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lostsoul65

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About lostsoul65

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  1. I’ve had a dozen people skype me who I don’t know so would it be OK to answer an unknown skype? I’m a lonely old man with no friends or family and I would like to skype with some people, so how can I do this?
  2. I know what you mean, I get up and drank a strong mug of coffee, feed my dog then sit in my recliner and sleep for an hour so now I can't sleep at night. So I'm going to try a 5 hour energy drink first thing in the morning, feed my dog and myself and then have my strong mug of coffee and really try to get something done.. I'm go to try this tomorrow. I also have a strong heart but can't get ridlin because of my age.
  3. I'm 72 years old and have been depressed for 17 years. I have enough work and study with my computer, building a computer, camera, GPS etc. to last me until I'm dead. So to start off I can keep busy for at least 1,000 hours but I have No Motavation. Most of the time I just open up a can of food or maybe a TV dinner because I can't get myself going to do anything. I take 300 mg. of Wellbutrin and some kind of mood med. I think it helps about 15%. I set down to study the camera I bought a couple of months and I'm on page 30 which give you an idea. My psychiatrist isn't much help and I think I'm taking to many Lorazepam. Any idea how I can get motivated to do the things I want to do?
  4. To live the sort of life in my post takes a great amount of planning. Taking day trips at least 100 away and Not rushing back home, just for starters to see how it effects you and learn to take longer trips and overnight trips and again not rushing back home. When returning home set your GPS not to take freeways and you will be surprise at all the things you will see getting off of the freeway. Example: I would go from one motel 6 because of my dog to another motel 6 using the back roads because motel 6 is next to the freeways. Riding Amtrak is OK Example: Take Amtrak from one stop to another then get on a bicycle and ride that same rout you took on Amtrak and see all the things you didn't see while taking Amtrak. Don't get me wrong Amtrak is great but the slower you go the more you will see and experience. Just remember that shoving yourself out the door to do any of this will end up in failure. You have to PLAN what you want to do and then try it a little at a time until you fell safe in doing it. I hope we all can experience some of life's pleasures.
  5. I'm 72 years old with an 11 year old dog and wanted to be a gypsy all my life. I have been suffering from depression for 17 years and I'm managing that and anxiety for god knows how long. I have no friends and no family to speak of. I hate where I'm living. I'm buying a house and have no equity and 8 weeping willow trees in my back yard which show I don't have any common since but my IQ is a little about average. There is no place I want to move to. I just want to get into my jeep and travel around the United States. My biggest fear is having anxiety attacks traveling. I have an income of $2,500 a month and I'm in no hurry to go from one place to another. Another big problem is I don't know how to make friends. I need a plan of attack and I'm not sure where to start?
  6. Over the last 15 years I haven't felt well about 350 days. No rime or reason just don't know. I have a daily diary for 25 years and I have been depressed 17 years. During these days I'm incapacitated which means I work 10 minutes and I have to sit down because I just don't feel good. I'm not sick, just don't feel well. Telling this to a doctor is like telling it to the wall. I believe this is cause from being depressed. This week I'm going to upper my Wellbutrin from 200 mg. to 300 mg. but I doubt it will help because nothing has no far and at 72 I believe I will just die of depression and loneliness.
  7. I have an American mouth if you know what that means. Anyway I had an Indian girlfriend from India and she was very upper class so I never said anything without first thinking about what I was going to say and I thank if I'm around people I don't know I should do the same thing and making a habit of it is a good thing. Letting your mouth run wild is a good way not to make friends so I need to be careful. PS: Does anyone know how I can get an email when someone reply's to my Post?
  8. Of course I suffer from BAD Depression and I can't cook for myself so I eat TV dinners. If I buy cookies, candy, and any sweets I will eat all of them or until I get sick because of my depression. I have tried to bring home some sweets thinking I can just eat a bit or two after a meal but as soon as my depression acts up I eat all the sweets and I don't know how to control myself?
  9. I know that all families fuss and fight. I do have one cousin who I see every couple of months. At 64 years old I would really get a dog. I can only speak from my side but a mid size dog is a dog that I can relate to. I have a Irish Setter but the best dog is a Golden Retriever which I had for 10 years. I feel if you get a small dog, why not just get a Rat (LOL) they are smart and would make good company while watching TV. I have a small case of agoraphobia so I fill my car up with gas about every other month and that's no good. How do I deal with loneliness is I have a dog and if she (Females make great house pets) dies before me I will enter the mental ward like I did when I lost my Golden Retriever. Live isn't easy. I have a yard with 8 Weeping Willow trees and they are all in about a thousand square feet and they are my children and I take very good care of them which is another way I deal with life. Thank you all for replying to my post.
  10. I'm been depressed for 17 years and over the last couple of weeks it has been getting worse. Today I'm a 9 and I wrote my nut doctor that I just want to put my dog in my car and go and don't care where. However I'm 72 with no friends or family and no place to go and if I got there what would I do because no matter where on earth I go I will still be alone. Sure I can go to church for 1 hour and then I only have 167 more hours to be alone. Thank god I have a dog because 3 1/2 years ago if it wasn't for my dog I would have went into the mental ward for good because I just can't make it on the outside. Like the lifers in the Army that they say that they can't make it on the outside. I hated the Army but if I know then what I know now I would have stayed in for 40 years. I spent 3 days in the mental ward and I like it because I wasn't lonely.
  11. Depression comes in many forms. I have been depressed for 17 years and I will die being depressed but that's ok because it's the type of depression I don't want to die with. Now for 3 1/2 years I have a different a kind of depression one that causes me to cringe and for many hours everyday I suffer with a contorted face as if I'm being torture. Doctor have no idea what I'm talking about and anti depression meds never have help and Lorazepam use to help. Now for the last 3 days I feel like death which I won't and can't explain. But when I see movies of people in a nut house in misery and pain I see my future. I live in OK which I don't like. I don't go anywhere except to the grocery store, I have no friends or family to speak of. I'm 72 years old and I need to keep alive because I have a 10 years old Irish setter who I have to live for. I want to dump this house and move to anywhere. Why? Because being busy takes away the depression and moving would keep me busy for about 3 months and at the rate I'm going I may not make 3 months. Thank You for letting me cry on your shoulder.
  12. For a long time I have felt like death, zero ambition every day, can’t get out of the house unless I go shopping but I believe I don’t have Agoraphobia because I’m not afraid to leave the house I just can’t seem to. Outside of no friends and no family to speak of I’m alone but I have a Irish Setter who keeps me company and I know everyone say get out and do this and do that and we are all reasonable for ourselves. Anyway I think that taking 2 to 3 mg. of Lorazepam every day for 10 years might have something to do with it and I’m so un-ambition that I take a 5 hour energy drink to get an hours worth of work done and then feel like crap and then I need to take a Lorazepam to feel like I’m not going to die. I can see takin a lorazepam once a week or a 5 hour energy drink if really needed once a week and I need to quit drinking one cup of coffee which just upsets my stomach. I can’t cook for myself so I eat TV dinners. I’m like an addict and need to quit taking this crap but I always say “I don’t know how”. I don’t believe that is true. I took 2 to 3 Vicodin’s for 10 years and quit cold turkey with no side effect what so ever. I feel like I’m just a weak coward and that is not a good thing to live with.
  13. I'm 71 years old and not thinking straight and when upset we write and say wired things so kept that in mind if you read my post who I am thinking of sending to my physiatrist, any suggestion or questions are appreciated. I’ve suffered from Depression for 16 years and I’m still suffering from it. But what has push me into a state of misery for the last 3 years has no relationship to Depression, no sadness, no worthlessness or any of Depression symptoms. It is something that is in my head, body, and soul and is almost impossible to explain. It is tearing me apart and has got worst as time goes on. I call it cringing but now it is in my mind and body and lorazepam’s only help about 15%. I would of committee myself a long time ago but I have a dog that depends on me and she is the only thing in my life that matters to me. Her life is more important than mine. I don’t know what I will do if it gets to the point that I have to be hospitalize, just the thought of not being with her would destroy me. I don’t know if you are able to help me but if not please let me know and I will see a physiatrist that take Medicare because I don’t know how much longer I am going to be able to take this. PS: I’m not suicidal; I will not hurt myself or others
  14. Thank you, I think the next time I see my therapist I'm going to take the hour on this problem and see what happens and maybe I need a new therapist.
  15. I see a therapist and I talk for 50 minutes and I learn things I should do to make my life better or should I say I don't really learn but just brings things to the surface I already know so I'm more aware of them. So I would get the same results if I talk to the wall for 50 minutes but that would be impossible because a therapist doesn't do anything except sit there and listen and that's a person, well I can do that, I can listen to someone for 50 minutes and I don't have to school for 8 years to listen to someone? A psychiatrist listen for a couple of minutes and says here are the pills you need. I think I'm missing something because these people really aren't helping me much. A therapist that says 10 words in a 50 minute time and a psychiatrist who just keep giving you different pills that don't work. Maybe it's me, Maybe I'm doing something wrong. Will next week I'm taking a 12 week depression class which I hope I can finish this time. My motivation is maybe somewhere between 5 to 10% and I need to get things done.
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