford guilt right now.

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Hi Rui,

its nice to meet a fellow minecrafter :D

I understand how it feels not to be earning you're own money to help pay for things that you need as I have previously been in that situation. I think that getting a low stress job could be good for you, you will be earning your own money so you could help pay for things, it will allow you to meet some more new people and further your social life, it will build your self esteem and it will put you in good stead for the future.

Hope this helps some

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Thanks for the input guys.

susandirs: That is something that is really hard for me to accept. That relaxing and giving my time to myself is a good thing. I guess it's because I always got chewed out for being on the computer too much or playing games too much. And I'm really scared of actually getting a job... I always hear horror stories about bad bosses, co-workers, customers... it sounds like a nightmare. I'm sure not all places are like that, but with any job there comes some stress, of course... My dad keeps saying that I need experience before I get my degree and get a "real" job, or else they won't even consider me. It's like everything points to the fact that I should do it and every part of me is screaming "No!" And I wish that sort of thinking would work for me (guilt is something I can't afford) but alas I am just too good at beating myself up and getting myself down, I suppose.

BlackVeilBride: The meeting people part scares me too. I've definitely got social anxiety and always get really anxious if I slip up. I can't imagine what it'd be like if I had a bully for a co-worker/boss who shamed me for it. I have a million reasons for why I shouldn't do this... I'm not even sure why I bothered asking here in the first place if I was going to be so stubborn and reluctant.

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How about doing some voluntary work? People who run charity shops or voluntary organisations tend to be very understanding, calm and kind to volunteers as they are giving their time away for free.

Its fine to get people's opinion on things even if you don't feel able to do them :)

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I would say work if you are comfortable doing so, but it sounds as if you don't/aren't sure that you are going to be able to hold down a job on top of everything else. You are your best judge. But by the sounds of what you have said I would wait a bit longer and focus on your schooling and then maybe apply. Especially with your Mom not being able to be left alone for any length of time. I know you said your mom has medical issues. But you can't let that also rule your life. You need to be allowed to live your life and do what you want to do.

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@Lifeintheslowlane: Hmm... I'm not totally sure what that would be. I have a couple ideas... I'll keep that in mind. Thank you.

@BlackVeilBride: I have done volunteering at an animal shelter before. It does sound nice, but it doesn't bring in any money, so I'm not sure it would solve my problem... thank you, though!

@Quarkygurl: I understand that I can't let that rule my life but I do also need to be realistic... I was once out only for an hour and I had to come back because mom wasn't answering the phone-- turns out she'd locked herself out on the porch. Thankfully since we've intervened and laid down the law more she hasn't had almost any mishaps.

I think my biggest problem is really that even though I know I should get a job... the thought makes me really nervous. Ah... I guess I should try pushing myself out of my comfort zone, though. I'm just not sure how persistent I'll be when I already feel reluctant to do it.

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@Lifeintheslowlane: Hmm... I'm not totally sure what that would be. I have a couple ideas... I'll keep that in mind. Thank you.

@BlackVeilBride: I have done volunteering at an animal shelter before. It does sound nice, but it doesn't bring in any money, so I'm not sure it would solve my problem... thank you, though!

@Quarkygurl: I understand that I can't let that rule my life but I do also need to be realistic... I was once out only for an hour and I had to come back because mom wasn't answering the phone-- turns out she'd locked herself out on the porch. Thankfully since we've intervened and laid down the law more she hasn't had almost any mishaps.

I think my biggest problem is really that even though I know I should get a job... the thought makes me really nervous. Ah... I guess I should try pushing myself out of my comfort zone, though. I'm just not sure how persistent I'll be when I already feel reluctant to do it.

I meant it might increase your confidence enough to get a paid job

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I actually just quit my job of almost 4 years two days ago. I'm not trying to sway you one way or another, but if you do get a job & your treated with disrespect & you feel overly stressed out you shouldn't put up with it. I dealt with the crap for a long time, and should have quit a long time ago. Really the only positive for staying for as long as I did is it'll look better on my resume for future jobs when they see I worked at a place for close to 4 years. But your health definitely should come first before some terrible job that's making you sick.

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Okay, well... I applied to a couple part-time job/volunteer places. I got two responses... one I have to attend an Open House for (not for another month) and then the other I need to schedule an interview for. Which, oh dear god, every fiber of my being does not want to be a part of. I become a complete nervous wreck during interviews. And I'm not even sure how I would advertise myself when my depression has caused me to be so inactive and uninvolved for so many years. The deeper I get into this, the less I want to do it and the more I become afraid of doing so. I can already imagine myself as such a lousy employee, coming in late and just not having any energy the entire day, being pretty boring and generally anti-social, etc. My mind tends to go blank in highly demanding situations (especially social), so... that doesn't help.

I feel so awful for coming here now and talking about this only to be so stubborn and unwillful. :/ I seriously doubt I'm really going to go through with this.

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I agree with the others...if you can get a job, try doing that to be able to contribute to some of your financial needs. Also, you said the money wasn't "just" for luxury items. Does that mean that you're allowed to use some of it for luxury items? If so, don't feel guilty. If not, ask your dad if it's okay. If he says yes, you won't have to feel guilty! Praying it all works out for you!

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I kind of in a roundabout way asked my dad yesterday and he said to go for it. That doesn't necessarily make me feel less guilty, as there are plenty of times he has reminded me of how much money he's spent on me. I basically don't spend anything on myself anymore. Sometimes for a lunch somewhere. Most of my money goes to my pdoc/t.

Thank you all for your advice. I'm sorry that none of you can convince me to go. I really should have known this was the way things would go. I think I did a little, but at the same time I just wanted to post something because I wasn't feeling too hot.

This is a very persistent problem with me. I used to be a lot better about pushing myself to do things even when I didn't want to do them. In the past few months I have become much more jaded. I have ideas floating around in my head, but they never get out. I'm absolutely hopeless when I get like this, because it seems no one's words reach me anymore. I read them or hear them and they mean nothing. My brother even gave me a pep talk yesterday... which got me going just enough to apply to a couple of volunteer organizations and whatnot. Today they tried calling me and I turned off my phone to avoid them.

I don't understand why I have to be stubborn in such an awful way. My mom was fiercely overprotective of me and basically never made me do anything... but blaming parents feels so shallow, like an excuse. I can't even comfort myself with the idea that it's just the depression anymore, that it's a mental illness. Over the past few months this is who I've become. A person who stays comfortably in their room and barely ventures out... unless it's going to college. I have only a single class for the semester, because I couldn't handle two. Two classes. Ha.

My friend is trying to get my attention over IM and I don't even want to talk to her because I'm so depressed. When I'm depressed she gets depressed. God, I just feel like such a ******* ***** right now. I don't know when I became so hopelessly cynical and defeatist.

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Get a part time job at a store or a similar place. Job isn't just this stressful thing that requires lots of effort and so on, you can also learn a lot and meet lots of awesome people, make new friends. Try it. Also, if you can draw, you can earn some money by selling your drawings or offering to draw for a fee. I have a friend who makes some extra money like this.

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