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Found 73 results

  1. I recently started taking 10 mg. of Citalopram for my anxiety issue. I've been dealing with panic attacks most of my life but was reluctant to try any meds. Recently a friend of mine passed away and the attacks started coming on multiple times a day and they were the big attacks that leave me frozen and barely able to speak. I decided to take my doctors advice and began taking the Citalopram three days ago. She said it would make me jittery but I am experiencing much more than just jitters. My anxiety is through the roof! It's uncomfortable and nauseating. Also I experienced multiple MAJOR attacks last night and this morning. Last night I was convinced I was having a heart attack. My boyfriend said I was fine but honestly there is no point in trying to rationalize the situation because I was so far off the deep end. I eventually fell asleep and woke up convinced I had had a stroke in the middle of the night .. I didn't. This continued most of the night. This morning I could barely get out of bed because I was so scared of every tiny ache and pain. I'm also getting hot flashes, headaches, and grinding my teeth. I have heard people say that it takes a few weeks but I don't know if I can continue! Has anyone else experienced this? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I haven't taken my fourth dose yet, I am going to take it before bed and pray that I can sleep it off. Thanks in advance!
  2. I don't even know why I'm here but I am and a lot has happened in this past week and with the loss of a job and my wife talking divorce , that means my two precious little kids won't be here all the time is taking its toll , my chest hurts I've only experienced this once and it was a anxiety attack I went straight to the doctor and two little pills later I woke up on the floor the next day . That was over 10 years ago but this is different I'm thinking about ending my relationship without a fight and this worries me . Is it me or can anyone else hold a job for more than 2 years before my kids I'd quit if I thought I was getting screwed but after a couple layoffs recently I'm blaming it on my weight problem you see I'm an emotional eater this is my drug I get high when I eat . It may have something to do with being molested as a kid idk I've confronted both men and can't seem to let it go , you see when it came out in a drunken rage one new years eve I let the cat out of the bag and was called a liar most people tried to sweep it under the rug as a move on kinda deal , this p***** me off . So hear I am it's all on the table am I the only one ? Should I go talk to a doctor , will this follow me if I go ?
  3. I stumbled on this forum after hours of reading/researching to find out what's going on with me lately. I'm not even sure if this forum is very active, but I felt as if I had to post no matter what just in case there's some hope of getting some help figuring all this out. I'm a new member, so please excuse me if I'm not posting in the right place or make other mistakes. I'm a 29 year old male, and recently I seem to be experiencing several symptoms of many disorders, so it's overwhelming to try to figure this out on my own. Most of my life I've been a very upbeat and happy person. There have been major traumatic events in my life, during which I was very depressed, but for the most part and certainly when there's nothing devastating going on I am a happy person. I'm not sure if I actually was clinically depressed through some of those events or if I was just responding naturally to those life events. In any case, I feel it necessary to let that little bit of background be known to hopefully help identify what's going on now. After being laid off for six months about two years ago, I found a very good job that I've been at since then. The job requires extensive travel away from home, but my first few assignments made it possible for me to be close to home and also have my wife with me while on the road. I was home for about three weeks during this past Christmas, and for the past month and the last two or three months in 2011 things have been much different. My monthly schedule is to be on the road working wherever (we don't get much notice of assignment changes) with two weekends home per month. That includes a travel day on either side of the weekend, which is usually spent flying and recovering from the travel and adjustment to being back home or back at work. I used to love the travel part of the job, but after returning to work from Christmas, things have been really tough. As soon as I walked into the hotel room the first night I was overwhelmed with a sudden depressed feeling. Things have gone down steadily from there. While I was at home during the last week of December, I was prescribed Adipex (phentermine) to help with weight loss. While I was at home this past weekend my doctor took me off this medication, because he says he needs to do a month on and month off rotation because of the potential for serious side effects. He took me off this past Friday, so that morning was my last dose, and that night and Saturday night were terrible. I was very depressed, anxious, terrified, etc. On Sunday afternoon, my mood changed and I felt like things were getting better. After thinking about how I'd been feeling this past month and reading about the side effects of this medication and talking with my wife and how I felt, we chalked it up to it was all caused by the medication. That was until tonight anyway. I got back on the road yesterday and things were fine last night except I couldn't sleep well at all. Today, I felt just like I did the weeks before, even though all of the medication had passed from my system completely. I'll try to be specific here so you can get a feel for what I'm thinking and feeling in hopes you can help me understand what's going on. I lack motivation to do anything. I used to jump up in the mornings and look forward to doing my job with energy despite lack of sleep. Now it takes giving myself a pep talk to get up and go outside to go to a meeting. I feel very, very depressed. I have lost interest in things that I would normally enjoy and don't get satisfaction out of doing them anymore. I am close to tears almost all day long, which is definitely not normal for me. That's not a macho guy thing either, I'm comfortable with crying if there's a good reason, but this is when I'm just sitting in the hotel or driving or laying in bed watching tv or something. I'm very scared/anxious/nervous/panicked all the time. I've had several panic attacks in the last month, and they seem to be getting worse. I feel trapped. I feel hopeless, like this will never get better. I feel guilty. My job is a great one, and it's one I enjoy. I earn a very good living and can provide for my wife and I like I never thought possible before. However, now I'm stuck. The economy sucks, I was laid off for a long time before finding this job in the middle of the recession, and there's nothing else that could come close to what I have now... so trying to find something else in my mind isn't even realistic. I'm going to be saving a bit this year to start putting my wife through nursing school starting next year, but I'm especially trapped with her not working. I feel like the walls are slowly closing in all around me and I can't breathe. I've worded things and arranged this information in a way that may affect the objectiveness of another person reading it. I've tried very hard to not assume or even think I know what's going on or what could be causing all this, but I know I'm biased. The truth is, I have no freaking clue what the hell is going on, and I'm even less qualified to be the judge of its cause. Was it the medication? Not sure, but the symptoms were present slightly before starting it and are still present now. Is it being away from home? I have no idea, but it seems to be contributing to the symptoms. Is it the weather change? No clue. Is it a true biological cause (serotonin, dopamine, etc. deficiency)? Who knows... During the big life events I talked about before, I had doctors diagnose me with everything underneath the sun and subject me to dozens of medications to the point I felt like a lab rat. Because of that, I'm not too keen on the idea of visiting a doc just to have him treat me with his script pad, but at this point something HAS TO GIVE!!! I'm completely, I don't know what I was going to say. To say I'm sad is an understatement, but I'm sure most people around here are familiar with these feelings I'm trying to describe. I can't focus, on anything, can't remember much, have many symptoms of ADHD, major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, some of bipolar (not so much), hypothyroidism, and the list goes on and on. I would never try to diagnose myself, but those are just the symptoms I have. It's terribly frustrating to not know what's going on and to have it just get worse and worse. During the past weekend while I was at home, my wife and I decided it would be a good idea for me to make an appointment with a psychiatrist on my next weekend home. However, after my mood improved greatly on Sunday, we dismissed everything as being caused by the medication I was on for weight control and thought everything was over. I haven't yet told her that things are back to terrible, because I don't want her to worry like she did before. So now, things are back to the way they were, except now I'm also without a person to talk to about it because I don't want her to worry. This is quickly becoming way more than I can handle alone, and I'm not sure I have any other option besides seeking professional help... I'm just worried to death about the possible consequences of doing that. I really can't afford to have a doctor admit me in-patient for observation or anything like that. I know my job would "understand" my needing to take a week or so off, but I can't go through that, and maybe they wouldn't understand. I can't afford to lose my job, and I can't afford to look for another one closer to home or without travel, and I really can't afford to keep feeling this way because I just feel like I'm going to double over in a heart attack any second from the anxiety, but I know it's just a panic attack. I just feel like I can't do this s*** anymore... and as my ability to hold back the tears until this point has been lost, I need to end my rambling. Please, if you think you may have any clue whatsoever as to what the hell is going on or what I should do, please share. I know there are likely no professionals here, but that's not what I want right now. I just need someone who can be objective and is removed from the situation to tell me their opinion. Thanks in advance.
  4. Hello to all.. I am new here; I found this website by accident and wanted to join to meet people. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I also live my life as a lesbian and have been out to my family for 12 years. My depression still is an issue due to everyday life's challenges and things that occurred in my teenage years. I enjoy helping people thru everydays life challenges and talking about what they have accomplished and their goals for the future. I hope to meet people and hopefully make some good friends. So hope everyone has a good day..
  5. Hi all, I'm brand-new here. I've known about the Depression Forums for a couple of years and have "lurked" as a guest a few times but never joined until now. It's nice to be here. I was recently "officially" diagnosed with severe recurrent depression and moderate to severe GAD. I've been on various meds for about 20 years. I'm pretty stable and relatively content, all things considered. I'm a recovering addict and have built a strong support network via therapy and 12 step meetings. One victory in my life is that I used to struggle with severe driving phobia, which I'm managed to pretty much overcome. I still have my days with it, but it doesn't rule my life the way it used to. I'm looking forward to getting to know some people here, esp. folks who struggle with anxiety. That's a MUCH bigger problem for me now than depression. It's funny, because it used to be the other way around. I'm rarely suicidal like I used to be a lot, and that's also a huge blessing. Nice to meet you all.
  6. Hi guys, I have had depression most of my life, I've identified it, and am dealing with it - most people know now (friends and family) and the meds keep me up. Still going through NHS hoops to get the right help - but that's another story. My partner of 10 yrs is struggling to know what to do. He gives me advice - but It's from his head and how he feels. I think he needs some coping mechanisms himself and learn what not to say, how to encourage and how to deal with things when I'm bad. He's in it for the long run. I want to try and point him in the right direction to get some help on how to deal with me when I'm bad or just generally without making me feel worse. At the moment, only people who have had depression and anxiety seem to understand what I'm going through and I think he needs some help, resources, things he can read. I'm building him an online notebook of links or places he can go to understand as an outsider of my illness - he's not depressed but he says I'm making him depressed! Any advice? Sticky's on this forum? Websites for help? How does your other half cope? I've told him to look at my 'Mind over Mood' book and DF but not sure if that's the best advice for him. Thanks xx
  7. Hi, i'm new to this site. I figured that speaking to people who have similar issues may help in some way. I get paranoid about writing stuff down on paper unless i burn it after and that's not always feasible. My irrational thoughts have started getting worse within the past month or so. My boyfriend's cousin came to visit and i've been thinking about them in sexual situations not only when i'm around them but when i'm home or out. What's bothering me the most is that i've always had this kind of feeling, mainly i think because i'm not close to any of my cousins, and i basically grew up with a brother who never really speaks to me. In my last relationship i was bothered by his relationship with his cousin as well and this confuses me and makes me upset with myself for thinking something so disgusting. Growing up with my neighbours, i witnessed two of his cousins being in a relationship for years and i think from an early age it was set in my mind that being related doesn't stop people from being with each other. The thoughts have been eating away at me so much lately that i have no appetite and i've been losing weight again. For years i suffered with irrational thinking especially when i'm under pressure with exams or new situations with meeting people or going to a new place, i calculate every movement and word i say when i get home, it's like i replay an entire movie through my mind of the sequence of events and i feel terrible at the end of the night. Am i alone in this?
  8. Here is my anxiety story, I first had a panic attack when I was 16 in highschool. It made me so scared and I continued to have them, which led me to stay in bed... be afraid to shower alone... cry to my parents all the time... etc. This went on for about two weeks, my parents finally forced me to go to school and very slowly things got better on their own without medication. It took about two months to feel ok at all, but it went away and I forgot about my anxiety. I am now 24, I love my life, I am in nursing school, am very close with my family and I love my boyfriend and have been in a healthy happy relationship with him for quite some time. Anyways around the end of my first term I started to feel sick at school one day. My boyfriend picked me up and then when I got home I had my first panic attack since high school with very strong depersonalization and derealization... the panic attack went away but the other two did not. I went home to my parents house cause I was so scared and continued to spiral out of control with panic attacks, depression and depersonalization. It was horrible, I was so confused and I was completely sure that I was schizophrenic, which was made worse because I was googling every day and was convincing myself any second I was about to see something or hear something and was always scared. I guess I can say that was by biggest fear and my Obsession, I thought about losing my mind all day long and was always on the lookout for hallucinations. The depersonalization was so scary, I would look in the mirror and feel scared, I couldn't shower alone and I would constantly snap in and out of reality which scared me so badly. I lay on the couch all week at my parents, all I could do was watch TV and even then I would cry constantly. I have never had so little control over my own brain and it was terrible. All I did for a week was go for walks with my mom and watch TV. I didn't eat or sleep and I lost ten pounds. After I week I got in to see my GP, he was wonderful and told me that I was not schizophrenic and that I had very bad anxiety with depression. I had never felt the depression before, it was horrible I felt empty and not like myself. My reality had changed around me and I just didn't feel the same, all i kept saying to people was that I just wanted to feel normal again... but I couldn't even remember what feeling normal was anymore. My gp gave me many options and together we decided that I needed to go on medication. I was a little scared but I knew I couldnt go on like that anymore. He put my on 50mg of pristiq and then gave me a prescription for adavan to take so I could sleep. The first week on pristiq was hard, it had its ups and downs but I was able to start eating again and it did take the edge off my anxiety. I took the adavan for two weeks at night to sleep and then stopped cold turkey as soon as I could sleep a full night without them. I have now been on pristiq for a month and a half and I do feel better, I am back to school and I have been out with friends lots, I am back downtown at my boyfriends and pretty much back to normal but I still feel off. Sometimes I think about strange things like how weird the world is and what life means and so on... I also feel like I am not back to myself 100% and sometimes I feel empty, like I am going through the motions. I just want to feel things again but I can't. I guess that is the depression but its so hard. And sometimes even though the doctor has told me im not, I still think that I might be schizophrenic. I just wanted to know if anyone out there has ever had anything like this, did you go back to normal and happy? I guess I just want to talk cause sometimes I feel so alone. Oh also I am doing these things to try to help out too -running for 30 mins at least 4 times a week -taking omega 3, vitamin B12 and D -quit all caffeine -trying to not eat too many sweets -yoga -taking baths and trying relaxing breathing -drinking a ton of water and herbal teas -talking to a therapist I feel like I am doing all these things, and I do feel better but I guess I feel a little impatient and I want to feel good again... not just grey
  9. I am being treated for low testosterone as well as depression. I would like to know how many other guys reading this forum have this problem. Please tell us your story. I am currently taking a prescribed testosterone supplement "Andriol" and antidepressant "Cymbalta" in conjunction with "Zopiclone" for a sleep aid. I have used 3 different testosterone prescriptions and none of them are (in my opinion) great. I have used many antidepressants as well and they all have their pros and cons. Has anyone reading this forum been successfully treated for the conditions of hypogonadism (low testosterone) and depression, anxiety and sleep disorder. It's hard to know what is causing the symptoms and side effects.
  10. Hi all.. just wondering if anyone has any tips they've found out and about or from personal experience.. I've suffered with anxiety for 3 odd years now, panic attacks, not being able to leave the house, retreating from everyone, insomnia as a result of anxiety (an inability to sleep due to being in a permanent state of fear). I can do anything, or even contemplate doing anything, without my mind going into overdrive on the 'what ifs' of it. Essentially, I was wondering if anyone had any techniques or methods (excluding medication, I dislike to take mine, definitely don't want anymore) that they found had some combatting effect on anxiety...however small. I realise I'm not going to get 'better', but I would like to try and relieve a bit of the daily stress....key word being 'try'. Regards, Jigsaw Girl
  11. Hi, I apologize in advance if this issue has been addressed on a different thread, but I searched and couldn't find what I was looking for. I've been on Zoloft for about 8 years, mostly on 100 mg and a few times up to 150 mg. I have panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder (and depression when the anxiety gets bad for an extended period of time. Recently, maybe July or August, I decided that I wanted to try to come off the meds because I was feeling so good and wanted to try life without them. I tapered down from 150 mg to 25 mg very slowly and had zero withdrawal effects. Then in October, I was on a vacation and got a throat/sinus infection. The antibiotic they gave me made me very sick (stomach/digestive upset) and an upset stomach feeling is a big trigger for panic attacks for me. The panic attacks came back, with a vengeance. I went to my dr. and immediately went back on the Zoloft. For the first few weeks it was terrible. I couldn't leave the house or get out of bed. Eventually the Zoloft seemed to be kicking in a little (but i'm unclear whether it was the Zoloft working or if I just naturally started feeling a little better). It's almost three months later, and I'm up to 150 mg of Zoloft but it's just not enough. I feel better, I'm able to function, but I'm still not back to my old self. I panic in certain social situations, can't take trips away from home, and suffer from bad anxiety in the afternoons/early evening (I also suffer from SAD, so winter is always harder for me). Right now, I feel like the Zoloft is not working anywhere near as well as it's supposed to, or did before. My doctor wants me to wait a few weeks, go up to 200 mg and see if that works. If that doesn't work, then the plan is to switch to Prozac. (These are deemed to be the safest for pregnancy, and I'm in a stage of my life where I'm considering this. I'm not ready yet, but I don't want to find a good medication and have to switch it a year down the road. Please no comments about taking AD's while pregnant, I've already considered all the pros and cons, have done my research, and will make a personal choice when it's time and when I feel emotionally ready.) I also don't want to add something to my current medication that is unsafe for pregnancy. I'm feeling so desperate these days and I'm just so sick of this, I want to find something that works. I'm afraid the Zoloft has just "pooped out" and I don't want to waste time taking it if Prozac could be the answer. So here are my questions: 1. Has anyone switched from Zoloft to Prozac with success? 2. I had very few side effects with Zoloft and it worked for me for a long time. If I switched to something else, is it possible that I could switch back to Zoloft someday and it would work again? 3. Has anyone ever reached that magical right dose of Zoloft and gone from bad to good just by upping a dose? Like the flick of a switch? (I'm wondering because right now I feel like a little improvement is not going to be enough, and I'm doubting whether going up another dose is possibly going to give me the relief I need) Thanks for your help! Also, please note that I'm in therapy, exercise daily, eat healthy, do yoga, working on mindfulness meditation, in a healthy relationship . . . I think I'm just one of those people that needs medication.)
  12. I am using this post and forum as a reach for help in my situation. Most of the times when things get bad, I let them slide and try not to worry about them anymore but when its a never ending battle that you just cant win anymore, you know its time to take action. Anyways let me give you some insight as to why I am here and why I am writing this. I am a 25 year old female from Oregon and I absolutely hate my life. Sometimes I think where did I go wrong or why has my life come to this. I have no close friends here. None. No one that can call me or text me or say "hey lets hang out" Its really hard meeting people and connecting to someone the older you get. My best friend lives all the way in LA and its so hard not having her here with me. While I see other people going out with their friends enjoying their youth. Im stuck at home messing around on the computer or just hide myself in my room. I have no friends to where I can vent to them and tell them whats really going on with me. Sometimes I think Im a burden to them or they really dont like me so they never text or want to hang out. My family life is an absolute joke. My mother and I never get along. I still do live at home (which I hate) because I cannot afford to move out. My mom is the most negative, unhappy, moody, depressed person I ever known and Im worried some of her bad energy has rubbed off on me too much. There is no way around that woman. We NEVER get along but when we do things are good. I wish we can get along all of the time but thats not the case. I barely can even speak with her because she will find something to snap at me about. She picks on me constantly. I have gained over 60 pounds these past couple of years due to my depression and a job I had that was constantly bringing me down. I used to be the skinny, pretty girl in my family, now I feel everyone looks at me in absolute disgust. My mom constantly tells me I need to loose weight and get my life in order...like its so easy to do, maybe for some people it is but for me its not. She doesnt realize how much of what she says brings me down and makes me feel worse then I already do. When I tell her to stop saying what she says to me, she yells and tells me its for my own good. I know there is something bothering her too (I feel like shes bipolar btw) she needs help just as much as I do. I do love my mom so much and love everything she has done for me, but why does she have to be so mean most of the time? I never understand it. My dad and I are cool but he's more of a friend then a parent and in some ways Im okay with that. I have two older sisters and as much as I love them, they are just as hard on me like my mother is. My oldest sister has issues with depression and I feel like when she takes stuff out of me, she needs to look at herself and not be so judgement, plus she has a horrible temper that can drive any sane person insane. My other sister Im not as close to as I used to be, probably because she is married and pregnent and is too busy with life, which is fine by me. There really is not much to say about her. I stay home most of the time and hate it. I hate being stuck to my room. I dont even have a drivers lisence and I dont know why I still dont. The only thing I have going for me is I am a straight A college student. I do love school and feel its the only thing going good in my life. I put all of my energy into school and my schoolwork cuz its the only thing going good for me. I would like to get my lisence and loose weight this year but I am lacking motivation because I am so unhappy. My anxiety is through the roof and I dont know how I can get help. If you are reading this, the thought that you took time out of your day to read this and hear me out means so much to me. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
  13. I'm sitting here at work; a call center. There are approximately 50 people in my area taking phone calls. Helping customers. Talking. Louder and louder. Sometimes it doesn't bother me - the noise, that is. Other times, however, like now, the noise is overwhelming. Everyone is talking at once and I can hear it all!!!! It's like it's coming from inside of my own head. Louder. Louder. I want to rip my hair out!!!!! The music in one ear is not drowning them out. I can't concentrate like this. My anxiety is peaking. My hands are clammy. My heart is racing. My breathing is shallow. Breathe in yellow. Breathe out black. Breathe in yellow. Breathe out black. I wish it would work. I wish I could handle this.
  14. Social Phobia Or Social Fear - How Does it Start? Social phobia or social fear when it's uncovered shows how the imagination can be worked to paint any picture no matter what the truth really is. Social phobia is a fear of being evaluated and criticized by other people, usually strangers or onlookers. Sufferers from this condition get highly embarrassed in public to such a degree that actually being out in public becomes really traumatic. Is this something that is learned and where does it start? Let's see what we can uncover. One of the most striking things about this condition is that it often starts at a young age and can continue for a lifetime if not addressed at all. Early childhood is often referred to as the formative years. Unfortunately, some formative training happens to be negative, especially when it comes to social skills. Every parent passes on to its children habits and mannerisms of social behaviour. Not all parents were good social animals themselves so their own thinking can get passed on to their children. Fear breeds fear. Up until school age a child is mainly taught by its parents. When the child starts school, even nursery school, is when it meets up with the ways of other parents as reflected in their children. When the children start learning from each other they have to start using whatever social skills were passed on to them. Some children have all the confidence in the world while others are sadly lacking in confidence. This can be the start of a hard struggle with social acceptance. At school pupils are, quite obviously, encouraged to do well. We will all say doing well means achieving the standards set by the school examination marking boards. In actual fact in the eyes of the parents doing well means coming high up in the class and beating the marks of other children in the same class. A confident child learns that in order to ensure the desired high position required to please both parents and teachers just doing the required studying may not be enough. So what some children attempt is the undermining of the confidence of the opposition. This can mean a very subtle campaign of name calling and war of words against certain other children. This gives the name caller the feeling that having put down the opposition somehow puts their status up. A weird concept but perfectly understandable from the aggressors point of view. I know many adults that still practice this concept. Some of those children that are on the receiving end of the name calling and confidence undermining undergo a real confidence battering. This doesn't always show up at first as it becomes a form of conditioning the child lives with. After all, it sees those involved most days of the week so it sort of becomes 'normal' to them. However, when they leave school and go out into the big wide world, and different conditions, they can no longer cope. Instead of that socially undermined child there now exists a socially deficient adult. Those years of being criticized have led them to believe that everyone will criticize them in the same fashion. To turn this imagined situation around will take some form of retraining. Sometimes acceptance into the adult world will be enough. Others will respond to therapy. I think that many of us still suffer slightly from it in certain situations. One of the fastest forms of retraining therapy can come from Neuro Linguistic Programming. NLP for short. NLP has cured some phobia sufferers in minutes where traditionally therapy has not worked for years. Once the imagination has seen something it can believe it can almost instantly change the way a person thinks. That is why NLP can work so well for social phobia or social fear sufferers. To learn how to build any area of your self confidence quickly, go and watch the two free videos that teach you easy to use Neuro Linguistic Programming at Watch Video and Ask a Doctor
  15. It has been a hard week for me. In coming off the Celexa, I have dipped back into the depression and anxiety again. While I am not suicidal, I am feeling the same way as I did when I was suicidal. The difference is, I do have people to talk to this time who understand where I am at and how difficult this is for me, I am getting professional care (when they are available), and my friends are really sweet and supportive of me (when I reach out to them). When I am down like this I realize how isolated I am from the people I love the most. My mother and sister live far away from me, my best friend is very busy in her life, my other two best friends moved a great distance from me, and the friends I have in my city are very busy, too busy to talk to me. My father does live here, but he is also extremely busy. It seems, everyone is busy living their life. And, to be honest, I don't want to bring them down or worry them with my depression and anxiety. I find the only people I can talk to about my inner turmoil outside of my pyschiatrist are other people going through the same exact thing at the moment. I've met some people online through the Depression Forum who are going through the same thing. All of us depressed people at the forum, we cling to one another for support and help, because most people in our lives, while they care, cannot handle the depth of our despair, the frustration of our constant battle, and seeing us suffer. So, we've all learned to hide it in one way or another from those around us, and some of us can even put on a pretty good smiling mask when needed. It amazes me how many depressed people are in this world, and what a terribly life threatening illness it is. So many have reached a point where everything is hopeless, they do not want to live feeling that way any more. Some talk about taking the next step, talk about suicide. That is very frightening for anyone to hear, and for the person who is thinking it. Unless you have been there, you would not understand the emotion of that moment. The best analogy that comes to my mind is the analogy of Frodo and the Ringwraiths from the Lord of the Rings by Tolkein. After Frodo gets stabbed by the evil Nazg
  16. tuo

    Beat Social Fear

    Immediate Depression Relief "8-Years Depression Sufferer Dismisses His Psychiatrist (Who He Visits Every Single Week) By Curing His Depression Permanently Without Expensive Medication!" (And Challenges You To Do The Same!) Hint: It's not another wonder drug, not a miracle patch or a new intrusive surgery procedure. Does Any Of These Experiences Sound Familiar To You? Do you find yourself suffering from a persistent empty feeling over a long period of time? Have you struggled with guilt and worthlessness that will not stop? Do you ever fear the past and have constant bleak thoughts about the future? Do you ever feel nervous and afraid you might lose control or go insane? Do you feel utter hopelessness and believe that everything you do will turn into a failure? Thinking about cutting yourself and believe that it will relieve the stress and pressure? Have a difficult time making decisions and feeling irritated over the slightest things? Loss of interest in activities that used to bring joy, including sex? It's okay. It's not your fault. You may even suffer physical symptoms like drastic changes in your sleeping and eating patterns, constant restlessness and lacking the power to concentrate. I feel your pain as I had been a depression sufferer for over 8 years and I can confidently say it is not your fault. Let me tell you why you are here. You are here because you know that being clinically depressed is not the way you want to live your life. You know that by hook or by crook, there is a way for you to overcome it. Yet that solution eludes you simply because you did not experience this process of overcoming depression one step at a time. You may have spent years looking for me, but I have spent the better part of my entire life looking for you to tell you this-- You are "stucked" in your depression because ineffective anti-depressants and mundane psychotherapy has allowed depression to take control of your life. Depression has been your experience so long that you have begun to believe it is what you are. But it is something you have- just as for example, one has "liver disease". Like a liver disease, depression is perceived by many to be fueled by complex and interrelated factors: genetic, biochemical, environmental. No matter what the root cause is (in which we will discuss shortly), we have unwittingly become good at depression. We have learnt how to hide it and work around it. We may have even achieve great things, but with constant struggle rather than satisfaction. Relying on these methods to make it through everyday, we deprive ourselves of true recovery, of deep joy and healthy emotion, or the feeling of being alive in this world. And ultimately, things will only get worse if the root cause is not treated. LET DOCTOR STEVEN WALK YOU TROUGH THE EASY STEP T O YOUR CURE MEET WITH HIM NOW CLICK HERE TO CONTACT ME
  17. Well, into a new month, and am still battling with my emotions, depression, and anxiety. I will start by telling you how my visit to the psychiatrist went, then move on to new symptoms and new insights. My visit with the psychiatrist? It was very straightforward. She said from the beginning that she was going to ask me a lot of questions, and I was to answer them. So, off we went, Q&A. A whole hour of talking about my memories, from as early as I could recall, to as most recently as I could recall. I didn't get the whole story out, just as much as I could in an hour. And that was it. She said very little, but what she did say was comforting. I cried. She said I had a right to my feelings, and they were very valid. It was nice to hear that. She sympathized with me when I talked to her of how afraid I was when I went through my Ideas and Delusions of Reference. At the end of the appointment I asked her if she had anything to tell me. She said just to take care of myself, get excercize, sleep well, and eat properly. I have an appointment with her for next Monday. Since then I have been thinking a lot about my BPD parent, and how her disorder affected my upbringing. I have researched a lot on the internet about BPD and talked to others online who have BPD. The other websites and people make their parent sound like a monster, an awful person. But I don't feel that way about my parent at all. I feel she is a loving heart who has been through some very hard times in her life, and who was very confused. As an adult, I see the black and white thinking come out at times with my BPD parent. But what about as a child? I don't recall seeing anything wrong as a child. I have no idea. My childhood was seemingly idyllic over all. I searched for a reason there in my childhood to explain my deep insecurity, but am tired of looking there at the moment. What do I do about it? Can a psychiatrist or a counsellor really help me? What is wrong with me? And why? How can I get help when I feel invalidated by the very process of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). What I mean is, I want somebody to tell me that the pain and insecurity I have felt over my life was valid! I don't want to cover it up with changing my thoughts yet. I would first rather have somebody validate that my pain is very real and I have a right to be angry, confused, and sad about it. I want to understand why I feel the way I do. THEN I will go about changing the way I feel with CBT. CBT is a handy tool. I do use some of the techniques to help me relax, and sometimes it helps me to not catastrophize, and helps me rationalize some of my "I can't do it" thoughts. It's not a cure all, though, and I don't feel I'm ready to zip along through recovery. I keep going a few steps forward, then another step back. My employers want me back at work, but I'm a wreck. I do not want to go back there yet. It fills me with dread just to think about it. I see my physician on Friday. I will tell him about the Psychiatrist lowering the dosage of one of my prescriptions. I wonder what he will say. He wanted to talk to me about an anti-psychotic medication. I am going to refuse to take it. I am handing things okay, and do not want to suffer with sleepiness or weight gain. I need to be coherent and on the ball to participate in my recovery and to look after my daughter. I refuse to take an anti-psychotic. I'll update again soon! Please try to have a good day.
  18. Hey guys, I was just thinking today (which I do think alot about) what does it feel like to be really happy? Or even just to think "normally"? I really dont know...I wonder if ppl who are just naturally happy and never have to deal with harsh things in life think differently than I do..in fact Im pretty sure they must... It would be so amazing to just think normally and not worry about becoming "tappy" or "OCD" about things and even more than that just not to go to that really depressed dark place every time something happens or someone upsets me...it would be amazing to just never feel that way or be able to brush it off like its nothing. Life is so much harder with depression and most of the time Im so confused as to how Im supposed to feel, how am I supposed to feel about friends? About boyfriends? About working? About life? Right now Im pretty depressed about life...it seems that only celebrities with lots of money and fans get to live the lives they want and all the rest of us just suffer with jobs that we hate, relationships we settle for and friends who arent always the best then our lives are done. What is the point to that? Is it only suffering on this plain? I hope not...I hope this is just my depression talking but life seems so pointless... I dunno, Im also kind of upset about things with my bf I love him so much but at times he makes me so upset and it is a scary thought to spend the rest of my life with one person...I mean I am a very faithful good person that way and I will always do my best to be, but like what if I am a full lesbian and dont even realise it? Because I have a long term commited relationship (and I do love him alot he`s my best friend) I cant experiment with girls or have relationships with them to see...what if I get married and never know I really am and I could have been having a much more fulfilling life with a woman? lol I dont know that sounds so bad but its something I worry about I mean I cant really go see who I am now... :( urgh lol I feel like such a bad person for even writing that becasue I do love him alot and prob will marry him but I`ve only dated bad boys before him that were not very good relationships and I started dating him right out of high school so I dont know anything else..its just so confusing... I dont want my life to revolve around working but it seems like nowadays we just have to we have no choice we have to work and make money but that isnt my goal in life I think its pointless and stupid waste of time...I`d rather be on a spiritually fulfilling journey than a slave to someone else...I would love to have a family and want to do that but want to do something great with my life and I just either feel like its too late to start or that I would never have the money or resources to fulfill my dreams...*sigh* so whats the point to life? All I feel like Im doing is going through a daily routine and sleeping and thats it...its nothing magnificent Im not changing the world with every day like I want to...Im just wasting time and I hate it. I just dont know what to do. The only time I really feel hopeful about life is if I`ve smoked pan lol I feel like thats the only time I think normally and can get anything done and I know it shouldnt have to come to that. But dont worry Im not addicted to it or anything I just occassionally share some with my roomates because nothing else works for my depression and anxiety it seems...I really want to get a green card I think I will try I know thats a hot topic subject though but just know I a m very responsible with it and know what Im doing with it. I feel like Im such a downer when I write these blogs Im sorry lol but this is how I feel Im just so bored and disillusioned with life I need something to spark my passion again desperately...I want to live desperately I just need more of a purpose in my life and more of a clear vision I think, but thats hard to come by. Right now Im starting to see a new counsellor who seems really good and is nice but I can only see her once a month for about 6 times so thats nothing and not nearly enough to help me I dont think, I think Im gonna have to go to the other counselling place tomorrow and ask for some more constant counselling because Im used to once a week and thats always been helpful to me. I`ve also decided to come off my anti-depressants because I want to know how I truly feel about things and also to make my system more clean and pure and not have any medications in my system, just do it all holistically, so Im gonna give that a try. Thats going great so far, I`ve just been a little more down and short tempered than usual but besides that it feels the same as before. I dont think they were doing very much for me. Does anyone have any advice on how to get a green card for depression and anxiety? Im nervous to bring up something like that with my doctor! but I know it would help me leaps and bounds! Thanks for listening guys, Sorry for being such a downer today! Love Brit
  19. Hertz

    Med Issues

    I'm always on the edge. I want to cry at the top of my lungs. I think it's the wellbutrin. I started taking it last summer because I wanted an anti-depressant that would help me be functional in the morning. It does, but the anxiety level has become unbearable. I just read that the effect of a single dose of wellbutrin sr does not last 24h, more like 8-12h. I'm taking 150mg once a day, so can this anxiety be caused by some sort of deficit? I'll talk to my doctor tomorrow about the two options I have in mind: taking 150mg twice a day, or switching to XL.
  20. Avery

    Wanting...

    I want to be wanted. I want to be someone people like to be around. I want to be a good person. I want to be the type of person that I demand other people to be. I want to stop hating myself. I want to feel beautiful and intelligent. I want self-confidence. I want to love myself. I want to trust. I want to live. I want to stop being afraid. I want to laugh without feeling guilty. I want to know myself. I want to love without suspicion or reservation. I want to tear down the walls. I want to enjoy friends. I want to go out. I want to stop everything and start over.
  21. Avery

    Financial Chaos

    Last December, my husband, when we still lived in NH, rear-ended a lady on the on-ramp to a highway because she accelarated to 45mph, then suddenly decided to break to 10 even though the highway was clear. At the scene, the state cop told Chris (hubby) that there would be no citations, because the lady wasn't going to pursue it... her car was fine, our car was completely totalled, no question. We moved from NH to TN last March. A few days ago we received a notice from the NH DMV dated April 2 that Chris's registration and license were suspended as of April 30, unless we paid $2092 plus $125 reinstatement fees or got a certified letter from this lawyer's office stating an approved payment plan. Why, you may ask? Because that lady decided to fix the scratch on her bumper and sue us. We didn't have car insurance at the time because it had come down to paying for insurance or buying groceries, and in NH car insurance isn't required. So that's why we're being sued. Now, we moved down to TN to get out of debt, save money, and buy a house. We're staying with my parents (huge house, 3 acres, mountaintop, horses - gorgeous) so that we can save money faster. But right now only Chris has a job, I'm looking but no luck yet, we've got $7000+ of credit card debt to clear up, and we only have like $200 in the bank. Needless to say, we're freaking panicking. We've been putting all of Chris's paychecks to bills because it was the plan that when I got a job, it was my check that would be stashed in the bank and not touched, and we'd live of Chris's check. But like I said, I don't have a job yet, so we don't have any extra money at all, much less over $2092!! I have no idea what we're going to do. Because to make matters worse, the mail didn't deliver this notification until today - thank God he wasn't pulled over by a cop because he probably would've been arrested - and so now he "doesn't have the right" to file contest and get it dropped because it's past April 30, he can only file for a hearing with a judge and he'd have to go back to NH for it - which we can't afford either. My stepdad wants to hire an attorney here in TN to counter sue the b----, I mean lady, because our car was totalled and the accident was her fault even though Chris rear-ended her. But everyone wants to sue somebody these days and make some quick cash. We've called everyone we can call from her lawyer to her insurance company to the DMV and everyone says that all we can do is pay the money, or Chris won't be able to have his TN license. And I can't drive because of my anxiety disorder, so right now we're stuck with my parents carting us around, which is not only irritating, but embarrassing. I am so sick of all this. Chris was very suicidal the night he read that letter and everything came out. I was having an extreme panic attack. I don't know how we're going to handle this or pay that money. Gah.
  22. Avery

    Another Application

    We moved from New Hampshire to Virginia at the end of March, and so obviously my husband and I have been job searching. He's already working now, so it's just me looking. I'm going to fill out an application at a veterinary office today for a position of receptionist that will be trained to be a vet tech. This could be huge for me. I've always wanted to work with animals, and I used to want to be a vet before depression and anxiety stole those dreams from me. But this could be like a little stepping stone into that world. It would be like a compromise with myself despite depression. So I guess I'm very nervous today because I always get these life or death feelings when I find the one job I want to have...
  23. Avery

    Paxil

    So I start Paxil either tomorrow or Sunday. I'm supposed to take one dose for a week and then double it. I think I worked out the math so that if I start it Sunday I have enough pills to take it consistently until I have my follow-up in five weeks. I'm pretty freaked out about it. The only med like this I've ever taken before was Klonopin (clonazepam) and that wasn't even mine, my friend gives it to me when I start freaking out. And it does help. But my doctor said she wanted to get me on something for depression/anxiety/ptsd first, and then if that didn't stable me she would prescribe me something for anxiety attacks. I just hate this, being so afraid and yet eager and yet... I don't even know what's going through my head. Part of me likes the validation, I guess, for lack of a better way to express it... but part of me resents and rejects the idea of taking meds to be myself. I'm just worried. I hate the unknown. This is a huge thing for me. I feel like... I don't know! I just wish I knew more what to expect, besides the side effect nausea, heh. Oh well.
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