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Found 3 results

  1. I started this on my Blog and thought it might be fun to do a post as well Sometimes it helps to think of things that we can do instead of all the things we can't do....There are so many rules. Let's free ourselves a bit to do things in life that make us happy, that relieve us of stress and that help us get through. The idea is to start a sentence with "Sometimes it's ok." I'll start.... Sometimes it's ok to eat what you want without guilt. Sometimes it's ok to just spend the day relaxing with no plans. Sometimes it's ok to fart in front of a loved one, especially if that loved one is a pet, lol. Sometimes it's ok to cry. Sometimes it's to...
  2. I'm writing this today because I just wanted to let all of you fellow depression sufferers that it does get better and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm also writing this because like you I suffer from clinical depression and everyday I battle the demons to fight for my sanity. I joined this site in July and posted a introductory topic for myself about how miserable I was. At that point I went to sleep and woke up every morning wanting to die, I didn't give a s***...I just wanted the pain to end. I had severe depression to the point of having several plans to **** myself. I didn't know what happiness was, all I knew was the sadness and misery inside, I isolated myself from friends and family and didn't express how I felt. I brought my mom to the point of tears because she was so worried about me but she didn't know how to help me. Then on September 15th, 2011, I grabbed that 1% of hope I had and signed up for a group therapy center in NJ called High Focus Center. I was at the end of the line, I didn't want to live a life a misery but I didn't know what to do. I was digging and crawling the entire 5 months I was at that program. Relapsing due to a girl and going to a Psych-ward for 2 days in November 2011. But something changed after that, while in the hospital I made a promise to myself to never get that low again. I graduated the High Focus Program on December 30th, 2011 after spending 4-5 months there. I realized at that point in time I had won the battle against depression...The battle for my soul. The changes are like night and day, I am now a full blown optimist. I live in mindfulness, one day at a time, not worrying about the past or the future. I have for the first time in my life experienced genuine happiness and I love it. I love who I am, who I've become, and my self-esteem couldn't be higher. I am so grateful for people in my life, everyone of them. Never give up on yourself, there is always tomorrow...Fight for happiness, fight for control, fight for loved ones, fight for yourself..... Keep on fighting fellow brothers and sisters, it gets better. :)
  3. Hey guys, I was just thinking today (which I do think alot about) what does it feel like to be really happy? Or even just to think "normally"? I really dont know...I wonder if ppl who are just naturally happy and never have to deal with harsh things in life think differently than I do..in fact Im pretty sure they must... It would be so amazing to just think normally and not worry about becoming "tappy" or "OCD" about things and even more than that just not to go to that really depressed dark place every time something happens or someone upsets me...it would be amazing to just never feel that way or be able to brush it off like its nothing. Life is so much harder with depression and most of the time Im so confused as to how Im supposed to feel, how am I supposed to feel about friends? About boyfriends? About working? About life? Right now Im pretty depressed about life...it seems that only celebrities with lots of money and fans get to live the lives they want and all the rest of us just suffer with jobs that we hate, relationships we settle for and friends who arent always the best then our lives are done. What is the point to that? Is it only suffering on this plain? I hope not...I hope this is just my depression talking but life seems so pointless... I dunno, Im also kind of upset about things with my bf I love him so much but at times he makes me so upset and it is a scary thought to spend the rest of my life with one person...I mean I am a very faithful good person that way and I will always do my best to be, but like what if I am a full lesbian and dont even realise it? Because I have a long term commited relationship (and I do love him alot he`s my best friend) I cant experiment with girls or have relationships with them to see...what if I get married and never know I really am and I could have been having a much more fulfilling life with a woman? lol I dont know that sounds so bad but its something I worry about I mean I cant really go see who I am now... :( urgh lol I feel like such a bad person for even writing that becasue I do love him alot and prob will marry him but I`ve only dated bad boys before him that were not very good relationships and I started dating him right out of high school so I dont know anything else..its just so confusing... I dont want my life to revolve around working but it seems like nowadays we just have to we have no choice we have to work and make money but that isnt my goal in life I think its pointless and stupid waste of time...I`d rather be on a spiritually fulfilling journey than a slave to someone else...I would love to have a family and want to do that but want to do something great with my life and I just either feel like its too late to start or that I would never have the money or resources to fulfill my dreams...*sigh* so whats the point to life? All I feel like Im doing is going through a daily routine and sleeping and thats it...its nothing magnificent Im not changing the world with every day like I want to...Im just wasting time and I hate it. I just dont know what to do. The only time I really feel hopeful about life is if I`ve smoked pan lol I feel like thats the only time I think normally and can get anything done and I know it shouldnt have to come to that. But dont worry Im not addicted to it or anything I just occassionally share some with my roomates because nothing else works for my depression and anxiety it seems...I really want to get a green card I think I will try I know thats a hot topic subject though but just know I a m very responsible with it and know what Im doing with it. I feel like Im such a downer when I write these blogs Im sorry lol but this is how I feel Im just so bored and disillusioned with life I need something to spark my passion again desperately...I want to live desperately I just need more of a purpose in my life and more of a clear vision I think, but thats hard to come by. Right now Im starting to see a new counsellor who seems really good and is nice but I can only see her once a month for about 6 times so thats nothing and not nearly enough to help me I dont think, I think Im gonna have to go to the other counselling place tomorrow and ask for some more constant counselling because Im used to once a week and thats always been helpful to me. I`ve also decided to come off my anti-depressants because I want to know how I truly feel about things and also to make my system more clean and pure and not have any medications in my system, just do it all holistically, so Im gonna give that a try. Thats going great so far, I`ve just been a little more down and short tempered than usual but besides that it feels the same as before. I dont think they were doing very much for me. Does anyone have any advice on how to get a green card for depression and anxiety? Im nervous to bring up something like that with my doctor! but I know it would help me leaps and bounds! Thanks for listening guys, Sorry for being such a downer today! Love Brit
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