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  • **DEPRESSION - SUICIDE/CRISIS INTERVENTION**
    • Suicide Help -- PLEASE READ THIS!! If you or someone you know are having thoughts about suicide, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Calls are connected to a certified crisis center nearest the caller's location
  • ***FORUM ANNOUNCEMENTS***
    • Forum Announcements
  • THE DEPRESSION FORUMS WELCOMES YOU
    • **THE DEPRESSION FORUMS WELCOMES YOU AS A GUEST!**
    • **A Special Forum to Welcome our 'NEW MEMBERS'!!**
    • **Our Forums Terms Of Service (TOS) & FAQ**
  • DEPRESSION & ANXIETY MEDICATIONS - LOOKING FOR ANSWERS
    • Abilify (aripiprazole)
    • Celexa (citalopram) / Lexapro (escitalopram)
    • Cymbalta (duloxetine)
    • Effexor (venlafaxine) / Pristiq (desvenlafaxine)
    • Latuda (lurasidone)
    • Paxil/Seroxat (paroxetine)
    • Prozac (fluoxetine)
    • Remeron (mirtazapine)
    • Viibryd (vilazodone)
    • Wellbutrin (bupropion)
    • Zoloft/Lustral (sertraline)
    • Other Depression and Anxiety Medications
    • Medications: Posting, asking and sharing
  • DEPRESSION & ANXIETY RELATED ILLNESSES
    • MNESN - Members Needing Extra Support Now!
    • DEPRESSION CENTRAL
    • Anxiety, Panic, Post Traumatic Stress Disorders (PTSD)
    • Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD)
    • Suicidal Ideation Forum
    • Anhedonia
    • Bereavement
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Eating Disorders
    • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - OCD
    • Personality and Mental Health Disorders
    • Self Injury (SI)
    • Substance Abuse & Recovery
    • Other Depressive Health Disorders
  • DEPRESSION RELATED FORUMS
    • The Relationship and Depression Forum
    • Depression and Families
    • The Depression and Religion Forum
    • Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual and Transgender Issues
    • Bullying: Emotional and Physical Abuse
    • Therapy
    • Mental illness and stigma: Coping with the ridicule
    • Psych Education 101
    • Clinical Trials Connection Plus More
  • DEPRESSION-ROAD TO RECOVERY
    • The DF Water Cooler
    • One Step At A Time
    • Mental health disability benefits (US/UK/CA) insurance, parity, etc.
    • Our Information Portal

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Found 18 results

  1. I am so depressed and anxious lately, I can't escape these negative thoughts or panic feelings, I cant go out, I cant work, I can do nothing. I feel like a failure, like my life has been a waste and that I'm worthless, ugly, fat, disgusting, dumb, that I cant do it. These words circle round my head constantly all day, everyday. I cant get away. Ive started therapy because I've tried everything to help myself and not need therapy, but I do and I cant help myself, and I know I'm in a really bad place right now and there's nothing I can do to help myself out, I cant crawl out of this. And death feels like the only way. Im aware of how depressing and hopeless this message sounds, and I do not want to die. I want to get better and live a life of freedom. That feels impossible.
  2. emptyman

    Here we go again?

    Seems the voices are back. As well as some sort of depression. Those were always related in my case. Might be schizoaffective disorder, not my "official" diagnosis (schizophrenia), but I don't really care, that would not change a thing. The voices keep whispering, telling me what to do, making comments, repeating my own thoughts. I have no trouble ignoring them in most cases. It's not that bad they tell me to commit suicide, as it is just some artificial creation of my brain - not scared or anxious in that case. Feeling that I really don't want to live is much worse. I consider it as a constant, personal opinion. I can't remember a time in my life without such thoughts somewhere at the back of my head. I hate myself, hate my mind, looks. Even when such thoughts are out of focus, I consider that an illusion. Feels like they are always with me, as I mentioned. I cannot move on with my life. And I don't think I really want to. I'm seeing my doctor in a couple of days, but seems all I will get is another pointless advice like "you seem to feel lonely, try to find someone". So I'm totally sick of myself, sick of the world and life, and then, when IF I find someone I'm instantly cured. Seems perfect, I'm in. Oh, wait, I actually tried that. Even girls with similar disorders, depressed, taking meds, would get sick of me in just a few months (if not weeks). And the reason would be they could not stand how depressed I was, how ironic. I should fix myself and then try any relationship, in that order. Not sure what I wanted to achieve with this post. No relief. Thanks for reading, if anyone.
  3. There’s a guy there who keeps only talking about using the cash register to me. The manager told him to stop a few weeks ago (after what he said led to me having a mental breakdown) but he still does it. Literally as soon as I walk in the shop, every week, he starts asking if I have used the cash register since last week and making me feel pressured. Today I stood up for myself and told him to stop. He kept apologising for upsetting but really? He does this every week. How many times does he have to be told? I am very mentally unstable so working on the cash register is not my priority. I only volunteer to get me out of the house and to do something ‘positive’! Then, a lady there who I thought was my “friend”… well I have only known her for 2 months but her birthday is coming up so I gave her a card. Today she was complaining that I didn’t put any money in the card like someone else did! I am so annoyed. This charity shop is for a mental health charity but some of the ‘staff’ there make me feel so s***. I am really considering finding a different place to volunteer.
  4. I just join and seeking some advice. Our daughter has been suffering from anxiety for about 2 years and lately it has gotten worse. About 8 days ago, she broke the news to us that she is and has been depressed for some time now, feels empty inside and does not want to be here anymore. This news was of course devastating and hard to comprehend. She currently is seeing a therapist for her anxiety so we immediately set up a appointing with her and our family physician. They prescribed 25m Zoloft and indicated that if she does not feel better by 7 days, give her 50m. Since she reached out to us 8 days ago, she has been about as down and well, depress as I ever see her. We are keeping her busy and active and at times during the day she seems good but then she just does not seem herself. A few days ago, she indicated that it is getting worse so we called the doctor and he indicated to go ahead and increase the Zoloft prescription to 50m, which we did today, Thurs (Thanksgiving day). Tonight, she told us that she is really struggling to keep above water. We need to get her help as this is well beyond us. We did had a plan to increase the therapist appointments to twice a week, manage the Zoloft med, she has a schedule to see a psychiatrist but the earliest was Dec 7th but with this recent conversation with our daughter, we feel that she needs help sooner than later. I have been researching into treatment centers in Virginia and throughout the country, seeking the best treatment center for teenagers and specializing in depression. I am concern with the local hospitals and mental health treatment centers as I want the best fit for our daughter that specialize in depression instead of strictly medicine base treatment and then therapy treatment, or most of the treatment centers state that they treat everything and everyone. I want to help our daughter as best as we can at whatever it takes. I have spent hours and hours reviewing private treatment centers throughout the country, some great reviews and some like a horror movie, I just don't know what would be the right treatment center or should I just take her to the local mental health hospital department, which has so so reviews. I reviewed treatment centers like Center for Recovery in Virgina, Newport Academy, Adolescent Growth, local VTCC, and so on... treatments from inpatient, intensive outpatient, PHP,.... even having my wife and daughter to travel to a treatment center, attend a PHP and stay there in whatever city the best treatment center is located... just don't know the right direction. Seeking advise from parents that have been down this road. Thanks Patrick
  5. WE’RE all feeling down now the Christmas revels are over, with little to look forward to, a hammered bank account, a bulge around the waist, gloomy weather and a return to work after weeks of partying. These factors all come together in a perfect storm for a single day believed to be the most depressing of the year – ‘Blue Monday’. If you’ve already failed to keep your new year resolution, don’t be too hard on yourself What is Blue Monday? It is calculated using a series of factors in a (not particularly scientific) mathematical formula. The factors are: the weather, debt level (specifically, the difference between debt and our ability to pay), the amount of time since Christmas, time since failing our new year’s resolutions, low motivational levels and the feeling of a need to take charge of the situation. It was originally conceived by a PR company but has now become an annual event. When is Blue Monday? According to the formula (below) Blue Monday 2017 will fall on January 16. Bad luck if it’s your birthday. The date is generally reported as falling on the third Monday in January, but can also on the second or fourth Monday, or even the Monday of the last week of January. The first one was January 24 in 2005.
  6. Lady Gaga's Born This Way Foundation and the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence have teamed up to launch an initiative called the Emotion Revolution. The initiative, designed to build awareness of the role emotions play in young people's learning, decision-making and overall wellness of youth, begins with an online survey of high-school age youth exploring how they feel and how they would like to feel. The survey, which is available at EmotionRevolution.org, includes questions about things like how students feel they are treated by classmates, how they view their relationships with adults at the school and how they view the work they do there. "I know what it's like to feel depressed., to feel humiliated, to feel isolated," Gaga says in a video on the website. "And I know too many young people that, no matter who they are or where they come from, they're feeling the same way that I do. It was so beautiful, in a way, that our sadness bonded us at the shows, and yet I so badly wanted to understand why that cloud was there at all. How could I help to life it? How could I help be a part of a more global change? "Working together, we can make the world a kinder and braver place where all voices are heard, all feelings are respected. It's okay to be different; it's okay to feel different; it's okay to feel lie you're not part of this planet, because there's all sorts of really authentic answers as to why." The survey's results will be presented at a summit this October hosted by Yale University. Gaga and her mother, Born This Way Foundation co-founder Cynthia Germanotta, are slated to appear at the event, as re Yale President Peter Salovey and Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence director Marc Brackett. "Our goal is to create a call to action to America's schools, to take seriously the social and emotional development of youth," says Brackett, a member of the Born This Foundation board since 2012. "What we know is that emotions matter, and they matter a great deal for almost everything we do in life, from learning to decision making to relationships to mental health." USAToday.com
  7. Hey everyone, Im here for a really good friend of mine and Im kinda worried about her. A few days ago she told me her boyfriend (he broke up with her about 3/4 weeks ago) was a self harmer. She told me that this has made her self harm too for quite some time, . She told me she stopped and and she promised me she would never do it (I didnt force her or anything, i know that doesnt work, I tried to support her as best as I could) I have reasons to believe shes speaking the truth so thats good. This really hurt me though and I started to think well. Last night we had a good and deep conversation and she told me shes trying to see everything positive because otherwise she sais she will hate herself. She really is a nice and truly good girl that really cares for others but Im really worried she forgets to think about herself, causing her to get more and more down. Also it was hard for her to talk about herself because she doesnt want to hurt others, again, causing herself to get more and more down inside. Im just worried that she doesnt listen to herself and her care for others will eventually break herself down. What can I do to get her back on track not hating herself anymore, and are there even things I can do? Im sorry if it looks chaotic, Im just kinda having trouble getting the facts straight. In advance, thanks a lot for all of your help.
  8. Hi my name is Rasmus! Im 20 years old. My life seems so meaningless and im getting more and more lonely and trying to find an answer on how to become happy again finding good friends and keep my girlfriend! Im so tired of my life! I have been doing nothing for almost a year now! I was taking first step in the education as carpenter, but then i became in doubt if it was what i wanted and now im just stuck, don't know what to do! Ive never had many friends and ive always been a little shy and not that social and since i stopped on education it has just been getting worse and ive started to realise alot of things about myself! I got to change, i really need to change! The only good thing to say about my depression is that ive realised those things about myself and it makes me wanna change so i can become who i want to be! I feel like im a flower and that i have never started to bloom! Its what im waiting for and now i see that i will have to do alot of work to change myself! I have realised how important friends is and that its what makes life worth living! I have a very bad selfconfidence and im afraid of talking to strangers im afraid that they will find me boring and very serious, but its probably also true! I hope i can get myself up from this hole and that i can be free! I feel like im not being myself, i feel like im not the person i should be! Im not expecting to change into a superstar or such high expectations, but im hoping that i can forget about others opinions (which is something that i think alot about) and just feel free! It's not me being shy and isolated, but thats how ive become, ive slowly started to fade instead of blooming and if i had had more friends and have been more social i think it could have helped me alot, then i would be a different person! Now that i don't have friends, job and school i have terribly much sparetime! So im spending most of the time on facebook, which has both been a very bad thing because it has stolen alot of time, that i feel i have wasted, but it has also given me hope and belief in that i can get up from this whole! Facebook is the reason why i have found my girlfriend too! She is the best thing that have happened to me! She gives me hope that maybe im not useless, maybe im something worth! I can't describe how lucky i am to have met her, she is everything i dream of and i would do anything to keep her! She is from Malaysia so she's very far away! But still we both are so in love! Though i got her now as a girlfriend im still extremely worried about loosing her! I think i might be alot different in real life than on facebook! In real life im shy and scared to talk to strangers and not good at talking, but on facebook i feel free! My biggest fear is that when im gonna meet her later this year i will make her disapointed, because i might be very shy and insecure + that im not that talking and social in real life! So i hope i can change before im gonna be with her in September for 3 weeks! She means everything! My biggest wish here in life is to get married and she's the one for me! So i will do all i can to keep her and to make her happy! I hope you guys got some advice on how to become more social and how to change! Being lonely and shy is just ruining my life! I got much to give i just got to be free! This is a verse from a song i made: "Though my life seems cold and dark I still have a spark Im waiting for the light Just waiting to ignite" Sorry if im talking bulls***, im not that good at writing posts. I really hope you got some advice, i need to change! And keep my amazing girlfriend! Start living life! Instead of turning grey!
  9. Has anyone ever felt liek you could never function in society, meaning like it would be etter to just not live than to go through life and face challenges? I mean I'm not suicidal, but sometimes I just wonder, is life worth it? What do you all think?
  10. So I have dealt with depression off and on for years...the more I read on here..I'm beginning to think it sounds more like being bipolar. Anyway, the main reason I joined this site is because I'm having a hard time dealing with the death of my niece. She was only 4 days old..and just so precious. My brother and his wife had little Miss Ainslee on January 20th and she passed away January 24th. She contracted GBS through delivery which ended up being bacterial meningitis and sepsis. I got to see her on the 23rd at the hospital. And on the 24th I got to hold her before they removed her ventilator..and after that I got to sit with my brother and his wife and their daughter after they removed the tubes and we sat with her until her last breathe. As excited as I was to have her here. . I feel guilty I didn't go see her the first day she was born. I feel horrible my husband and daughter..and the rest of our family didn't get to meet her. When I held her..I couldn't speak to her..in my mind I told her I loved her and how sorry I was that this happened to her. How even though my daughter and husband hadn't met her..they loved her so much as well. It's hard for me to not think about that day. Watching my young brother sit there with his child..whispering words of encouragement in her ear. To see him so happy she was finally here..this kid that turned into a man in the snap of finger..this man that would love this child and take care of her..a man that deserved this child and now she is gone. And I know that everything happens for a reason and God does have a plan and reason why he took her. And I know we'll get to see her again some day. It's hard..when I think about my own 3 year old daughter. If I had only had 4 days with her. I think about the pain my brother and his wife are in. Before this all happened..in July of 2011....my parents..after 25 years of marriage..divorced. My brother is 20 and I am 26. My brother had no idea it was coming..that day he cried and cried..two times within a year I've seen him cry. I one the other hand knew it was coming..and I thought since we were older it wouldn't really effect us as much..it did..just in a different way than it would for a younger kid. I guess the more it sunk in..the more I realized as I was growing up..I wanted my marriage to be like theirs. They rarely fought. . and seemed happy. Dad always worked..mom stayed home with us till we were in school then she worked...and took care of the house stuff. Until it all came out...they both had all this resentment towards each other all these years...for all sorts of things..they never talked about any of it..by the end they both just hated each other. But they ALWAYS but on a show for other people. They were ALWAYS happy around everyone and everyone was shocked when they found up they split. Now that the "ideal" marriage was broken for me..I automatically felt like I was failing at my own marriage. And we were doomed! We've had problems off and on..I believe now actually stem from my crazed moments..I'm not saying it's all my fault but defiantly take half the blame. Anyway, here lately I've been finding it easier to sit on the couch all day and do nothing. I am a stay at home mom with my 3 year old. Normally, I do my job with easy and do a good job. And usually very active with my daughter. But I can't seem to find any sort of motivation. I want to enroll in school in the fall..for some online classes, I also wanted to start a GBS website to raise awareness about GBS in memory of Ainslee..and a few other things I've thought about doing as well but just can't get the motivation to do anything. I've told my husband about all this and he asked me what he could do to make me feel better but I told him I didn't know. Because I don't really know...this time it's started to affect my sex drive. I used to have a very high sex drive..and with in the last month and a half..has basically gone to zero. Right now, we don't have health insurance..so it makes it difficult to go to the doctors. Right now, I do take synthroid for my thyroid problem...and adderal ..for ADD...have been on Paxil in the past..and seroquel which made me suicidal. I also take a baby aspirin daily..do to a DVT 2 months after my delivery with my daughter. It ran from the top of my right hip down to below my knee cap.. If anyone has any ideas or thoughts of somethings I can try by myself at home to make things better until I'm able to see my doctor. ..it would greatly be appreciated. Thank you
  11. Let me start from the beginning and god i hope this doesn't sound stupid. In school i was never popular.. Well. I never had like 20 friends.. I had friends, maybe like 6 or 7 but i never felt important in school.. I never felt wanted or needed.. I had plenty of girl friends but i was always nervous and always worried about things people were not even close to thinking about.. Only one girl made me feel comfortable. People in school were not nice and it did not help one bit. I was also a slow learner and i have ADHD. Not really hyper anymore like i was. I've calmed down a lot and grew out of it.. I graduated from high school and everything was fine there.. But now time has passed.. I had a hard time getting a job and often didn't have the enthusiasm or "spark" to really try and find one. I can't start college without a job and I'm not using student loans.. I got a job for about 5 months and then i got laid off. It sucked. Now i'm 22 and still trying to get a job.. Hoping i can start my life and move on.. But i feel like it's better for me to just "stop trying" and give up rather then trying. Which brings me to the reason i wrote this. For the longest time (as long as i can remember) I've always had a lot of anxiety but not to an extreme case. I don't worry my health will plummet and all else will fail. I mostly worry that people will think of me in a bad manner. Like i'm weird, or not equal to them. I also worry some one will see me as being dumb or stupid.. I also become intimidated easily which you can imagine is not good for the job world, but i do okay. I worry that i won't be able to support my self.. That i don't have what it takes to go in the real world and for the life of me i can't figure out why i feel like this.. I'm not overweight, or ugly. I'm a nice person if your nice to me. But i also believe these feelings, the way i think is slowly destroying me inside.. I can't stop but wonder what others will think and it makes me be and feel weird and yet i can't help it. I do things because i feel weird.. Yet it's what makes me feel weird in the first place!!! It also makes me feel very sad.. I will think how i may not be able to be as good as everyone else. Like no one will ever look up to me. In fact i can get so nervous my hands will shake but that does not happen often at all. I will actually put my self down thinking i am not as good or won't ever be successful and have a life of my own. So my questions to you is not a solution, because i know a solution will not be as easy as a Yahoo Answer or a forum post. Just tell me what you think is wrong.. I believe the only cure for this is to get what i'm afraid i can't get. To be happy and on my own.. With some one who loves me for me being me. to higher my self esteem and feel better about my over all well being. Break the barriers that make me like this. Some tell me i am just fine, that everyone goes through this and others will say i have depression and need to get it treated or looked at. But i don't know. The above was posted on Yahoo Answers a while ago and while i still got answers i was not pleased with the answers. So i figured I'd come to a much better place for that. The above is all true. I'm telling you this like your family.
  12. Hi Everyone, 23 year old gay male here. Just recently move to a new city for graduate school, and I've found it very difficult to get my social life back on track. I was dating a guy as soon as I arrived here whom I met on the internet, but he broke up with me after about a month. He was the first person I ever dated, and after he dumped me I sank into a deep depression. I finally got out of that depression when I found myself making more friends. However, I've developed attachments to two of the friends I made around that time, and this is causing me to be depressed more than I was before. I'll focus on one friend for now, whom I'll refer to as "D." He's also gay. I might have a slight crush on him, although he has a boyfriend so I've tried to hold back. We've become pretty close friends in a short amount of time, and I've developed an unhealthy, obsessive attachment to him. It's sort of like being on a drug (although I've never been on drugs so I don't know exactly what that's like). I'm very happy when I see him, but afterwards I begin to feel sad. If he has to cancel plans or can't hang out with me for some reason, I become very depressed and want to act spiteful towards him. This has led to many mood swings over the past few weeks. I also have many irrational thoughts, such as thinking that he doesn't like me or doesn't want to spend time with me, even though he consistently demonstrates quite the opposite. The rational side of me knows that the irrational thoughts I have a wrong, but my emotions seem to be siding with my irrational side, hence causing me to be depressed. I know this sounds kind of confusing. I really do like spending time with this person and I don't want to have to give him up as a friend because of my obsessive tendencies, but it's getting more and more difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with him. Any advice would be appreciated. Not many people understand this condition... Thanks, Wombat
  13. Hello, im a 26 yr old female, i've been depressed ever since child hood, i get extreme highs and extreme lows, the highs are magical but the low's have had me close to suicide on every occasion. i have been on fluoxetene for almost a year now, going onto it was horriffic, i was nervously shaking in bed, crying, had insomnia and intense suicidal thoughts for 2 months, now i feel ok, i feel pretty sedated, my highs don't really happen and my lows aren't too bad, but i still feel depressed, lacking in confidence, and just want to sleep alot, my bed is my haven. could you give me any advice, should i switch medication? to be honest with you i can't remember a time when i was consistantly happy ever, so i don't know if im just doomed to never feel happy or if i should switch to at least get some of my highs back, i was once on citralopram but i think i gave it up before i gave it time to take any effect as i 'didn't want to take anti-depressants' now i do want to take them, i want to feel better rather than constantly visualise dying
  14. Hello everyone: My name is D, and I am 33 years old, father of two children ages 12 and 9, and recently seperated after almost 13 years of marriage to my highschool sweetheart. I have been on anti-depressants since age 21 due to panic attacks that started for no particular reason, Dr's have said it was likely stress. At the time I was the father of a 2 yr old son,working for my college degree, and had 2 full time jobs and a part time job bagging groceries. God blessed our family and I graduated as did my wife and we had such a wonderful life as it seemed atleast. In Oct. 2008, I came home from work on a Wed. and my wife told me she was in love with another man and wanted a divorce. I asked her to please hold off on the relationship until the divorce was final but she refused. I moved out voluntarily and waited for the divorce papers to come while staying with my mother. My wife's new love interest didnt work out and after a very short time, he was gone, and I was welcomed back home. Over the past three years I tried to reinvent myself and do whatever it took to make my wife happy, but nothing worked. I later discovered of 2 more affairs with different men, and I started sleeping on our couch in the living room-major depression-feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem, self hatred and blame, self loathing and pity, the inability to concentrate and do my job all came at once and over a three year period has destroyed my relationships. I have tried every angle possible from pschiatry, counseling, changing meds, reinventing my personality. It all made me more depressed. I quit participating in family activities. I quit caring about anything, I slept or didnt sleep and began to medicate more and more. My kids were watching the entire time, and I didnt even see what I had done to them by my selfishness. On Dec 08th an incident got out of control and I called law enforcement because of agression from my wife. To make a long story short in the past year I lost control of just about every juncuture in my own personal life. I had several affairs myself thinking it would make me happy-all it did was make me hate myself more. I begged for a divorce, and continued to try and be a "good Dad". After the incident when the police came out my wife took my children and moved out of our home. My 12 year old wont speak to me. My 9 year old daughter is so nervous around me I start to cry when I see her, I am only allowed 2-3 hr a week and due to my depression and battles with substance abuse. I moved out of our home and my wife filed for seperation, I have no custodial rights and feel like I have nothing left to live for, My 12 yr old son is so angry he wont speak to me. I told my wife and begged that I needed to be more involved in their day to day life, but it has fallen on deaf ears. I am living with my brother, and do nothing but work and sleep in my free time. I feel like everything that was good in my life is gone-regardless of fault. I dont care what happens to me professionally or personally. I just want the pain to stop. Please someone help me
  15. Hi there, Im 20 year old male. Im not really sure whats wrong or how/if i can be helped. Most of my life has been unhappy id say. But i feel ive spent most of my life as a spectator, watching my life as if on a movie. Never fully in control, but just keeping up appearances so that from a desired perspective all looks well. I grew up with just my mother and sister, as my parents separated when i was too young to remember. Ive never felt normal. I tell small lies, or manipulate the truth to make people think ive had a happy childhood. I fear telling anyone my real life story as theyd probably think i was being dramatic. Maybe rightly so, as things affect me far deeper than i let on. No one knows everything about me. Life was never really happy, At 13 i was suicidal and overweight, 16 I started being bulimic, 17 I was again suicidal, and at 19 i decided to change and the bulimia stopped. By complete luck i managed to scrape the grades to get to University, and am muddling through. No-one knew or helped with the bulimia which i struccles with for 3 years. I just needed to stop. And the depression, despite ruining my education, didnt get me any help. People just thought i was trying to rebel. Since then ive become cold. I have no feeling towards people who were so close to me and didnt try to help. Best friends at the time have since apologised but still dont know the extent of the damage done. Im worried ive become too cold. Its becoming clear that putting the facade of normality no longer works. there are too many cracks. Too many cracks, which, if people get close enough will be impossible to hide. So i lie. "my life is normal just like everyone elses" and keep people distant. Because of this i push away friends when they know too much and im still a virgin. But this is lonely. Ive got through all the depression and bulimia alone but as a result im not keeping up with society. I guess im scared of what people will think of me if they knew. Unlike most guys my age who think quite simply, I think very deeply and analytically, so cant help but to remember these times. And still everything has a gloomy undertone, ive just got used to it. Even when i act happy, it never raises the mood deep down. Seems i just live to make the movie of my life appear happy. To myself as a spectator and anyone else.
  16. Hello, I'm 21, and in college. I'm severely down for some days and urgently need some emotional support. This is about a professor of mine at college. He's a little aloof, rude and a trifle arrogant.Yet he's a genius and extremely open to people who can approach him. I used to dislike him for his attitude, yet in the past year I'd begun to find myself somewhat fascinated by his nature. I always find myself criticizing him for his aloofness, yet want to make friendship with him. Like...understand him and dissect him intellectually...he's such an interesting guy. He's not in our class presently, but I'm really fascinated by him and want to get to know him better. As in, forge a close teacher-student relationship. But the trouble is, he seems to behave in a rather stiff and restricted fashion whenever I approach him. Today, I went into his office to show him an interesting book on his subject that I'd bought recently. But I was rather hurt by his reaction. He didn't show much of an interest, just mumbled a few facts about the book, and then right away excused himself and walked out of the room.The way he got up and walked out casually saying, "oh well, got a class now." Though he didn't have any at that moment. Later in the time I saw him chatting with some students. He actually had a class much, much later. It seemed like he was trying to get rid of me. I might be wrong for all you know, but it seemed that way. It was really disheartening for me and it made me feel inferior when I saw him smiling, chatting openly with his close students. And ever since, I'm feeling like . Nothing I can do would make this depression go away. Please offer a word of consolation.I keep on over-thinking the situation and "why did he do this?" And it hurts me so much. I've had to muster so much courage to go up and talk to him, and he snubs me this way. All I wanted was to be talked to freely, and instead he gives me his disinterest. I know that he probably did not intend it, but even that thought cannot make the hurt go away. Sorry if I sound ******** , but,PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, I really need some emotional support right now. I need to be told something to make me feel better. :verysad3:
  17. It's nearly Valentine's Day and this is probably the worst occasion even more than the Christmas holiday! I'm so lonely, sad and depressed!
  18. I am a 19 year old male, i dropped out of college after 1 year due to anxiety from being around all those cool kids, my girlfriend cheated on me with one of my buddies from high school. i lashed out at everyone i knew, i dont really have any friends and also i have a mild case of scoliosis which was just diagnosed which causes me to havve a phobia of being in public due to paranoia that everyone is staring at my back. my parents and other family members stack pressure on me to find a job or a career, which i already know i need to do but i can't because i am void of energy, and quite intimidated by being in public for 8hrs a day. i have essentially been playing video games in my room since around august. It is now febuary. I dont talk to anybody about being depressed because of a stupid thing called pride. I used to have such high expectations for myself and i used to feel ok in my skin, Now the best time of the day is sleeping, even while having nightmares its still an escape from my life. I cant hold a conversation with someone because the first topic they come up with is "how was your day?" or something along those lines, I typically have to lie and elaborate upon my day because typically the biggest trip i make is like once a week to the gas station to buy some sodas and stuff from the 30 dollars a month my mother sends for me. I feel like i am going to end up a Hobo, and i cant do anything about it.. I just need some support. :verysad3:
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