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Paranoid About People Not Responding To Pms, This Has Been Like This For A While


shadow281

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Has anyone ever had this weird paranoid feeling when you don't get instant replies in PMs when talking to someone online?

I have been having this issue for a while and it tears me up inside. It's like, everytime I talk to someone I get worried I did something wrong if they don't reply soon enough. This doesn't happen when I am in my good moods, only when I am in my depressive state. This also applies to threads and other similar things I post.

This unfortunately has cause rather unpleasant things to happen in the past, mainly the person I am talking to getting annoyed when I post messages over and over again out of extreme paranoia and worry. But like I said, only happens when I am in my depressive state. I think this comes out of my strong desire to connect to people.

I am not looking for attention, but I just want to feel like I am doing something right for once. I just keep feeling that I am doing something that's wrong in a very subtle way.

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Hi shadow,

If you're referring to PM's on this site, please don't let it worry you. We are a community of caring people here and not everyone can give back instant feedback. I am usually not at a loss of words so I repond right away when I get PM's.

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Hi shadow,

If you're referring to PM's on this site, please don't let it worry you. We are a community of caring people here and not everyone can give back instant feedback. I am usually not at a loss of words so I repond right away when I get PM's.

This is really everywhere in general, including this site. I am not blaming anyone since this is my depression causing these feelings...but it does make me paranoid and destroys my confidence. I feel it's impossible for me to do anything right when it comes to socialising with anyone.

Edited by shadow281
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Don't feel bad about it, if anything, being a member here can help your confidence. I've made many real friends from this site that I now have in my life. Connections can be made here. Just don't overthink about it, just be yourself.

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Don't feel bad about it, if anything, being a member here can help your confidence. I've made many real friends from this site that I now have in my life. Connections can be made here. Just don't overthink about it, just be yourself.

I always do, just I come across as too whiny and perhaps even creepy (without even trying to be) due to how often I try to contact people. When I am out of my depressive state this isn't the case, then I am truly myself. I just feel a strong urge to send messages to people because my brain is really trying hard to get out of the depression (as if it's subconsciously trying too hard) I am stuck in because hardly any positive events occur in my life.

Edited by shadow281
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You have no control over people's response times. Nor do you know the reasons people don't respond, or take a long time to respond. It could have something to do with you, or not. I'd put a guess, based upon my own experiences, that 95% of the time, I am wrong about my assumptions about people's replies. Heck, I've even started to not timely reply to people, even people I like.

The thing is you recognize that you don't feel this way when you are in a good mood. So, don't pm people unless it is absolutely necessary when you are in a bad mood.

It's not worth it, is it?

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You have no control over people's response times. Nor do you know the reasons people don't respond, or take a long time to respond. It could have something to do with you, or not. I'd put a guess, based upon my own experiences, that 95% of the time, I am wrong about my assumptions about people's replies. Heck, I've even started to not timely reply to people, even people I like.

The thing is you recognize that you don't feel this way when you are in a good mood. So, don't pm people unless it is absolutely necessary when you are in a bad mood.

It's not worth it, is it?

Now I am not trying to be in anyway angry or trying to start an argument...but if I am in this state 99% of the time, how can I possibly communicate with anyone then?

I have no clue when I am to get out of this situation, but that doesn't seem helpful in any way really. You are right earlier on, but your latter arguments are honestly counter productive.

And another thing, this never happens with people whom I already got to know, just newer people I try to develop a friendship with. But this rarely happens thanks to my depression making me crazy.

Edited by shadow281
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I think you may have misunderstood my post, or I didn't explain myself well.

What I mean is, you are aware this only happens when you are down - the paranoia, the feeling bad if people don't get back to you in a timely manner, etc. So don't put yourself in a position where you could feel paranoia, or feel bad, if they don't get back to you. It isn't worth it.

Don't contact anyone you don't already know at a level you feel comfortable with, unless it is absolutely necessary - like for important work related reasons, for example. You can't avoid doing what needs to be done at work even if you feel bad.

If it isn't necessary, don't send it. You keep yourself out of a position of possible paranoia/feeling bad. It's self-preservation. You likely have experienced this dip in mood numerous times - the bad will eventually recede, you'll feel good again, and PM to your heart's content. Then, when you go into another down phase, go into self-preservation mode again until it lifts.

Edited by Lifeintheslowlane
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I think you may have misunderstood my post, or I didn't explain myself well.

What I mean is, you are aware this only happens when you are down - the paranoia, the feeling bad if people don't get back to you in a timely manner, etc. So don't put yourself in a position where you could feel paranoia, or feel bad, if they don't get back to you. It isn't worth it.

Don't contact anyone you don't already know at a level you feel comfortable with, unless it is absolutely necessary - like for important work related reasons, for example. You can't avoid doing what needs to be done at work even if you feel bad.

If it isn't necessary, don't send it. You keep yourself out of a position of possible paranoia/feeling bad. It's self-preservation. You likely have experienced this dip in mood numerous times - the bad will eventually recede, you'll feel good again, and PM to your heart's content. Then, when you go into another down phase, go into self-preservation mode again until it lifts.

That makes more sense.

I just took what you said originally the wrong way. This should happen less over the next few months once I start treatment for this depression.

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I get extremely paranoid in this way when very depressed. Also if I have trauma triggered.

I am better with the interpersonal stuff as a result of doing work on boundaries and assertiveness in general. it's an extremely painful mental space to be in so I am sorry you experience it. Do you act on it or are you able to use your logical mind to moderate it? Do you ask questions before making assumptions? If you haven't used affirmations before then do as they can be of help. Getting to the core of what made you feel this way to start is usually informative and helpful.

Edited by Fizzle
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Why do you want them to respond right away? Why do you become afraid of someone does not respond right away? What are main thoughts going through your head?

That I did something wrong. Really that's about it.

But it's a very negative thought that wrecks my mind in many different ways. When my mood is normal, this doesn't happen so much unless it's very personal or important.

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