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Everything posted by apple_bloom

  1. Golabki Warning: Following this recipe exactly makes a TON of food. 1 pound of ground beef 1 pound of ground pork 2 cups of cooked rice 2 eggs 1 onion, chopped Mix together and season - I use salt, pepper, sage, garlic powder, and marjoram. I use two heads of cabbage for this. Blanche cabbage leaves and remove from cabbage head. Cut off the stem part from the bottom of each leaf. Spoon meat mixture into cabbage leaf and roll up. Once you have the entire meat mixture rolled into cabbage leaves, place in a large pan and pour in 2-3 large cans of crushed tomatoes (you can also throw in a can of diced). Add several bay leaves And two cubes of beef bouillon. Make sure all golabki are covered with tomatoes. Cook on low to medium heat for 1 to 2 hours. (And yes, my user name is based on a certain crusader. :) )
  2. Incredibly frustrated. I feel like I have no say in things that affect my life.
  3. I suppose you could use any leafy vegetable, but I'd be concerned about the texture from cooking. Cabbage leaves are tougher and maintain their shape longer compared to other leafy greens.
  4. It's possible the extra fiber is contributing to the constipation. Your body needs fluid as well to maintain regularity, so be sure to drink plenty of water.
  5. I recently learned how to make golabki, a Polish recipe. It's ground meat mixed with rice and spices, wrapped in cabbage leaves, and cooked in a tomato sauce.
  6. "And I know, knew for sure, with an absolute certainty, that this is rock bottom, this is what the worst possible thing feels like. It is not some grand, wretched emotional breakdown. It is, in fact, so very mundane...Rock Bottom is an inability to cope with the commonplace that is so extreme it makes even the grandest and loveliest things unbearable...Rock bottom is feeling that the only thing that matters in all of life is the one bad moment...Rock bottom is everything out of focus. Its a failure of vision, a failure to see the world how it is, to see the good in what it is, and only to wonder why the hell things look the way they do and not - and not some other way." Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation
  7. Fifth day of Prozac - I've been calm and apathetic until this point. I feel so much anger and hatred right now and I'm trying desperately to control it.
  8. Day Two of Prozac and so far, I actually feel okay.
  9. A bit satisfied. I was out from work for two days and now that I'm back today, everyone keeps telling me they "don't know how I do it all" and keep offering to help. What's funny is that they don't know that I do all this on top of working a second job. Also slightly nervous. I'm starting Prozac today.
  10. Nothing is wrong with taking medication. I just personally didn't want to and didn't think it was necessary for my particular breed of depression.
  11. I hope by now you're feeling better about your encounter. The worst is that they have a policy that would prohibit you from taking a 2nd job. The best is that maybe they'd pay you more. I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of, though. Lots of people have more than one job. Thank you, Dolphin2013. I'm not prohibited from having another job and I know it's not a big deal to have one - but I think it was a matter of pride for me. I work with this person and I respect them greatly, so to have them see me in a position that society deems the bottom of the barrel...it just hurt. It hurt and it brought up all the resentment I have towards having a second job in the first place.
  12. I can't remember the last time I felt so ashamed. I'm at my second job and who just happens to come to my register but the lead psychologist at my clinic (my full-time job). I think she could tell I was embarrassed and asked if I preferred if she didn't say anything. I can't explain why I feel ashamed. I just do.
  13. I met with my manager yesterday for what I thought would be a discussion on the administrative assistant position I've been waiting on. It wasn't. It was to address the concern about by "emotional presentation" at work. Apparently I haven't been "faking it" well enough and several patients complained last week that they felt they were "bothering me" while checking in. While there was no punitive action, nor was anything recorded on my HR record, it upset me greatly. More and more I feel like the people around me are judging me for not doing a better job of keeping it together. My boss tells me I need to "fake it" better. N tells me he gets frustrated because I don't focus on the positive things, no matter how small they may be. My therapist tells me not to let circumstances affect me to such a severe degree that I isolate, snap at people, or have panic attacks. I wonder what these conversations would look like in the context of a physical illness instead of a mental one. Like telling someone with a chronic pain disease to manage it better at work, that they're not hiding their illness well enough. Or telling someone with Huntington's disease to not let their slow, impending death get the better of them. Or telling a cancer patient to focus on the positive things in life, instead of the fact that their body is slowly being destroyed by disease and chemotherapy. We don't say these sort of things to people with physical illness. It's considered inappropriate and insensitive. But somehow it's okay to say that to people with mental illness. There's this expectation that because there's a behavioral component, people should be able to control themselves better and not let things affect them. It's not okay for a person's mental state to impact other parts of their life. It's not okay for someone to not be in complete control of their emotions 24/7. I've reached the point where I'm considering taking an antidepressant, which to be frank, is something I never wanted to do. I've always been of the mindset that I can control myself and my behavior - medication just wasn't something I needed. But I've started to wonder if it is something I need, because clearly what I've been doing hasn't been enough. Therapy isn't helping, DBT feels useless, and there's only so much self-care I can give myself between working two jobs, spending time with N, and trying to keep everything together. So it's time for meds. Because I don't see things getting any better and I'm tired of feeling guilty for doing it wrong.
  14. My heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broken.

  15. I'm having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
  16. Exhausted. My feet are ******* me. I still have two hours left of a 13-hour work day. I'm so fed up with being treated like sh*t by people. A woman is rude to me in the check-out line and I want to punch her in the face. I still have so much anger just boiling beneath the surface.
  17. There's nothing worse when I get bombarded by a dozen different things at once while I'm at work. I get so stressed and overstimulated that I have to go and hide in the bathroom to calm down.
  18. I would tell them that you're sad right now and dealing with some things. Reassure them that you're not mad or upset with them and that you love them.
  19. A psychiatrist I work with used to work at a mental health center that dealt with a lot of abuse cases. They had a saying: "Abusive parents love their children. They just love them badly." Speaking from my own experience, I would agree with this. Some parents don't see that what they're doing constitutes abuse. Many parents have their own issues that they simply don't deal with or take accountability for.
  20. I wish I liked wearing socks. Hand-knitted socks are so amazing and comfortable and I want to make myself a pair. But I hate wearing socks.
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