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Scared .


ocdgirl

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Manic. At this moment I'm being asked What It's like when I'm manic. Thoughts yell in my head...... It's great. BUT I can't say that. i Think I talk nonstop about all the cool things I'm going to do, and the plans I've got laid out. About How I'm going to K*ill bill the s*it** out of my mental illness. None of that comes out of my mouth. I say , " I'm not sure when I'm manic. " I ask myself is the mania? Was I manic ? Would people notice? Should I tell her How all my K*ill bill s*it I invasioned only was about a week or two before it fell to pieces. NO. The girl in my head says . I hear the cycle, you have No control over it. It's a cycle that will happen No matter What you do. You see it this explains alot, doesn't it? Does it? Well, else do you explain lasting five weeks without your meds? I stare . I think, ALCOHOL. ALCOHOL. ALCOHOL. OH and, giving in the the girl in my head, you see it easier that way. Finally, I say I drank a lot. Almost everyday. Her thinking I drink too much is ...... nicer than What? Another confusing title. Right? Wait I'm handing in one title for another. I'm panicking at this point. She say's I think you're Bipolar. And I don't see how we can successfully treat your OCD, with out mood stabilizing drugs. And thats, that. I think my Dad was Bipolar I saw him ranpage through the house , I saw him so happy, it had to be real happiness, like Pinocchio becoming a real boy happiness. I say I never been that extreme. I think Well, you've mastered depression. That's because you have bad thoughts, good people don't think like you think. Desperation is your punishment. Pinocchio real boy s*it isn't What you get. Not even when it comes in a five letter work like mania. Mania. Happiness. Drugs. Where's the middle? Where's that land. I have had moments of happiness, right? Sure I think aabout them. My head is going in different directions. Questioning everything. She's already writing a prescription. he i am . with a new title . and i new thing it battle . any advice? i just took a bunch i meds. i stopped counting at 15. i just had a crazy episode. throwing things and crying and talking madness. i'm just ..... i don't even know. i'm scared. of the person in my head. i'm confused and sleepy.
Edited by ocdgirl
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I hope you are all right , I know you said you took pills. Please seek help at a hospital and they will help you to calm your busy brain. I too have a busy brain not exactly manic but my brain just runs on a hamster wheel and it just never knows when to quit. I was finally diagnosed about a month and a half ago. They prescribed Depakote, I was already on Prozac, Klonipine, and Trazadone. This has helped me a great deal I am actually much calmer and able to focus on what I need and want to do. If you feel the need to reach out to me you may.dsv

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I just saw your post. I hope you called 911 and /or you went to the hospital for help. I can understand in a way that taking a mood stbilizer can helpo with OCD. Maybe the thought of taking an additional drug triggered your post. I could see that you weren't quite right in how you rambled a little bit. Who is treating your OCD? A pdoc? A GP? You should ask them if you have another diagnosis than OCD. That could put your mind at rest.

Sheepwoman

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