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Another Crushed Dream


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Yesterday I had a conversation with a man I have been dating for the last 2.5 months.

He became distant lately. He was CRYING. He said that he gets so scared when he gets closer in a relationship. He said I was right and I had all the right to be upset. I asked him if he met someone he said no with a confidence, I asked him if he wants to meet new people if he wants to see different people he answered ABSOLUTELY no with a confidence.

I asked him why he was crying he said that it is so sad, he wants to be with me but he is so afraid.
That he was alone or such a long time and he has trouble when he gets close to someone. I told him that I have noticed that he has been distancing himself from me and he was not . I told him that I do like him a lot but I do not want to have my feelings hurt and if he is not affectionate it would hurt my feelings.
He kept crying and asked if we can be friends etc. I said I would have to think about it.

I know I cannot cure his fear of being close. He is a good man deep down. I respect his openness and honesty and awareness. It is just a bummer that things turned out this way.

I cannot be even sad anymore. Too many dreams crushed.

I cannot be a singer, I cannot be a piano player, I cannot be a dancer, I cannot even have a normal loving relationship.



It is rough, but I do not feel the roughness. My mind tells me I should feel sad, hurt, heartbroken, but my heart and soul went into hibernation.

I do not even know if I can feel sadness anymore. It scares me . I do not know what to do.

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It looks like you could be falling into Depersonalization. Not being able to feel sadness but you know it is there. I too have a lot of things that i can not do, or that i am not good at. I had a child young. I do not know your situation but i can only say that you need to try and go out more and meet more friends or you may fall into something much deeper:( i hope this helps:/

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Hey darling :)

I'm sorry you had to go through so much in your life. It always feels like everything goes wrong, like being kicked down when you're already on the floor. But it's a silly idea to go through life with the premonition that everything is bound to go wrong. Usually we end up making things a self fulfilling prophecy when had we gone in with more perspective we might have had a better experience.

2.5 Months doesn't sound like a big enough of a time span for a typical guy to break down and cry in fear of becoming too close. It also doesn't sound like a decent amount of time to feel like another "dream crushed". (In the world of dating). Unless the two of you got attached and bonded that quickly and the chemistry was that amazing. Had you gotten close to him very quickly?

So yeah this man does sound like he had some experiences in the past which caused him to react a little emotionally unstably. Which has totally nothing to do with you and is not your fault in the slightest. And remember sweetie nothing is ever as good as it seems, or as bad as it seems. It's not like you lost the love of your life (or is it - I'm a little confused here?) maybe what you're really trying to get across is how completely lost you feel right now.. everything's going haywire and so wrong for you at the moment.. This man might have been a tipping point and brought to attention how much more cynical you are about finding a loving relationship now?

About the guy..

At least he was open enough to reach out to you rather than scarper, so that's a positive. And he's now left you with options whether to take it or leave it. It is a bummer things had to turn out this way. But I'd still like to help you. We tend to attract people who are similar to us - I don't know anything about you, but you being on this forum brings to light that you're probably at a pretty confused place in your life right now - so I'd say try not to repeat date with confused men while you feel like this. I know it probably feels easier to connect emotionally with them right now. But this also means finding love within yourself again to be able to find connections with men who are at more stable points in their lives. I'm sure you've achieved this in the past as you sound like a great and highly emotionally intelligent woman. I know depression can really take our charm and confidence away from us at the best of times.

Best of luck to you and the future.

Ella

Edited by EllaMight
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