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Trivial Things


afflicted

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So I finished my week of new hire orientation. Today I was asked by someone who will soon be a regular coworker: "Do you golf?" to which I replied no. She then says "Oh ok. You have a lot of polos (shirts)". I explained that I thought they were comfortable and can get by as business casual. But I'm sitting there wondering why this matters at all. Why bring something like that up?

This means she actually took the time to analyze what I was wearing for each day this week and store it in her memory bank. Her mention of this trivial (or should be trivial) thing is frustrating because I'm socially phobic, highly self-conscious. It's triggering.

I've actually had comments like this before on what I was wearing - one in particular where I worked a warehouse job a few years ago. I wore shorts for a day. Some guy decided to make a comment about the combination of articles followed up by a "Really? C'mon man."

If I go clear back to grade school, I remember one particular girl that interrogated me on my clothes. It's been too long but she said something along the lines of: "Why don't you wear cool clothes like everyone else?"

I guess some things don't change? I have a hard enough time getting through the day with anxiety (and subsequent depression).. I don't need someone to provide validation for what SHOULD be irrational perception. Polos are pretty common from what I understand and I see people wearing them all the time.. so why me? I don't get it. :ranting:

Edited by afflicted
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Sorry that happened to you! I like Polo shirts and wear them. They're very nice shirts.

What your co-worker said to you was not very nice at all. I would feel the same as you.

Maybe I'm wrong [?], but I believe people are often motivated by unconscious forces going back to their earliest childhood. Maybe your co-worker has some deep issue with one of her parents and she took it out on you. I suspect this happens more often than we might think.

I wonder if the person carries around some self-dislike or self-hate too? Sometimes people dislike things in others that they dislike in themselves. I am not excusing your co-worker or anything. Maybe she has some deep issue about her own appearance or clothing. The fact that she kept track of what you wore for a week suggests that this might be the issue here.

Self-dislike is unpredictable. Things one might say secretly to oneself can get projected outward onto innocent bystanders who happen to be there at the time.

It could be she doesn't like you because you remind her of someone [a parent] or parental figure?

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Perhaps. I never really considered unconscious motivations. I suppose it's all speculation. I barely know this person so I don't know what she would dislike about me.

It's just really irritating because when I shop for things like clothes, I'm always asking myself "What will others think if I wear this?" I shouldn't be doing that. Then I have to tell myself: "It's just clothes. People aren't going to take much notice of you." Then this kind of thing happens.. To me it really speaks of how superficial our society is. It's sad.

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You're thinking about it too much, I tend to do that when I try to figure out stuff that doesn't make any sense to me and I will drive myself insane by trying to figure out stupidity or disrespect. It might have been something as simple as small talk, or maybe likes to golf?

I can understand triggers though, the above mentioned are mine.

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People generally only say positive things, especially to people they don't know. At least that's what I think anyway. Maybe she liked your top so brought it up. Maybe she likes golf.

Maybe, but there was nothing else said about it that would suggest she liked the shirt and/or golf. It's strange to me who would never make a comment about a particular article of clothing someone was wearing. I'd just say "that/you look nice". It was just an odd comment altogether.

You're thinking about it too much, I tend to do that when I try to figure out stuff that doesn't make any sense to me and I will drive myself insane by trying to figure out stupidity or disrespect. It might have been something as simple as small talk, or maybe likes to golf?

I can understand triggers though, the above mentioned are mine.

Could be small talk. I've never had a conversation start with how many polos I wear though.

It's triggering because it draws attention to myself in a way that reinforces negative perceptions. I'm too self-conscious about appearance to start with. The other examples I used really cause me to question if it's just in my head - or if in fact my thoughts are rational. That people really are that critical.

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I don't think you have enough information there to come to a valid deduction. And I don't know, I don't think a lot of people even put that much thought into what they are about to say. Id wager you put more thought into what people say when you are triggered than they do before they say it.

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Hey,

I think it is ridiculous someone would do something like that to you, mention your clothing that you are wearing but it could be that she was trying to make conversation.

But I think because we have depression we take it negatively, (I do it too). Also because of past experiences.

I hope that she wasn't being rude!

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People always are overly concerned with the trivial things of other people that, frankly have nothing to do with them.

If you like wearing polos then you go right ahead and keep wearing polos without feeling self conscious, its no ones business what you wear (to a extent, if you turned up nude then I'm sure that would be someone's business haha), and hey, you may have just been given an idea of a new activity to take up?

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I don't think you have enough information there to come to a valid deduction. And I don't know, I don't think a lot of people even put that much thought into what they are about to say. Id wager you put more thought into what people say when you are triggered than they do before they say it.

Yeah you're right, we don't always put thought into what we say and that can get us into trouble. Now, as someone who experiences moderate to intense anxiety in social situations, I tend to pay extra attention to the body language, tone, facial expression, and of course comments from others like the ones I shared previously. While I can't say for sure (you're right again), this recent interaction produced the impression, given the variables just mentioned, that she thought it was peculiar. It's not in any way peculiar to wear polos. So the comment made is out of the ordinary as well as the way she approached me about it, regardless of intent.

There are three possibilities here: it was criticism, it was an attempt to BS, or.. she likes me. The last one would make sense only in that some of us come off as awkward around people we like, where we say things in ways that come off strange. But I observed no indication that she was nervous at all so I'm not sold on this possibility.

Welcome to my mind :tounge:

Hey,

I think it is ridiculous someone would do something like that to you, mention your clothing that you are wearing but it could be that she was trying to make conversation.

But I think because we have depression we take it negatively, (I do it too). Also because of past experiences.

I hope that she wasn't being rude!

I hope so too. But I guess it doesn't matter. I allow what others think and do to affect me beyond what is healthy. I don't display it but I do feel it.

People always are overly concerned with the trivial things of other people that, frankly have nothing to do with them.

If you like wearing polos then you go right ahead and keep wearing polos without feeling self conscious, its no ones business what you wear (to a extent, if you turned up nude then I'm sure that would be someone's business haha), and hey, you may have just been given an idea of a new activity to take up?

I agree. Those superficial things are paraded around in our society like they're our life's purpose.

Haha nude? Well that depends on the crowd and place. I live in Portland, Oregon and they're about to have a nude bike ride.

Golfing? Meh.

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