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Found 5 results

  1. I feel for people with depression who realize it and seek up only to have it fall on deaf ears. Then, when something tragic happens, people come out of the wood work saying they wish they could of helped. I have been to my doctor several times, put on effexor, prystic only to cause more issues than solve. I have gone to a pyschiatrist only to pay $150 per hour and eventually run out of money. Now, I've been to a government run program with no fees but it will nearly 3 months to get into speak with fellow I having sessions with 6 months ago. I don't know man, I am frustrated and tired. I would like for some period of time in my adult life to feel happy, I mean really happy. Kind of like the american idol contestants when they know they are going to hollywood. I was picked on all my life, grew up in a negative environment, never felt any self worth, self esteem or self confidence pretty much most of my life and I am fed up. I want the last half of my life to be more productive and fulfilling but I am running out of hope. I live in fear and anxiety all the time. I am 6'3 and 275 pounds and I am afraid to ask anyone for anything because of the fear of the words coming from that person, ie What are you stupid? You should know that?! I carl
  2. Hello, im a 26 yr old female, i've been depressed ever since child hood, i get extreme highs and extreme lows, the highs are magical but the low's have had me close to suicide on every occasion. i have been on fluoxetene for almost a year now, going onto it was horriffic, i was nervously shaking in bed, crying, had insomnia and intense suicidal thoughts for 2 months, now i feel ok, i feel pretty sedated, my highs don't really happen and my lows aren't too bad, but i still feel depressed, lacking in confidence, and just want to sleep alot, my bed is my haven. could you give me any advice, should i switch medication? to be honest with you i can't remember a time when i was consistantly happy ever, so i don't know if im just doomed to never feel happy or if i should switch to at least get some of my highs back, i was once on citralopram but i think i gave it up before i gave it time to take any effect as i 'didn't want to take anti-depressants' now i do want to take them, i want to feel better rather than constantly visualise dying
  3. the last few days ive been quite down i woke up the other day and i felt better than i did in a long time but before the day even started i was feeling bad, i feel worthless latley and extreamly unmotivated ive barly left my house in the last week ive been laying here because i dont even feel like putting on a fake smile and it makes me feel weak that im broken and im so alone here i want despratly for some one to love me and help me but im on my own and its hard ive pulled myself so far away from everyone that i cant handle the pressure of reconnecting so i get online and post here but i always feel even worse after because im not man enough to just handle it. ive always been the steady one i helped raise my brother and 2 sisters and worked a landscaping job everyday after school while mom worked an jeff was in and out of prison, i delt with jeffs drunken rage we all did, i survived moved on, i graduated moved out, now i liv alone in a town im a stranger in and im stranded here but ive pressed through it hoping for better times and everyware i look are signs that nothing ever changes that the best i can work for is fighting to stay above water.
  4. I just feel so lazy and everything is a drag, mentally and physically. Getting out of bed is almost impossible and I feel heavy and sluggish even though my diet is decent and I do get reasonable amounts of sleep. I'm only 20. Everything in my body clicks and crunches when I move and I barely have the will to concentrate on things. I like/liked to live a constantly busy, active lifestyle, always being busy. Though, due to having SAD, it slightly improves in the summer, I'm nowhere near the same. I feel heavy, click a lot, can not gain very much weight or muscle mass even though I drag myself through a gym routine. Mentally I'm always in a pretty mundane and irritable mood. Before I was focused and driven, now I have no motivation and the concentration span of a goldfish. I have a headache most days, too. I think this goes back to my childhood and teenage years where, in my desperation and determination to try and become a professional footballer, I joined 4 different teams, moving back and forth, and played 5 hours a day every day training/playing, EVERY day, AND went to the gym and played with friends. I did this for about 6 or 7 years. During that time I had so many problems with my back and my knees, I've had more than 1 operation on my knees now, and physiotherapy on my upper back. The coaches told me I'd be fine, but now I feel used for sporting gain even at the expense of my own health, they knew how much work I was doing, but wouldn't be drawn into talking about it, even when on multiple medications for asthma. I know it probably damaged my body. My back still aches most days. Recently I tried to get back into football at a lower level, thinking maybe a bit of stimulation would pull me up. I lasted a couple of games now I sit here with a fractured elbow. Before, in years gone by I looked and felt indestructible, now I'm made of glass. My diet or sleeping hasn't changed too much over the years, but still this happened. I'm only 20 years old, I don't want to think of of livin another 40 years like this. I don't want. It's been over a year of feeling this every day. I can feel the damage done by years of over exertion in my childhood, too. Everything feels so grey and mundane now that my body feels like this, like there's no colour or sounds in the World, that I live in some dark, silent world. I don't know how long I'll be able to go on feeling like this.
  5. I work at Walmart as a new associate. I have been there only about 4 months. My mom used to drive me to work because I am not a good driver. I have had a few lessons but I'm not ready to drive any time soon. I do have my learner's permit but everyone in my family is to busy to teach me to drive. My mom isn't a good teacher and my aunt has her own 14 kids and volunteer activities so she can't give lessons. My mom found a new job- a night job despite the fact that I found her a ton of jobs during the day so she could drive me at night. She had an excuse for why she wouldn't be hired at any one of those jobs. I gave up and hired a driver who, while she is a nice lady, drove me for about 3 weeks then had to have surgery for a condition she has. She's not to blame for anything and I'm glad she is going to get the surgery and be okay. But now I need to hire another driver and not many people are to anxious to drive someone who works part time evenings. I get that but I want to hold onto my job. I live in one area of town but got hired in another part of town. The distance from home to work is only about 15 minutes. Taking a cab costs $20 dollars each way. Buses make me nervous and I refuse to get on one if I can help it which my mom and aunt don't understand because they aren't scared of anything. Especially my mom who has some disgusting habits. I'm severely anemic and underweight as it is. Riding my bike even 15 minutes makes me very tired. And riding my bike to work means I have to go through the highway because that's the fastest way to work but on my bike it would take me at least 40-50 minutes and since I'm so skinny- I get cold in the summer sometimes- putting on winter clothes will only do so much. I feel like I'm complaining but I've only done that to about 3 people and mostly it's my neighbor I complain anyways. I think my complaing about my situation makes me look like an *** and a baby. I have tried to make the best of my situation. I tried to hire another driver and still keep my job. No one at work lives around me or works my hours. Although everyone at my Walmart works odd hours. I also keep getting sick. My health is okay but I get a lot of colds and other problems and my energy is very low but even with my problems I get to work on the days I need to and do what I have to. I feel depressed every few days and think thoughts I'm not supposed to but I don't act on them. I force myself out of bed even when I'm dead tired even if I've been sleeping for hours. Basically I'm in a rut. I'm not really going anywhere. I'm just existing and that makes me miserable.
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