How To Be Positive?

[TheDuke]

I've read a lot about how important it is to be positive and express grattitude for the things you have. I struggle with this.

Choosing to ignore negative thoughts and trying to feel as good as possible feels like I'm cheating myself because I have real problems. I just don't get how I am supposed to relax and be positive when the things I care about the most are not working in my life?

On the other hand if I don't think about my problems and somehow am focused on something else, of course I will feel better but only until I remember my problems again. This brings up negative thoughts and if I ruminate then things spiral down badly and I feel depressed, but at the same time my negative thoughts feel accurate and justified.

In short, if I forget about the realities about my life, I feel better, if I think about the actual reality of my life I feel worse but trying to actively distract myself feels like I'm lying to myself.

How do I deal with this?

[beccaanne52]

your negative thoughts have been referred to as "ANTs": Automatic Negative Thoughts. The point is not to ignore the problems in your life for a brief period of time but to reframe negative thoughts into realistic, not so much positive thoughts. For example: instead of reframing "everything is going to fall apart" (super negative) into "everything is going to be fine" (positive but unrealistic), you could reframe such a thought into: "things are tough, but i can find ways to navigate through these problems": realistic and positive. ANTs are everywhere. The trick is to catch yourself when you're in one, and try to stop yourself and find evidence that that neg. thought isn't true, it's skewed and reframe that thought into a realistic one. This isn't easy, I struggle with this myself. But if you practice this long enough, it will become second nature to react realistically and more positively to situations. Again, this is usually a work in progress.

I hope this helps

becca

[E5otericChris]

I think everyone should have a look at cognitive therapy once in regards to more rational thinking over negative thinking.

That said it's hard to beat old habits at least it was for me. Being positive is something that we can only really do in such a complex world a little at a time. I'd give a cup full of positive for a bucket full of alright any day of the week. :-) people pushing positive thinking all the time are all very strange people and probably just as helpful as super models pushing diet pills.

It's good to think positively on occasion but too hard to keep doing against reality for ever, better to think rationally when you can and accept that you will have negative and positive thoughts each day.

You could try to notice your thoughts and write down all the negative, rational and positive thoughts (that you can remember) you can then see where you are lacking. It's possible to have a balanced outlook and still think you are more negative.

I hope you can come to a conclusion about positive thoughts, but do you know anyone who has positive thoughts all the time? I don't. ;-)

[Dicenvice]

I struggle with my sanity in terms of this too. It makes sense that you should think about your problems, and actively attempt to stay on top of them or make sure more don't form if at all possible. But you can also obsess about the issues too.

Some people focus too much on their problems, other people focus too little. Somewhere in between is a right answer for you, whatever you're comfortable with.

I would say to try instead of thinking negatively about the outcomes, think about possible avenues you can use to reach closure or whatever. People who ignore problems, can be just as bad as people who become obsessive over problems. So, in the middle somewhere.

[TheDuke]

Most of my struggles are "what if" scenarios and they are possible and even likely which is what frightens me. I already made a post about this but my fears turned reality would effectively **** my hapiness for good which is why it worries me so much.

Sometimes tugging with my fears and feeling bad feels cathargic, even if it doesn't solve anything. I guess trying to be slightly optimistic without being obnoxious is the way to go. Being unrealisticly optimistic doesn't click with me as I see myself as a rational realist.

And yeah it's hard to beat habits, these thoughts have such a strong magnetic pull.

[Sierra_312]

TheDuke your not alone in feeling like that.. there are times where people are saying cheer up... and these people have never had to struggle with having thoughts of giving up all the time and that you dont see any point in trying to solve things...

I have been trying to be more positive, but there is only so much anyone person can take. i find that trying to deal with one issue at a time is far easier than dealing with everything at once. i struggle with negative thoughts all the time.. its a hard thing to get out of... especially if its all thats kept you even semi sane for some many years.

[Piggybank]

Maybe instead of trying to forget your negative thoughts you can try and work through them

Choose just one negative thought you have, figure why you get said negative thought, maybe because of something that happened to you in the past, maybe because your still feeling sore about something and then figure out a way that you can move forward from that negative thought such as maybe speaking to someone about what you feel they have done to you (although only do this if you are e sure that they won't say things to make you feel worse), or figure out what you can do to take yourself away from negative actions of others

[Licorice]

No matter how big the problem, everyone needs a break. There's also nothing you can do at 11 p.m. in your pajamas most of the time, anyway.

[E5otericChris]

Well said Dicenvice the middle ground is the best place it's hard to find that sweet spot and your right we need to work on issues but not to the point of obsession.

[E5otericChris]

Well said Dicenvice the middle ground is the best place it's hard to find that sweet spot and your right we need to work on issues but not to the point of obsession.