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About Smtmalady

  • Birthday 12/15/1987

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    Music, crafts, baking, cooking

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  1. It's quite comforting to know that I'm not alone! Thank you all for sharing your thoughts! I have always been embarrassed/insecure about this problem, but at least now I can link it to this disease. I am a relatively intelligent person (or at least I feel that way) so to know what I need to say and not be able to verbalize it is disconcerting. I guess over time something along the lines of speech therapy may actually help resolve this problem. I am going to look into the rate of success with therapy. Who knows? Maybe I can find a way to help fix this problem.
  2. That's interesting. I know sometimes I'll just go blank like that, but that itself was never too bad. I usually just apologize for not knowing what to say. I understand where that can be embarrassing especially if it happens frequently. it used to be irritating for me but I'm all to used to it now. It is so fluid and simple to write or type versus speaking. I can also read aloud very clearly, but often I cannot speak coherently, when it's straight from thought to verbalization. Isn't it strange how the words can be lost before reaching the lips, but so easily brought to paper?
  3. Unfortunately, missing a dosage likely did cause that big of an ordeal for you. I take a super low dose(ineffective, hoping to increase) and even when I am in a rush and forget to take my meds in the morning, ill start to feel weird and irritable. Only then do I realize that I have forgotten to take it. I have gone two days without and I was so sick it was crazy! I felt like vomiting, I was weak and horribly tired, hot flashes, hills and my head was pounding. After that I researched Effexor withdrawal symptoms and sure enough it fit. I knew that missing a dose could make me feel strange, as I have done that before with other medications. But I didn't realize you can go into full blown withdrawal with just a dose or two missed. The effects can vary greatly from person to person, so you'll find stories of withdrawal symptoms like mine after a day or two without meds and some that have had very few problems with withdrawal. I keep my meds with me at all times(in my purse or diaper bag) so that if I do forget to take them first thing in the morning I can take them as soon as I remember. Try making it part of your morning routine. Put your meds next to your toothbrush, eat breakfast, take your meds, and then brush your teeth. Or even if you don't eat breakfast do the same. I always try to take my meds with breakfast or early lunch, and it helps me keep track.
  4. It's a pretty tough cycle to go through. And being patient as the meds run their course, to find they aren't effective is hard. Hopefully you get stabilized as well. They tell you 6-8 weeks to feel the effects but sometimes you can just tell its not doing what it needs to a week or two in. I dont live in the state that my healthcare provider is located(moved to another state and haven't qualified for medical here yet, still on my fathers insurance in CA-Kaiser) so upping is a real ordeal. I have to email back and forth and make appointments during family visits back in ca. Either way ill have to get on the horn and get my concerns to the doc, and hope for some relief.
  5. Thank you all for responding! I'm glad to know that I'm not alone Kuroyukihime, but I'm sorry you have to deal with this problem as well. I will have to bring it up with doc, I just wasn't sure if I may be overreacting to a normal symptom of this illness. For as much as I thought I knew about my mental problems, I guess I still have a lot to learn. This site has opened my eyes with so many other experiences to draw off of.
  6. I was curious to know if problems with speech can be related to depression or GAD? I have to slow down and really concentrate on the words I want to say sometimes in order to speak in a coherent manner. I will try to say what I see or what I am thinking and another word or a jumbled word will come out instead. It can be embarrassing in social situations. Sometimes I have to repeat what I want to say many times before I can say it coherently. Also at times I repeat what I would like to say in my head so many times that Its no longer relavent to the situation (the subject may have changed or an answer to a problems has already been given). It is difficult to be taken seriously when I cannot put a sentence together verbally, but more than anything I worry that this might be a deeper problem. I would hope it's not a cognitive disability, just a side effect of my mental illness.
  7. I talked to a friend who also takes Effexor and she said that she didn't have consistent relief until she hit a higher dosage. I guess that might just be the problem after all like you've stated as well. It's just frustrating to have to yoyo with symptoms inbetween dosage increases. I will have to see what my doc can do, I hate living like this.. I just want to be able to cope with life. I'm sure you know what I mean.
  8. I don't like people touching me, I have a feeling of disgust when hugged by family-though I can accept affection from my fianc
  9. Does water count? :) I do like sweet things but I really do love water. Nothing is as satisfying as water to me. I drink close to a gallon a day. I used to keep a glass or convenient store cup of ice and a gallon jug of water with me at all times. People used to tease me but, I never had to worry about thirts or dehydration!
  10. I have been taking Effexor Xr for 6 months, having started at 37.5mg while tapering off zoloft( my healthcare providers max dosage was 200mg) and increasing to 75mg. With both Zoloft and Prozac I had eventually maxed out my possible dosage resulting in new medication prescription. I am now afraid that the same thing will happen all over again with the Effexor. I felt fine with my increased dosage for a few months, and just like with the other meds I have started feeling a recurrence of symptoms once again. What is really any effective dosage? I know with this med I can increase significantly without maxing out but should I even try? I am afraid of the upping cycle I've currently been in, I just wish something would continue to work for me without having to increase every few months. I have read that the SNRI qualities do not take effect until higher dosages. So is it maybe that SSRI's simply don't work for me? I would say that in general my symptoms while on Effexor pale in comparison with Zoloft and Prozac, so I know that something about it actually does work. I just hope that with increased dosage, the positive effect it has temporarily given will not change once reaching SNRI status. If that makes any sense??? This is the first med that hasn't made me have severe suicidal thoughts/feelings or made me feel lifeless. When it works I feel like a normal person for the most part, but now that its not as effective, I am having difficulty coping with everyday situations. Any tips or advice? Insight? Anything? I have done some research about this drug but not very extensively.
  11. Thank you for your kind words and advice. This truly is the best tool I've found to aid myself in a long time. It is difficult explaining how I feel to those who don't relate and at least I know I can come here for some support while I find my way.
  12. I had a similar account but without the throwing I objects and such. I went the other way and became the begging pleading, **** me it hurts so bad ex gf. I took him back and felt like a fool knowing that he cheated on me and others saw me as pathetic for taking him back. For the sake of your general happiness it's not worth carrying around the burden. You don't deserve a relationship like that and you shouldn't be afraid to be alone. It may be different to be without someone but its much healthier than a relationship without complete trust. Someone WILL come around to treat you right someday. You may just have to hold out for a while. Also im sure when the violent behavior came about it was like pure primal rage. I've been like that before so I completely get it.
  13. Thank you for your thoughts, i will have to try to stick with one thing at a time and see where that takes me. My mother has been diagnosed with bi-polar and dissociative identity disorders, and there is a long history of mental illness on her side (3 or so suicides that I know of). I am not currently recieving therapy but I am on meds. I take 75mg Effexor XR(losing its effect), also .25mg Xanax PRN. I have quite a few artistic interests and have pursued many of them already, while unfortunately losing focus resulting in non-completion. I've attended culinary school, cosmetology school, and also pursued music and nutrition/food science. I have no degrees or certificates, I always give up before I can earn them. My biggest passion is for baking and pastry but where I live I cannot easily pursue a certificate now anyway, nor would I be able to afford it again. More than anything I just want to actually see something through. I have had two management opportunities when employed but I blew those off(I held one for 11 months before relocating -just an excuse to give up I guess). I have a really difficult time committing to responsibilities, but I bear an immense guilt for slacking. By no means do I want to give up initially, I lose focus and interest shortly after trying. Also I left traditional High School to attend an independent study program, I graduated my junior year so I wouldn't have to be in school any longer. The only thing I accomplished, yet I still took the easy way out by going IS.
  14. I voted combo. I have always battled over eating/binge eating. I grew up over eating, being fed left and right by grandmother, she would seriously feed me 6 slices of cinnamon toast for breakfast. I WAS ONLY 3-4 YEARS OLD!! I learned that food was love and you weren't done until you couldn't breath. All throughout my childhood i was the chubby one, the ugly fat girl. I was teased daily for my appearance. Finally in jr high I couldn't take the fat girl comments any longer so I decided to diet, that turned into anorexia then ultimately bulimia. I eventually got to the point that I only ate vegetables and fruits, and whatever little was in my system I would try to vomit up. I did exercise as well but the vomiting was my preferred purging method. It just felt satisfying to rid myself of the food, then immediately afterward I would be disgusted with myself. I lost a lot of weight in less than 6 months or so. Everyone thought I was on drugs because of my ill appearance, my teeth suffered greatly from the vomiting, now I only have four or so teeth that haven't been extensively worked on. I gained it all back years later. I am only 5 foot so I'm back to being severely overweight. I always end up falling back on the vomiting when I feel guilty for eating, though I do not binge nearly as much as before. (Only a few times a year vs three or more times a week). I have much better eating habits now, I don't eat until I feel like I could burst and I try not to eat too much junk. I'm pretty sure I have BDD, even at my thinnest Ive always felt grotesquely large. I have terrible self confidence issues but I try my best to put myself together when necessary. I hate going places I know I will be around pretty(thin) people. I suffer from depressions and GAD so no surprise to me that I have issues here as well. It's hard trying to tackle all of my probs at once, I really don't know how to handle it all. (Sorry to rant)
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