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About lostsoul65

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  1. I have an American mouth if you know what that means. Anyway I had an Indian girlfriend from India and she was very upper class so I never said anything without first thinking about what I was going to say and I thank if I'm around people I don't know I should do the same thing and making a habit of it is a good thing. Letting your mouth run wild is a good way not to make friends so I need to be careful. PS: Does anyone know how I can get an email when someone reply's to my Post?
  2. Of course I suffer from BAD Depression and I can't cook for myself so I eat TV dinners. If I buy cookies, candy, and any sweets I will eat all of them or until I get sick because of my depression. I have tried to bring home some sweets thinking I can just eat a bit or two after a meal but as soon as my depression acts up I eat all the sweets and I don't know how to control myself?
  3. I know that all families fuss and fight. I do have one cousin who I see every couple of months. At 64 years old I would really get a dog. I can only speak from my side but a mid size dog is a dog that I can relate to. I have a Irish Setter but the best dog is a Golden Retriever which I had for 10 years. I feel if you get a small dog, why not just get a Rat (LOL) they are smart and would make good company while watching TV. I have a small case of agoraphobia so I fill my car up with gas about every other month and that's no good. How do I deal with loneliness is I have a dog and if she (Females make great house pets) dies before me I will enter the mental ward like I did when I lost my Golden Retriever. Live isn't easy. I have a yard with 8 Weeping Willow trees and they are all in about a thousand square feet and they are my children and I take very good care of them which is another way I deal with life. Thank you all for replying to my post.
  4. I'm been depressed for 17 years and over the last couple of weeks it has been getting worse. Today I'm a 9 and I wrote my nut doctor that I just want to put my dog in my car and go and don't care where. However I'm 72 with no friends or family and no place to go and if I got there what would I do because no matter where on earth I go I will still be alone. Sure I can go to church for 1 hour and then I only have 167 more hours to be alone. Thank god I have a dog because 3 1/2 years ago if it wasn't for my dog I would have went into the mental ward for good because I just can't make it on the outside. Like the lifers in the Army that they say that they can't make it on the outside. I hated the Army but if I know then what I know now I would have stayed in for 40 years. I spent 3 days in the mental ward and I like it because I wasn't lonely.
  5. Depression comes in many forms. I have been depressed for 17 years and I will die being depressed but that's ok because it's the type of depression I don't want to die with. Now for 3 1/2 years I have a different a kind of depression one that causes me to cringe and for many hours everyday I suffer with a contorted face as if I'm being torture. Doctor have no idea what I'm talking about and anti depression meds never have help and Lorazepam use to help. Now for the last 3 days I feel like death which I won't and can't explain. But when I see movies of people in a nut house in misery and pain I see my future. I live in OK which I don't like. I don't go anywhere except to the grocery store, I have no friends or family to speak of. I'm 72 years old and I need to keep alive because I have a 10 years old Irish setter who I have to live for. I want to dump this house and move to anywhere. Why? Because being busy takes away the depression and moving would keep me busy for about 3 months and at the rate I'm going I may not make 3 months. Thank You for letting me cry on your shoulder.
  6. For a long time I have felt like death, zero ambition every day, can’t get out of the house unless I go shopping but I believe I don’t have Agoraphobia because I’m not afraid to leave the house I just can’t seem to. Outside of no friends and no family to speak of I’m alone but I have a Irish Setter who keeps me company and I know everyone say get out and do this and do that and we are all reasonable for ourselves. Anyway I think that taking 2 to 3 mg. of Lorazepam every day for 10 years might have something to do with it and I’m so un-ambition that I take a 5 hour energy drink to get an hours worth of work done and then feel like crap and then I need to take a Lorazepam to feel like I’m not going to die. I can see takin a lorazepam once a week or a 5 hour energy drink if really needed once a week and I need to quit drinking one cup of coffee which just upsets my stomach. I can’t cook for myself so I eat TV dinners. I’m like an addict and need to quit taking this crap but I always say “I don’t know how”. I don’t believe that is true. I took 2 to 3 Vicodin’s for 10 years and quit cold turkey with no side effect what so ever. I feel like I’m just a weak coward and that is not a good thing to live with.
  7. I'm 71 years old and not thinking straight and when upset we write and say wired things so kept that in mind if you read my post who I am thinking of sending to my physiatrist, any suggestion or questions are appreciated. I’ve suffered from Depression for 16 years and I’m still suffering from it. But what has push me into a state of misery for the last 3 years has no relationship to Depression, no sadness, no worthlessness or any of Depression symptoms. It is something that is in my head, body, and soul and is almost impossible to explain. It is tearing me apart and has got worst as time goes on. I call it cringing but now it is in my mind and body and lorazepam’s only help about 15%. I would of committee myself a long time ago but I have a dog that depends on me and she is the only thing in my life that matters to me. Her life is more important than mine. I don’t know what I will do if it gets to the point that I have to be hospitalize, just the thought of not being with her would destroy me. I don’t know if you are able to help me but if not please let me know and I will see a physiatrist that take Medicare because I don’t know how much longer I am going to be able to take this. PS: I’m not suicidal; I will not hurt myself or others
  8. Thank you, I think the next time I see my therapist I'm going to take the hour on this problem and see what happens and maybe I need a new therapist.
  9. I see a therapist and I talk for 50 minutes and I learn things I should do to make my life better or should I say I don't really learn but just brings things to the surface I already know so I'm more aware of them. So I would get the same results if I talk to the wall for 50 minutes but that would be impossible because a therapist doesn't do anything except sit there and listen and that's a person, well I can do that, I can listen to someone for 50 minutes and I don't have to school for 8 years to listen to someone? A psychiatrist listen for a couple of minutes and says here are the pills you need. I think I'm missing something because these people really aren't helping me much. A therapist that says 10 words in a 50 minute time and a psychiatrist who just keep giving you different pills that don't work. Maybe it's me, Maybe I'm doing something wrong. Will next week I'm taking a 12 week depression class which I hope I can finish this time. My motivation is maybe somewhere between 5 to 10% and I need to get things done.
  10. I'm 71 and have been depressed for 16 years and my ex-wife left me 3 years ago and 3 months after that I develop "Cringing" We all know what cringe means but when I tell a Regular doctor or any physiatrist they look at me like they have no idea what I'm talking about. So picture this - An old man with a contorted face quietly grunting every 5 seconds as if he is in pain, however the pain isn't physical. This will go on for hours each day at anytime during the day. So is this physical or Phycological? A 1 mg. of lorazepam helps about 25%. Tomorrow I will see my physiatrist but I won't mention this because it won't do any good. Now this problem is becoming worst because I have a roommate I'm am trying to get rid of which just adds to the problem. As far as a therapist goes and yes I'm seeing one but if telling him about this problem is like explaining to a cave man how to overhaul a car engine. Oh yes I almost forgot, when this happens I don't feel depression as we know it, no sadness, not hopelessness, or any of the signs of depression so depression itself isn't causing this. We all have problems and this is one of mine.
  11. When I was in my early 30's I put an ad in the paper for a girlfriend and I was talking with this girl for a couple of week and just about fell in love with her. To find out she was 16 years old and look nothing like she said because I met her at her house and her mother got the story and she called me and apologized for what her daughter did to me. I don't want someone 3 foot tall saying that they at 6 foot 9 inches. I would rather someone be honest and talking to someone who is 3 foot tall is the same as talking to someone 6 foot 9 inches tall. You really want to know who you are talking to.
  12. I'm an old man who has been depressed for 16 years and no family to speak of and no friends and It's hard to get out of the house and I live in a house with my dog and I'm trying to get rid of a roommate which after 5 roommates in 1 1/2 years I am not having anymore roommates because that doesn't really take care of loneliness and what loneliness it does take care of Stress supersede the loneliness. So I just wanted to ask about Skyping to people you don't know to help with the loneliness?
  13. I gave her a 30 day notice and I was very nice about it and talking about dr. jekyll and mr. hyde. For 10 minutes she told me how bad a person I was. Talking about Bi Polar, very nice and the next hour a raving mad female and then nice again and then I called the police. Boy I'm glad I gave her a 30 day notice after only one month. I will go to the court house tomorrow. I don't remember seeing such a nutty person except in the movies which proves that sometimes you really don't know someone even after a long time. Then on top of this I can't sleep very good and burned out the next day. Well I hope it gets better but as the saying goes it's going to get worse before it gets better but it will get better.
  14. Thank you for what your saying and I feel when my nerves are shot then I will take a pill and relax and when I'm all relax have a nice talk with her and no matter what she says I will just be nice. Thank you again.
  15. I'm 71 years old and have been depressed for 16 years and I have had 5 roommate over a period of about 1 1/2 years and the roommate I have now is a 66 year old female who is really nice but she gets on my nerves. I have to take Lorazepam just to be around her. I don't need a roommate for money just companionship but this lady's companionship I don't need because we could not be any different from each other and have nothing in common. I believe I need to live by myself and try and have as much social life as possible, dating service, church, meetups and anything else like a good therapist which so far I can't find but I'm still looking. My roommate is a very nice person and I just don't know how to get her out of my house and the reason is I'm just a nice guy and maybe a wimp. Any ideas. I'm an old man and I just feel like crying.
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