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  1. Valentine’s Day Valentine’s Day occurs every February 14. Across the United States and in other places around the world, candy, flowers and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and where did these traditions come from? Find out about the history of Valentine’s Day, from the ancient Roman ritual of Lupercalia that welcomed spring to the card-giving customs of Victorian England. The Legend of St. Valentine Saint Valentine, who according to some sources is actually two distinct historical characters who were said to have healed a child while imprisoned and executed by decapitation. Fototeca Gilardi/Getty Images The history of Valentine’s Day–and the story of its patron saint–is shrouded in mystery. We do know that February has long been celebrated as a month of romance, and that St. Valentine’s Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. But who was Saint Valentine, and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? READ MORE: Who Was the Real St. Valentine? The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Still others insist that it was Saint Valentine of Terni, a bishop, who was the true namesake of the holiday. He, too, was beheaded by Claudius II outside Rome. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl–possibly his jailor’s daughter–who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and–most importantly–romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France. Origins of Valentine’s Day: A Pagan Festival in February While some believe that Valentine’s Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine’s death or burial–which probably occurred around A.D. 270–others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to “Christianize” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus. READ MORE: 6 Surprising Facts About St. Valentine To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification. They would then strip the goat’s hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage. Valentine’s Day: A Day of Romance K.J. Historical/Corbis/Getty Images Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity but was outlawed—as it was deemed “un-Christian”–at the end of the 5th century, when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day. It was not until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine’s Day should be a day for romance. The English poet Geoffrey Chaucer was the first to record St. Valentine’s Day as a day of romantic celebration in his 1375 poem “Parliament of Foules,” writing, ““For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne’s day / Whan every foul cometh ther to choose his mate.” Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written Valentine’s didn’t begin to appear until after 1400. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. (The greeting is now part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England.) Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois. READ MORE: Momentous Kisses Through History Who Is Cupid? Cupid is often portrayed on Valentine’s Day cards as a naked cherub launching arrows of love at unsuspecting lovers. But the Roman God Cupid has his roots in Greek mythology as the Greek god of love, Eros. Accounts of his birth vary; some say he is the son of Nyx and Erebus; others, of Aphrodite and Ares; still others suggest he is the son of Iris and Zephyrus or even Aphrodite and Zeus (who would have been both his father and grandfather). According to the Greek Archaic poets, Eros was a handsome immortal played with the emotions of Gods and men, using golden arrows to incite love and leaden ones to sow aversion. It wasn’t until the Hellenistic period that he began to be portrayed as the mischievous, chubby child he’d become on Valentine’s Day cards. Typical Valentine’s Day Greetings In addition to the United States, Valentine’s Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France and Australia. In Great Britain, Valentine’s Day began to be popularly celebrated around the 17th century. By the middle of the 18th, it was common for friends and lovers of all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes, and by 1900 printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one’s feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine’s Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began selling the first mass-produced valentines in America. Howland, known as the “Mother of the Valentine,” made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as “scrap.” Today, according to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated 145 million Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year, making Valentine’s Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year (more cards are sent at Christmas). Women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines. Victorian-Era Valentines Could Be Mean and Hostile Ah, the season of love. Most Valentine's Days, we cram as many romantic activities into the day as possible. Candlelit dinners. Couples' massages. Cocktails at a swanky lounge. But this year, things are different. Amid the coronavirus pandemic, many of us are spending Valentine's Day at home. And while that might sound boring, it's actually the perfect excuse to plan a special indoor date or family activity. Whether you're celebrating with your special someone, your Galentines, or your entire fam, we're here to help you plan the ultimate at-home Valentine's Day bash. Our best tip is to make the day as over-the-top and festive as possible. Wear matching outfits. Recreate your first date. Surprise your S.O. with breakfast in bed. The more thought you put into the day, the better. And to cap off your holiday, make sure you exchange gifts. For example, you might want to pick up one of the best Valentine's Day gifts for her or the most romantic gifts for him. 1Make breakfast in bed. MIKE GARTEN There's no better way to start the day than with breakfast in bed. Put a tray together for your partner — and don't forget to include as many heart-shaped food items as possible. It's a simple way to say "I love you" before your partner even takes a sip of their coffee. RELATED: 30 Delicious Valentine's Day Breakfast Ideas for a Romantic Morning 2Wear matching outfits. PATPAT patpat.com $6.99 SHOP NOW The easiest way to make any holiday even more festive is by wearing matching outfits. These heart shirts are oh-so-cute — but really, any pink or red getups will do. 3Decorate! AWW SAM Make your home a romantic oasis by decking it out with sweet heart-shaped items. We love this donut peg wall — treats + decor = double win! — but there are so many incredible DIY Valentines' Day decorations that you can whip up in no time. Get the tutorial at Aww Sam » 4Make a photo book. ARTIFACT UPRISING artifactuprising.com $59.00 SHOP NOW Sure, a photo book makes a great Valentine's Day gift. But putting one together also makes a great Valentine's Day activity. Grab your sweetie and compile all your favorite photos. You'll have so much fun reminiscing on your favorite memories. 5Recreate your first date. NEYYAGETTY IMAGES Here's an opportunity to go all out: recreate your first date — at home. If you went to a coffee shop, whip up some artisanal coffees. If you went to a romantic restaurant, print the menu and try to make one of the dishes in your kitchen. If you went to the zoo, print pictures of the animals you saw and put them in frames around the living room. Get creative and remember to tell your partner everything you loved about them on that very first day. RELATED: 100 Most Romantic Date Ideas Ever 6Take a class. MAREN CARUSOGETTY IMAGES Little ones deserve to have a festive Valentine's Day too. To get them in on the fun, sign them up for a V-Day-themed virtual class. Websites like Outschool and Eventbrite have options from baking and letter writing to dancing and singing. 7Make a charcuterie board. JON LOVETTEGETTY IMAGES There's no better snack to nibble on all day than a charcuterie board. Add whichever treats you like, and don't forget to pair your cheeses and jams with the perfect wines. Not a fan of cheese and crackers? Try a different type of charcuterie board, like one made with candy or desserts. 8Send a Valentine. If you can't be with your sweetie in person this year, then you might as well send them something sweet in the mail. This chic set from Godiva includes three chocolate truffle flavors: milk chocolate, milk chocolate caramel, and dark chocolate strawberry. 9Make cards. ROBMATTINGLEYGETTY IMAGES Card-making is a great way to get crafty and creative. Pull out your art supplies and put together the most festive combinations of pink and red — or anything else! This is a fun activity for kids and adults, and no matter what your relationship status, there's always someone in your life who would appreciate a DIY Valentine's Day card. 10Plan a game night. WESTEND61GETTY IMAGES If you and your S.O. love competition, then plan a fun game night for Valentine's Day. With enough cocktails and snacks, it'll be perfectly romantic. You can also play easier games for a fun family-friendly activity. RELATED: 20 Fun and Easy Valentine's Day Games 11Take a virtual mixology class. MITCHELLPICTURESGETTY IMAGES Valentine's Day is the perfect excuse to get fancy with your drinks. BROWSE MIXOLOGY CLASSES 12Plan a movie marathon. ELKORGETTY IMAGES Take a chill approach to Valentine's Day this year. Instead of planning a ton of activities, plan an all-day movie marathon. The lineup can include the best romantic comedies — and lots and lots of snacks. 13Ask conversations starters. TABLETOPICS TABLETOPICSamazon.com $25.00 SHOP NOW Sure, you and your partner have incredible conversations all the time — but that doesn't mean you can't benefit from a little inspiration on special occasions. This conversation-starter set includes 135 questions, from "what song reminds you of a romantic time that we spent together?" to "if we were a superhero tag-team what would our powers be?" 14Write a love letter. TETRA IMAGESGETTY IMAGES Whether you're seeing your partner in person or celebrating from afar, there's nothing more romantic than sending them a love letter. Make your letter personal: include all the reasons you love them or list all your favorite memories. It'll be a keepsake they save for years to come. RELATED: How to Write a Love Letter, According to Experts 15Or letters of gratitude. JGI/TOM GRILLGETTY IMAGES When you're done writing a letter to your special someone, write a few letters of appreciation to the other important people in your life. A letter of gratitude or friendship can go a long way in making your loved ones feel special. 16Cook a romantic dinner. MIKE GARTEN You might not be able to go out to the hottest restaurant in town this year, but that doesn't mean you can't indulge in a delicious dinner. Prepare something decadent that the two of you love, and dress up as if you're going out. If you're celebrating Valentine's Day on Zoom, prepare the same meal and eat it together. You can compare notes on recipes. RELATED: 55 Perfect Valentine's Day Dinner Ideas for a Romantic Night at Home Depressionforums.org
  2. Lindsay

    Mothers' Day

    Mothers' Day The modern holiday of Mother's Day was first celebrated in 1908, when Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother at St Andrew's Methodist Church in Grafton, West Virginia. ... In 1914, Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation designating Mother's Day, held on the second Sunday in May, as a national holiday to honor mothers. Happy Mother's Day to all the Mother's on Depressionforums.org and to all our Guests! ~ Depression Forums ~
  3. Debbers

    DF

    There are people here in indescribable pain, yet they write things that are so profoundly touching and illuminating. Every day I read things that touch my heart and I just want to wrap my arms around each author and cry with them. In my heart, I do. I think about you when I'm at work., or the hospital or when I'm doing artwork. Through all of your pain, you make me aware of how much tenderness exists in the world. Thank you all for being in my life, for inspiring me, for being kind to me and above all, staying true.
  4. Forum Admin

    Valentine's Day

    Valentine's Day in the United States Valentine's Day is celebrated on February 14. It is a festival of romantic love and many people give cards, letters, flowers or presents to their spouse or partner. They may also arrange a romantic meal in a restaurant or night in a hotel. Common symbols of Valentine's Day are hearts, red roses and Cupid. What Do People Do? Many people celebrate their love for their partner by sending cards or letters, giving gifts or flowers and arranging meals in restaurants or romantic nights in hotels. People who would like to have a romantic relationship with somebody may use the occasion to make this known, often anonymously. Valentine's cards are often decorated with images of hearts, red roses or Cupid. Common Valentine's Day gifts are flowers chocolates, candy, lingerie and Alcohol or sparkling alcohol. However, some people use the occasion to present lavish gifts, such as jewelry. Many restaurants and hotels have special offers at this time. These can include romantic meals or weekend breaks. Public Life Valentine's Day is not a public holiday. Government offices, stores, schools and other organizations are open as usual. Public transit systems run on their regular schedule. Restaurants may be busier than usual as many people go out for an evening with their spouse or partner. Valentine's Day is also a very popular date for weddings. Background There are a number of Saints called Valentine who are honored on February 14. The day became associated with romantic love in the Middle Ages in England. This may have followed on from the Pagan fertility festivals that were held all over Europe as the winter came to an end. Traditionally, lovers exchanged hand written notes. Commercial cards became available in the mid nineteenth century. Symbols The most common Valentine's Day symbols are the heart, particularly in reds and pinks, and pictures or models of Cupid. Cupid is usually portrayed as a small winged figure with a bow and arrow. In mythology, he uses his arrow to strike the hearts of people. People who have fallen in love are sometimes said to be 'struck by Cupid's arrow. Other symbols of Valentine's Day are couples in loving embraces and the gifts of flowers, chocolate, red roses and lingerie that couples often give each other. About Valentine's Day in other countries Read more about Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day History Pagan festivals, Christian saints, Chaucer's love birds, and the Greeting Card Association of America by Borgna Brunner Roman Roots The history of Valentine's Day is obscure, and further clouded by various fanciful legends. The holiday's roots are in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, a fertility celebration commemorated annually on February 15. Pope Gelasius I recast this pagan festival as a Christian feast day circa 496, declaring February 14 to be St. Valentine's Day. Valentines Galore Which St. Valentine this early pope intended to honor remains a mystery: according to the Catholic Encyclopedia, there were at least three early Christian saints by that name. One was a priest in Rome, another a bishop in Terni, and of a third St. Valentine almost nothing is known except that he met his end in Africa. Rather astonishingly, all three Valentines were said to have been martyred on Feb. 14. Most scholars believe that the St. Valentine of the holiday was a priest who attracted the disfavor of Roman emperor Claudius II around 270. At this stage, the factual ends and the mythic begins. According to one legend, Claudius II had prohibited marriage for young men, claiming that bachelors made better soldiers. Valentine continued to secretly perform marriage ceremonies but was eventually apprehended by the Romans and put to death. Another legend has it that Valentine, imprisoned by Claudius, fell in love with the daughter of his jailer. Before he was executed, he allegedly sent her a letter signed "from your Valentine." Probably the most plausible story surrounding St. Valentine is one not focused on Eros (passionate love) but on agape (Christian love): he was martyred for refusing to renounce his religion. In 1969, the Catholic Church revised its liturgical calendar, removing the feast days of saints whose historical origins were questionable. St. Valentine was one of the casualties. Chaucer's Love Birds It was not until the 14th century that this Christian feast day became definitively associated with love. According to UCLA medieval scholar Henry Ansgar Kelly, author of Chaucer and the Cult of Saint Valentine, it was Chaucer who first linked St. Valentine's Day with romance. In 1381, Chaucer composed a poem in honor of the engagement between England's Richard II and Anne of Bohemia. As was the poetic tradition, Chaucer associated the occasion with a feast day. In "The Parliament of Fowls," the royal engagement, the mating season of birds, and St. Valentine's Day are linked: For this was on St. Valentine's Day, When every fowl cometh there to choose his mate. Tradition of Valentine's Cards Over the centuries, the holiday evolved, and by the 18th century, gift-giving and exchanging handmade cards on Valentine's Day had become common in England. Hand-made valentine cards made of lace, ribbons, and featuring cupids and hearts eventually spread to the American colonies. The tradition of Valentine's cards did not become widespread in the United States, however, until the 1850s, when Esther A. Howland, a Mount Holyoke graduate and native of Worcester, Mass., began mass-producing them. Today, of course, the holiday has become a booming commercial success. According to the Greeting Card Association, 25% of all cards sent each year are valentines.
  5. I started this on my Blog and thought it might be fun to do a post as well Sometimes it helps to think of things that we can do instead of all the things we can't do....There are so many rules. Let's free ourselves a bit to do things in life that make us happy, that relieve us of stress and that help us get through. The idea is to start a sentence with "Sometimes it's ok." I'll start.... Sometimes it's ok to eat what you want without guilt. Sometimes it's ok to just spend the day relaxing with no plans. Sometimes it's ok to fart in front of a loved one, especially if that loved one is a pet, lol. Sometimes it's ok to cry. Sometimes it's to...
  6. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. We met through my ex who used to be mentally abusive to me. I had no friends and he was trying to turn me away from my family too. His mate didn't like this and broke us up but we fell for each other in the process. We've always been happy but because of my previous relationship I'm constantly in fear of it going wrong. I adore my boyfriend and we've talked about getting married and having a family. Over the past few months my mood has plummeted and I am depressed. My boyfriend doesn't know how to deal with it and constantly puts me down and tells me to snap out of it and things like that. I don't feel he is helping in fact I feel like he is doing the opposite. He thinks my depression is a load of rubbish but I feel like its destroying me. There is no way I could leave him but I don't know what to say to him or how to get him realise that this is serious. Has anyone got any tips for me? Thanks xx
  7. Hi, everyone... I hope you're all OK tonight. So I'm supposed to go on a road trip with my husband tomorrow...we will be visiting my in-laws. But this post is about a past relationship, one I had before I met my husband. I've been having a LOT of difficulty letting go of the past. I'm still holding onto painful memories and bitterness toward my ex-boyfriend, as well as his family and friends because of the way they all treated me. I know that relationships often fail for different reasons but I will try to explain why I'm still hurt by what happened. I started dating him (my ex) when we were in high school, at about 15 or 16 years old. We had a platonic friendship before that. Anyway, our backgrounds were very different. I was of mixed race, I was shy, and not very popular while he was African-American and not shy in the least...he was friends with pretty much everyone. No one bullied him, but I was the constant target of bullies in and out of school. He was a really sweet person back then. He stood up to some of the people who made fun of me and he had a way of making me feel somewhat better about life. I came from a broken home, a very toxic environment with an abusive stepfather and a mother who loved me but didn't understand my emotional needs. I had no friends and no other family who cared about me. I was very lonely. So you can see how a young girl with low self-esteem can easily fall for a guy who tells her she is pretty and showers her with attention, which is what he did. His parents are wealthy and although he had some issues with his father, he had a loving family. He never had to endure the constant verbal and emotional abuse that I went through. His mother and some of the other people associated with him didn't like me. I'm not sure why, really. I can only guess at some of the reasons...the color of my skin, my physical appearance, and the fact that I was considered "weird" because of my extreme shyness. His mother was a bit prejudiced and she would make comments about my fair skin, almost like she was trying to belittle me for being light-skinned. It became more complicated when we started having sex and his parents found out. His mother decided that she hated me even more because of that. In her eyes, I was just a slut who corrupted her little boy. His friends had a problem with me, too. I never did anything to his family or friends but they all hated me. They would tell him right in front of me that he could do better. I wasn't pretty enough, I was weird, etc. His father was always nice to me but I felt that it was more about pity than sincere kindness. The relationship ended back in 2007 after a series of very unfortunate events. I made a lot of terrible mistakes, which I still beat myself up over. I take full responsibility for my actions but I also attribute my bad choices to the lack of love and attention I had. I had a late-term abortion in 2004...I was basically forced to terminate the pregnancy. It was either that or wind up dead or living on the streets. I was in my early 20's, I had no money, and I couldn't support a child on my own. I was very confused and lost. His family made it clear that they would not help me. They are very judgmental people and they are extreme pro-lifers. They wanted me to have the baby, but they expected me to be on welfare. They did not tell him to take responsibility for his actions. Instead, all of the blame fell on me. My mother did NOT want me to have a baby out of wedlock. My stepfather would have k***ed me if he had known about the pregnancy...I mean that literally. After the abortion, his family put me through hell. They turned against me, adding to the abuse that I've suffered most of my life. My ex had issues with substance abuse and he became abusive towards me after I terminated the pregnancy. Not physically, but verbally and emotionally. He would blow up at me over nothing, calling me the most horrible names and saying I was stupid. Our conversations would consist of me crying uncontrollably. He even asked me if the baby had been his, implying that I was promiscuous. When he found out about another mistake I'd made, he told everyone about it. He slandered me to everyone. Anyway, we broke up and I met the man who is now my husband. I love my husband but I can't stop thinking obsessively about my ex. I replay all the things that happened in my mind. I remember the nights I would lie awake, sobbing into my pillow because of how he treated me. I remember the time he cheated on me and contracted an STD...I forgave him for that, although he denied cheating on me, but he couldn't forgive me my mistakes. I can't allow myself to remember the good times we had, because that would just be even more painful. It feels "safer" to be angry and to hate him, to hate all of them. He is now with somebody else. He has been with her since about 2009. During one of the last conversations we had a few years ago, he told me that I could be replaced. That hurt me deeply. I can't fathom saying that to anyone, let alone a person I once loved. This girl has pictures of them together all over Facebook. I've heard that he treats her very well and that she is happy. She is even friends with his sister on Facebook. But what really hurts is the most recent picture that she posted on Facebook...she is holding a baby boy that looks just like him. I'm convinced that they now have a baby together. It tears me up inside. I guess this proves that I haven't recovered from my broken heart. I've just been able to hide it. I'm married and my husband doesn't seem to want kids, but this girl seems to have all the things I want, except that I'm more attractive physically. His family seems to have accepted her just fine, while I was treated like crap. This only confirms my feelings of being unloved and unwanted. Sure, my mother and my husband love me, but this is a situation that not even therapy can fix. I'm sorry for my long-winded post. I know I sound like an obsessive nutcase. I know that it is unhealthy to focus on the past, especially as a married woman. But I don't know how to move beyond this. I thought I was getting better...but I'm not sure anymore. Has anybody else been through something like this?
  8. True love. We all hear about it. We all think about it. At times we all want it. I use to be that girl who thought true love was one of a kind, that everyone had a soulmate. I've had many crushes in the past, but I've only every had ONE boyfriend who i am still with. I am only 21. And I've always thought he was my true love, and I still want to think that he still is. I use to write romantic things about him...I could think at the top of my head reasons why I loved him so much. That's what I thought love was. You had to have reasons. I always asked him time and time again why he loved me, and he always slow to answer always had to think about it. When i asked him why he said "I just do, I love you, I just do. I don't see why I need a reason too state why i love you" like I always had to do with him. I never obsessed over him. I never thought of him day and night when we first met and then over the years I began obsessing not wanting him to be with others, getting extremely jealous even if he spoke to another woman even though deep down i knew it was silly. And I see now that it was. I have OCD but what part of it, I do not know. My family never got me fully diagnoised and until this day I suffer in silence because no one will listen. Was my love for him my obsessions? Did I love him because he followed my rules and when he started challenging them saying I was too controlling...was that when the love stopped? I know deep down that I still love him. I know OCD throws thoughts into ones head. Especially ROCD. But I can't bring myself to get jealous. Or I think that maybe i don't love him the way I thought I should. What if we're truly not compadable? Do I have to be jealous in order to love him? I don't know if this is ROCD or if is it something else. I want to believe it is my OCD throwing all these at me. I know it's silly, people say you don't find your true love so young...and then I look around and see people who are my age that i know who been with only one man their entire life and are getting married. I live in a family, where I see divorce and couples fighting all the time wondering...what is love now? People say love isn't thinking about it. It's just feeling. But what is feeling when you have thoughts running through your head that drive you insane? How long does this last? Will it fade? I know deep down i don't want him to be with anyone else. He's mine. No one deserves this kind hearted loving man but me. I don't even want to think of another person having him. But I can't bring the old jelaousy back...is that normal? They say some jelaous is normal, because it shows that you care for someone? Is that true? I use to think about him every waking moment of the day, and now i don't. Is that normal? I don't know what is anymore and I'm scared. I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. I want it to fade and be a distant memory. I just want to feel again. Will i ever be happy with this man? Are we truly compadable? I know there are things we don't share in common but we also both love similiar things. Is that normal too? I know I love this man. I want to marry him. I use to fantasize about it everyday and now I can't bring those forward without doubting it. Sometimes I can get the fantasies and they make me happy knowing they are still there. There is still hope.... But I have this gremlin living inside me... Things I never found at fault before are getting to me about him. Why didn;t they before? Was I too hopelessly in love to have noticed? Or does this happen to everyone who loves someone? I find myself thinking "Will I be okay without him?" and it scares me. I ask myself "Would I care if he left me?" or "Would i care if something happened to him?" And this scares me. I use to panic about something happening to him and now I can't bring myself to worry. Why is this happening to me? Is this ROCD? Loving someone and yet not loving? I feel guilty. He deserves to be loved. He deserves to be loved by me. Why can't I return to the feelings of true love, soulmates, meant to be? Is there truly such a thing? Or is it all make-believe? I know we all set our own course and I've always set mine toward him. I fought to keep this man a year ago and some months later these thoughts just come out of the blue? I fight myself constantly. Trying to bring the feelings forward. Trying to remember what it was like before...but I can't. I can't force myself and I want too. Please, just go away. Bring the old me back. Where I can love, without feeling guilty, where I can smile without the guilt, where I can look at him without feeling the doubt. ROCD or not. What is true love?
  9. Hello, I have now been taking Wellbutrin XR 150mg for 6 months, the positive side of Wellbutrin for me has been that it's stabilized my depression and I no longer feel empty inside. My problem now is Emotional Detachment, I am really unsure whether this is a remnant from my existing depression, caused by Wellbutrin or made worse by Wellbutrin. My relationship is really suffereing at the moment and this weekend I had my first experience of rage. I came home from work, started talking to my partner who was busy writing a text message but I didn't get an immediate response. I got angry about a text message to a friend coming before me arriving home from work and continued focusing on this non stop until my partner got so upset he hit me, he then put his jacket on and decided to leave. I exploded and threw the plate of food I had in my hand at him, he picked up his and threw it at me. He broke down into tears in shock at what had just happened, I said nothing, I had no emotional response at all, I felt nothing. I just went into automatic mode and started cleaning up the mess. Sobbing he left, i'm disgusted with myself. My ability to empathize has been missing for a while and I am unsure what to do about it. When I thought about this in more depth I also realized that I have also started feeling detached is social situations too. Social situations are starting to feel like obligations instead of fun. I have already made an appointment to see my Psychiatrist next week to try and find a solution. Via email my Psychiatrist said that my depression could be undertreated and that raising the dose to 300mg might help, I am worried this could make it worse, does anybody have any experience of this or combining Wellbutrin with other drugs to reclaim their emotions?
  10. Yes everyone...JK proposed Tuesday!! It was really a sweet proposal. We had a picnic in the garden of the B&B we were staying at and after the picnic he read me a poem he had written, got down on one knee, and the last line of the poem was "will you marry me?". Of course I said yes. Things have been crazy because of our trip to the B&B, getting engaged, and now...he's moving in this weekend! :yinyang: Part of me is dancing like that smilie and another part of me is terrified! I posted a question in the relationship room if anyone would like to offer some advice. Other than that things have been ok. My grandfather has been really sick, but he's somewhat stable at the moment...just going day by day.
  11. I talked to JK tonight and told him how I was feeling. He was very understanding, like always, and reassured me that nothing was or would be going on with him and his friend. I feel so stupid for getting all upset over nothing. Something that isn't nothing...I'm late....if you know what I mean. Just by a couple of days, but still. Maybe my PCOS is acting up again. I take meds for it, but maybe I'm getting too fat for them since they're a low dose pill. I don't know...something better happen today is all I have to say.
  12. So I'm here crying tonight. This doesn't surprise me since I'm about to start my period. What I'm upset about is that JK has a girl for a best friend and sometimes I wonder if maybe she's better for him, or if they're going to get too close. I think I'm so paranoid because I used to always be the female best friend to guys and 90% of the time it lead to something more. I feel so bad because I can't see JK every day, it's been 2 weeks since we've seen each other last, but he gets to hang out with her a couple of times a week. For example tonight...they went to the beach and had dinner with his family. Now they're drinking and having a good old time and I'm here alone. I've been told I have nothing to worry about, but my past keeps creeping in. Does anyone here see my side of this or am I just being a paranoid fool?
  13. So even though JK hasn't officially proposed we're already making wedding plans. He showed me part of the ring online, they're putting 2 rings together to make mine, and I love it already. All my family knows now and he told my one aunt when he's going to propose, but she won't tell me. My dad had a talk with him and all is well there. I'm going with JK to pick up the ring next weekend so I can try it on and stuff and I'm not going to want to take it off lol. He wants to do a whole big thing though so I don't want to ruin that for him, but I don't need all that. He could just hand me the ring and say, "here", lol. Anyway we decided on a tentative wedding date of October 10 2009...mark your calendars! I'm so excited!
  14. JK bought my engagement ring yesterday!!!! He's having it custom made. I don't exactly know what it's going to look like and I still don't know when he's going to propose, but he has a plan already he said. I'm so excited!!!
  15. What have I been up to lately you may ask...not much. I'm still pretty sick so I rarely go out, but I did get to go out shopping briefly this weekend. JK's friend, I guess she's my friend too now, is getting married and having a bridal shower in July so I had to buy her a gift. Here's what I've been not saying on here for fear of backlash. JK and I have been discussing getting engaged and living together. Not like today or even tomorrow...more like the end of the year, beginning of next year. If we wait til the end of the year it will be 1 full year of us knowing each other. Some people think it's too soon, but most are all for it...including my family. I love JK and he loves me. Feel free to express your opinions. I feel I should follow my heart and it just feels right. I mean I know people who have waited years to get engaged and they either broke up before the wedding or divorced shortly there after. I've known people who have gotten married only after a couple years, which is what we'd be doing by the time we got married, and they're still together. Of course there are exceptions to everything.
  16. Here I am two months after my last post and I'm still madly in love. JK and I got professional "couples" pics done this weekend and they turned out so well! I would post them here, but ever since the internet stalker scare I don't like to post too much info or pics. Things are going well for me. I'm losing weight thanks to a weight loss center, I'm considering going back to school in the fall, and I'm in love with the most amazing guy. He treats me with such respect...I've never had that before.
  17. Sorry I haven't been posting lately. First I was sick and couldn't do much and during that time I fell in love so my head's been up in the clouds and my thoughts have only consisted of my fav guy. It's kind of embarassing because I'm acting like a love sick teenager, but it's nice to be happy and feel loved for once.
  18. so here's the questions I've received so far about my date lol Did he cook at your place or his? my place What did he cook? he cooked general tso's chicken and rice What was he wearing? a light blue button down shirt and jeans...we were both casual When are you going to see him again? hopefully soon...maybe this weekend?! we talk every day on the phone and text message all the time. he's very sweet.
  19. We finally got to have our date and it was so nice. I got some roses, a stuffed gorilla, and dinner cooked for me. I think this guy's a keeper. Thanks for all the support guys!
  20. No date today. I cancelled...again. But, the weather was supposed to be bad and it wasn't. I'm so mad at myself. I should just give up on love for now. I don't know. Gave up on the diet, but plan on making healthier lifestyle choices. I've already incorporated more fruit in my diet and I've been eating healthy snacks. I just don't have the willpower to diet right now and I just don't care. I'm still planning on exercising though because I do need to be healthier and I figure that's better than nothing.
  21. I met this guy online and we're going out Sat. So far I really like him as much as I can for not meeting him in person yet. So wish me luck!
  22. Another year ends and it looks like I'll be alone...again. Yes I am sort of dating someone, I've talked about him before, we've been "sort of" dating for over a year now. He wants to keep his "options open". Since I'm not willing to get rid of him I have to share. People yell at me all the time, but what can I do? I wish I could control my heart and he's like my only friend here at home...everyone else has moved far away so without him I have no one. Sounds pathetic...probably is pathetic. Last new years eve he slept through it. He was taking new meds...he's also on ADs...and like passed out. This year he doesn't want to make any plans because he's not reliable, but part of me thinks he might try to go out with someone else instead for the holiday. I know he's not my steady boyfriend and I say I accept the fact that I have to share him kind of, but it will crush me if I'm sitting home alone and he's out with some other girl. I was dating someone else briefly...I figured if he could do it, we'll call him J, so could I...but I couldn't continue it. My feelings were too strong for him and I couldn't really get into the other guy. It wasn't fair to the other guy. Oh well. Is bah humbug still a good phrase to use for new years too?
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