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  1. How to I begin.... Last week, Friday, I stayed in with my boyfriend. I had the best time ever with him, he makes me laugh and I can really be myself with him. I remember thinking how lucky I am to be with him and how I felt like he could really be part of my future. He is perfectly made for me and supportive unlike many of my exes. The next night, out of nowhere, I felt my head literally clicked off. And he stood in front of me and a thought crossed my head ..."am i losing feelings for him?” I quickly tried to shake off that thought because of course that not possible, it was just the day before where I felt like the luckiest girl ever and was so happy with him, with us. I felt not myself after that day, and every day since it has gotten worse. On Monday, a couple days after the initial thought, I had a panic attack. Before that panic attack happened I was thinking about "What if I lost feelings for him, then I would have to end it, and I would hurt him, and I don’t want to end it because I want him in my life, and how if I ended it I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else because he is the one I want and I will end up alone and he will have to start over" While all these thoughts crossed my head, my heart rate increased, I had a hard time breathing, I ended up getting a massive headache, my eyes began to hurt, I just could not relax. I though, imp just getting sick from something. But ever since that day things got worse for me. Every day, all day I would have obsessive thoughts about what if I lost feelings for him and what would happen. I felt guilty for having those feelings so I would try to suppress it which I think gave me more anxieties. These obsessive thoughts give me headaches every time, the minute it crosses my head. Even when I am distracted with something, I would have this heavy feeling in my chest and my head and I would start thinking about what’s going through my head obsessively again. It’s like my mind and body wouldn’t let me forget that something wasn’t right with me or my situation. I would try to find reasons why I was not feeling myself anymore. I got obsessed with finding a reason to what was going on with me. I did not want to accept in my head that I had just simply didn’t feel for him anymore. And when I would try to convince myself that I just don’t feel him anywhere another thought in my head would fight it. And so I would end up with two conflicting ideas and I would just feel crazy and tired. Other changes vie noticed since the panic attack was that I was always tired, but had a hard time sleeping, I have random aches and pains, lack of sex drive, I feel nothing or anxious nothing else, I get a grossed out feeling when I think about my dad and my boyfriend, I don’t want to see my family, I don’t want to hang with my friends, I avoid my neighbors so I don’t have to have small talk,. I don’t want to have to talk to people and be pleasant; I want to kind of be alone BUT at the same time I feeling lonely all the time even when people are with me. I feel like I have to force myself to enjoy what imp doing or enjoying people. Even at times when I am having a good time and I am laughing my mind quickly reminds me that I’m not feeling right. I am convinced that I am depressed. I’ve been before. But my concern is am I depressed because I’m worried to lose feelings for my boyfriends, or am I depressed and it’s causing me to lose feelings for my boyfriend. It’s been a week since I’ve dealt with this. I’m confused my issues obviously circle around the fear of losing feelings for my boyfriend and not having him in my life anymore, but I always miss him, and I look at him and have fond loving feelings for him. I crave his attention and affection (not sexually). I think about how awesome everything was before my mind turned off and I miss those days. I’ve told him what’s been going on, and he has never dealt or known anyone who has dealt with depression. He is confused because our relationship was going so well then out of nowhere I changed and seem unhappy. He is usually very supportive but he is withdrawing from me I assume b.c this is hard for him too and it’s difficult to give me the attention I need when he has to help himself too. It makes me sad that I am doing this to him. I love him, I know I do, I want a future with him and he is what I want in my life. But I am afraid of a couple things- 1... That my depression is causing me to have delusional thoughts about how I feel about him 2... That how I feel about him is what actually caused the depression 3. That maybe I really don’t feel for him and im just trying to fight what im really feeling (but this doesn’t make sense because I was the happiest I’ve ever been the day before my mind turned off) 4- that I will always feel like this no matter who I’m with If anyone here has experiences this before please let me know. Tell me, for you was it just depression and it did cause irrational thoughts, or did you get depressed because you did stop feeling for them and you were just fighting it, did the issue get resolved and how? I need insight, this is the first time I’ve ever joined and posted on one of these things. I’m looking for any answers. Really feel like I’m going crazy and so desperate for answers. It’s like my mind wont rest till I find an alternative answer that doesn’t involve me ending it with the man I love.
  2. This is probably going to be a long post. I am a single male who has recently turned thirty who is going through a crisis of sorts. I've posted about this before but I'm feeling bad once again so I need to vent. I did not have my first real "girlfriend" until about 4 months ago. The relationship was great at first (save some red flags I blissfully ignored), but it quickly deteriorated and she dumped me... on the day before I turned 30. This hit me really hard. I'm still not over it. The day after I got dumped I started messaging someone else I met online. We never met up, but we texted a lot and she really helped me get through the breakup. She had recently gotten out of a relationship too and was kind of going through the same thing. Eventually I asked her if she wanted to meet up and she said "sure". She went on vacation and we were going to meet up after she got back. When she got back I texted her and she said she didn't "think either of us was in a good place to meet up". I was really upset, but I pretended like nothing happened and kept texting, and she kept texting back. A couple weeks later she texted me and said she was "going to try and go on a date with someone, could backfire". I was floored. I didn't know what to say so I just wished her well. The next day I texted her and asked her how it went, and she said it went well. I later texted her and told her that I thought it was really crappy that I met her on a dating site and after having gone back on her offer to meet up is now telling me about other guys she is dating. I told her I didn't go online looking for a platonic relationship and that she should not have led me on. She got defensive, telling me how I wasn't over my ex, but somehow she was magically over hers. We argued back and forth, and she blamed me for getting bitter at her, but I think that relationship is done. I feel like my ex treated me much the same way. She would lead me on and talk about doing certain things but when I would call her out on something she would get defensive. Eventually she broke up with me because we couldn't get along. Here comes the fun part. I've dealt with depression my whole life. The only reason I was able to get a girlfriend was I had gotten to a place where I actually felt pretty good about myself. Now, having been rejected, and I feel, mislead, twice, I'm at the lowest point I've ever been. I no longer smoke cigarettes. but I'm extremely addicted to e-cigs, and I am going through those so fast its blowing so much money. I'm also on three different antidepressants and am seeing a therapist. It seems like none of this is helping. I literally feel miserable 90 percent of the time. The other 10 percent is not great, because I know I'm going to feel miserable again soon. The cloud that is looming over my head is unreal. Almost nothing will help me escape the mental hell that I am feeling. I feel completely worthless. I'm 6'1", have been told I'm attractive, but feel like I'm an absolute ogre when I look at myself in the mirror. Additionally I feel really insecure about my career and feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I work a data entry job, and while that is mostly low stress, I don't make a ton of money and I feel like I'm wasting my talents. I only have a Bachelors degree, but I have a major in business, and minors in information systems and Spanish. I feel like I learned almost nothing in college, and career wise I have nothing to show for it. This all feeds my insecurity. I feel like women take one look at me and they see that I'm a failure. I also feel incredibly socially awkward, and while I can make small talk with people I'm not trying to impress, if its a potential love interest or someone of high status that may be able to get me a job, I feel like a bumbling idiot. I feel like people can almost sense desperation in me, and maybe even a hint of creepiness. The only debt I have is my house. Its an inexpensive house, but my parents loaned me the money and I am paying them back. I love that I am a homeowner but I don't feel that I have earned it. I feel like they feel guilty that I turned out the way I did and are doing everything they can to help me out. Because of this, I feel like a leech. Probably if I had no help I'd be more motivated because if I was starving, well, that's a hell of a motivator. I've talked to my mom about some of these concerns and she assures me that none of the negative things I think about myself are true, but of course she's my mom, she has to say that. I've tried delving into self help and religion in order to attempt to help myself. I go to church and try to pray and occasionally read scripture. I also have listened to The Secret several times on audio book, and have really tried to utilize the power of positive thinking. The problem is at a certain point I can't muster the strength to think positive anymore and I think I've just been deluding myself all the times I actually do feel good about myself. Its gotten so bad lately that I've had thoughts of suicide. I don't think I would ever act out, but my therapist was concerned that if we don't meet more I may end up putting myself in the hospital. Sometimes I wonder if therapy and antidepressants are actually helping and think that all the money is just going down the drain. I feel incredibly alone. I have a dog, and that helps, but I need human companionship. When I get dumped or rejected, the pain is unreal and I end up acting like a complete asshole, sealing the entire deal for certain. I've also developed an incredibly negative attitude towards women which I am not proud of. I want to get married. Maybe one day have kids, who knows. But the depression, the insecurity, the anxiety... its unreal. I honestly feel like my brain is constantly telling my body it needs to die... and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. If I could snap out of it, get a better career, develop a healthy relationship with someone, maybe things would get better. But right now, I feel helpless. I feel like no one can help me, and I have no idea what to do in order to move myself forward and get out of this terrible rut (or canyon) that I'm stuck in.
  3. https://www.samhsa.gov/child-trauma/recognizing-and-treating-child-traumatic-stress#signs Recognizing and Treating Child Traumatic Stress Learn about the signs of traumatic stress, its impact on children, treatment options, and how families and caregivers can help. Types of Traumatic Events Childhood traumatic stress occurs when violent or dangerous events overwhelm a child’s or adolescent’s ability to cope. Traumatic events may include: Neglect and psychological, physical, or sexual abuse Natural disasters, terrorism, and community and school violence Witnessing or experiencing intimate partner violence Commercial sexual exploitation Serious accidents, life-threatening illness, or sudden or violent loss of a loved one Refugee and war experiences Military family-related stressors, such as parental deployment, loss, or injury In one nationally representative sample of young people ages 12 to 17: 8% reported a lifetime prevalence of sexual assault 17% reported physical assault 39% reported witnessing violence Also, many reported experiencing multiple and repeated traumatic events. It is important to learn how traumatic events affect children. The more you know, the more you will understand the reasons for certain behaviors and emotions and be better prepared to help children and their families cope. Learn more about the types of trauma and violence and types of disasters. Signs of Child Traumatic Stress The signs of traumatic stress are different in each child. Young children react differently than older children. Preschool Children Fearing separation from parents or caregivers Crying and/or screaming a lot Eating poorly and losing weight Having nightmares Elementary School Children Becoming anxious or fearful Feeling guilt or shame Having a hard time concentrating Having difficulty sleeping Middle and High School Children Feeling depressed or alone Developing eating disorders and self-harming behaviors Beginning to abuse alcohol or drugs Becoming sexually active For some children, these reactions can interfere with daily life and their ability to function and interact with others. Impact of Child Traumatic Stress The impact of child traumatic stress can last well beyond childhood. In fact, research shows that child trauma survivors are more likely to have: Learning problems, including lower grades and more suspensions and expulsions Increased use of health services, including mental health services Increased involvement with the child welfare and juvenile justice systems Long term health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease Trauma is a risk factor for nearly all behavioral health and substance use disorders. What Families and Caregivers Can Do to Help Not all children experience child traumatic stress after experiencing a traumatic event, but those who do can recover. With proper support, many children are able to adapt to and overcome such experiences. As a family member or other caring adult, you can play an important role. Remember to: Assure the child that he or she is safe. Talk about the measures you are taking to get the child help and keep him or her safe at home and school. Explain to the child that he or she is not responsible for what happened. Children often blame themselves for events, even those events that are completely out of their control. Be patient. There is no correct timetable for healing. Some children will recover quickly. Others recover more slowly. Try to be supportive and reassure the child that he or she does not need to feel guilty or bad about any feelings or thoughts. Review NCTSI’s learning materials for parents and caregivers, educators and school personnel, health professionals, and others. Treatment for Child Traumatic Stress Even with the support of family members and others, some children do not recover on their own. When needed, a mental health professional trained in evidence-based trauma treatment can help children and families cope with the impact of traumatic events and move toward recovery. Effective treatments like trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapies are available. There are a number of evidence-based and promising practices to address child traumatic stress. Each child’s treatment depends on the nature, timing, and amount of exposure to a trauma. Review Effective Treatments for Youth Trauma – 2004 (PDF | 55 KB) at the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (link is external). Families and caregivers should ask their pediatrician, family physician, school counselor, or clergy member for a referral to a mental health professional and discuss available treatment options. More Ways to Find Help Many U.S. agencies and other groups offer research and support related to child traumatic stress. Government Websites Division of Violence Prevention and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study at CDC Office for Victims of Crime at the Department of Justice National Center for PTSD at the Department of Veterans Affairs Pediatric Trauma and Critical Illness Branch at the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development Coping With Traumatic Events at the National Institute of Mental Health Other Organizations American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children (link is external) Children’s Mental Health Report at the Child Mind Institute (link is external) HealTorture.org (link is external) International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies (link is external) National Children's Advocacy Center (link is external) Sidran Institute (link is external) ================================================================= How to Talk About Mental Health Do you need help starting a conversation with your child about mental health? Try leading with these questions. Make sure you actively listen to your child’s response. Can you tell me more about what is happening? How you are feeling? Have you had feelings like this in the past? Sometimes you need to talk to an adult about your feelings. I’m here to listen. How can I help you feel better? Do you feel like you want to talk to someone else about your problem? I’m worried about your safety. Can you tell me if you have thoughts about harming yourself or others? When talking about mental health problems with your child you should: Communicate in a straightforward manner Speak at a level that is appropriate to a child or adolescent’s age and development level (preschool children need fewer details than teenagers) Discuss the topic when your child feels safe and comfortable Watch for reactions during the discussion and slow down or back up if your child becomes confused or looks upset Listen openly and let your child tell you about his or her feelings and worries ======================================================================== https://youth.gov/youth-topics/youth-mental-health/warning-signs Warning Signs If a youth has a constellation of risk factors, it is important to seek assistance for the young person and his or her family. If a family member or friend is concerned, discussing the issue with another family member, friend, spiritual counselor, family pediatrician, or primary doctor could be helpful. Signs and behaviors to look for include, among others: Marked fall in school performance Poor grades in school despite trying very hard Severe worry or anxiety, as shown by regular refusal to go to school, go to sleep or take part in activities that are normal for the child's age Frequent physical complaints Marked changes in sleeping and/or eating habits Extreme difficulties in concentrating that get in the way at school or at home Sexual acting out Depression shown by sustained, prolonged negative mood and attitude, often accompanied by poor appetite, difficulty sleeping or thoughts of death Severe mood swings Strong worries or anxieties that get in the way of daily life, such as at school or socializing Repeated use of alcohol and/or drugs1 Learn more about promoting, preventing, and treating mental health issues. 1 American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 2011 ============================================================================ https://www.samhsa.gov/find-treatment Seek immediate assistance if you think your child is in danger of harming themselves or others. You can call a crisis line or the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1.800.273.TALK (8255). Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) TTY: 1-800-799-4889 Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org (link is external) 24-hour, toll-free, confidential suicide prevention hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call is routed to the nearest crisis center in the national network of more than 150 crisis centers. SAMHSA's National Helpline 1-800-662-HELP (4357) TTY: 1-800-487-4889 Website: www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline Also known as, the Treatment Referral Routing Service, this Helpline provides 24-hour free and confidential treatment referral and information about mental and/or substance use disorders, prevention, and recovery in English and Spanish. Disaster Distress Helpline 1-800-985-5990 Website: www.samhsa.gov/find-help/disaster-distress-helpline Stress, anxiety, and other depression-like symptoms are common reactions after any natural or human-caused disaster. Call this toll-free number to be connected to the nearest crisis center for information, support, and counseling. Veteran's Crisis Line 1-800-273-TALK (8255) TTY: 1-800-799-4889 Website: www.veteranscrisisline.net (link is external) Connects veterans in crisis (and their families and friends) with qualified, caring Department of Veterans Affairs responders through a confidential, toll-free hotline, online chat, or text. ============================================================================== If your child is in need of community mental health services you can find help in your area. Give Feedback here @ depressionforums.org and: U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, 200 Independence Avenue, S.W. Washington, D.C. 20201
  4. Peer support offers promise for reducing depression symptoms February 15, 2011Media Contact: Ian Demsky Peer to Peer support showed better outcomes for depression than traditional care and similar results as cognitive behavioral therapy, study finds Peer support offers promise as an effective, low-cost tool for fighting depression, a new study by the VA Ann Arbor Healthcare System and University of Michigan Health System finds. Programs in which patients and volunteers share information were found to reduce symptoms of depression better than traditional care alone and were about as effective as cognitive behavioral therapy, researchers found after analyzing 10 randomized trials of peer support interventions for depression dating from 1987 to 2009. The analysis was the first of its kind to look at peer support specifically for depression, says lead author Paul Pfeiffer, M.D., M.S.,an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Michigan Medical School and researcher at the VA Ann Arbor Healthcare System. “Peer to Peer support is much less likely to be incorporated into the treatment of depression than for other conditions such as alcohol or substance abuse,” Pfeiffer says. “Our study combined data from small randomized trials and found peer support seems to be as effective for treating depression as some of the more established treatments.” The findings were recently published online ahead of print publication in General Hospital Psychiatry. Peer support has been found to decrease isolation, reduce stress, increase the sharing of health information and provide role models, the study points out. Since peer support programs often use volunteers and nonprofessionals – and can be done over the phone or Internet as well as in person – they have the potential to be widely available at relatively low cost, Pfeiffer says. The need for additional coping options is important when one considers that one third of patients taking anti-depressants for major depressive disorder still experience significant symptoms after trying four medicines, and more than half of people who achieve remission of their symptoms relapse within a year, he adds. “As a field, we should be looking at how to integrate peer support components into primary care and specialty treatment of depression,” Pfeiffer says, noting that additional, larger studies could also provide more insight. Funding: This research was supported by VA Health Services Research and Development Service, Michigan Diabetes Research and Training Center and the Michigan Institute for Clinical and Health Research. Additional U-M authors: Michele Heisler, M.D., John D. Piette, Ph.D., Mary A.M. Rogers, Ph.D., Marcia Valenstein, M.D. Heisler, Piette and Valenstein have VA appointments. Reference: “Efficacy of peer support interventions for depression: a meta-analysis,” General Hospital Psychiatry. doi:10.1016/j.genhosppsych.2010.10.002 Source: http://www.uofmhealth.org/News/peer_psychiatry_0215
  5. As a parent or caregiver, you want the best for your children or other dependents. You may be concerned or have questions about certain behaviors they exhibit and how to ensure they get help. What to Look For It is important to be aware of behaviors that your child may be struggling. You can play a critical role in knowing when your child may need help. Consult with a school counselor, school nurse, mental health provider, or another health care professional if your child shows one or more of the following behaviors: Feeling very sad or withdrawn for more than two weeks Seriously trying to harm or **** himself or herself, or making plans to do so Experiencing sudden overwhelming fear for no reason, sometimes with a racing heart or fast breathing Getting in many fights or wanting to hurt others Showing severe out-of-control behavior that can hurt oneself or others Not eating, throwing up, or using laxatives to make himself or herself lose weight Having intense worries or fears that get in the way of daily activities Experiencing extreme difficulty controlling behavior, putting himself or herself in physical danger or causing problems in school Using drugs or alcohol repeatedly Having severe mood swings that cause problems in relationships Showing drastic changes in behavior or personality Because children often can’t understand difficult situations on their own, you should pay particular attention if they experience: Loss of a loved one Divorce or separation of their parents Any major transition – new home, new school, etc. Traumatic life experiences, like living through a natural disaster Teasing or bullying Difficulties in school or with classmates Sen. Gordon Smith encourages others to "bring mental health issues out of the shadows." What to Do If you are concerned your child’s behaviors, it is important to get appropriate care. You should: Talk to your child's doctor, school nurse, or another health care provider and seek further information about the behaviors or symptoms that worry you Ask your child’s primary care physician if your child needs further evaluation by a specialist with experience in child behavioral problems Ask if your child’s specialist is experienced in treating the problems you are observing Talk to your medical provider about any medication and treatment plans How to Talk About Mental Health Do you need help starting a conversation with your child about mental health? Try leading with these questions. Make sure you actively listen to your child’s response. Can you tell me more about what is happening? How you are feeling?Have you had feelings like this in the past? Sometimes you need to talk to an adult about your feelings. I’m here to listen. How can I help you feel better? Do you feel like you want to talk to someone else about your problem? I’m worried about your safety. Can you tell me if you have thoughts about harming yourself or others? When talking about mental health problems with your child you should: Communicate in a straightforward manner Speak at a level that is appropriate to a child or adolescent’s age and development level (preschool children need fewer details than teenagers) Discuss the topic when your child feels safe and comfortable Watch for reactions during the discussion and slow down or back up if your child becomes confused or looks upset Listen openly and let your child tell you about his or her feelings and worries Glenn Close talks about her family's experience with mental health problems, and the importance of talking and learning about mental health issues. "I challenge every American family to no longer whisper about mental illness behind closed doors," she said. Learn More about Supporting Your Children There are many resources for parents and caregivers who want to know more about children’s mental health. Learn more about: Recognizing mental health problems in children exit disclaimer icon, how they are affected, and what you can do Diagnosing and treating children with mental health problems exit disclaimer icon Talking to children and youth after a disaster or traumatic event exit disclaimer icon (PDF – 796 KB) http://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content/SMA12-4732/SMA12-4732.pdf Get Help for Your Child Get Immediate Help People often don’t get the mental health services they need because they don’t know where to start. Talk to your primary care doctor or another health professional about mental health problems. Ask them to connect you with the right mental health services. If you do not have a health professional who is able to assist you, use these resources to find help for yourself, your friends, your family, or your students Seek immediate assistance if you think your child is in danger of harming themselves or others. You can call a crisis line or the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1.800.273.TALK (8255). SAMHSA Treatment Referral Helpline – 1‑877‑SAMHSA7 (1‑877‑726‑4727) Get general information on mental health and locate treatment services in your area. Speak to a live person, Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. EST. If your child is in need of community mental health services you can find help in your area. Give Feedback here @ depressionforums.org and: U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, 200 Independence Avenue, S.W. Washington, D.C. 20201
  6. Relationships have a great deal to do with depression. Relationships can be our inspiration and saving grace, or they can be the anchor that weighs us down and causes us pain. Our relationships can be irrevocably changed by revelations about our sexual identity, our sexual experience or lack thereof, or even our struggle with mental illness. These changes can instigate or exacerbate mental illness. Society's standards regarding perceived ‘norms’ of sexuality or sexual conduct can also affect our relationships. When our sexual identity, or even our past sexual experience, does not fit into what society perceives as ‘normal,’ our sense of self-worth, self-identity, and our ability to relate to others can be damaged. This damage can lead to struggles with mental illness. How have society's expectations about sexuality affected your relationships? While it is natural to focus on the negative stereotypes placed on women regarding sexuality, men are just as affected by perceived society's norms of sexuality as women are, and yet their issues are rarely discussed. This thread is to discuss how society's perceptions affect our sense of sexuality, and how that affects our sense of identity, our mental health, and our relationships.
  7. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. We met through my ex who used to be mentally abusive to me. I had no friends and he was trying to turn me away from my family too. His mate didn't like this and broke us up but we fell for each other in the process. We've always been happy but because of my previous relationship I'm constantly in fear of it going wrong. I adore my boyfriend and we've talked about getting married and having a family. Over the past few months my mood has plummeted and I am depressed. My boyfriend doesn't know how to deal with it and constantly puts me down and tells me to snap out of it and things like that. I don't feel he is helping in fact I feel like he is doing the opposite. He thinks my depression is a load of rubbish but I feel like its destroying me. There is no way I could leave him but I don't know what to say to him or how to get him realise that this is serious. Has anyone got any tips for me? Thanks xx
  8. I'm serious. The only times in my life I look forward to anymore are my early morning runs, especially on weekends when I can take my time. I actually look forward to it so much I obsess about doing it. I go to the local park and run for 30-45 minutes (I'd run even longer but I have to watch my lower back where I have some scar tissue from surgery about 8 years ago). During that time I feel no pressure and I escape. I run by a river and let nature take me over. Trouble is, I can't maintain that feeling. Within an hour of returning home, sadness and loneliness and my empty house start to overtake me again and I start to feel like a failure again. If only I could maintain that elation I feel on those running trails. Guess those endorphins are only temporary and not a solution. Is that all that's left for me in life? Periodic 45 minute shots of temporary happiness? Pathetic, isn't it? I work as a graphic artist professionally, but I'm trying to write and draw a graphic novel on the side. I can't even get my creative juices flowing anymore because depression has locked them up. It's so freaking frustrating. I'm a good person. How did it come to this?
  9. I have a friend with bipolar, suspected schizophrenia and bulimia (We'll call her Georgie). She's basically the same age as me and we're both going into our final year at high school. Since the middle of last year she has really been struggling with self harm and suicide attempts. She ended up in a clinic after her second or third suicide attempt and years worth of self harm in many different forms. We thought after 6 weeks in there, things were looking up for her, but recently she's only gotten worse. She was misdiagnosed (and consequently mistreated) with depression and it's only fairly recently that she's been put on meds for bipolar. The only problem is, they seem to do absolutely nothing. It wasn't sure whether she'd come back to school to finish this year or she'd take a year away from everything and then do the final year in 2013 but she's decided to come back. Over the holidays she was excercising excessively every day and (I assume) purging basically every meal, which she's continued doing. She also recently broke up with her boyfriend of five months (he dumped her on their anniversary over facebook) and last night, some stuff that he said was misinterperated by her as him saying that he wished he was dead and she overdosed again and landed herself in hospital overnight. She's so casual about the whole situation, making jokes about what happened in hospital and laughing about the voices in her head and what they were saying, but it feels like she just throws everything onto me and one of our mutual friends (Let's call her Paula). I'm sure she doesn't mean to put so much pressure on us and it's nice that she trusts us so much, but it gets so hard when all her problems become yours and you find yourself lying in bed at night struggling with the thought of her being gone forever. I am 'normal', whatever that means, but I do know this Paula has had troubles with cutting and purging as well and takes everything that happens to heart, because they made a 'self harm pact' which she's stuck to much more strongly than Georgie so she blames herself. Paula is definitely overcoming her issues well and is staying strong but we both find it so difficult when Georgie makes an attempt at her life or comes to school with a whole new set of scars on her arms. Basically, what I'm looking for is some kind of magic fix to make it all go away! As if it could be that easy!! I don't want her to die, but there's nothing I can do outside of school to stop her from hearing her brother saying spiteful things or the bank closing too early and it's hard when you have no control over these things. Do you have any suggestions to help her hang in there while we wait for her psych to find the right selection of meds to make her feel better?
  10. Hey, New member here. I was wondering if anybody else here has had to deal with this. I'm a college Sophomore and I have never been in a romantic relationship in my life. I have been interested in other people, but either they didn't return my feelings or I simply felt there was no point in pursuing them because they would never want to date me. In hindsight I've had symptoms of depression for a long time, but I was diagnosed only 6 months ago. I understand I have a severe lack of confidence (it affects almost every part of my life) and now I realize I have a deep fear that my deeply rooted self-loathing, low self-esteem and moodiness will ruin any relationship I start. I feel that if I come to care about someone, I will not want to have them suffer through my problems. The advice I have seen is that I should deal with my "issues" before starting to date, but I feel very uncertain right now about how long it will take for me to get my depression fully in check or if that is even possible in the short term (5 years). I'm not really asking for advice (though its certainly welcome) I was mostly wondering if others have had these thoughts, how its affected them, how they have dealt/lived with them.
  11. Hey guys, My boyfriend and I have been going out for nearly 3 years and we are the best of friends. One of the things that brings us together is our strong morals, one of them being we are strongly against drugs. However, his parents (mainly his father) has been using drugs for a rather long time. And I have begun to notice it. All the symptoms are there, and the smell is just disgusting. My partner and I are both 19 but he has young siblings too. His mother claims to love her kids completely and care for them, but I know she used to smoke it too, although I am not sure if she has given it up. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend feels like he can't even hold a decent conversation with his dad because he is always too high to talk to anyone. I don't know what to do. I am very against drugs of any kind, and normally I would tell the police, but the big family of 7 rely on his income. But I am scared and confused. He can get very violent, and he is also an alcoholic, and he sometimes drink drives. My boyfriend wishes there was something he could do (he has told his mother, but she just says "ohh" and walks off), and I feel like I can't do anything because I don't want to tear the family apart. Help? Thankyou. Sorry it was so long.
  12. Hi guys, I have had depression most of my life, I've identified it, and am dealing with it - most people know now (friends and family) and the meds keep me up. Still going through NHS hoops to get the right help - but that's another story. My partner of 10 yrs is struggling to know what to do. He gives me advice - but It's from his head and how he feels. I think he needs some coping mechanisms himself and learn what not to say, how to encourage and how to deal with things when I'm bad. He's in it for the long run. I want to try and point him in the right direction to get some help on how to deal with me when I'm bad or just generally without making me feel worse. At the moment, only people who have had depression and anxiety seem to understand what I'm going through and I think he needs some help, resources, things he can read. I'm building him an online notebook of links or places he can go to understand as an outsider of my illness - he's not depressed but he says I'm making him depressed! Any advice? Sticky's on this forum? Websites for help? How does your other half cope? I've told him to look at my 'Mind over Mood' book and DF but not sure if that's the best advice for him. Thanks xx
  13. I am using this post and forum as a reach for help in my situation. Most of the times when things get bad, I let them slide and try not to worry about them anymore but when its a never ending battle that you just cant win anymore, you know its time to take action. Anyways let me give you some insight as to why I am here and why I am writing this. I am a 25 year old female from Oregon and I absolutely hate my life. Sometimes I think where did I go wrong or why has my life come to this. I have no close friends here. None. No one that can call me or text me or say "hey lets hang out" Its really hard meeting people and connecting to someone the older you get. My best friend lives all the way in LA and its so hard not having her here with me. While I see other people going out with their friends enjoying their youth. Im stuck at home messing around on the computer or just hide myself in my room. I have no friends to where I can vent to them and tell them whats really going on with me. Sometimes I think Im a burden to them or they really dont like me so they never text or want to hang out. My family life is an absolute joke. My mother and I never get along. I still do live at home (which I hate) because I cannot afford to move out. My mom is the most negative, unhappy, moody, depressed person I ever known and Im worried some of her bad energy has rubbed off on me too much. There is no way around that woman. We NEVER get along but when we do things are good. I wish we can get along all of the time but thats not the case. I barely can even speak with her because she will find something to snap at me about. She picks on me constantly. I have gained over 60 pounds these past couple of years due to my depression and a job I had that was constantly bringing me down. I used to be the skinny, pretty girl in my family, now I feel everyone looks at me in absolute disgust. My mom constantly tells me I need to loose weight and get my life in order...like its so easy to do, maybe for some people it is but for me its not. She doesnt realize how much of what she says brings me down and makes me feel worse then I already do. When I tell her to stop saying what she says to me, she yells and tells me its for my own good. I know there is something bothering her too (I feel like shes bipolar btw) she needs help just as much as I do. I do love my mom so much and love everything she has done for me, but why does she have to be so mean most of the time? I never understand it. My dad and I are cool but he's more of a friend then a parent and in some ways Im okay with that. I have two older sisters and as much as I love them, they are just as hard on me like my mother is. My oldest sister has issues with depression and I feel like when she takes stuff out of me, she needs to look at herself and not be so judgement, plus she has a horrible temper that can drive any sane person insane. My other sister Im not as close to as I used to be, probably because she is married and pregnent and is too busy with life, which is fine by me. There really is not much to say about her. I stay home most of the time and hate it. I hate being stuck to my room. I dont even have a drivers lisence and I dont know why I still dont. The only thing I have going for me is I am a straight A college student. I do love school and feel its the only thing going good in my life. I put all of my energy into school and my schoolwork cuz its the only thing going good for me. I would like to get my lisence and loose weight this year but I am lacking motivation because I am so unhappy. My anxiety is through the roof and I dont know how I can get help. If you are reading this, the thought that you took time out of your day to read this and hear me out means so much to me. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
  14. A letter that I will never mail ... You lured me winsomely into your web, a black widow spider. Waiting, accumulating the ammunition of my pain to fire back at me like poison. You saw me coming, kindness and acceptance to cover your shame, later to find out I was broken and unworthy. Didn't you know? Only the wounded can heal. After I had met your need, you feasted on me and spit me out. It hurts so much to be known and rejected... Sadly, now I have known and rejected you.
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