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Everything posted by yesican

  1. ugh! what a combo!! I am 43 years old, was just diagnosed with bipolar 2 in March..with the help of medication and dbt techniques I have learned how to manage my illness for the most part. The tricky time of the month for me is about a week before my period is due. I can function, but life is definitely not easy during that time. I get tired, irritable, want to eat everything in sight and am noise and light sensitive. The last few months my cycle has been very irregular, some months it is 23 days, other months it is 35 days :( My pms is getting worse and I am thinking I am going to have to go on birth control to regulate my cycles. I really wish I didn't have to add another medication into the mix! Has anyone else had worsening of their bipolar symptoms during perimenopause?
  2. sorry I didn't reply sooner. I am on a cocktail of meds that include the following: Wellbutrin XR 150mg (possibly weaning off as my doctor believes that this med kindled my bipolar), Lithium 300mg, Clonazepam 1mg (to offset the akathasia from Latuda, Latuda 40mg, and zopiclone 15mg for sleep. Yes, many meds to control the different symptoms that affect me..at first it bothered me that I was on so many, but now I try to look at it like a recipe. This is the recipe of medications that are keeping me stable and envolved in life right now. My depression is not crippling me and I am able to enjoy the things in life that are meaningful to me. tiab, Latuda is a second generation antipsychotic that is being used with great success for bipolar. My psychiatrist is one of the top p-docs in our large city and he really is amazing in his knowledge and care. Latuda is his go-to med these days as it has shown such good results. It doesn't cause weight gain or sedation, a few of the biggest side effects of other antipsychotics. Carolyn, I can't say I never feel angry or agitated- but it doesn't get out of control and I am able to recognise it. I have also been practicing many dbt skills, which focus on mindfulness and acceptance. I feel like the combination of meds and dbt has given me a better grasp on managing my illness. oh, I also wanted to mention that I've heard that low dose lithium is also beneficial for anger and agitation..I have read many reviews about it.
  3. hi, just reading your post and I'm wondering if your doctor has told you about a medication called Latuda? I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 in March and one of my worst symptoms (other than depression) was agitation and anger outbursts. I have been on Latuda since my diagnosis and I can finally say that I feel relatively stable.
  4. Latuda has been a great med for me! I started taking it in March and though there have been some side effects to deal with, for me the pros outweigh the cons. Latuda is a very clean med. It doesn't cause the sedation and weight gain that many other mood stabilizers cause. My psychiatrist has treated many patients successfully with this med.
  5. I am on 12.5 mg of seroquel for sleep..it is the lowest dose and has very few side effects at this dose.
  6. it is such a shame that there is such a huge stigma attached to BPD..I hope you are doing a bit better and have gotten the confidential help you need. There is no reason anyone in your school or work environment need to know about your health issues. Its not that you will be hiding it, its just none of anyone else's business.
  7. my advise would be to go back to what you were doing when you were happy! Life is too short to be unhappy at work and working shift work can definately trigger depression! Your health, relationship and happiness are all more important than money. Just my 2 cents :)
  8. I have told people that it feels like swimming in mud, that every small thing takes an enormous amount of energy.
  9. I understand how painful and frustrating it is not knowing what you are dealing with..can you try to journal during the times that you are really low or frustrated? That way when you see your doctor you have some reference as to how bad it was. Bipolar can be a very hard thing for doctors to diagnose, they are trained to only recognise extreme behavior and many people don't fall into that category. There is a whole spectrum of bipolar disorders..the key is getting the proper diagnosis and the proper treatment. Sending you a big hug and feel free to chat anytime!
  10. I just came off this med- it did help some with anxiety, but I gained weight on a low dose (500mg)..I have been off it for 5 days and the scale has already started moving downward.
  11. this post put tears in my eyes..you have such a kind and caring heart and you are so encouraging to many of us here at DF- we are blessed to have you!
  12. I don't have alot of insight or advise to give you, but wanted you to know that I found your post to be very informative and interesting. I have suspected for a long time that I have adrenal fatigue/ burnout- but doctors don't test for it or even really take it seriously..which is very unfortunate. I love that you are taking yoga and feeling better for it!! Good for you :) I'm wondering if you have heard of DBT...its a specific form of therapy that uses alot of eastern beliefs like mindfulness and acceptance. I've been learning alot about it and since implementing a few of the techniques and skills, I have felt alot better. I'm sorry about the awful med withdrawal :( I hope that over time you will feel better. All the best to you!
  13. hey there, I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time right now :( It is awful to suffer mood swings and depression and equally awful when medication either doesn't help or makes you feel worse. Have you seen a psychiatrist? I am not here to diagnose you, your symptoms do sound like some syptoms of depression, but also possibly of another mood disorder- that is likely why your doctor prescribed you Mirtazapine. I can very much understand how you feel..it has taken me time to find the right med combo and it can be exhausting and frustrating. Please continue to work with your doctor/s to find a treatment that is suitable and right for you. I also recommend therapy, its helpful to talk to someone to discuss how you feel..please continue to talk to us here at DF- there are so many wonderful members who have so much insight. It has really helped me.
  14. that is wonderful that you were able to express yourself!!! I believe that acknowledging your illness and not being ashamed of it is a HUGE part of your recovery! WAY TO GO!!!
  15. yesican

    Good News!!

    Started out the day feeling really tired and blah...still dealing with the pms and didn't sleep well. Had an appointment with my family doctor this morning to check in and to get my b12 injection..she is such a sweetheart and so supportive. Got home and felt like having a cry..so I did- no real reason! just the lovely hormonal craziness going on. Lied down for a nap and woke up to the phone ringing...it was the government. I had applied for CPP disability benefits about 6 weeks ago (after taking forever to fill out the paperwork and being scared to apply out of fear of rejection). I thought today that they were phoning to tell me that I had been denied or needed more documentation from my doctor...the first 10 minutes of the conversation she basically just asked a bunch of questions that I had already answered in my application but I answered them again. At that point I wasn't sure where things were going..I have heard horror stories of people waiting 6 months or longer to get benefits and that many people were denied the first time applying. So when she said that based on the information she had she was going to go ahead and APPROVE me for benefits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was shocked, I still am! And then she went on to say that I will have my first payment within 4-6 weeks and that I would be receiving 15 months RETROACTIVE payment...I almost fell off the bed! I got off the phone and started crying...things have been so tight the last year and a half that I have not been working and my husband has had to work so hard- our needs have been met, but we've had to be extra careful and it has been stressful. I have felt guilty about not being able to contribute financially. To find out I qualified was such an incredible relief. Sounds strange, but it also gave me a feeling of vindication..that the doctor felt I was worthy of the benefits and that the CPP disability people thought that I was worthy. It was like my sufferings have been acknowledged and somehow that was cathartic- if that makes any sense. Yet, deep down part of me doesn't feel worthy..that I don't deserve this. It didn't help that I called my inlaws to share the news and they weren't overly happy for me (us)...my father in law especially comes across as thinking my depression is all in my head and that I should be working. I have to tell myself that it doesn't matter what he thinks. I don't think I am going to be sharing the news with too many people..they are too quick to judge. They think because I look fine on the outside that I should be fine on the inside and that I should be able to sustain employment. I just wanted to share this with my friends here, cause I know they will be happy and understand how much this means to me.
  16. I wanted to update this post!!! I applied for CPP disability benefits on April 2nd of this year (6 weeks ago)- yes it took me that long to work up the courage to even apply!! I recieved a phone call today to tell me that I have been approved! I can't believe it..I was expecting a long and hard process and I am crying as I write this because I feel such relief and hapiness. There is part of me that feels guilty and that I don't deserve this, but I know deep down that I do. I will recieve my first payment within 6-8 weeks and they are also issuing me 15 months of retroactive payment! I just want to encourage anyone reading this to not be afraid to do what needs to be done and to advocate for yourself..I know it is so hard to do, especially when severely depressed.
  17. I hate this time of month- as I get older it comes closer together (24-25 days). The week before it I get so incredibly tired, irratable and irrational. I just want to scream! I feel like a rubberband stretched to the breaking point. I'm trying to keep up with the demands of life, but I just want to lock myself in my room and cry.
  18. please don't feel guilty or ashamed for applying for disability. It is there for a reason, and having a mental illness is just as valid and real as having a physical impairment. Also, if you do not get approved (and many don't the first time) please don't let it stop you from appealing the decision. I don't know what country you are in, but where I am there are even lawyers (or agencies) that will handle the appeal and only get paid if you get an approval. xxxx please be gentle and kind to yourself.
  19. I have been through many depressive episodes and have experienced the kind of pain you described. I don't know if I can say I am FULLY recovered, but a combination of meds and therapy have helped me. To answer your second question- did it help me improve as a person? hmmm, I guess each time I have come through and get to a point of stability I am amazed at my ability to survive and I find that I am more sympathetic and empathetic to others who are suffering.
  20. I agree with Velthir, a mood stabilizer would likely be extremely helpful. I can understand the anger you describe..I too have experienced mixed states and I used to rage at my family and slam doors and it was awful for them and for me. I'm sorry you are suffering, bipolar is a horrid disease and can be so tricky to treat- please keep trying to find the best treatment for you- you deserve it!
  21. yesican


    I'm not taking a specific class- there are none offered in my area..I am mostly learning about it online and through a few different websites. I know its not the same as taking a formal class, but I am learning quite a bit as I go..this way I can also jump around and focus on what is helpful for me right now. What I have focused on this week is distress tolerance..I've learned that a basic skill is self-soothing and how we all have different ways of doing that, but to try to find ways to bring yourself comfort during times when emotional distress is taking over. They talk about using your 5 senses as a way of doing this: taste, smell, see, hear, and touch..they incorporate mindfulness during everything..being aware and in the moment. Another helpful skill for distress tolerance is to Improve the moment- dbt uses alot of acronyms to help people remember. I- Imagery M-Meaning P- Prayer R- Relaxation O- One thing at a time V- A brief Vacation E- Encouragement DBT teaches us how to accept ourselves as good enough and also recognise the need for all of us to change and grow.
  22. that is a great reminder OceanBreeze! I remember that being drilled into us when I took a CBT course and its sooooo true. Sometimes easier said than done, but when you can apply it, it is fabulous! today my quote or thought is 'follow your heart, trust that still small voice inside- if something doesn't 'feel' quite right, its probably not'
  23. yesican


    has anyone taken a dbt course? I am trying to self learn it online and I'm finding it to be very helpful in helping to manage my depression symptoms. The main focus is on mindfulness, but it also is supposed to help with interpersonal relationships and distress tolerance. If anyone has had this kind of therapy, I'd be very interested to hear how it worked for you.
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