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Coffee Shop Girl


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So theres this coffee shop I love. I rarely go there though. Anyway this is totally juvenile but I havent had a crush or anything on anyone for about 7 years.

I am kinda developing a crush on this girl who works in the coffee shop though. Now I am aware that she probably gets asked out all the time or has guys trying to flirt with her etc etc. So my question is, do you think it is obvious I kinda have a thing for her?

I cant talk to her without turning into a jibbering awkward mess and everything I say comes across as somewhat aloof perhaps? if so, how do I tone it down? I dont wanna be the awkward creepy guy who has a weird infatuation with the girl who works in the coffee shop but whenever I have to speak to her I just turn into a jibbering wreck!

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hmm... this is just total wishful thinking but i ordered a desert... and she asked me if i wanted it heating up with cream etc n i said warm would be nice and she was like 'okay... ill go make you tea and desert' and kind of gave me this really sweet smile.

I am reading waaay too much into that right? :P

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Thank you for tactfully clearing that up!

I just wondered cus when i went there with my friend, I awkwardly left and looked back n caught her looking at me and smiling, she was talking with her co workers but I had this bad feeling they were talking about me.

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Thank you for tactfully clearing that up!

I just wondered cus when i went there with my friend, I awkwardly left and looked back n caught her looking at me and smiling, she was talking with her co workers but I had this bad feeling they were talking about me.

Why is it a bad feeling?

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I used to work at a coffee shop and yes, we do get hit on a lot. However, this is only in your favour - if you ask for her number, you won't be 'that one creepy guy' because so many others do that as well. If she doesn't like you, she'll forget about you as soon as you stop shopping there. And yes, most of the time it is very obvious if someone likes a barista.

Next time you go there, ask her number. Or ask if she'd like to get a drink with you. It seems that nowadays 99% of people already have boyfriends and girlfriends, so I'm not sure how high your chances are, but the sooner you find out, the better for you.

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^^ i guess you are right. Like I said I havent had a crush on anyone for 7 years so this is pretty new to me! I ordered this floweriung tea, ive seen flowering tea a billion times but she watched it open with me and like a dumbass i watched it open with her and (badly) acted like id never seen it before!

should i ask her out? i guess there are two things. One, its very likely shes not interested and is just being friendly then i looked like an ***** and its awkward and i cant go there anymore. Two, my life is a mess and ermm three psychologically I'm a mess. Oh and four im running away soon (well, going travelling to run away from my problems). So shall i just totally forget about it?

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All the better to wait until you're back.

Say you do get her number. And you do go on a date. And then you go travelling for 2 months. Don't be surprised if she doesn't wait up for you, especially after only such a short time together.

And who knows, maybe after a couple of months your crush will have faded. New experiences, especially when entirely disconnected from the target of our lusts, have a way of deflating infatuation.

Safe voyage!

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Thank you for your replies. I guess its not the best idea after all. It kinda sucks though, i LOVE that shop, i dont go in very often though but still my heart jumps out of my chest every time i see her, time to find a new place i guess :(

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I don't think you need to wait. You just need to be honest early on. Its not as if you plan to disappear without saying anything. If you wait she may meet someone else in that time. If she is with someone else now then she may not be when you get back. I would go for it if I was you. What do you have to loose. Nothing ventured nothing gained....

Edited by Fizzle
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Hmm I was briefly entertaining this idea... then I remembered that Im a pathetic loser who lives with his parents, has zero people skills, no prospects and works a s***ty temp office job at nearly 30 then I came to my senses and remembered why on earth would she be interested in me!

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Hmm I was briefly entertaining this idea... then I remembered that Im a pathetic loser who lives with his parents, has zero people skills, no prospects and works a s***ty temp office job at nearly 30 then I came to my senses and remembered why on earth would she be interested in me!

Well, living with your parents is the biggest obstacle on that list. You work in an office so you've got to have some people skills. My social ability is stunted thanks to anxiety but I manage to make some ladies laugh. Humor can help attract women. Your job prospects could improve sooner than later, so don't feel like you're a failure. Do you have a plan? If you have a plan and are motivated to follow through with it then that can be enough to pass the initial security 'check' in dating. You don't necessarily have to have everything in place yet.

Really, at this point I'd just go for it and ask her. You will feel better knowing one way or another. It could be worse not knowing than actually being turned down.

Edited by afflicted
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Hmm I was briefly entertaining this idea... then I remembered that Im a pathetic loser who lives with his parents, has zero people skills, no prospects and works a s***ty temp office job at nearly 30 then I came to my senses and remembered why on earth would she be interested in me!

the only way to know is to ask her.. take risk

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Hmm I was briefly entertaining this idea... then I remembered that Im a pathetic loser who lives with his parents, has zero people skills, no prospects and works a s***ty temp office job at nearly 30 then I came to my senses and remembered why on earth would she be interested in me!

Well, living with your parents is the biggest obstacle on that list. You work in an office so you've got to have some people skills. My social ability is stunted thanks to anxiety but I manage to make some ladies laugh. Humor can help attract women. Your job prospects could improve sooner than later, so don't feel like you're a failure. Do you have a plan? If you have a plan and are motivated to follow through with it then that can be enough to pass the initial security 'check' in dating. You don't necessarily have to have everything in place yet.

Really, at this point I'd just go for it and ask her. You will feel better knowing one way or another. It could be worse not knowing than actually being turned down.

Actually, I see the biggest obstacle being the "pathetic loser" "****ty job" attitude. OK. So you live with your parents. Check out the news - it's becoming more and more prevalent. Jobs are hard to find, some folks are regrouping and moving back in for a while. No shame there.

And you've GOT a job. It might lead to better things. Or you can look for and find something better. You're gaining experience.

I don't know how you plan on asking her out, but this "pathetic loser" attitude won't help you a bit.

(Just personally, take it or leave it... work on that attitude. If you run away from your problems now, you'll only be bringing that attitude with you, and you'll only find yourself in a new place with the same problems.)

Best of luck, though! We care.

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Why are you sorry?

I'd only ask why you are leaving town?

Go ahead and ask her out, but PLEASE don't take that loser/failure attitude. You're as entitled to happiness as anyone. If she says yes, wrap her happiness around you - share in the fun.

If she says no, DON'T take it as a metaphor for life in general. Maybe she just flirts with a lot of guys. Maybe she wants to keep others at arm's length for a while. No big deal.

But please work on that attitude. It's hard, I know... but you ARE capable of being happy. You just fail to see your assets and seem to dwell on the negative.

Best of luck, my friend!

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Don't ask her out. Even if she said "yes", which is a definite possibility, you clearly don't feel you have anything to offer. So, even if she ended up liking you, which is also a possibility, you would constantly analyze her intentions, mistrust her and generally start acting weird because you don't know how to deal with it all, and aren't able to communicate that.

No judgment. I have been there. Stay away from asking anyone out until you get the sense that you have something to offer and some semblance of a life you can share.

Build yourself a life you can at least tolerate, and get to a point where you believe you have something to offer. Then ask someone out.

The notion of 'risk-it-no-matter-what' is foolish. She very well could say 'yes' - but then what? You regale her with tales of how crappy you feel your life is and how you have no self esteem?

You need to feel you are heading in the right direction. Or believe, truly believe, that down the road things will be better.

You can get on that path with some help from a therapist, by building some good friendships, by finding a job you feel at least okay about, by moving out from your parents' place, by getting involved in hobbies and interests, by eating well, by exercising - you have a lot of control over that.

Get yourself going in a positive direction. You can do it. Then you'll meet someone who you have a crush on, and you will feel okay about asking her out - there will still be risk but it will be one that makes sense to take.

Edited by Lifeintheslowlane
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This is funny. No one's sure what to do. Maybe try to be friends with her first to figure it out better?

I think we might be making too much of this, really.

It's smart to have something already there to offer, true. But it's important to be reasonable with the expectations for yourself. If you're of the mindset that you can't be in a relationship because you've been diagnosed with depression, that would seem unreasonable to me. If you think you have to have everything in place in all aspects of your life before you can take a risk, same thing. You don't have to wait until you've climbed to the top of the mountain to enjoy the scenery. Most don't. You just need a plan to get there. Someone can join you along the way, flaws and all.

But if you don't have any interests or life goals at all, making no progress in improving self-esteem, and/or feel suicidal - step away from the lady.

I've suggested both to wait and to go for it based on fishy's responses. Fishy, it's really up to you dude. Sometimes we complicate decisions too much. If you do ask her out, regardless of what she says, I give you props for making an effort. If not, you can use the time to help yourself until you eventually meet someone else.

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^^ i guess you are right. Like I said I havent had a crush on anyone for 7 years so this is pretty new to me! I ordered this floweriung tea, ive seen flowering tea a billion times but she watched it open with me and like a dumbass i watched it open with her and (badly) acted like id never seen it before!

should i ask her out? i guess there are two things. One, its very likely shes not interested and is just being friendly then i looked like an ***** and its awkward and i cant go there anymore. Two, my life is a mess and ermm three psychologically I'm a mess. Oh and four im running away soon (well, going travelling to run away from my problems). So shall i just totally forget about it?

Silly question.. what's flowering tea?

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^^ i guess you are right. Like I said I havent had a crush on anyone for 7 years so this is pretty new to me! I ordered this floweriung tea, ive seen flowering tea a billion times but she watched it open with me and like a dumbass i watched it open with her and (badly) acted like id never seen it before!

should i ask her out? i guess there are two things. One, its very likely shes not interested and is just being friendly then i looked like an ***** and its awkward and i cant go there anymore. Two, my life is a mess and ermm three psychologically I'm a mess. Oh and four im running away soon (well, going travelling to run away from my problems). So shall i just totally forget about it?

Silly question.. what's flowering tea?

It has this dried flower in it. When you pour hot water in it the flower opens. :)

Wow, I've never seen it.

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Here is my two cents............

You never know until you ask. She may get offers a lot, or she may not. There may be many that think the same thing, but never just simply ask her.

The worst that will happen is that she say's no.

But you never know until you ask.

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