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  • BiPolar Philosophy Chick
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  • Words
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  • place where i write stuff.
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  • .....
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  • At This Moment From Where I Sit, None Of It Seems Real
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  • In every life a little rain etc.
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  • Fixed and Floating
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  • Lying Still
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  • Taking time out to get better
  • Seeking Freedom
  • Michelle's Blog
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  • Cookie's Journal
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  • A Dab of Gab by Choc Lab
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  • Lost in Space
  • My Journey
  • triedofbeingdepress' Blog
  • Kola's Procrastination
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  • Test's Blog
  • Awol's Blog
  • My Failed Attempt To Capsulize A Feeling
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  • Sound of water
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  • Long journey into light
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  • Abstract's Blog
  • Welcome To The Machine
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  • The Rabbit Hole
  • riel's zoloft ride
  • Am here to help and get help...HELLO everyone
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  • MY blog(WIlL think of better name, promise!)
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  • As my World Turns...These are the Days of MY life....
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  • I'm super! Thanks for asking.
  • wind's Blog
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  • Lost & Delirious
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  • being still
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  1. Well Basically Hi, My names ben Im 16 Ive had deppression for I dont even know, At least 2 years, as well as very severe social anxiety I dont know how to structure this Topic so I guess i'll start by saying stuff about me: (i'll underline the main important stuff if you dont feel like reading) About a month ago my girlfriend who I was with for over a year just completley changed and broke up with me (in a very very hurtful way) I feel so sad / weak / un motivated and alone all the time most of the time I can hardley be bothered to eat, and its making me very ill I completley hate myself, I think I am SO ugly, I have no self asteem or self confidence. I fear going outside because people will think im ugly or hate me or something and so I constantly hold my head down to avoid people seeing me. Im doing so bad in school because im too un motivated and preocupied by sadness I do have friends, but I never feel like they're my friends, sometimes it seems like loads of people like me and are all my friends, other times it seems no one wants to talk to me or do anything with me, usually its the latter. All my friends dont properly know me, no one does. and it seems like no one wants to properly know me. Everyone at school has different opinions about me, the majority is im "just some ****** who avoids people and always has his head down" thats pretty much the opinion of everyone not in my year, for people in my year many of them think of me as some weirdo, when i started developing these problems in secondary school I didnt know what to do, and I pretty much did act like a weirdo and was very attention seeking because i didnt know how to deal with this stuff or even talk to people properly, over the years up to know I got gradually less weird and attention seeking and more avoiding people. and So everyone I know thinks of me as some different person, That isnt even me at all. Despite my confidence and self asteem issues (which are mainly about my appearnce) I think that people will actually like the real me, But like ive said it seems to me that no one wants to get to know me, and I find it so so so so so hard to talk to people (not that anyone wants to talk to me at all) I am ashamed to say, The only way I can be at all social is with a drink. I know that is incredibly bad but Its so hard for me to talk to people and be around people and anything like that at all. I rarely am invited to hang out with friends but the times I am and there is alcohol involved, I can go and its fine and people like me. Once again I know its so bad! I know I shouldnt drink and I dont anymore. I wish I could be social without alcohol, I wish I was happy, I wish I could be social and had friends who wanted to know me and talk to me. just some extra info: im on sertraline (zoloft) and have counseling, neither of which seem to help, and I have many times attempted suicide Im just SO alone, I need someone to talk to, please I feel so alone. I know that if i could do something about my appearance it would majorly boost my confidence enough for me to be able to go in to the playground at break/lunch (instead of sitting somewhere crying) and talk to people, then maybe they might get to know me and maybe people can like me or whatever. But at the moment everything just seems so hopless. I feel so lonely. I cant take it! no one wants to talk to me!!! no one wants to know me!!! im so sad all the time!!! No one would ever want to be with me!!! all I do is sit at home being sad!! I HATE MY LIFE!!! :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( please can I have some people to talk to please :'( please :'( i need people to talk to :'(
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