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Everything posted by MusicLover2

  1. That's irrelevant, I didn't state drugs don't help at all but you're putting so much at stake by taking them and you all know this so why deny this fact? Believe it or not Depression is a huge mystery still after so many years so nobody knows what these drugs are 'really' doing to your body. I'm saying that if other people who you can meet in person or take advice from online, famous people, books etc. can give you two sides of the story - why not try some of their ideas and put into action instead of waiting for a pill to turn this around for you?
  2. Awesome. One question, why is everyone extremely concerned with the drugs than fighting out of it in a natural manner? It doesn't make sense as you know drugs are going to harm you and you still have to be patient. With the natural route, you lift it in a healthy manner and still have to be patient. Main point being it takes patience and perserverance to get out of it, doing one small thing a day can make a difference.
  3. .... what if you're scared to make that decision?scared if you would be able to handle whats coming next or not? That's very normal to feel terrified, I definitley was. But it is your choice whether you want to keep suffering or try to help yourself each day, even a little step can make a huge difference with patience and perserverance.
  4. Families are weird about things like this especially because they really don't understand what you are going and they are putting it under the rug perhaps? My family didn't really take me seriously either, it was frustrating but it's really good you're getting support elsewhere.
  5. Try reading or distracting yourself by going for a walk observing everything that is occuring around you. It's a tough one to get out of
  6. Feel a similar way, everyone seems sort of faulty and everything is so pushed onto us in society which has very low standards now. I sometimes feel motivated by it but sometimes very frustrated
  7. Agreed with you. I had a month of derealisation and it wasn't that bad as I didn't really give into it too much, it was scary but not permanent. Goes away with time, or atleast it did for me. I had to ride it out and just try to not 'think' too much about it and it happened after a very stressful event.
  8. Sounds like that's the big part of depression, I wouldn't compare yourself to work harder or you're going to make yourself feel worse. It's the usual guilt trip - where everything seems to be your fault that is the illusion of depression. It's normal to feel guilty so you work harder yet make yourself feel worse in the long run so I advise you to not compare yourself to others as of now. You do have a lot of strength as you are dealing with depression which depletes your energy so I wouldn't think you're a weak person or anything. If you truly want to get out of depression you have to make that decision on your own to fight it no matter how tough it gets - nobody can make that decision for you. If you don't do anything to help yourself, you're most likely going to keep feeling bad. If you aren't doing anything to help yourself out of depression, ask yourself why and analyse and see what you find. It's these questions that help you get to the root of your problem so you can eventually take action and fix them. If you need any tips or help for that bit, PM me and I'll be happy to help. This is coming from a person who overcame depression on their own w/o meds or any help thus far, still an everyday battle though.
  9. When I was at home I was quite overweight so felt physically sick aswell as feeling depressed was an awful feeling. Cutting the weight down for me personally is a must, it affects every area of my life but my happiness isn't depedent on it. I'm not really fussed with the way I look, I'm happy with my image. To me it's more of how I feel in general, weight loss helps every other aspect such as productivity which ultimately boosts my happiness triple-fold.
  10. Oh sorry I forgot to mention nearly everyone turned their back on me while I was at my lowest point. My mental health assistant was adamant I was okay and left me, my family were talking about me behind my back and told me to figure it out on my own...so no I didn't exactly have this emotional support at all. The only reason why I mentioned not taking antidepressants is because I knew what they could potentially do to my brain in the long term and I just couldn't take it anymore. It's not logical to take a drug that's going to make you feel worse, that's the worst decision I could've made. The decision came mainly from just being knocked down so hard, that was probably the hardest bit. Acceptance plays a big role. I understand you're seeing everything in a rocky view right now but if you want some advice, stop being so hard headed and take advice from others...dependent on how much you want to get out of this mess. Best of luck!
  11. Oh believe me I was ready to go... I was at the edge of my seat with the anhedonia and it was ******* me slowly. I felt utterly hopeless and in despair. I hit rock bottom. I saw no other way other than making a decision to get better and fighting for what I can even if it was hopeless, however that bit of a fight helped me so please don't talk down to me like I don't know what you're going through because believe me I do. Running to drugs was never an option to me and I sure wasn't going down that route so DECIDED to fight on my own and that's exactly what I did. And I won, so yeah it worked for me. If it doesn't work for you, find something else. I never came here to tell anything as nobody even bothers to listen, you won't get anywhere if you don't take advice then take action no matter how stubborn depression can cause you to be. I came here because someone mentioned something that I could relate to. The goals stuff is the sidelines, it's breaking down those negative patterns and analysing why you're upset which was the key to overcoming depression for me. Basically get to the roots of it and being completely honest and acceptance of the whole process. The goals just give you direction when you're lost. If you don't want to do it, that's up to you. I would've been in the same state if I didn't but I WANTED to get better really badly so made changes, no point complaining if you're not doing anything about it. Oh and add patience and perseverence
  12. Holy Lord, you just gave me an insight! I remembered when I was in an anhedonic state and was in deep depression, I wrote down goals and things I'd do if I wasn't depressed. I focused so much on those goals in my head instead of the negative thoughts, it still felt hopeless at that time but I think by focusing on it a lot, I eventually broke the negative patterns. So basically, like you said - allowing your brain to get out of self-defense mode and know everything is safe.
  13. My apathy state lifted when I found the root of my depression, my feelings came back and my personality was recovered.
  14. If you're not happy about your job at the moment and it's making you feel like this, have you considered quitting and looking for something a lot more rewarding and to your style? If you had the choice to be in a uncomfortable situation each day but making more than you would be in a job you're completely comfortable that allows you to build self-esteem & confidence, what would you choose? This may be stupid of me to say as I don't know your situation but working for the wrong people for a prolonged period of time is really a waste of time. Getting by is easy but it comes along with the price of misery and uncomfort feelings you're dealing with now, there's always another option. If it's not okay to quit straight away, try to atleast look for another job that you may see yourself being comfortable with. Edit: Also please don't put yourself down by comparing yourself to others - it will drive you nuts! You're obviously NOT lazy, you've got good work ethic but you come off as just REALLY uncomfortable in the place you're at, that seems like it's the issue. I'd forget about the comparison to society, because if you look at it this way - they mainly just want money and status. If you want to go for something a little more, you need to make a change in what's causing the issue. Easier said than done but not impossible infact might be the best decision of your life... Best of luck
  15. Sounds like you need to set a difficult challenging goal that will stretch yourself in a way you can't imagine. The stuff you accomplished are incredible, you should really be proud of yourself! But saying that you're practically bored of it - new challenges need to be placed and overcome. Try to find something extremely creative or anything you can be in a 'flow' state of mind.
  16. I never done this but I think it is a VERY interesting point in the sense that you said you felt ELATED when you felt in CONTROL of your life. The reason it is interesting is because it is suggesting that you feel out of control and in control of others' rules and restrictions/society etc. I remember when I was depressed, I felt dependent on others which made me more depressed as I have a very 'do it myself' attitude and always independent but once I broke out of all that, my depression eventually lifted and normality was restored. What my point is that if you try to gain control of your life, you may be able to break out of the depression. It will take a bit of work to do but it's sure as hell worth it. I find it interesting you said this because I felt out of control for a long time but when I got a handle of my problems, things fell into place. That's not the case for everyone as it's relative to your situations but think about trying to restore that control to give you a good feeling.
  17. Avoid the stuff that overstimulate and make you feel uneasy and try to build a productivity system which you can control to start getting back into doing daily routine things. Make a list of 3-4 things that you wish to accomplish and reward yourself, it's a great way to get things done and might even help you feel motivated.
  18. I find writing or discussing your problems very openly with someone then suggesting solutions to the problems you face and things you can do to make a difference, it is well wishing something will happen but this leads to hopelessness whereas if you put in some action, you're bound to be a step further to where you were yesterday. The rest is figuring it out on the way but it's better than doing nothing. During Depression, the negatives are awfully expanded than what it really is - that tells you about perception of the problem at hand. If you change the perception to something you have control over, you can turn negatives into positives. That's how I see challenges personally.
  19. 1) Good habits make a big difference to the quality of life, for example getting up early for me personally doubles my productivity and keeps me motivated. Exercise, healthy lifestyle etc. 2) Learning the triggers of what causes your low moods - important one so you can confront them and take small steps to deal with it, this helps you not to keep falling back into the same place. 3) Goals - set yourself challenges and accomplish them with 100% dedication & commitment
  20. No arguments here, but handsup try CBT before you try other drugs if you can.
  21. Habits are a great way to improve the quality of your life, nice thread! :) In progress: 1) Weight loss 2) Doing well at Uni - studying and keeping up to date 3) Learning how to play keyboard/music production Need to do: 1) Continue learning a language - I started this and took a course at Uni but got too much going on 2) Read a lot more books - this I'm going to start doing soon - as in putting time into it 3) Regular writing/reflecting
  22. Lack of motivation, of course. Start small and work your way up, the fact you acknowledged it's an issue is the first step. Now think of an action plan (suggested above) to overcome it and do ensure you apply it. However, the logical thing will be to treat your depression first so the motivation/energy will naturally come back - are you seeing anyone?
  23. Is this depression or procrastination? Create a to-do list of maybe 2-3 things to do everyday, that might help build up to what you been putting off. Why have you been putting it off for two years exactly? Address your fears, challenge and overcome them
  24. ,,, lol, I understand you're trying to help, but you really don't understand. If you truly want to know how I feel, please type in "Lost all of my humanity, thanks Bupropion" in google... there's a guy named Devoid who perfectly explains what I'm going through. As for problems, I honestly don't have any. I don't understand why you keep telling me to address problems, because I have none... but I think it's because you honestly don't understand (how could anyone understand, I think what I have is something worst than anhedonia... but I'm not sure how to describe it in words... other than Devoid perfectly explains what I'm going through) You don't understand when I say I lost EVERY thing that made me human, I really mean it.. trust me.. I had problems in my life before (when I use to be a human being) but not anymore. I don't understand why I'm in this state, other than the pills I took (Prozac) when I was 15/16 and I haven't been the same ever since, because I wasn't like this before I took the pills. Everything I do is a non-experience... there's no reward, there's no sense of accomplishment whatsoever... I can physically force my body to do stuff, but there's no emotion behind it. What I'm trying to understand is how I'm still alive in this living nightmare. I wish this didn't happen MusicLover, I honestly wish it didn't... but I know for a fact there's nothing I can do until my god damn brain decides "oh hey.....mmmmm OK, you've suffered enough.. time to repair the damage".. All I can do is wait... this summer I will have a full body MRI/ultrasound... so until then, I'm waiting. If I was a normal human being that was suffering from depression, then your advice would make sense...but your advice does not apply to me (in all honesty). Ok I'm going to explain myself ONE last time...because you're really not getting it. 1) You are NOT brain damaged. Get that silly idea out of your idea because you're only convincing yourself you are, you are subconsciously prolonging your own suffering, you are making excuses to not pick yourself up. Take a lesson from Biology - the body will do whatever it can to survive. An organism is made to survive so if your brain is chemically imbalanced, it will do what it can to get things straightened up OVER TIME. 2) I felt EXACTLY how you did, I couldn't find problems wrong with why I felt so numb but it is there and you HAVE to dig deep to find out the reasons. There is always a reason behind everything. Blaming it on the meds you took FIVE years ago for 4/5 months is absolutely ridiculous. Face the fact that the meds didn't work because you still haven't addressed the problems that made you depressed in the first place causing you to feel numbness constantly. The brain has merely put a defense mechanism and is protecting you from getting hurt by blocking all feelings. You want to get your feelings back? Try to make an effort with soul searching and figure out why you are so down. Complaining isn't going to get you anywhere, I understand your frustrations 100% cuz guess what? I'VE BEEN THERE. Read my posts. I've felt exactly the same way as you have. But you're being so stubborn to take ANY advice which may help you in that case you're causing your own suffering. Point being is you're going to have to work to get yourself out of this state you've put yourself in for the last 5 years. I'm surprised you even survived that long as I couldn't fathom the fact of not feeling alive for so long so I made changes. It was a decision I made. Actions I put into place. Advice I took from a friend. Please don't tell me I don't know how you feel, everything you've described I've pretty much dealt with except the meds. That just shows that medications aren't necessarily the cause to anhedonia. Your feelings will gradually come back but until then you have to keep working at it constantly and not give up. That's a decision you have to make. I'm done with giving advice now because you're not taking anything in which is the silliest thing you can do.
  25. Until you figure out what you're deep rooted problems are, the anhedonia probably won't lift. If you actively and deeply try to search for your issues, address your emotions and work out an action plan - even if it is totally hopeless at the time you're doing it, but you all keep complaining yet you're at rock bottom so why not try to take people's advice - it's not like you got anything to lose? Ah here's a question: What do you do in the day? You'll probably come up with "sit on the laptop all day" (I used to), does that not help you see that you are not helping yourself?
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