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About Shayanne

  • Birthday 12/13/1971

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  1. American Gods by Neil Gaiman is the main one, I've read that book so many times that I know most of it by heart.
  2. My depression and anxiety got too bad for me to do my job so I had to take a leave of absence at the end of September to seek treatment to prevent getting fired. I can't work so I'm not earning a paycheck, and mine was the only income in the house. I'm fighting with my job's insurance provider because they say that depression,anxiety, and PTSD aren't disabilities, so they won't even give me that 60% of my normal wages until I fight through the appeal process (a fight, I might add, that I have very little energy for) and all of the local agencies I've called for financial help are completely out of funds. I called the United Way and they gave me 11 phone numbers to try, and every single one is out of funds to help anyone because there are so many people needing help. I don't qualify for state assistance because I'm not actually unemployed. They gave us food stamps so we won't starve, but we can't get any temporary financial aid to pay the bills. The medications are making me feel worse than ever. I've only been on them since the end of October and I know it takes time, I know they're not an instant fix-all and I expected side effects, but I wasn't prepared for just how miserable they're making me right now. I just got a notice saying that our electricity will be disconnected in 9 days if I can't pay the past due amount, and they won't extend the date because I've already called and extended it once. Now I'm sitting around fixating on the idea that they're going to shut off the power and then I'm going to lose my son because a house with no power is unfit for a child. There's nobody we can stay with or borrow from, so we'll end up in a shelter and then what happens to our cats and dog? This is feeding the anxiety and depression, which in turn makes me dwell on the doom and gloom even more and so on, it reeally is like a demented merry go round that I can't get off of. How do you stop the racing negative thoughts and get yourself out of this sort of loop? I honestly feel like I'm about at the end of my rope.
  3. Willful ignorance drives me up the wall.
  4. Thanks for the response, and it really is weird how the side effects vary so much from person to person. I'm trying not to freak out over every little odd thing I feel since stafrting the pills, but freaking out over little things seems to be a specialty of mine lately, heh.
  5. Thanks for the information, Sheepwoman. I know that HR and the leave administrator aren't supposed to discuss anyone's medical conditions, but they have in the past. The last time it happened, supposedly it started with just the person's supervisor being told since the employee needed accomodations to do her job, and somehow it spread from there. Everyone got a stern email reminder basically saying to play nice and quit spreading gossip, but the rumors were already out there by then. =/ I love my job most of the time but some people there are really petty and shallow. Thank you for the info on the state disability, too. I don't think we have it here in FL but I'll definitely look into it!
  6. First off, sorry if this isn't the right spot for this, I checked for a workplace-specific section and didn't see one. As a bit of background, I've been away from work since 9/30, I told the head of HR and my immediate supervisor why I needed time off and they said fine, come back when I'm able. I've been seeing a therapist for the past month and finally got in to see the psychiatrist (as advised by the therapist) to get on an antidepressant. I just started on Celexa and I'm still seeing the therapist weekly and the psychiatrist monthly. Monday afternoon I got a call from the lady who manages our company's FMLA and leaves of absence, she said she needed a letter from my doctor just to put in my file and get the leave of absence "secured", she said that it needed to include the last date I worked, the first day I was treated, and approximately when I'm expected to return to work. No problem, the therapist typed up a letter on her letterhead, has the dates the FMLA administrator asked for and just says that "Ms. ________ is still a patient under my care and I will re-assess her ability to return to work each time I see her for treatment." I picked the letter up and faxed it to the FMLA lady and thought everything was fine. Today I got a letter from work saying that my leave request was denied because, "The medical documentation that we received from your physician did not provide the medical facts needed to identify your condition as a serious medical condition as defined by the Family and Medical Leave Act." Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I was under the impression that the only thing I have to tell them is if I'm able to do my job or not or if any reasonable accomodations need to be made. I don't want everyone there knowing why I'm out of work and what I'm being treated for, and that place's gossip mill is as bad as a junior high school locker room. It'd be all over the place within hours, I've seen the rumor mill in action there and it's horrible. Do I have to tell them why I'm sick? I already had to fight with our insurance carrier and submit tons of paperwork to finally get my short term disability claim approved, so I really can't even imagine going through the same exhausting, humiliating fight again. It's hard enough to talk to the medical professionals about what's in my head without handing it over to someone at my job to pass along as office gossip, ugh. Anyone have any experience with this?
  7. I just started Celexa/Citalopram on the 30th, 20mg a day for now. I've not had any really major side effects but I am hearing a quiet but distinct metallic "tink" sound in my left ear from time to time now. It's like a fingernail tapping against the side of a soda can, nothing dramatic but it's annoying me to no end. Of course, once I hear it, I start listening for the next one and it irks me even more, so on and so on. Is this something fairly common, something that will most likely go away over time, or something actually going on with my ear that's not related to the pills? This is my first time on an antidepressant, so this is all uncharted territory. Thanks in advance!
  8. It's been really helpful to read through these, I've heard some pretty dumb things lately and it's nice to know that it's not just my coworkers and relatives who are a little bit dense. The three that stand out most for me: when my performance at work started to go downhill and I had a meeting with my immediate supervisor to discuss why, "We just have to decide what mood we're going to be in each day and then we'll have that mood for the day." Ugh, really? from my well-meaning but totally oblivious stepmother when I told her I was on a leave of absence from work to seek treatment for depression, "We all go through difficult times, you just need to put things in their proper perspective and move on." I wasn't particularly nice when I responded to her, it completely rubbed me the wrong way and set my teeth on edge. Also from my stepmother, "God never gives us more than we can handle." That one also set me right off. We've been tactfully agreeing to disagree on religion for decades and have sort of an uneasy truce on the subject, so why start up on it now, when I'm least capable of holding my tongue? I know she means well, and so does my supervisor, but spouting something that sounds like it came off of a motivational poster isn't the least bit helpful. =/
  9. I've been seeing a psychotherapist since the beginning of October and she referred me to a local clinic to see a psychiatrist way back on the 10th. I saw their intake/social worker on the 10th and they scheduled me for the first available appointment with the psychiatrist, which was on the 30th. It felt like the longest 20 days of my life, as I've been an absolute wreck since the end of September when my hamster apparently ran off its wheel. I finally saw the psychiatrist today, though, and have an official diagnosis: major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, and PTSD, excatly the same as what the therapist unofficially said. I also have two prescriptions now, one is Celexa (20mg) and the other is Trazodone to help with the awful insomnia and to hopefully help curb my tendency to get up several times a night to check outlets and the stove. The medications make me a little nervous, to be perfectly honest, but I took the first dose of trazodone last night and the first Celexa this morning. The potential side effects are a little scary, but then again my unmedicated state lately is more than a little scary, so I'm going to take them as directed and give them a fair chance. Is it weird that having a name to go along with the feelings made me feel better yesterday? Also, one of the questions that the psychiatrist asked me was about numbers and patterns, and that's something I've done as long as I can remember. Hard to explain without a long and drawn-out description of the "rules", but I look for patterns in words, and it has to do with how far apart the letters are in the alphabet. I've honestly done that since childhood and never really thought much of it, but it has been bothersome lately because it distracts me at the worst possible times and makes it hard to focus on anything at all. The psychiatrist made note of what I said when I answered the question, but I forgot to ask her what it means or signifies. Anyone have any idea what that question is meant to determine?
  10. Thanks for the welcomes and the pointers about the best parts of the forum to start reading!
  11. First off, I'm really glad I found this forum. I have a ton of reading to do since it looks like there's a lot of good, relevant information to be found. All of this is pretty new to me, I've recently been diagnosed w/ major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, and PTSD. I'm 40 and this is my first go-around with any of it, so everything is unfamiliar territory and kind of overwhelming. I've been seeing a therapist for 4 weeks now, and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on the 30th to be evaluated for medications. I've not been to work in three weeks because I'm simply completely and totally unable to do my job, so I'm on an unpaid personal leave of absence and hoping to hear from the company's insurance carrier very soon about my short term disability claim. That in itself is an enormous amount of stress, we're currently living off of my tiny savings account since my job was the household's only source of income, but I'm trying really hard not to get too freaked out over the financial side of things. Anyway, that's my brief little intro, I'm off to read some more for now. Again, really glad to have found the forum!
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