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Lonely - I Need Your Thoughts / Help


VeryTrying

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I grew up in a house with others with no privacy who ignored me unless they wanted something. I am an adult now and have the same situation with my own family. I have a couple people who say they're my friends. When I ask to talk to them, they're to busy. So I'm used to being alone even in a room with others. Being with others or the only one in a room, talked at or ignored, I wasn't lonely before.

Now I'm lonely. If I got lonely before, it was tiny amounts and doing something to take my mind off of it worked. Someone talking at me or if I was lucking having an actual conversation even for 3 to 5 minutes would fix that. But now I'm frighteningly lonely. I do the things I've been doing and more, they do not help. I reached out to my 'friends' and have received no reply or I'm busy. The only person who will talk to me is the one person, my dh, who has me living on a yo-yo of an emotional lifestyle. Talking with anyone is a nice change but talking with him doesn't fix any of it. I'm still so lonely when I hang up the phone.

I was always fine by myself before. Reading or watching a movie, crafts or whatever. Now it doesn't take my mind off of it and sometimes seems to make it worse. I realize it sounds stupid to for someone to say they've never been lonely before, but to any large degree I haven't and I no longer know what to do. I have no one to turn to for help and as much as I hate to say it or ask for it; I need help.

Please give me ideas.

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When I first moved to this state, I had no friends and no family. I had hoped to be able to make some friends through work but I didn't mean anyone interested in taking on a new friend. So I went online and joined a site called meetup.com. This site will provide you with information on different clubs in your area. Whether it be book clubs, dinner clubs, movies clubs, etc. You can join an intersex club (if you and hubby are interested in going together) or a woman's only club. I mean some really wonderful people and made a couple close relationships along the way. It's worth a shot, right? And you can even email back and forth with some club members before actually meeting up in person so it's more comfortable for you than going in cold.

I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely. I am like you but for the most part, I enjoy my alone time. However, every once in a while I deperately need that human connection and companionship.

Good luck.

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Thank you so much for your thoughts and ideas. I would love to take them. I'm not really trusted to talk to people knows and especially not people he doesn't know. Which means I'm sneaking just to be here. Since I don't have a therapist or councellor or anyone like that even to talk with I need someone / something to help me. So I came here. I try to be good as he wants it but I guess I'm not.

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Loneliness is an empirical condition of human existence. We try to fill the gaps in many ways (love, religion, chemical substances.)

I am sorry that you are feeling lonely right now.

I am also a very lonely person. I enjoy being by myself because, with others, I often feel very disconnected and unfulfilled. I have not had a close male friend in several years and my recent girlfriends have all been temporary.

Acceptance of the loneliness can help. Sometimes you just need to accept it. Sit quietly by yourself. Ask yourself, "Is this really so bad?" "Is this really so unbearable?"

I have had many lonely nights. I suppose I will have many more in the future. But I know I will also have times when I feel quite the opposite--I'm looking forward to those times when I am not lonely.

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I understand your loneliness, I found several ways to deal with this. I'm a class A otaku, i watch over 20 episodes of slice of life animes every single night until my Sleep Deprivation beats my insomnia. I'm always alone and i work from home as a computer programmer. If you want someone to talk to feel free to PM me. But you really can't depend on others for you relief. People suck you have to find a more reliable source to deal with your pains(books,Music,Tea,etc).

The dependence on others has always lead me to disappointment. Actually Optimism as a whole has always lead to my disappointment. Accept your loneliness embrace it, when you can talk to people enjoy it. Don't depend on it OP. Born Alone, We will Die alone

Edited by infamybrian
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Only if I leave him. I don't see any other way the roller coaster as you called it Gentle Sun will change. And today things are worse. The last 2 people in the world who spoke to me and gave me any support aren't any more. I stupidly leaned on them, tried to talk with them yesterday and the day before. Not about being depressed or lonely, just talk. They know I have this illness, but one is bi-polar and as she puts it - is dealing with it without medication so what I'm going through is no excuse- so my job is to listen to them and be there for her. I thought I was doing so bad this once you know? Somewhere I'd stupidly gotten it into my head that I could think about me a bit. But right, left, sideways, back, front, up, down, caddy corner, and in between it's been made obvious I'm supposed to be there for others and think of them. Not the other way around; well not unless they choose to. Then it's great. But not when I ask or need. So now I'm a mass of tears and broken hearted because I've lost the only friends I had left because I got upset they couldn't be there for me. And as for my friend who deal with bi-polar without meds, she's supposed to be on medication, and because of being laid off and loosing my medical I've been without the multiple daily medications I take 3 times a day to remain stable with my depression and more. I just didn't tell her I was out of my medication, but she knew I'd been laid off. I'm out of support, running out of hope, and am having trouble finding any reasons to keep fighting this disease.

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