Jump to content

My Instructor Is Probably p***** Off At Me


Licorice

Recommended Posts

Because I walked out of class today after half an hour, and it's a class where hands-on learning is important and I've been doing poorly. It probably seems like I don't respect him as an instructor if I just walk out while he's talking, but I don't think I can get anything done today.

I spent ten minutes just staring at the equipment in front of it, going over the cabling I knew needed to be done in my mind but being totally unable to translate what I knew into what I was seeing. It was like I'd never seen those machines before in my life. I was just going to sit there dumbly and fumble around in back, probably taking up everyone's time as they tried to correct me.

I can't seem to think lately, and all I can think about is how every part of me that's important essentially doesn't exist. My gender identity has so little documentation and information online compared to all the others that I might as well be invisible in the LGBT+ communities. My orientation is pretty much the same as the one that's considered an "in-between" or a lie. I can't take sides on important life issues like religion and science because I've seen so much weirdness that to either deny or believe wholly would be betraying an aspect of myself. I don't fit in anywhere I go, even though nobody really hates me.

I can't explain any of these things to anyone without them thinking I'm talking about something entirely different. That's how invisible I am. If I ask for help with feeling "fake" with my identity online, people start talking to me about how I just need to be myself and it's okay to not conform to gender roles, which doesn't have a ******* thing to do with the problem. I'm an aberration.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Licorice,

I am pretty sure I know how you feel w/r/t the walking out of class. Sometimes my brain just feels like it stops working, and I sit here staring at nothing and wonder why I can't just get up and leave and go back to bed. I haven't been in school in a long time, and I do believe school is tougher than work, especially when it comes to concentration and fatigue issues - but this hits me at work sometimes too.

I bet your instructor won't be mad if you send him a quick email apologizing for walking out. You don't have to share personal details with him, but you could say something like "I felt I wasn't going to be able to make any worthwhile contributions to class today, and I didn't want to hold anyone back by being slow." You could even request some make-up work or something along those lines, to show that you are still motivated and interested. Just a thought. :)

I'm not going to assume anything about your gender identity, and you don't have to share any info you're not comfortable sharing - I just want to let you know that I've made several friends whose gender identities and/or orientations are considered "non-mainstream" (that is, non-mainstream for the LGBTQ community), and I met them right here on DF. I believe you when you say there is precious little information online that you can relate to, but I do feel that there is so much support here on DF for anyone who feels they don't fit in, in one way or another.

Best wishes,

Henri

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Licorice,

Welcome to DF! :welcomeani: Thank you for sharing your story with us, we love to listen! Your openness is amazing! I hope you can find at least part of what you are looking for here on the DF boards. :console:

Don't beat yourself up too much about class....I can't learn a thing from reading or listening. I actually have to get my hands in there and do it to be able to understand it and remember it, and I also have to know why things have to be a certain way in order to remember how to do stuff. Drives my spouse crazy. Henri is right about communicating with your instructor and offering to do make-up work. Don't count the instructor out, give them a chance by communicating first. You'd be surprised how often that helps. Good luck with your class, and hope to see you around! :flowers:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Licorice,

I am pretty sure I know how you feel w/r/t the walking out of class. Sometimes my brain just feels like it stops working, and I sit here staring at nothing and wonder why I can't just get up and leave and go back to bed. I haven't been in school in a long time, and I do believe school is tougher than work, especially when it comes to concentration and fatigue issues - but this hits me at work sometimes too.

I bet your instructor won't be mad if you send him a quick email apologizing for walking out. You don't have to share personal details with him, but you could say something like "I felt I wasn't going to be able to make any worthwhile contributions to class today, and I didn't want to hold anyone back by being slow." You could even request some make-up work or something along those lines, to show that you are still motivated and interested. Just a thought. :)

I'm not going to assume anything about your gender identity, and you don't have to share any info you're not comfortable sharing - I just want to let you know that I've made several friends whose gender identities and/or orientations are considered "non-mainstream" (that is, non-mainstream for the LGBTQ community), and I met them right here on DF. I believe you when you say there is precious little information online that you can relate to, but I do feel that there is so much support here on DF for anyone who feels they don't fit in, in one way or another.

Best wishes,

Henri

If there are LGBT people who are not male, female, trans, or androgynous, and who have a deep need for an alternative label, I cannot find them anywhere online. All I am is a few lines on a Wikipedia page, several websites with tentative definitions, and a few blogs where people ask for definitions and talk about how they dress or behave - that's all other people need when my very body and the gendered interactions I'm forced into one way or another are wrong.

Everyone else has something. Articles, books (there are books on parenting transgender children!), debates on terminology, discussions of different life paths, riveting stories of overcoming struggles. I have nothing. Nothing but people discussing dress and speech. I do not exist.

I've spoken on two LGBT forums and received only input from people who are not like me who think my problem is simply that I'm not acting enough like myself. No one seems to understand that this isn't solely about how I dress or speak. I am incomprehensible and belong nowhere.

The only thing I can think today is that human beings are creatures of structures and shapes who think in categories, and I'm a shapeless, uncategorized aberration of the very system human beings need to survive and function.

Licorice,

Welcome to DF! :welcomeani: Thank you for sharing your story with us, we love to listen! Your openness is amazing! I hope you can find at least part of what you are looking for here on the DF boards. :console:

*has more posts than you do?*

:rock:

Edited by Licorice
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Licorice, not sure what I said to pi** you off, but this is the first time I remember encountering you on the boards, so I welcome you. Just trying to be friendly and reach out in a positive manner. Sorry if this offends you. Peace out, and all that jazz. :verysad3:

Edited by 20YearsandCounting
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...