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[Tw: Suicidal Ideation] Does Anyone Else Find This When Thinking Of Suicide


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I told a friend not too long ago that "I want to commit suicide the way I want to move to Paris and start a new life. I'm always going to think about it, but I'm never going to actually do it." (I fibbed a little, I think I might do it one day, but right now I don't have plans and am feeling pretty okay).

My therapist refers to this attitude as suicidal ideation but it seems so unintense to me, it's just........there. Does anyone else have this experience? Is this a normal attitude to have when depressed?

I'm not sure this is the right place to put this topic, but there doesn't seem to be a forum about suicide (which I understand, you wouldn't want to foster a discussion of suicide).

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When I'm down....like right now, I have those thoughts all the time. Like you said, doesn't mean you're going to do anything but it is a warning sign that things are not good, or are overwhelming. Do you have a therapist or Pdoc to talk to? Try to tell yourself, I have these feelings but i'm not going to act on them. Hang in there.

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grey ...,

When I was in the pit (my own term for it) I would get what I would call a "one seconder" ... a thought lasting no more than a few seconds like "Go on - do it!". It scared the be-jaysus out of me at the start, but then I kinda learned that it was just a thought and as much as we would like to, we can't control our thoughts at times. This was after stopping the justification for doing it. But then, yeah, I knew I wasn't going to act on it so the thoughts became less frequent and have stopped.

Think we just need to actually stop ourselves when that thought comes in and actually dismiss it by pointing out the reasons for not doing it. It is like the class I was teaching once ... they used to laugh about failing exams but I said, whether it is a joke or not, to stop it. Entertaining the notion is giving it credence. I am not saying dismissing it as a taboo topic altogether but to respect yourself enough to know it is a thought and not an intention.

Like Teddy said there is a specific forum for that topic. Let one of us mods know if you wish to gain access in a while.

Stonium

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grey ...,

When I was in the pit (my own term for it) I would get what I would call a "one seconder" ... a thought lasting no more than a few seconds like "Go on - do it!". It scared the be-jaysus out of me at the start, but then I kinda learned that it was just a thought and as much as we would like to, we can't control our thoughts at times. This was after stopping the justification for doing it. But then, yeah, I knew I wasn't going to act on it so the thoughts became less frequent and have stopped.

Think we just need to actually stop ourselves when that thought comes in and actually dismiss it by pointing out the reasons for not doing it. It is like the class I was teaching once ... they used to laugh about failing exams but I said, whether it is a joke or not, to stop it. Entertaining the notion is giving it credence. I am not saying dismissing it as a taboo topic altogether but to respect yourself enough to know it is a thought and not an intention.

Like Teddy said there is a specific forum for that topic. Let one of us mods know if you wish to gain access in a while.

Stonium

I will say that that is all good in the saying but is so much harder in the doing. I have these thoughts all the time and even though i tell my self all the good things i have to live for i still fined my self planing what i could do to make it all go away, and then i stop my self when i catch my self a it. I don't want to leave this life, i'v got to much to live for, but i still have these thoughts all the time and they just wont stop.

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I will say that that is all good in the saying but is so much harder in the doing. I have these thoughts all the time and even though i tell my self all the good things i have to live for i still fined my self planing what i could do to make it all go away, and then i stop my self when i catch my self a it. I don't want to leave this life, i'v got to much to live for, but i still have these thoughts all the time and they just wont stop.

Greeneyes,

I agree totally. Was probably a bit blase in the post as it was unreal scary and it would literally stop me in my tracks ... could be walking and I'd have to stop for 5-10 seconds when it hit. But my point was that these thoughts hit me after I had fought with my mind which was telling me that it was the only option. It was that they came from nowhere seemingly.

One thing that really helped was having a trinket (in my case a set of plectrum dog-tags) that I always grabbed. This act just reminded me that

a. It was a thought, not an actual intention

b. As you say, my real intentions are to keep living, as I have very good reasons for doing so.

Sorry if it seemed trivializing the whole thing and please, keep up the good fight.

Stonium

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i think its normal to have these thought when depressed but i definitely agree that when you realize you're thinking about it you must try and force yourself to think about something else.

I saw a movie once that i can't for the life of me remember the name of but there was a writer who was constantly picturing herself in various scenarios that ended with her death and when questioned about it she responded something along the lines of "picturing it helps me remember all things i live for" not exact lol i cant remember the exact quote

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I think of (and have for years) suicide as kind of a wonky coping mechanism. I find it relaxing, and amusing in kind of a gallows-humor-ish way. With that said, it's not a good habit, and I'm trying to break it. I've found it feels like you have the thoughts under control, until one second it sounds like a good idea... I never saw those moments coming, and came close to hurting people I really cared about.

Please take care of yourself. Personally, I try to accept the thoughts' existences, then release my emotions in a "better" way, such as drawing or writing or listening to music, or even just taking a walk.

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Like Turtle I think it is a type of coping mechanism for me. It is an expression of pain being too much and feeling trapped.

I do think it can become a habit. It is one for me. I guess I have a few grades of SI. With the first the emotions are actually not that intense in some respects. it almost like a constant knee jerk reaction and is with me close to all the time. Like a companion. The second is more intense and involves more detail and urgency. The third is when I'm on the brink. It is a total state of despair and imminent.

I try to watch the two factors quite carefully for me: feeling there is no way out/trapped, and having my emotional coping mechanism and therefore pain level overwhelmed.

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For me the suicide ideation usually begins on days when I am in severe physical pain. Because my pain is chronic, when it flares up I begin to spiral down mentally.

So I start with all of the "I can't take it any more" thinking. The longer I stay with those thoughts the closer I get to acting on the suicide ideation.

So my stopping point is trying to stop the physical pain. Sometimes that means trying to sleep.

I agree with others that this kind of thinking does become habitual. And the research Is pretty clear that the more you think about it, the more plans you make, the more likely you are to act on those thoughts.

So anything you can do to break the cycle of thinking about suicide, the better off you are.

Then again, generally it's not the case that I willfully bring on these thoughts. They seem to come out of nowhere. So it boils down counteracting the thoughts when they come.

Stay safe~Snow

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Oh yes feeling like this is all quite normal for me, I have even said to my psychiatrist that if I were to do it I would OD, but do not have definite plans to do so. But I feel the same way I have come close to it, (holding the bottle with a handful of pills in my hand). But do I think I would do it? Likely not. I remind myself that once those pills go down there is a good chance I won't be waking up and then I start thinking about what it will feel like and I scare myself.

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