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Found 10 results

  1. Hi all, I have been suffering with something lately - 20 years to be more specific - which is so stupid but is ruining my life at the same time. For those of you who don't know, I have a very severe case of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder which basically has robbed me of my ability to function in life. Now it has spilled into my digital life too. I have a desktop computer and a tablet which both had to be recently formatted. No big deal, but I constantly have to make sure I do everyting in a specific order. All settings have to be set in a certain way, all programs have to be configured in a certain way, and I am constantly checking the screen to make sure I did something right, even though it's right in front of me. Some tasks have to be done at a certain hour-minute-second. Every time there is a new software update, I have to drop everything I'm doing and update said software. If I don't do it right away, I get anxious, like I'm losing control. It's nothing to be upset about, yet I worry about it no matter how hard I try. This is beyond ridiculous and I can't take it anymore. I don't even know where to go for help at this rate. I can't see my therapist anymore and there are procedures that are too expensive. I am taking medication, but it's not helping. I can't find anything around my area in terms of help. Anybody have thoughts, feelings, experiences, opinions, whatever? - KS
  2. Hi folks, I have bipolar II and OCD (amongst other things). My OCD symptoms (compulsive hoarding/collecting, intrusive thoughts of injury, etc.) are totally out of whack since I went off Celexa. Celexa was great for my OCD, I had everything on lockdown, but then I had a hypomanic episode induced by Remeron....so now I'm only taking Seroquel and Depakote. The Depakote is short-term and will be switched to Lamictal at my next appointment. Now, I know that once I am all the way up around 300mg of the Seroquel that it will start having serotonergic effects. I saw online also that there were promising studies about Lamictal helping with OCD. But by far, the best evidence seems to be for SSRI's or tricyclics. Is there anyone else out there who is bipolar II and also OCD? I think I really want to try Prozac once I'm all levelled out, or maybe back to Celexa, but my pdoc is adamant right now that I can't take antidepressants until stable, and even then maybe not ever. I feel like OCD is ruining my life. I have no motivation to walk my dogs, to clean my house, to work...but I am positively DRIVEN to expand my collection of nail polish. Any other comorbid OCD/bipolars in the house? How do you and your doc treat it?
  3. hey whats doing im 17 i live in melbourne australia ive had really really bad sensorimotor ocd for more than five years now and its ruined my ******* life. i used to be an A+ student, a national level sprinter and one of the popular kids at school, but the smocd forced me to quit as i just couldnt train anymore, and i now barely pass in school. i love sport so much but i cant play, i cant do anything i dont leave the house much apart from school. ima very out-going sociable person and ive been told im the funniest person alive by people, but the smocd makes me unable to socialise with anyone, i just cant be myself i cant talk or do anything. i just wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability without having the smocd affecting me. i now have no true close friends, i feel so alone like no one understands the hell i am going through 24/7. to describe what my problem is: breathing, as in im always thinking about it and cant stop paying attention to it and doing it, always trying to take a bigger and more complete breath thats feels right otherwise i feel really really uncomfortable; blinking, as in i cant stop thinking about it and i cant stop blinking constantly, like literally every 1 2 seconds; sometimes swallowing; fingers feel uncomfortable so i have to keep cracking them; armpits feel uncomfortable in a shirt; various parts of bosy feel uncomfortable and i need to scratch several times, usually both sides of body, like if one arm then other arm same part too; cant stop sniffling and thinking about it, same with clearing my throat, and lastly this is really hard to explain but i cant stop like tensing without meaning to? like i cant stop putting pressure if you know what i mean? this and the blinking and breathing are the worst, they are there every second of every day its a ******* nightmare. im in year 12 so i need to study but i cant concentrate and i have no energy, i really need help im so desperate i pray every night, its all ill ever want, my only wish, just for it to go away. i just wanna start and live my life with the smocd gone forever, please help me! im seeing a psychologist but we just talk, we havent done anything to help me really, i want to try erp and cbt and anything that will help! and im on lovan but it doesnt really help that much, i have some good days occasionally, but usually its s***. at school every recess and lunch and even during class i got to the toilets to try to make myself feel right but it doesnt work and the rest of my day is s***, i just keep my head down and go into my shell as it gets so bad i cant socialise with anyone. the longest ive ever gone without the smocd has been five hours about a month ago, but i have been unable to repeat that as yet. im trying really hard to find ways to beat it because im fed up i just wanna live. i felt really alone when i first googled ocd because it was the closest sounding thing to what i had, but it wasnt the same, i didnt do or feel any of the things that were in the common symptoms. recently i delved deeper to be more specific about my ocd but ive only found the ocd chicago article which is amazing, and everything dr. steven seay has written. it feels really good to know im not alone and that others are going through the same s*** and understand what im feeling. to anyone else going through this s*** hit me up ! sorry for the huge ******* post my bad, this is just some straight from the heart emotional s***. i just really wanna be able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, to the best of my ability without the smocd affecting me. so is there anyone else here that has the same problem?
  4. I have moderate/severe OCD comorbid with moderate/severe depression. I am now on Effexor. I just started today and so obviously it hasn't started working but I come to you all for help as well as my doctor and therapist. I was wondering if any of you have felt like you could never be positive, and that you couldn't be a part of society? Have any of you ever felt you would rather be in misery because while it hurts, it is a comfortable place? I feel defective right now. Has anyone felt this way, or is it just me? I feel like a bottomless pit. I can't concentrate on anything. Please help...
  5. Hi, I have been on Pristiq for 3 weeks now. Lots of side effects that have not subsided yet (spaced out, very tired and wired at the same time, anxiety and tremors, headaches, palpitations). Some days are better than others and on those days I have a bit of hope as far as my depression/bipolar goes. But the past few days I have been in a much deeper depression and I am losing hope again. The side effects are bad as well. My questions are: Is it possible that the med simply has not kicked in yet? Is there hope that it might? Is 3 weeks long enough to know? and Is it possible for these side effects to diminish? Any responses are welcome and appreciated! Thanks, Jen
  6. Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum and not really sure where to post. I'm asking that people anyone who would be kind enough to give some insight will. I will so appreciate your help! This is going to be some what long but I will do my best to short as much as I can. Our story. I'm a girl. The problem is my boyfriend. We are both in our thirties. He has been married twice and had two horrible divorces. I myself had been married twice. I was married when I met my now boyfriend. Dont judge please. My marriage had had many problems along the way and I did allow myself to fall hard for my boyfriend. He lives with his parents due to after the divorce trying to get back on his feet. I live alone with my two very well behaved teenage daughters. My boyfriend and I have been together for roughly a year and half. He told me right off that he was ADD/OCD. I really never met someone who was. I really didnt know everything to know about it. I'm trying to learn. So when we first met we had very strong feelings for each other. We had been together roughly two months and things got shakey. He said he needed some time. I freaked. Thought he was just using me or I was a fling for him. The more I pushed to figure out what was wrong the more upset he got and was very mad. He basically didnt want to see me, or talk to me just wanted me to leave him alone. I could not understand this. And all of it was like a flip of a switch. So after about a month and half he sends me a message and said he needs me. I went to him. He said I love you, and I wanted to talk to you for about a month now. Now during this whole time begining to end he would tell me I love you. That never changed. So that day we talked, cried and basically got back together with the understanding he is a trainwreck and Its going to be a rollercoaster. I said I'm willing to try if you are. So Things started out slow. It was hard for me to trust him. About a month and half later I left and filed for a divorce. I'm living freely and happy with my choice. So now, he would vist and call, text said he was happy, I was happy. But he would never spend the night and I couldnt understand that one either. He would never give me a reason. As time went on we would nap together in bed and have sex. He sometimes had problems keeping an erection or if he did it wasnt all the way hard. Sometimes sex was difficult for him and I know he was upset. I tried to make him know, I love him anyway. The summer came, I met the family seemed everything was great. We spent as much time together as we could. Then Christmas and Thanksgiving came. It was great. We bought each other presents had the holidays with his family and I was so happy. New years came we celebrated. Then I had noticed that the text were getting fewer. I thought no biggie, he had had alot of stress at work. This was usually when he would text due to his schedule. Then a little later, he all of a sudden said he was in bad mood. I asked why like I thought anyone would with someone they love. I got IDK. I asked is it me? IS it us? He says why is it always about me or us? Then started the whole I want to me left alone thing. He missed my birthday, but did send a text. We talked occasionally and he'd always say hes commited to me and our relationship, that he knows he loves me with all of his heart, hes trying, he doesnt want anyone else. just needs time to get his head straight. Its been almost a month and half and I've seen him maybe 4 very short times. One was intimate. I ask him alot of questions cause I need answers. I get alot of IDK, Im sorrry. But he always tells me he loves me and said he wouldnt cheat or I'm not a fling (all questions I have asked him). I couldnt figure anything out so I talked to his parents. Mom didnt seem to notice anything. Dad thought that we had been fighting. Said its not usual for his son to stay home so much. Told me that our son is strange if you havent noticed which made me very mad. Yes he is hard to figure out. Mom did say he never talked about stuff. The more you push the more he'd back up like a turtle in a shell. So one time I asked him all the stuff your feeling in your head, is this? IS it that? Basically he said its anxieties. I asked him if its from ADD/OCD he said yes. My question is I know we love each other. I know he's afraid of marriage says he will never do it agian. And trust me I have heard stories. I dont know the ex wives side but he was abused too. But everytime this happens he runs. He doesnt want to see me and doesnt want to talk to me. Occasionally will say I love you, I'm trying or something. But can be days. I'm not use to that. However he goes to work, He goes to church and does some body training with a friend. So it seems I'm the only one that isnt seeing him. I have to admit hes not been going out as much tho socially with friends. Even his dad said so. I love this man, I have changed my whole life to be with him. He knows all of this. He says hes not going anywhere just needs time. This is ripping my heart out. And I dont want to offend anyone but It just seems mean and cold and heartless. It makes me think he is just using me, that I'm blind and dumb and hes mean. I dont want to feel that way, I am trying to learn what he's going thru also. I've asked him so many times to talk with me. He wont. He does do CBT but I was told its for anger management, and I believe there is more to that. I dont know that it helps him tho. He does group settings and he isnt one to talk to people. I dont think he does any meds either. And no I cant suggest anything to him cause of his anger. I'm sorry its so long, I'm lost, hurt and I have tried so hard. Its been a month and half now, I dont know how much stronger I am. I feel broken. Please help.
  7. I want to simplify life to focus on what is important but I can't with all this crap begging to be organized. I'm easily distracted. Even picking which forum thread to read first is hard. Then I want to read them all. Everyone has faced this dilemma before. If not, you're heartless or careless or balanced. So friends, help me out. Im cleaning up and thinking about what to throw away and what to keep. I hate throwing perfectly good things away. Its bad because I do it every time I clean. But I can't have a GOODWILL box in my house. So whats the rule, if you havent used it in xx throw it out? If its worth more than xx sell it? Or give everything to goodwill and feel better? I don't have much room here in NYC I believe I will restore, sell or use everything one day. But rarely do I don't like wasting things, even food. I'm talking; phone cords, chargers, magazines, old clothes/ computer parts. NOT PAPER AND TRASH. Ok I save 1 too many cardboard boxes. This is for my mental health and physical space. Don't judge me. I'm not moving, but I hate moving, so it's like moving, except im not moving :lmao: Please tell me something that makes it click, I go through this everytime i clean and it is unproductive. This explains it http://www.heroicdes...minimalism/1498.
  8. I've been on and off medications for anxiety and depresison ever since the middle of High School, I stopped for a couple years because everything seemed to be fine. But I still had some anxiety problems, mostly social but I seemed to handle those well enough that I deemed myself working just fine without any medication. Now I forget what my doctor first tried to get me on some years ago, but i know they made me so zombie like i couldn't even stay away. And then last april he tried again, but I stopped taking them when they started to make me ill. I suddenly regret this because I back in November, I suddenly had a bad spike of OCD. Since I was young, I was diagnosed with some forms of OCD but my doctors after that along with my family never persued to keep track of it. But now that I think back to thoughts and behaviours I had throughout my childhood and teen years and the last few years of adult hood that I should have seen this coming. In November I was sitting, talking to my boyfriend when he just got off the computer for the night to go to bed since he had school in the morning. I was smiling, thinking of thoughts of love, when suddenly my thoughts spiked and changed. To thoughts of hating him, not loving him, having several....sexual thoughts of others (Same sex, opposite sex) this seemed to clear up after a while then in the middle of January they returned with a vengence. From what I read this is a typical sign of ROCD and HOCD. My doctor had prescribed me zoloft but that only made me ten times worse then i already was. I couldn't even move my body, my head hurt constantly and I was drained the entire day. I stopped taking them and I noticed my mind went blank and my emotions numb. This remained for a week until my doctor gave me Effexor XR instead. It's only been a week since i started taking them. My intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend have returned and its disturbing me greatly although the last few days haven't been as bad. I keep reading up on this medication and all i hear is horror stories about it that make me not want to be on it. I haven't really had that much side effects. besides some loss of appitete, drowiness and weakness. I would put insomnia down because I've always had trouble sleeping in the past. But I have noticed I been waking more often during the night when i do sleep and having night sweats although i noticed I was having these at least a few days before taking the meds. Are there anyone out there with OCD that have taking effexor XR and have had good results? My dosage at the moment is 37.5mg daily.
  9. Hey guys, I was just thinking today (which I do think alot about) what does it feel like to be really happy? Or even just to think "normally"? I really dont know...I wonder if ppl who are just naturally happy and never have to deal with harsh things in life think differently than I do..in fact Im pretty sure they must... It would be so amazing to just think normally and not worry about becoming "tappy" or "OCD" about things and even more than that just not to go to that really depressed dark place every time something happens or someone upsets me...it would be amazing to just never feel that way or be able to brush it off like its nothing. Life is so much harder with depression and most of the time Im so confused as to how Im supposed to feel, how am I supposed to feel about friends? About boyfriends? About working? About life? Right now Im pretty depressed about life...it seems that only celebrities with lots of money and fans get to live the lives they want and all the rest of us just suffer with jobs that we hate, relationships we settle for and friends who arent always the best then our lives are done. What is the point to that? Is it only suffering on this plain? I hope not...I hope this is just my depression talking but life seems so pointless... I dunno, Im also kind of upset about things with my bf I love him so much but at times he makes me so upset and it is a scary thought to spend the rest of my life with one person...I mean I am a very faithful good person that way and I will always do my best to be, but like what if I am a full lesbian and dont even realise it? Because I have a long term commited relationship (and I do love him alot he`s my best friend) I cant experiment with girls or have relationships with them to see...what if I get married and never know I really am and I could have been having a much more fulfilling life with a woman? lol I dont know that sounds so bad but its something I worry about I mean I cant really go see who I am now... :( urgh lol I feel like such a bad person for even writing that becasue I do love him alot and prob will marry him but I`ve only dated bad boys before him that were not very good relationships and I started dating him right out of high school so I dont know anything else..its just so confusing... I dont want my life to revolve around working but it seems like nowadays we just have to we have no choice we have to work and make money but that isnt my goal in life I think its pointless and stupid waste of time...I`d rather be on a spiritually fulfilling journey than a slave to someone else...I would love to have a family and want to do that but want to do something great with my life and I just either feel like its too late to start or that I would never have the money or resources to fulfill my dreams...*sigh* so whats the point to life? All I feel like Im doing is going through a daily routine and sleeping and thats it...its nothing magnificent Im not changing the world with every day like I want to...Im just wasting time and I hate it. I just dont know what to do. The only time I really feel hopeful about life is if I`ve smoked pan lol I feel like thats the only time I think normally and can get anything done and I know it shouldnt have to come to that. But dont worry Im not addicted to it or anything I just occassionally share some with my roomates because nothing else works for my depression and anxiety it seems...I really want to get a green card I think I will try I know thats a hot topic subject though but just know I a m very responsible with it and know what Im doing with it. I feel like Im such a downer when I write these blogs Im sorry lol but this is how I feel Im just so bored and disillusioned with life I need something to spark my passion again desperately...I want to live desperately I just need more of a purpose in my life and more of a clear vision I think, but thats hard to come by. Right now Im starting to see a new counsellor who seems really good and is nice but I can only see her once a month for about 6 times so thats nothing and not nearly enough to help me I dont think, I think Im gonna have to go to the other counselling place tomorrow and ask for some more constant counselling because Im used to once a week and thats always been helpful to me. I`ve also decided to come off my anti-depressants because I want to know how I truly feel about things and also to make my system more clean and pure and not have any medications in my system, just do it all holistically, so Im gonna give that a try. Thats going great so far, I`ve just been a little more down and short tempered than usual but besides that it feels the same as before. I dont think they were doing very much for me. Does anyone have any advice on how to get a green card for depression and anxiety? Im nervous to bring up something like that with my doctor! but I know it would help me leaps and bounds! Thanks for listening guys, Sorry for being such a downer today! Love Brit
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