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katersbee last won the day on March 5 2013

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  1. Frankly in my opinion it's bordering on cyberstalking and I would cease all communication immediately, indefinitely. This has gone far beyond the point of fixing and I would be absolutely terrified if I was someone in the public eye and some guy was doing this to me. On another serious note, if you feel you are having real problems letting go then I would seek professional help at the very least talk it over with your doctor as this is far beyond normal behaviour, it's more like fascination and could if not already turn into full blown stalking if left unchecked. Cease all communications immediately, permanently otherwise you could find yourself in deep water.
  2. Completely agree with spiritual wanderer here. It sounds like you just don't have the guts to action the huge change. You sound like you know what needs to happen but you're doing the "better the devil you know, than the devil you don't" approach which will not only disrupt your life, your mental health but that of your wife too, which is totally unfair and of course the other woman also. Reading your post, you know what needs to happen, you can't make good, gloss over a failed relationship, it sounds like it is past salvaging, if you have to put that much work into keeping a relationship alive then it's probably one you shouldn't be in. It sounds to me that you're trying to salvage the wrong relationship and that is hurting everyone involved and prolonging the agony for your wife. If it were me (well it has been recently) I would do the what I consider the right thing and bring a conclusion to your failed marriage (as you have tried to fix it) put your wife out of her agony, allow her to move on in time and get on with your life in whatever way you see fit. However, I would still not jump into a new relationship after bringing a conclusion to your previous one, take it slowly.
  3. Hi Fiona, The best bit of comfort I can give is this will sort itself out and you will feel better once it has. I think it's very wise thing to do to allow him to see her as like you said at least you've done the right thing and not forced him into any decision, which is good for your own well being whichever way it goes. Also, let's be honest he has been devious enough over the last year seeing her anyway so there would be nothing you could do or say to stop him and to be honest why should you. In the end of the day if he stays it's because he wants to not for any other reason. I think you're being incredibly level headed about this, I can not commend your behaviour enough as you must be going through hell yourself :( Just know we're (I'm) here if you need to vent or get anything off your chest and good luck x
  4. Nothing will ever come of it as he will never ever want to risk his job for a client, so all this is just one huge waste of time and setting your own mental health backwards. You need to talk to your doctor about this as like PulledPork has said, it could help with your own recovery, but right now keeping this crush to yourself and it getting to a point of Googling him and thinking that there could be a possibility of a relationship with him is hurting your own mental health and should be discussed, after all that is what he is there for and trust me, it won't be the first patient (both male or female) that has told him they have a crush on him or they're in love with him.
  5. Just popping by to say I'm thinking about you and hope you're doing as well as can be expected.
  6. Just checking in to make sure everything is going ok? how's the kids?
  7. I'm sorry to have to be blunt with you but you either have to change doctors yourself or tell him about your feelings so he can arrange different doctors as this is rather destructive behaviour towards yourself and the more he is in your life the worst it is going to get for you. There is no future, there is no chance, so move on please and do something pro-active about sorting this problem out for your own sake.
  8. I know exactly what you're both going through having been through those conversations in the last few months and my advice would be to consult a solicitor as soon as possible if you think it is going that way, just for some general advice, normally the first hour or session is free of charge. If you need any advice then just ask here or via PM. Take care of yourself.
  9. Well it sounds like he has got himself into a situation he doesn't have the guts to see through and is going through the motions waiting for someone else to make his decisions for him, whether that be you or the other woman, hence the panic attacks at what he has done vs what's around the corner. It would not surprise me what so ever if the other woman has given him an ultimatum recently hence why all this has come out all of a sudden. I guess the first port of call would be to demand the other woman is history, full stop, end of story and see what he has to say and work from there. Good luck, we're all here for you.
  10. Firstly I'm so sorry to hear the news, but given time it will not seem as much as a shock to you once you start putting bits and pieces together. I can only speak for myself but taking what I know from my own experiences is that I think you may be being a tough naive still about depression is the cause of everything, hence why the medics have stopped his personal counselling and channelled it more into relationship counselling. I very much doubt the professionals would do that if they thought his depression was underlying. I would imagine it's more that the relationship problems were the cause of his depression maybe? at least that sounds logical to me in terms of the path the counselling is going. Chin up Fiona, at least you now know and you can deal with the actual problem, rather than ***** footing around him, treating him with kid gloves. Now is YOUR time, take care of YOURSELF, if you feel your own mental health is slipping, please get help so you can cope with whatever path you decide to go and above all don't make any rushed decisions. Take a few days to think about each and every thought then act upon them accordingly. Sorry I've just re-read your post and saw the affair is still going on? If I was you I would prepare for a separation as he clearly can't stop seeing her so it's probably coming out now preparing himself (and you) for leaving, trying to make you kick him out as he hasn't got the mental health to do it, to force his hand so to speak.
  11. Well the new relationship sounds like it's going from strength to strength and hopefully he's taking you somewhere nice for Valentines day, mine is :) It's nice to know that he's doing something because he wants to as the majority of the time it was ignored before or just done to shut me up! I'm finding the EX scenario similar this end, he has completely distanced himself from me, I get no calls, no texts, no random showing up and if when he is collecting the kids (he organized with them directly now) I ask him in for a cuppa while he waits he says politely no he'll sit in the car and wait. Perhaps it's just a realization that it's over now and they have to let go? Either way it shouldn't worry either of us any further as long as they're being a good parent to our kids. Talking of which, how's your two going now? things settling down? Not on FB yet, I'm currently waiting on decent internet as this is terribly unreliable then I'll get myself an iPad as all that sort of stuff is so much better on a tablet, daughter has one so I use hers :)
  12. This was my concern that you would be pulled into having depressive thoughts/depression/anxiety yourself which is perfectly understandable for what you are being put through. What is being asked from you is extremely difficult thing to accomplish and to live by ; supporting, loving, helping a man through an illness who could at least in theory once better could walk out. We all know that is a possibility and living under that pressure is enough for anyone to start to crackup. That is why I said that you need YOU time, time with friends, go out a night a week and kick back and yes make an appointment with your GP and tell everything and get some professional support yourself.
  13. Hi, firstly sorry for the delay and of course I do not mind answering any questions. Right oh god, it's a long story but I'll try and keep it to the bits that I think you want to know. I was completely aware that my marriage had failed and it was causing my mental health to suffer. But as a young mother of two I just ploughed into bringing my babies up, they started to grow up and need me less and less that's when my 'turning point' happened, I woke up one morning with a rare clear mind and subjectively looked at my life and what it had become and where it was going. The vast majority of my married life has been one distraction to the next so my head could remain in the sand and not think to much about my unhappy life, how depressed I felt. At first it was the children - for the first 10 years that helped as they needed me most of the time so I could postpone how I was thinking, but once they need you less then the realities of ones situation hits you. So I started a small business to part distract myself and unfortunately like many self medicated with alcohol so I didn't have to think. It was only when that got too much and people started noticing did I go to get help and then it was another 4-5 year struggle (one suicide attempt) to get myself to this point now where divorce is around the corner and I'm a much happier person. I think in your case it is important to keep a realistic approach in your mind that it could go either way and just get on with your life, support your husband through his illness and see where it ends up. I know how tempting it is to look for answers in other peoples experiences but the reality is everyone's are entirely different and the only time you will know which way it is going is when your personal circumstances presents itself to you so just keep a middle of the roads approach. Until you know better do as you're doing and treat it as an illness and DO NOT forget about yourself as this sort of experience can bring you down with it (health wise) make sure you look after yourself, make sure you do things outside of the marriage, with your friends, have a night out and so on. Keep life ticking over as a conclusion will only happen when it happens and since you are being realistic about it going either way, that's all you can really do in my opinion. Also don't be afraid to pull him up on something if he is treating you badly, having depression, even severe depression isn't a get out of jail free card, you too have feeling, emotions. Good luck xx
  14. Having another cuppa in the hope this one will actually wake me up and catching up on here. Had a lovely weekend away so today is a catch up on washing and ironing day!
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