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Everything posted by Beanchop99

  1. Catching up on last week's TV shows. Right now, watching Agents of Shield.
  2. Forced myself to leave the house for awhile. Browsed Ikea.
  3. Hi Bleedingheart, I'm glad the test has helped you learn more about yourself. I, too, found it amazingly revealing. Thanks for the invaluable info regarding personality disorders. ~Bean Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar. Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.
  4. Hello wanew, I'm sorry to hear that you suffer from anxiety. It's good that you sought treatment. I'm happy for you that the paroxetine is working, but sorry that you're not seeing its full potential. Have you told your doc that you're still suffering symptoms of anxiety? Are you in therapy? So many of us here can relate to your story. You'll find tons of support here at DF. ~Bean
  5. Hey Deb, It's good that you had a sleep study done. A friend of mine recently underwent the same, and discovered that she had a deviated septum. Next time you see your doc, make your sleep issues the #1 reason why you're there. By stressing how badly these sleep problems are effecting you, your doc will take it more seriously and, perhaps, offer you some different treatment options. I suggest shutting off the TV. In fact, move it out of the room. Start using your room for sleep only. We can condition ourselves to view the bedroom as a place of rest, and therefore, make sleep easier to come by. To do this, you must use eliminate all other distractions - TV, books/magazines, computers, work, etc. Deb, please let us know what your doc says at your upcoming appt. Wishing you a restful, peaceful night's sleep. ~Bean
  6. Hi Emily, Starting new meds is always scary, but it's good that you took the positive step and sough treatment. I hope these meds offer you much relief from your panic disorder. You're in the right place for support. Everyone here understands anxiety and how debilitating it can be. You'll get a lot of help here. ~Bean
  7. Hello Rose, It's great to have you join us! DF is the #1 place (at least in my book! LOL) for support, support, and more support. Everyone here understands what you're going through, we are all here to help one another through times both bad and good. Keep talking, Rose. Talking helps. ~Bean
  8. Hello Emily, Happy to have you aboard! So many of our members wrestle daily with major depression and panic disorder. You will find many kindred souls here. Also, invaluable info and tons of support. I suggest you take a moment to check out some of the posts in Depression Central (DC) and Anxiety and Panic Disorders (APD). You may find some of the threads on those rooms easy to relate to. ~Bean
  9. Hello Deb, It's good to have you with us! Sleep is such a huge issue for so many of us. I, myself, am an insomniac. That is, when I don't take my sleep meds. I know how awful poor sleep, lack of sleep, too much sleep can leave you feeling. Have you ever discussed this with your doc? (S)He may Rx sleep meds for you. Believe me, meds can make all the difference. I suggest speaking with your doc. Please keep us posted. Wishing you a very restful, peaceful night. ~Bean
  10. Hi Becky, I'm so sorry that your friend's suffering is causing you to suffer. I don't know exactly what it's like to be the "normal" one, but I often sympathize for those of you that act as caregivers for those of us with illnesses. I think my husband should be canonized a saint! The best you can do, for the both of you, is to keep in touch, but take a step back. Your friend needs his space right now to figure out things in his own head. As long as you keep him aware that you're there for him when he's ready, you'll be doing the right thing. A person cannot be forced into accepting help. He'll seek the helps he needs when he is ready. BTW, you are truly an excellent friend. Not everyone would care the way you do. Please keep us posted. And keep talking, Becky. Your role as caregiver is a difficult one. Vent when you need to. Ask all the questions you want. DF is here for you, too. ~Bean
  11. Hello Calicat, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know how devastated you must feel. I've suffered numerous miscarriages over the years, but your loss seems even worse. Oh, Calicat. I think you may very well be suffering PTSD related to that loss. Losing a baby is very traumatic, and not easy to reconcile with. Have you seen a therapist? What about a med doc? Any meds? Do you have anyone you can talk to about this, someone to share your feelings with? Keeping talking here, Calicat. Talking helps. You have all of our support. ~Bean
  12. Hi Bradoonee, How very true that is. It applies to many areas of life, but especially where depression is concerned, Thanks for reminding us of this very sage advice! Thank you dad, too. ~Bean
  13. I know I'm at my lowest when it's been weeks since I left the house, days since I last showered, and I couldn't care less about either problem.
  14. Hello eliostreet, I'm glad you joined us! I'm so sorry that you're struggling so much right now. I know this isn't an easy time for you. Have you ever seen a doc regarding your depression? What about therapy or meds? It's good that you're able to reach out, share a little of your story with us. Please know that DF is always here for you. You'll find support and understanding here. Keep talking. Talking helps. ~Bean
  15. Hello Dark Rose, I truly understand your suffering and offer you all of my support. The analogy you made about the long, dark road with tree branches reaching to get you is very accurate. I love the way you phrased it. That's how I felt for a very long time. I don't have any words of wisdom that can make all of this disappear for you, but I can tell you that it does get better. I was so bad off that I literally didn't leave my house for 2 entire years! Now, although anxiety remains a problem, I have regained control over my life. Nothing is forever, Dark Rose, not even these terrible illnesses. Just hang in there, and keep seeking help. It will get better. The sun will shine on that dark. ~Bean
  16. Hello (((((Tealtastic))))), I'm so sorry that everything is so bad for you right now. I've been exactly where you are, and know how dreadful all of this is. For someone who can't find the words, you did a fantastic job of describing how you feel. OH, Tealtastic! I wish there was a magic wand I could wave to make all of this go away for you. Can I ask which med you're currently taking? How long have you been on it? Don't worry about any of us, Tealtastic. Right now you need to focus on yourself. Take care of you. You have comfort and support from the very bottom of my heart. Please check in when you're feeling up to it. We care about you. ~Bean
  17. Hello Becky, I'm more than happy to answer any of your questions. I think it's good that you're trying to learn as much as you can about this disorder. Please keep in mind that this is my own personal story and all of the events are from my own personal experience. I am not a doc, nor a professional of any kind. Schizoaffective disorder is comprised of 2 mental illnesses" 1) Schizophrenia 2) Affective (mood) disorder, either major depression or bipolar Personally, I suffer from the major depression type. So, that's what I'll be basing this info on. Schizoaffective disorder, in my experience, brings on major, and seemingly endless, depressive bouts. During the worst of my years, I have gone days without showering, longer without getting dressed, and literally weeks in bed. I don't sleep; I just lie there, staring off into nothingness, not aware of the time that passes. I have little interest in anything, which is okay because of the inability to focus. This disorder causes my thoughts to be come muddled and scattered. Not only is the world bouncing off my brain like it was made of Teflon, but I can't keep a clear thought in my head. When not medicated, I often confuse reality with the "reality" that's in my mind. I will recall events that never happened with alarming clarity. I have had entire conversations "with" others in my head. and swear up and down that these things took place, even though they did not. To me, it's very real. A good example would be the time I told my mom I had scheduled a car repair appt for her. Turns out, I only thought I did. Yet, I can remember making the call and having the conversation. It was all in my head. To this day, I question many of my memories and often ask other if it was fantasy or reality. Also, I can become paranoid. At times I'm thoroughly convinced that an entire roomful of people are talking about me. Of course, these same people hadn't even noticed that I entered the room. Again, it's all in my head. Anxiety is also a huge problem for me. Before I sought help, my panic was so bad that I locked myself in my house for 2 solid years! I was terrified of anything and everything that lay outside my front door. I am happy to say that with meds and therapy the worst is behind me. Although anxiety remains as my #1 nemesis, and I still have depressive days, I am much, much better. The depression is the lowest it's ever been; the warped reality is completely under control, as is the paranoia; and, even though my anxiety runs high, I'm able to leave my house more often than not. Schizoaffective disorder is a lifelong illness, but there is treatment available. With the proper treatment, this illness can be controlled, and life can be regained. If you have any other questions, Becky, feel free to ask. You can PM me anytime. ~Bean
  18. Hi Jenbri, I can really relate to what you're going through. I am able to muddle through social functions, but I dread them. I've never been comfortable around strangers, or in large groups. High noise levels, such as a roomful of people talking, triggers my anxiety. Like you, I'm not all that thrilled with making phone calls. Thanks to Caller ID, I can answer only the calls I wish to, but if I have to make a call, forget about it. My husband handles the outgoing calls for me. All of the adjectives that you've been called - snob, stuck up, aloof, stand-offish - have been hurdled my way. Because I'm so unsure of myself in public, I remain quiet and in the corner by myself. For reasons I have yet to figure out, no one ever thinks I'm shy or insecure. They just jump to the conclusion that I'm a snobby little witch. It's been like this my whole life. In fact, the few friends i do have, including my husband, all said the same thing - they had to "warm up" to me because at 1st they hated me. I'm told that it's my off-beat sense of humor that finally wins people over. So, yeah, Jenbri, I know how you feel. It's awful, isn't it? Just terribly awful. It's good that you're sticking with therapy. It's a slow process - painfully slow, at times - but really can pay off in the end. ~Bean
  19. Welcome to DF, Rattie Momma! :)

  20. Welcome to DF, Invisible Image! :)

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