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Found 18 results

  1. Dark Glasses and Kaleidoscopes: Living with Manic Depression The information on the video is narrated by Tony Dow from "Leave it to Beaver", fame.
  2. Click on below for a list of Bipolar drugs Medications for Bipolar Disorder Other names: Bipolar Affective Disorder; Bipolar Affective Mood Disorder; Bipolar I Disorder; Bipolar II Disorder; Manic Depression; Manic Depressive Disorder; Manic Depressive Illness; Mood Disorder
  3. until
    World Bipolar Day: Why I will never hide my bipolar diagnosis from anyone Hattie Gladwell for Metro.co.uk Thursday 30 Mar 2017 7:00 am (Picture: Metro.co.uk/LibertyAntoniaSadler) I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1 just under two years ago. Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder, that was formally known as ‘manic depression’. It can often mean that your moods swing from one extreme to the other – though each mood will last a significant amount of time, ranging from weeks to months on end. With bipolar type 1, I generally experience more extreme manic moods than I do lows, though when I do feel low, I feel on the verge of suicidal. There are many forms of mania, however. I will be very, very irritable and quick to anger. I become very paranoid and over-think everything. Despite taking sleeping tablets, I will sleep as little as two hours, often waking around 4am to do something out of my usual character. I will feel invincible and I will act irrationally and compulsively, loving every second of that surge of adrenaline that comes with it. And I’ll soon regret it when the mania wears off. For example, I’m a natural blonde but 5 years ago I dyed my hair brown, and have kept it that way (bar the occasional other dark colours such as black or deep red) ever since. (Picture: Liberty Antonia Sadler) But a year-and-a-half ago, I decided when I woke up that I was going to go back to blonde. I didn’t ‘have time’ (meaning I didn’t want to wait) for an appointment, and so I ran to the shop, grabbed two packets of bleach powders, and re-bleached my hair over and over in one day to go from a dark brown to a white blonde (with some yellow patches, of course). I then spent the next few days dying it from silver to lilac, before getting bored and dying another dark colour over it. I spent the following year and a half treating it with coconut oil, getting several hair cuts before ultimately cutting it very short and having to grow it out all over again because it was so ruined. Oh, how I kicked myself for ever touching it in the first place. Another time, during a bout of mania which lasted for several months, I got 19 tattoos. I started with just a couple on my arms and my hip, and ended with tattoos covering my legs, my stomach, my back and the back of my neck. Luckily, I still love them – but would I have waited a little longer to get them had I not been manic? Certainly. There’s always one other indicator that I’m going into a manic episode – I’ll write a book. During one episode, I woke at 4am to write a book, wrote three chapters and sent it off to several publishers thinking I was going to be the next J.K. Rowling. As you can tell, I’m not. But the depressive times are just as bad as the manic times, and sometimes worse. I often end up feeling so low that I have repeated suicidal thoughts day in, day out. I sleep too much as opposed to too little. I become very anxious, I have a constant feeling of guilt in my stomach and I am so very angry. (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk) I feel vacant and numb and I struggle to concentrate on anything. The worst part is that I never know when it’s going to end. But bipolar is something I’ve got used to over time. It’s not something I would wish away because for me, these feelings are ‘normal’. Alongside this, despite how crazy some of my emotions and outbursts may seem, I would never hide it from anyone – because while my illness does not define me, it helps shape who I am. I will never, ever be ashamed of my bipolar diagnosis. Because, quite frankly, it’s out of my hands. I didn’t ask for it, so why should I struggle with it in silence? When meeting a new person it’s not my first topic of conversation – but when the conversation gets deeper I have never, and will never shy away from it. It’s up to the other person how they want to deal with the information, and that’s totally out of my control. I also feel it’s incredibly important to talk about it. So, so many people avoid opening up about their mental health out of fear of judgement or disbelief. They’re scared that they’re going to be told ‘it’s all in your head’ and that it ‘isn’t really there’, followed by suggestions such as ‘you need to take a long walk’ and ‘if you drink more water your head will be clearer’. But just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. It doesn’t mean it’s any less important than a physical illness and it most certainly doesn’t mean it’s any less real, either. (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk) I will continue to talk and write about my experience with bipolar because I want to help those who don’t have the courage to. I want people to find real experiences when searching for advice in Google as opposed to forums disregarding it. I want people to see how open I am about it and realise that they can be too. But most importantly, I want people to realise they are not alone – no matter lonely they may feel in their own minds. And hopefully, alongside people who have already received diagnosis, my experiences will somehow find their way to a person who is currently questioning symptoms, but too scared to go to a doctor for help. I hope someone struggling mentally but too afraid to seek help will realize that there’s nothing shameful in doing so, and that seeking help is the first thing they can do to finding the strength to both understand and accept that they are struggling – before they receive the help and education that they need to start to cope with it. I will never, ever be ashamed of my mental illness, no matter how much I struggle, no matter what people think of it – because it is a part of me, and it always will be. I just pray that others going through a similar thing will some day realize the same thing.
  4. Also known as manic depressive illness, bipolar disorder is characterized by severe and disabling highs (mania) and lows (depression). Affecting 2.2 million Americans, this illness typically begins in adolescence or early adulthood and continues throughout life, with 80% of patients experiencing multiple manic episodes and 15% ending their lives in suicide. However, effective medical treatments are available, and new research is constantly expanding the range of possible treatment options. With proper treatment, most people with bipolar disorders are able to lead fulfilling and productive lives. Bipolar Disorder is distinguished from Major Depressive Disorder by the presence of manic or hypomanic episodes. It is distinguished from Schizoaffective Disorder by the absence of psychotic symtoms (such as delusions, halucinations) during periods of stable mood. Bipolar Disorder is really a spectrum of disorders. Bipolar I disorder is characterized by a history of at least one manic episode, and (usually) depressive episodes. Bipolar II disorder is characterized by hypomanic episodes alternating with depressive episodes. Cyclothymia is characterized by highs which fulfil some but not all criteria for hypomania and lows which fulfil some but not all criteria for depression. Manic Episode A. A distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive or irritable mood, lasting for at least one week (or any duration if hospitalization is necessary). B. During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree: inflated self-esteem or grandiosity decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep) more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing distractibility (i.e., attention is easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli) increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments) C. The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode D. The mood disturbance is sufficiently severe to cause marked impairement in occupational functioning or in usual social activities or relationships with others, or to necessitate hospitalization to prevent harm to self or others, or there are psychotic features. E. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication, or other treatment) or a general medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism). Note: Manic-like episodes that are clearly caused by somatic antidepressant treatment (e.g., medication, electroconvulsive therapy, light therapy) should not count toward a diagnosis of Bipolar I Disorder. http://www.bipolar.org/ Hypomanic episode A. A distinct period of persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting throughout at least 4 days, that is clearly different from the usual nondepressed mood. B. During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree: inflated self-esteem or grandiosity decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep) more talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli) increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, sexually) or psychomotor agitation excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., the person engages in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments) C. The episode is associated with an unequivocal change in functioning that is uncharacteristic of the person when not symptomatic D. The disturbance in mood and the change in functioning are observable by others. E. The episode is not severe enough to cause marked impairment in social or occupational functioning, or to necessitate hospitalization, and there are no psychotic features. F. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication, or other treatment) or a general medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism). Note: Hypomanic-like episodes that are clearly caused by somatic antidepressant treatment (e.g., medication, electroconvulsive therapy, light therapy) should not count toward a diagnosis of Bipolar II Disorder. Major Depressive Episode A. Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure. Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly due to a general medical condition, or mood-incongruent delusions or hallucinations. depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities consistently for at least a 2 week period. This mood must represent a change from the person's normal mood; social, occupational, educational or other important functioning must also be negatively impaired by the change in mood. A major depressive episode is also characterized by the presence of a majority of these symptoms: depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). Note: In children and adolescents, this can be irritable mood. markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observations made by others) significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. Note: in children, consider failure to make expected weight gains. insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down) fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick) diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others) recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide B. The symptoms do not meet criteria for a mixed episode. C. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. D. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication, or other treatment) or a general medical condition (e.g., hyperthyroidism). E. The symptoms are not better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor dysfunction. http://www.stanford.edu/
  5. Aug 6, 2015 01:05 PM By Ali Venosa @AliVenosa Urine could hold important biomarkers for determining a patient's mental illness. Diagnosis of mental illness is an entirely different animal than diagnosing a physical one. There are not blood or urine tests that can neatly identify who suffers from a mental illness, and there aren’t x-rays or MRIs that can alert one immediately that something inside isn’t working how it should. We’ve been able to identify some neurological markers that can indicate certain disorders, but as a general rule, diagnosing mental illness comes from interviews and assessments with the patient. A doctor bases his diagnosis on emotional symptoms, reports of social or functional problems, and his own observations of the patient’s attitudes and behavior. As if this wasn’t already a touchy process, many mental illnesses have similar symptoms, with only subtle differences to differentiate between them. A perfect example is the common misdiagnosis of bipolar disorder as Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). There are many opportunities for bipolar disorder to be misdiagnosed as MDD — one reason is that bipolar disorder is often first notable when the patient is experiencing a bout of depression. This leads that person to seek help and describe their symptoms, leading a clinician to believe that depressive symptoms are the only thing the patient has. Bipolar disorder only affects about one percent of the population worldwide, so clinicians often forget to question patients about hypomania — the hyperactive, euphoric state that opposites depressive states in bipolar patients. This oversight often leads to patients walking out with an incorrect diagnosis — problematic, since a correct one is crucial for them to receive the treatment they need. Knowing this, researchers set out to find a more objective test to identify the difference between bipolar disorder and MDD, and they just might have found it. How They Did It The researchers took a look at urine samples of patients who had been successfully diagnosed with bipolar disorder or MDD. They combined a couple analytical techniques to examine the metabolites in these samples, hoping to find some biological markers that could differentiate between the two sets of patients. The team went with a combination of gas-chromatography-mass spectrometry and nuclear magnetic resonance — a bit of a mouthful, but no one said this was a simple process. These chemical analyses allowed them to come up with biomarker panels for all of the patients, and they found that 20 differential metabolites were responsible for discriminating bipolar disorder from MDD subjects. Bipolar disorder patients had higher levels of these metabolites, 14 of which were “significantly changed.” The researchers note that their study had limitations, including a small subject pool and the fact that all of the participants came from the same hospital. They also suggest that future studies in this vein should aim to collect multiple samples, including cerebrospinal fluid and plasma to ensure that the same biomarkers are elevated in bipolar disorder patients. Source: Peng X, et al. Divergent Urinary Metabolic Phenotypes Between Major Depressive Disorder And Bipolar Disorder Identified By A Combined GC-MS And NMR Spectroscopic Metabonomic Approach. Journal of Proteome. 2015.
  6. FDA approves first generic Abilify to treat mental illnesses For Immediate Release April 28, 2015 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration today approved the first generic versions of Abilify (aripiprazole). Generic aripiprazole is an atypical antipsychotic drug approved to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Alembic Pharmaceuticals Ltd., Hetero Labs Ltd., Teva Pharmaceuticals and Torrent Pharmaceuticals Ltd. have received FDA approval to market generic aripiprazole in multiple strengths and dosage forms. “Having access to treatments is important for patients with long-term health conditions,” said John Peters, M.D., acting director of the Office of Generic Drugs in the FDA’s Center for Drug Evaluation and Research. “Health care professionals and consumers can be assured that FDA-approved generic drugs have met the same rigorous standards as the brand-name drug.” Schizophrenia is a chronic, severe and disabling brain disorder. About one percent of Americans have this illness. Typically, symptoms are first seen in adults younger than 30 years of age. Symptoms of schizophrenia include hearing voices, believing other people are reading their minds or controlling thoughts and being suspicious or withdrawn. Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is another brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. The symptoms of bipolar disorder include alternating periods of depression and high or irritable mood, increased activity and restlessness, racing thoughts, talking fast, impulsive behavior and a decreased need for sleep. All atypical antipsychotics contain a Boxed Warning alerting health care professionals about an increased risk of death associated with the off-label use of these drugs to treat behavioral problems in older people with dementia-related psychosis. No drug in this class is approved to treat patients with dementia-related psychosis. Aripiprazole’s Boxed Warning also warns about an increased risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in children, adolescents, and young adults taking antidepressants. Patients should be monitored for worsening and emergence of suicidal thoughts and behaviors. Aripiprazole must be dispensed with a patient Medication Guide that describes important information about the drug’s uses and risks. In the clinical trials for Abilify, the most common side effects reported by adults taking Abilify were nausea, vomiting, constipation, headache, dizziness, uncontrollable limb and body movements (akathisia), anxiety, insomnia, and restlessness. Generic prescription drugs approved by the FDA have the same high quality and strength as brand-name drugs. Generic prescription drug manufacturing and packaging sites must pass the same quality standards as those of brand-name drugs. The FDA, an agency within the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, protects the public health by assuring the safety, effectiveness, and security of human and veterinary drugs, vaccines and other biological products for human use, and medical devices. The agency also is responsible for the safety and security of our nation’s food supply, cosmetics, dietary supplements, products that give off electronic radiation, and for regulating tobacco products.
  7. Hi, I have been on Pristiq for 3 weeks now. Lots of side effects that have not subsided yet (spaced out, very tired and wired at the same time, anxiety and tremors, headaches, palpitations). Some days are better than others and on those days I have a bit of hope as far as my depression/bipolar goes. But the past few days I have been in a much deeper depression and I am losing hope again. The side effects are bad as well. My questions are: Is it possible that the med simply has not kicked in yet? Is there hope that it might? Is 3 weeks long enough to know? and Is it possible for these side effects to diminish? Any responses are welcome and appreciated! Thanks, Jen
  8. It became obvious to me a long time ago that I experience many signs and symptoms of Bi-Polar, and that I do indeed suffer from the condition. The root cause of my mental health issues of course arises from my BDD, and the main issue for me associeated with that is social withdrawal, fatigue, and major depressive disorder/major depressive episodes. But I also suffer periods of "mania" or "manic depression" - I've always had "stages" in my life where I suffer (Really suffer) from unexplainable "bursts" of uncontrollable emotion. Whether it was bursting into tears and uncontrollable sobs in later primary school (As early as grade two, and more pronounced and frequent each proceeding year) for such things as being confronted by a teacher like "Did you draw on that desk?!" or "Why did you change the password on the classroom computer!?" even when I clearly knew I hadn't done the things I was being accused of or asked if I was the culprit of I would begin crying while trying to explain. I remember trying to stay calm in those situations so that I wouldn't be embarrassed in front of my classmates, and so that I would be able to explain that it wasn't me - and possibly even tell on the person who was responcible for said problem - but it was something beyond any control. I didn't have any desire to cry, I didn't have any reason to cry, I didn't even want to be crying. I hated myself for it. I was also incredibly confused over why I didn't have control over this particular emotion - because I really, really didn't want to or need to be crying. I was confident in my defense and knew what I had to say to correct the teachers misgivings, but a lump would form in my throat, and attempts to suppress it would make my voice come out in a "squeak", I would take another breath, but as the words would come out calm and confident, uncontrollable sobs would come inbetween and wash away any appearance or feeling of control. By high-school it was more important for my "survival" and respect of peers that I contain this. I became increasingly good at controlling it and avoiding these scenarios. But I still remember a few instances in which they occurred and the mortified terror I felt at my helplesness to control these unconcsious "outbursts". The last two in a school setting I can remember very distinctly - I did manage to suppress them, just barely. The second last one occurred in 2007 when I was in Year 10 (Tenth Grade). Two girls in glass had been giving me a hard time. I was sitting at a desk in front of them - so they were directly behind me - and they were shooting spitballs at me, and throwing paper at my head. I remember one of these spitballs hit me on the neck and I nearly lost it, I turned around and very 'boldly' with a strong hint of anger told them "****. Off!". The teacher sent me outside. Shortly after being sent out the oldest teacher in the school came by and saw me sitting outside the classroom, I don't know what I looked like at the time, but in Year 10 I tried to put on a "tough" front. I was one of the "cool" kids, it was near the end of the year by this point, and I was seriously starting to lose my grip on things (About five months after this I experienced my second ever [that i know of] major depressive episode, and the first of which in I googled my symptoms and began to understand they weren't unique to just me). I remember after being sent outside I spat on the pavement outside the classroom before sitting on the bench. I was very visibly shaking, it's another symptom I can't control and one I'm even less adept at "nullifying" despite conscious efforts and a lot of practice. Despite my attempt to stay calm, I must have looked anything but that. Because this teacher looked seriously worried when she saw me. She asked me to come and sit down with her at a nice table near some small trees, visible from the classroom window. I remember everyone in class seemed to be watching me out of the corners of their eyes and turning thier heads to face me with astonishing frequency. I can't remember the full extent of the conversation I had with this teacher, but whatever was wrong with me at the time, she knew better than I did what was wrong me, though I didn't realize it at the time. I remember she asked me how I got sent outside and I gave some vague details, but I must have been on the verge of tears already because I kept my voice very deep, not "low and quiet", but deep. That's one of the ways in which I manage "the sobs" without sounding like a frog about to croak and cry. The last thing she asked me was "Do you feel like you can't cope?" - All I could do was nod. Yes, I can't cope. I was on the verge of breaking. I was telling myself "Don't ******* cry, don't ******* cry, don't ******* cry, calm, control, calm, control, calm, calm, calm..." After that she let me go. I went back to class and I didn't say a word, though I'm sure people noticed the glaze in my eyes. The second time was in "College" or Year 12, which is like the last two years of school before heading to University. It was at a completely different school, new teachers, friends, even a "new me". Though by this point I had already experienced a few major depressive episodes and was known to turn up one week and then disappear for a month before suddenly reappearing - often still heavily depressed. I had experienced moments in class when I just wanted to cry for no reason, really, really let out. I didn't understand the first few times and when people would talk to me I'd say nothing because I was on the verge of crying, if I opened my mouth it would all come spilling out. It really made my life hell. But those are episodes caused by severe depression, not reaction to things a teacher or classmate said. The last time it happened was during a class known as "Outdoor Ed", I know I'd experienced multiple major depressive episodes by this point because I only took this class in the last semester of my last year there before I was due to finish. We were practicing abseiling off of the school bridge, something about my harness wasn't secured correctly (Though there was no chance of falling or anything majorly dangerous) and the teacher decided to make me an example in front of the class. I sat there on the harness, trying my best to look confident, but it was plainly apparent I was uncomfortable in that situation. The teacher really did make fun of me, and while a few people in the class laughed (A fairly large class) most people actually thought poorly of the teacher for it and told me afterwards. I think the only reason I managed not to cry is because I would have cut myself loose on the spot if I did. But I was very quiet afterwards, and though friends and aquantences came up to me after the teacher was done with his "example" and said things like "He's a dickhead, he didn't have to do that. We're all a team and we're supposed to make sure eachothers gear is properly tied and fastened" I could only nod and barely get out "Yeah I don't care..." I'd almost made it. I'd struggled through hell, put in so much effort, but I never went to school again after that and ended up staying in bed for months - literally months - afterwards. Another depressive episode, and the last one that cost me my Year 12 certificate. I'd missed over eight months of school already before that, yet despite brain fog, despite being unable to think, I was still on check to pass and finish. My depression went undiagnosed, all my mental illness went undiagnosed. Everyone in my family seemed to forget about me. I was like a ghost, invisible in my room. Coming out only to go to the toilet and an occassional melted cheese on bread "snack" or "meal". I lost a lot of weight during this time, I didn't speak to my family for up to a fortnight at a time, and yet nothing was done. I don't know what the hell they thought, but they never did anything to help me. They told me I was lazy and shouted at me to go to study and go to school, and I shouted back. Four years later and I still haven't gotten my Year 12. Instead, I've had a rollercoaster of miserable setback after miserable setback. I've watched the literal deteriation of my mind, loss of friends, and loss of just about anything I had. I've become physically weak and incredibly skinny to the point that I can touch the tip of my thumb to the tip of my pinky around my wrist with ease. I'm a twenty year old 6"3' male and I can wrap my thumb and forfinger around my wrist with room to spare. No one could care any less about my deterioration, I've contemplated suicide more times than I can remember. It's gotten to the point that I've done so much research into different suicide methods I know for sure which one I want to settle on should things get to that point again. I will be "successful" on my first attempt. None of that hospital bed nonsense and being asked by family "Why did you do that?" "How could you be so selfish?". **** them, they've never done anything to help my condition. I finally managed to spell it out for my Mum by writing her a detailed letter, a week later and she became indifferent, now months later and it's obvious she doesn't have the capacity to understand. No one in my family does, it's simply beyond any realm of experience they've ever been through. No doubt they've experienced depression and low mood. Depression and low mood is nothing though. I've seen people complain of depression caused by a long-term relationship breakup or the loss of a loved one, but the debilitating effects they experience and whine about are something I've experienced near constantly for years and have been able to manage - they completely shut down from it. Yeah, because it takes practice you Barstewards. They always get better though. Always. Every ******* time. And they soon forget what it felt like, and then that it ever existed at all. No, most people are incapable of understanding it despite whatever they might say or think. My signs of mania are: - Start thinking I can study anything, become anything. Any profession: Doctor, Psychologist, Psychiatrist, Mathematician, Scientist, Astronomer, famous writer, etc, etc, etc. - Start thinking I can "do" anything: Climb the highest mountains, ride around the planet on a bicycle, sail the seas, you name it. - Fantasize and plan taking over the world: Take parliament hostage, announce on every TV station at once "I'm taking the planet hostage, I have nuclear weapons.", start thinking about secret organizations I could start with the sole purpose of assassinating evil dictators and suppressors of freedom. Start thinking about becoming some charismatic leader during the early years of contact with an alien species - Me: "Humans are no strangers to war! We will suppress this alien threat, we will conquer this species, and we will teach them what it means to be human!". The zany s*** I come up with in my head sounds absolutely plausible to me. I make all sorts of plans on scribble them on notepads and in text files on my computer. I start to write them more and more to the point that I might write a few pages worth a day. I really start to believe I'm going to do all these things - and then I crash and return to reality. My manic stages are never as long as my depressed states and major depressive episodes. The longest period of "mania" I've experienced is something close to ten weeks. It only ever happened for that long once, and I believe there were a few minor depressed moments during that time, but not significant enough for me to remember. Maybe just periods of normalcy, I can't remember. One other sign of mania that I definitely experience and recognize: I write more. A lot more. Blog posts, forum posts, you name it. Normally I struggle to write a few paragraphs - suddenly my fingers are on fire and I can type and type into eternity. What I type might not even make sense, hell, it's possible none of this makes sense. But this period is always followed by major depressive episode, and this one is definitely going to be big. I have been rescheduling my psychology appointments, missing them because I've been too tired, too depressed, too fatigued. Now I know that I really need to go and hurry up with getting started on treatment, but it's too late. The chances of me experiencing a low before my appointment are pretty much 100%. I don't remember the last time I experienced this level of mania for more than a few days before hitting a critical low point. I feel on top of the world, but I have that sinking feeling in the back of my mind too, and I know it's going to surface before I get the treatment I so desperately want and need. My first psyche appointment is still twelve days away, depending on how things go I could be in for some serious trouble in the days ahead. I'm worried. I'm really worried about what I might do. I'm not in my right mind at all, I have very little control. Today I've experienced extreme mood swings from near-******ious aggression and agitation for absolutely no ******* reason to feelings of love and joy and admiration for my family and the people around me. I went and contacted old friends, even some who it was probably not appropriate to contact, without a care in the world. "We can all be friends! Happy happy happy!" was my prevailing thought at the time. Then out of no where I lost interest and thought about how much I wish the neighbours would shut their ******* voices up. I'm not well. I'm really not well at all, and I don't have the means to help myself at this moment in time. I'm so ****ed. I am absolutely ****ed.
  9. Hi Every1 I would just like say hi to everyone. I know this is probably not the best place to start this and ask a question but here it goes anyway: My History: I have a father and sister who both suffer from Bi-polar depression. I know I most probably also suffer from major depression but I have never seen a specialist mostly because I've always known and accepted that I am a "broken toy" so to speak and because I don't think my mother would be able to handle knowing that as well. At age 23 I have learnt to cope with the lack of emotion, long periods of feeling blue and lack of motivation as an everyday occurrence but in this case not the point I wish to address. I have be going out with a girl for almost 4 years now (I suspect she might think I am depressed but I never discuss these types of things with her) and social protocol suggests that at some point in the near future getting married will probably be on the agenda. Over the past few years I have gotten use to a feeling of content instead of what I think should be love. But for a long time now I have been unable to forget about my ex girlfriend. We where high school sweethearts and together for 2.5 years but she cheated on me 3 times and the relationship ended ugly. I have never been able to forget about her and feel that what ever resemblance of emotion and love I had left is stuck in that part of my life. As time goes by I also find myself romanticizing my memories with her and with my friends from that specific time of my life. I guess what I want to ask of the experts in this forum are as follows: 1. Is this looking back and being stuck in the past a product of depression or my breakup that I never recovered from? 2. If so I know I cannot get married if this is not sorted out, but what can I do if it is not linked to depression? 3. I also have trouble committing new would be happy times to memory since after the breakup with my ex (hence a more than 4 year gap in recalling stuff some times) If it is part of my depression there is nothing at this stage of my life I can do about it but if it is a product of my breakup I can concentrate on solving that part. Thanks for any assistance in advance
  10. hello without giving an excess of background story, i've been diagnosed with "depression" for a while. the last time it got really bad was a few months ago when i was in russia, when i barely ate, had really bad insomnia (sometimes not sleeping at all) and began to feel as though i was already dead or a ghost or had begun to be out of phase with the rest of the world somehow (although i don't think these were delusions - just sort of "feelings"). i would think of suicide a lot and come close to attempting a few times. anyway i went to the doctor in russia and they prescribed me trazodone and phenzepam (sleeping tablet) which seemed to make my mood swing worse between suicidality and sort of frantic agitation (i bought 3 coats out shopping once even though i didn't really need any of them) and eventually i decided to go back to the UK where i actually live. that day that i decided to do that i suddenly felt my mood swing up again and i went out by myself, drank and took some of my tablets recreationally and was generally very excitable and euphoric. when i got back it was 2am but i wasn't tired despite hardly sleeping the night before and having had lots of CNS depressants and was thinking about going out again, but my room mate got annoyed and i got annoyed with her and so i woke up everyone in the hotel we were in by banging on all the doors and shouting. then i started to pack my stuff and booked a flight for the next day. someone unfortunately called the russian paramedics and they decided to tranquilise me. anyway long story short i was back in the UK. still sort of suicidal and depressed and irritable and slightly on the paranoid side ("everyone wants me to die" etc... but again, i would say this expressing a sort of feeling, i don't think it was a delusion because i would be vaguely aware of the silliness of the idea. sort of.) but things worked out over the next few weeks apart from a few blips (one of those blips being a botched suicide attempt but still). now the last three weeks. OKAY. a week ago, after a two-week depression, i woke up thursday morning having gone to bed at about 2 at about 6.30 am. very unlike me. the days before had been the worst for the depression so far, staying in bed all day, sleeping to avoid crying, suicidal thoughts etc. but i woke up in the morning and after a few mins of grogginess, the fog sort of cleared and i felt very awake. i felt more energized than usual, more excitable, just BETTER. i went out to do stuff, to find stuff to do. i searched out people to speak to. i sat with my friend and some of his friends i'd never met before. they found me a bit odd, as i would cycle between hyper, irritated and depressed every 10 or so minutes. laughing excessively at my own jokes, going off on little rant tangents about people who'd wronged me, picking discussions with people, accusing random people of discussing me. etc etc. but at any rate, i felt increasingly that irritability and rage began to define my mood at the time. in the end i called my ex, who refuses to speak to me anymore since january because of my verbal anger outbursts (:(), i was really agitated and upset because i'd seen he was planning a birthday party. so i asked if i could go. he said "er no". but i didn't have any verbal outbursts i was quite controlled imo. anyway the phone call ended and i was even more agitated and confused and angry, pacing around the room planning to go to his house or his friend's house just because i needed something to do with myself. so i called my other friend and he convinced me to go to the hospital instead. at the hospital after a looooong wait they gave me a sleeping tablet and told me to come back the next day. they irritated me too. i noticed, as i'm sure they did, that i was very talkative. you don't realise how talkative you actually are and how much you feel the need to talk until someone is there having a conversation with you. so i went back the next day. i woke up at 8.30 having gone to bed at about 1 or something. better. i felt still somewhat sedated from the zopiclone when i got to the hospital. sort of quietly sad. the psychiatrist i saw wanted me to try sertraline. this made me feel annoyed for some reason. i don't like SSRIs, although i've taken citalopram before. i felt no one had provided me with a satisfactory explanation as to why i should take an SSRI. anyway i decided to make a big scene about it. so a manager came and spoke to me and i argued with him and was hostile etc (who wouldn't be at some random who'd just said i need therapy and i have a personality disorder as a weapon to get me to be meek??????) anyway then i waited for a consultant. i began to feel more euphoric again rather than irritable. i was still overtalkative when i met the consultant. he said i was hypomanic and gave me quetiapine. this is when it gets a bit more complicated because what is the quetiapine and what is the POSSIBLE hypomania? i was told to take 300mg the first night and 600mg after. 300mg knocked me out for 12 hours a night and made me basically useless, i couldn't do anything. so i decided to just take 300mg rather than 600 as i feared that would be even worse. in the evenings i could feel the effects wearing off and i'd feel MUCH better - i don't know if it was normal better or hypomanic better though! i have no idea anymore :( after two nights of this i decided that too was intolerable, so on monday evening i decided i wouldn't take it. i stayed up until 2 as usual and woke up 4 or 5 hours later, feeling driven and euphoric, getting lots of stuff done in one day. that night again i decided not to take it, slept for 4 hours again. during this time i made only one or two reckless purchases - i bought a couple of tickets for nights out, one of which is tonight, assuming i would go to them when i most likely wouldn't have. i also bought a bag to hold my vinyl (and the vinyl itself i think i bought at this time). i decided to get into glitch, techno and breakbeat and spent a lot of time downloading (this didn't cost me anything though....). i also tried to get into contact with a few men i hadn't spoken to. however while my mind would rush through the day, and even when i went to sleep it felt like i wasn't sleeping because songs and thoughts would whizz through my head, it was like i was awake the whole time still, my body still felt it. when i woke up the second day i could sort of feel that my body was tired but my mind wasn't, my eyes would sting a bit but i'd go on anyway. and sometimes any muscle aches would disappear with a new burst of a pervading sense of euphoria. a couple of other things i would associate with this time - the eyes of anyone looking into the camera in advertisement posters etc would take on an uncanny sort of significance, direct orders (like for traffic) would as well. not a direct, concrete significance, i would just feel a certain "uncanny" feeling. also i would eat fast. it's odd because as i don't have any work or a job or anything i tend to feel i lack things to do, but now i would always have something to do. anyway that afternoon i felt i'd "come down" a bit so to speak, and i went back home, my body feeling heavier, and had a nap for an hour or two, although still with the sense that id been sort of awake the whole time. i thought i was back to normal but again i could feel the irritability and sense of purpose rising when my mother rang me about something (which on the other hand could be perfectly normal!) i decided to take the medicine. it knocked me out again, but the next day the euphoria seemed to break through it, so that i felt sort of sedated and muted but also i cleaned my room, did the laundry, cooked etc, completed with a sense of wellbeing and pleasant gorgeousness. that evening i prepared to go out, but i felt rather down, oddly, for the first time. i decided to take 600mg as i was supposed to. NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN. i slept for 16 hours and was useless for another 2. no euphoria but i think that was over anyway. what makes me think that i wasn't hypomanic - the sense that my body still felt it missed the sleep even if my mind wouldn't switch off, i didn't have any TOTALLY unrealistic plans or make HUGE dents in my bank account. i'm not sure what to do. i can't tolerate the quetiapine it's absolutely awful. what do i do? because the quetiapine sort of interfered when i was in the middle of it, does that change the nature of things? did it cause the stuff that happened on tuesday and wednesday? because overall you might say i had thurs+fri+mon(evening)+tues+wed = 5 days of hypomania = "hypomanic episode". but, like, really? REALLY?! i find this difficult to believe. i found it more difficult to believe before tbh but i guess with the thing that happened in russia etc... it's hard to know what would be "me" and what would be "illness". also REALLY/!?!?!?!?!
  11. I'm a 16 year old male, who has, on the most part, no real problems, unlike the large majority of you on this forum. Instead I feel as if I am drifting helplessly through this world, never making any difference to anyone, never feeling the need to do anything because nothing I do can make any difference to anything. Because of this apathy to life I also sometimes have suicidal thoughts. Not the extremely depressed sort, the "Oh what if I just **** myself" sort. I have also come to the conclusion that no one on this planet does anything for any other reason than personal gain (with the very few exceptions). Every time someone has done something nice to me I later discover that it was benefiting them in some way. My only escape from these feelings is either vigorous exercise, reading or writing. I also vary dramatically in mood. Sometimes I am euphoric, sometimes very angry, and other times incredibly depressed - I am not sure if I have bipolar disorder or if it is just my perception on life which causes these changes in mood. These feelings barely ever have much reasoning behind them. Furthermore I sometimes get the feeling that everything I do I haven't really done, like a memory of a memory. And finally I have been rejected a lot by the opposite sex in my life. Spanning back to the age of 7 I have felt unappreciated by women.
  12. I have a friend with bipolar, suspected schizophrenia and bulimia (We'll call her Georgie). She's basically the same age as me and we're both going into our final year at high school. Since the middle of last year she has really been struggling with self harm and suicide attempts. She ended up in a clinic after her second or third suicide attempt and years worth of self harm in many different forms. We thought after 6 weeks in there, things were looking up for her, but recently she's only gotten worse. She was misdiagnosed (and consequently mistreated) with depression and it's only fairly recently that she's been put on meds for bipolar. The only problem is, they seem to do absolutely nothing. It wasn't sure whether she'd come back to school to finish this year or she'd take a year away from everything and then do the final year in 2013 but she's decided to come back. Over the holidays she was excercising excessively every day and (I assume) purging basically every meal, which she's continued doing. She also recently broke up with her boyfriend of five months (he dumped her on their anniversary over facebook) and last night, some stuff that he said was misinterperated by her as him saying that he wished he was dead and she overdosed again and landed herself in hospital overnight. She's so casual about the whole situation, making jokes about what happened in hospital and laughing about the voices in her head and what they were saying, but it feels like she just throws everything onto me and one of our mutual friends (Let's call her Paula). I'm sure she doesn't mean to put so much pressure on us and it's nice that she trusts us so much, but it gets so hard when all her problems become yours and you find yourself lying in bed at night struggling with the thought of her being gone forever. I am 'normal', whatever that means, but I do know this Paula has had troubles with cutting and purging as well and takes everything that happens to heart, because they made a 'self harm pact' which she's stuck to much more strongly than Georgie so she blames herself. Paula is definitely overcoming her issues well and is staying strong but we both find it so difficult when Georgie makes an attempt at her life or comes to school with a whole new set of scars on her arms. Basically, what I'm looking for is some kind of magic fix to make it all go away! As if it could be that easy!! I don't want her to die, but there's nothing I can do outside of school to stop her from hearing her brother saying spiteful things or the bank closing too early and it's hard when you have no control over these things. Do you have any suggestions to help her hang in there while we wait for her psych to find the right selection of meds to make her feel better?
  13. This is my first post on this site. I am 22 and have been dealing with a boatload of emotional issues for the last decade. I've been treated for depression, anxiety, guilt, anger, social disorders, bipolar disorder, insomnia, self mutilation and mood disorders. I have seen countless therapists at multiple psychiatric wards and residential treatment facilities and have been perscriped to pretty much every anti-depressant I have ever heard of. Everyday is a struggle. Waking up is my worst nightmare. I hate going to sleep knowing I have to wake up to another day. I loath people; what they are and what they do. I am unable to maintain a job or stay in school because everytime I walk into an environment with people, I consistently feel like I am being judged or looked down upon. At 22, not being able to have a job or a degree has left me in my parents house, in an environment where no one understands the severity of the thoughts running through my head. According to everyone around me, I am only being dramatic and need to "suck it up" and be a responsible adult. I think about suicide hourly. I have attempted multiple times. The reason I haven't tried again is because each time I have attempted and failed, the outcome has been unbearable. I only want to do it again if I know it will work. I hate seeing what I do to my family when they see me like this. I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy who understands that I have issues, but he doesn't understand how much I can't stand living. I have put him through more suffering than I would wish upon my worst enemies. We have gotten in arguements. I am also plus size. My confidence in myself has been pounded to dirt because of the environment I was raised in. I was raised in a very rich, plastic town where you are bullied and hated if you weigh more than 100lbs. To give you an idea, my high school is the school that the movie 'Mean Girls' was based off of. My father attended Harvard and Brown and the fact that I can't even get through a year of college has devastated him into being an alcoholic. He blames me for his emotional pain. I could continue typing for hours, but no one would read it. If this sounds familiar to any one, please let me know what you have done to overcome the pain.
  14. Hi guys, I've got a feeling I might be Bipolar Type II - but currently only diagnosed with depression anxiety. I've done a bit of reading and a few tests - definitely had some form of hypomania. I have no psychosis. Anyways, as I'm uneducated in this one, I wanted to ask if it's a condition that needs meds more than depression i.e. mood stabilisers? Or can it be solved through CBT or other therapies. Is it considered more serious? Or just another mental health illness. On SSRIs at the moment... need to wait for NHS CMHT assessment next week, but I don't think they deal with Bipolar there. Sorry if wrong forum or already answered again (sorry mods! ). Not good at searching for info today. Thanks T.
  15. I'm 17 years old and I have been on Wellbutrin XL 300mg daily since November 4rth. It worked great at first! I was in a much better mood and was more motivated than anything. I was starting to play music again and actually thought I was doing great. I started doing my homework again and could actually carry on conversations with my friends and family... but now, for the past week I have been depressed again... suicidal thoughts worse than before... after months of not self harming I did it again... I have been spacing out, not wanting to talk to anyone, not doing my school work, my room is a mess but I don't want to clean it... I just don't care... I am still on my medication though... is this normal? another thing is I have been agitated, and snappy with people even when I was in a better mood... I have taken books out on bipolar disorder... Sounds like me... but I'm not 100% sure... I don't really want to bring this up to my mother because she might think that I'm "just saying this" plus, I don't want her to have to worry again... but I really want to know whats going on... so I can stop feeling so depressed...
  16. hey everyone, i just wanted to ask about this combo of meds for my bipolar affective disorder. Is it common to be on these 2 meds and do they work well together in stabilizing mood? I know they are regarded as both mood stabilizers, one more for mania and one more for the depressive side. Is it just me or is there anyone else on this combo or has been on this combo? does it work for you? does it make sense to be on this combo as these are both good mood stablizing medications? im currently tirateing up my lamicitail (been on 25mg for 7 days) and i have just added Lithum SR 450mg in morning and 450mg at night. I hope that Lithium at 900mg can help the mania, irritibile side of my bipolar. is 900mg still a thereputic dose? and is the lamictial more for the lows i guess im still tirating but fingers crossed on this combo. please anyone feel free to post your opinions, comments and thoughts on this and it woudl be of real help if any of you are taking this or have been on it and know a little more about it then me. cheers Jay
  17. I'm bipolar. That's something I have to learn to live with. And that's something the people close to me have to learn to live with. It's not a death sentence. It's a disease, which from what I understand, is mostly genetic. Nothing I can do about it. Didn't ask for it. Don't want it, but it's there. Right now I'm tip-toeing, not really knowing what I should do, how to cope...With time, I'm sure we will manage. With the proper therapy, the proper medications, it's a disease you can live with. I don't want to be aggressive. I don't want to be violent. I don't want to be sleepy all the time. I don't want to feel like nothing can help. I don't want to be stuck, thinking there's no hope. I really don't. But hey, bad luck, I won the lottery. These last couple of days, I realized, browsing through forums, that, of course, I'm not the only one. We are many. And we support each other. I didn't want to take the Cymbalta, but for the sake of my family, in the hope it will help me, I started taking it. There are some annoying side effects (nausea, belly cramps, dizziness) but I know that they will fade away with time. I won't give up. I don't ever give up. Why do you think there's a phoenix tattooed on my shoulder ? I always got up. I fall, I get up again. I've been through hell, with my family, in relationships, at work, in my own mind...I'm still there. Still alive. I'm a tough Biotch, I am.
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