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HangOnSloth

Opening My Eyes To The Start Of A Potential Relapse

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Hello all,

I'm returning to the forums after a long hiatus. I'm happy to say that the reason I wasn't active on the forms any more was that my life really took a turn for the better and I had my depression well under control for the last year and a half. I even managed to get married and to take on a new job opportunity! However, just this week I'm starting to realize that all my early depression symptoms have been stealthily creeping back into my life. It feels like I suddenly looked around and noticed how many symptoms have piled up, which has me feeling discouraged, scared, and overwhelmed.

Here are the things I've noticed:

-increasing fatigue, physical aches and pains, migraines, sinus pain

-more "passive" in response to schedule, ideas

-more sedentary/decrease in exercise, which has caused some weight gain and feelings of guilt

-moodiness and apathy

Now I'm not yet at a full-blown depressive episode, but I've been missing some work here and there and this morning was especially hard. My job requires a lot of energy, concentration, and responsibility so I feel very drained when I put all I've got into keeping it together at work. I come home and just veg out. I know that's not helping me any but it's what I feel I need.

Also, on Mar 1 of this year my husband and I had to euthanize one of our three dogs, which was a very upsetting and traumatic experience (to make that decision on her behalf, and then to be there in the room, being strong for her, while she actually died). I'm recovering but that experience triggered a lot of memories of my mom's death from cancer 5 1/2 years ago. My husband is very supportive and understanding and our relationship is good. He is grieving, too. Plus it's been a long, cold winter and I guess I just feel really run down.

I'm still seeing my therapist regularly (I have a session scheduled for tonight). I know she will recommend upping my self-care habits to the level I had in previous episodes -- acupuncture, yoga, support group. All good ideas. Just hard to accept that things are slipping again after such a successful recovery.

Thanks for listening.

Ashley

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HangOnSloth,

Sorry to hear this news, but all is not lost. You have been through a lot in the last few months and most remember that depression never fully goes away, but we learn new tactics to deal with it - as you acknowledge in your signature.

Take solace in the fact that you are being extremely proactive and yeah, while the strong poison thoughts of depression will focus on the negative, you need to be stronger and remember the positives. This can be done by taking practical means. Start journalising again, but as well as the bad thoughts, please note the good thoughts/events ... we are too quick to dismiss those.

As for work, well guess who also vegged out today straight afterwards? But hey, it is one day. Use the alarm clock and if you have to take that hour power nap after work, do so, but get up and do something worthwhile ... throw on the kettle, make that cup of tea and get out into the garden. Maybe make a small shrine to your dog, who was in essence a close friend. Dedicate a small patch of the garden and make something beautiful to remember them by. You do need to grieve.

You are tired after what is a long winter and have taken a few hits. It is no wonder you are doubting your ability to cope, but you will. What about diet and sleep? Maybe shake up the diet to include more fruit in order to get the vitamin c in.

We are here and will be here for a long time to give help and support. Feel good that you are doing something now rather than waiting until it goes too far.

Stonium

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