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AntiNorm

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  1. Sounds like my situation with my ex back in the day, minus the sex issue. I sympathize. I moved in with my ex because I felt it would make her more secure in our relationship - she had wanted us to move in together for a long time so we finally did. But she had already changed a bit and I didn't see the red flags before I moved in. But yes, what you describe is emotional abuse. She pretty much denied everything I did in the previous several years ever existed. As soon as I disagreed with anything I was suddenly the bad guy. She'd twist things to make me sound bad, and also stalked my every day activities to the point where I feared for my personal safety. I blamed her job (trauma nurse in a busy hospital) and her feminazi friend (who my ex and I helped to get out of a physically abusive relationship, ironically) who pretty much told her that I had to be a doormat in order to be a good partner (i.e. I couldn't talk back, everything I did had to be for my ex's benefit, my concerns and needs were secondary, I'm always wrong, no matter what by default because I was a guy, etc..). She refused to go into counseling with me because she said that they would mess her up. I went into counseling anyway, myself. I made the hardest decision of my life - I decided to leave for my own good due to everything causing me health issues and work issues and the stalking and the messed up talk (i.e. she'd never help me if I had a heart attack despite her job, because she "loved me so much" that she couldn't stand me suffering the lowered quality of life heart attack survivors supposedly have, etc.). I continued counseling and it probably helped save my life, as at that point I was researching ways to make myself disappear (i.e. faking my own death) or daydreaming about what if I accidentally walked into the path of the oncoming train as I waited for it while on the way to work, etc.
  2. I don't know where you live, or what kind of jobs you're applying for but here any places that have jobs that pay you more than minimum wage that you can actually live on (instead of forcing you into perpetual dorm life) have HR departments that do reference checks and sniff out stuff like that (as it's part of THEIR job description). I've witnessed people getting fired after getting hired for lying on their resumes. I've seen resumes being tossed into the bin after people get suspicious. Do yourself a favour and don't take shortcuts to work your way up. If you take the "easy" route (I don't understand how it's supposed to be easier to lie.. lol), have fun trying to get a serious job when you have to explain gaps in your resume and lack of credible references to HR recruiters and interviewers.
  3. Yup. It was the same for me a couple of years ago in North America. Although I have a job now, I half expect to be laid off again because it happens so often now. LOL. Anyone who tells you the global economy is improving is probably lying. :/
  4. Thanks for your opinion. :) Yeah I broke my own rule about not asking out food/retail people - they're friendly because it's part of their job, and I understand that because I've worked in those jobs.... I am a little disappointed in myself for that actually. And you are right as well.. If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be, and any woman/girl who engages in games is probably not worth the time or effort.
  5. So. After a few years of working on myself confidence after a very traumatic breakup with a significant other of many years, over the last couple of months I have started to feel more confident about myself in general and have been quite easygoing and sociable. I was no longer as nervous around women I consider attractive. But I've discovered, this is true until something was "at stake". It's been years since I've gone on a real "date". There's a new girl who showed up at a cafe near work who is their new manager, she's from the UK. Over the last few weeks she's been kind of chatting with me at the till, which is cool... Just general talk about the weather and the usual "what are you doing this weekend?" kind of chat. That's fine. At lunch on Friday she got a bit more pointed in asking me "What are you doing this weekend?" and "What about tonight?" and went off about how she'd like to see some of the city from a different angle at night etc. I was tempted to smoothly suggest doing something, but I thought it was my imagination speaking that she was hinting at something. Later on as I grabbed my order from the counter and I dashed out to catch up with my co-workers who had left I could have sworn I heard a "bye" said towards my retreating back but hey who knows. Later that day however, I bumped into her outside in the restaurant located underneath the place I work at. I didn't even see her as I walked by and she waved to me from the patio. I said, "Hi" and she said "Hey what time are you off work?" and I was kind of shocked/suspicious. "Uh 6" (it was 4:30ish at that time) but she said "When you're done work, come down and join us!" (motioning to another girl who was her friend who moved here with her). I said "Sure!" and came down at the appointed time absolutely terrified and confused as to what was going on. I had a lovely chat anyway (and joked about my alcohol allergy) but the service was so bad that I didn't even get a chance to order a non alcoholic drink for myself or anything else for the girl and her friend before they were able to flag down a server and pay their bill. I went home part way with them as they rode the same train as I did to go back home. Also, keep in mind. I never knew the girl's name until I had this chat. I didn't get the girl's number, as I was still kind of confused to what as going on. My female friends and co-workers later told me she was probably trying to hit on/flirt with me. I remained skeptical. But I psyched myself up to take a chance and go ask the girl out this afternoon. She had the usual, "Hi how's it going? How was your weekend?" and told me of hers. I said, "Oh cool" but looked distracted because as I was trying to fiddle with the keypad to use my card to pay for my meal I was also trying to think when would be a good time to ask. I decided when I finished that any time was as good as ever. I said, "Say, when are you off work today? I was just wondering if you had time that you'd like to go check out <neighbour hood in my city that has a nightlife> with me tonight." She said "I get off at 4:30 but I'm busy tonight. I've got something to do at the library and I have to go pick up a shirt after." She also said that she was busy tomorrow moving some minor items. Wednesday might be ok. I said, "Ok great. Let's exchange contact information." and with some awkwardness we both went for the paper feed button on the receipt printer (lol) but she gave me a paper and I wrote my number on it. I think at this time I mentioned something about it was too bad she was busy tonight because there was this other local bar nearby not in <trendy neighbourhood> that we could visit too and she said "Oh? What does that place serve?" and I said, "Cocktails.. " and she made a "Hmm!" sound and I joked, "but it's great there even though I can't drink because they serve some nice non-alcoholic alternatives." She said "Yeah I guess you'd like that and you know this place better than I!". Then I said, "Cool, what about your number?" and she hesitated and said something about her number not working and she was still setting it up. She added that she'll call me about Wednesday. I was like "Ok cool, cya later. Sorry for the trouble." and left to get my food. I'm having second doubts about this now. I am wondering if I had misinterpreted her intentions. It's gone to the point where I'm pretty convinced she's not going to call me, and considering I'm generally a pretty dorky guy, I was wondering why anyone would have been attracted to me in the first place even if she was. Maybe I was too aggressive? Maybe I should have asked instead when her break was in order to talk to her, even if she was the manager? I'm feeling like a complete *****... Any opinions on the situation? I think I jumped the gun a bit too quickly.
  6. Observing the elections both in my home country of Canada, and following the election in the States.... It depresses me. People squabbling and fighting over the stupidest issues, making mountains out of molehills. Rhetoric thrown everywhere. Don't get me started with the ridiculousness of Trump and the fact that our Prime Minister is being mini Bush. Extremely frustrated that corporate interests have such a big say in both governments. And they are the ones perpetuating the current socioeconomic situation that is causing so much harm and misery to North American society. I'm pretty sure it's a safe bet that many people would feel a lot better if people could afford basic necessities and had access to basic mental health resources. Shocked that the health/mental care savings is not even considered when looking at the overall economy. Not to mention the streak of selfishness that has manifested itself in the right wing and libertarians. Helping people is basic human decency ******* it and socialism is not the new communism. :/
  7. I sympathize with you. The previous generation has no idea what it's like to live in our world, unfortunately. It's pretty difficult to explain to people who are used to "pulling up by the boostraps" that the current situation thanks to the economy is such that there are no bootstraps to pull up. I suppose "they" don't understand for probably generational/cultural differences that I am not going to go into (but I have had some experience with). I've pretty much come to grips with the fact that there's a certain segment of the population that will not think outside their box and will forever be ignorant of the current socioeconomic realities and the concept behind the how and why it is so. I've tried explaining to my parents the economic factors that have led to my constant layoffs, contracts, and part time employment in my field (it's not fun working for startups that lay you off after a month of employment, after taking 4-5+ months to even land the job in the first place) but I get the feeling that they just simply think I'm not trying hard enough. It's completely alien to them that tech companies can spring up out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly and lay people off on a whim. Anything creative that doesn't immediately make money is thought of as a waste of time by that generation, because they are used to thinking that way - economic scarcity does not allow people to have "leisurely" pursuits. Except I think ironically there IS only so much a person can do now to find a job - you will inevitably have some down time as a result - might as well try to enjoy the simple pleasures in life. Hang in there. Sooner or later you will find something. I recommend saving up enough to get out as well, for your own sanity. I had to for mine. :(
  8. I've long since come to terms with the fact that there will always be people who will hate me for no logical reason whatsoever. I've encountered them in my past, and I'll probably encounter more in the future. It's how some people are wired. These days I feel a sense of disappointment at someone when they treat me badly. It does pi** me off that there won't be always immediate justice though, sometimes. lol What gets me is when my enemies are praised as "good people" owing to a couple of good things that they've done, but the people praising don't know half the crap my enemies do when they don't put up that facade of "goodness". What surprised me lately was my extreme sense of relief that I wasn't insane and was imagining things when someone I know confirmed with me how.... bad to people (to put it mildly)... one of my enemies was and was one of the reasons he stopped hanging around that crowd. I thought all along that person was mistakenly thought of as an angel... But in reality, many people actually privately agreed she was genuinely sociopathic. The force of that vindication kind of caught me off guard. heh...
  9. Unfortunately, the other jobs I've only been at for a couple of months after getting cut due to budget. :( It was several months in between the 3 jobs - this last job lasted me exactly 1 year. :/ Positions are hard to come by and through sheer luck I lost out on another permanent job during my job search due to HR and management - the head of the team that wanted to hire me had authorized it but HR and people further up the corporate ladder vetoed it to hire someone local instead (it would have meant a cross country move). That many months (we're talking about 8-9 months in between the first catastrophic layoff to the first contract job, and about the same between THAT job and my second job) without income in a high rent city forced me back in with my parents. The maddening thing is that I can't blame anyone or anything, really so there is no way to focus my anger or rage or frustration at life. :( Also, nobody hires during this time of year in my industry. I have to wait a couple of months before positions might pop up again... It's hard, as most of my friends in my field who have lost their jobs recently have had to subsist on contracts - every position used to be a permanent one, but for some reason management and business types don't take our occupation as part of the team seriously - we're usually the ones getting laid off or let go first despite doing a lot of our own work - it's the glue that holds the product together.
  10. I guess I still feel I'm cursed...? Mentioned this in a thread earlier a couple of weeks ago, but it seems I lost my job again, 3rd job in 3 years due to budget issues (no room for me, so contract did not get extended... in my area, if you work for more than a year they have to hire you as a permanent complete with benefits), in an industry that makes record profits (of which the nasty secret is that only 5% of the companies are making 80% of the profit). I moved back in with my parents, and while it's great having free room and board I would rather much prefer my sanity as my parents lifestyle does not fit mine, and they are always constantly shuffling around upstairs and are noisy in general. I need to move out, and get on with my life again, but it's proving impossible because I just can't seem to get a permanent job. After a horrible breakup with my ex in a LTR of several years (with whom I was on the verge of marrying) life has just gone into a down spiral. I see people in my life "move ahead", raising families, getting places of their own etc. After working my entire adult life (most of it in a professional capacity and a decent income and yes I am approaching middle age) and living on my own for many years, and having nothing to show for it now except being back in my parents' basement and unemployed has been so soul crushingly humiliating I daily wish there was a way I could just withdraw from society and avoid the judgement I think I get from people who make assumptions about me and who don't know my situation. I'd like to get my job back, and be back in a relationship again, but it looks like it ain't gonna happen any time soon. It's so damn frustrating that no matter what I do, I can't seem to pull out of this rut, and it's not my fault or for lack of trying! And yet I see people I know who cheated their way through life, cruising along and "smug" in their success after success. Yes, life isn't fair, but come on! :(
  11. I'm in the same boat as of the end of the month - I was lucky enough to get a contract for over a year at the current company (that I've worked for in the past, I got rehired after being laid off a couple years back). Unfortunately times are tough so they didn't keep me on. Problem is, they didn't have a plan for the next project, so there was no budget, so no headcount was possible, which meant 0 money which meant my contract didn't get extended, nor the possibility of being put onto permanent. It's the same for many people in my industry now, with people like me suffering for the incompetence of management... Everything is so blindingly driven to focus only on the short term dollar amount or dollar amount they desire for the quarter. Nothing is given for investment in employees or R&D or anything else that might benefit the company in the long run. We desperately need a union but that of course has its own disadvantages but it's still better than what we have now. Hardly anyone I know gets hired permanently anymore, and even if they are, their company usually folds after a couple of years due to mismanagement. Anyway to return to the original topic at hand, during my job search for this current job, I focused on my accomplishments in the past, and my friends, to keep me going. It was all I could do to not fall into deeper depression. It was hard though, and many dark days I wanted to give up and lie there unable to move. :( I suppose I'll draw upon the same resources when my contract finally ends.
  12. I've the opposite problem. Depressed/oppressed by the idea of UNemployment, as my contract ends in a month, I don't want to be unemployed again. :(
  13. Feeling paranoid and tired. I'm just so tired of seeing my employment hang in the balance yet once again, due to circumstances out of my control. Very strong suspicion that my team is about to get thrown under the bus - very inflated numbers were floated that were supposed to represent our cost - yet do not reflect the reality I saw on the floor on a day to day basis over the last year - we were severely shorthanded for people, No way in hell did we "cost" that much even accounting for marketing efforts for our product. Budget report required to justify continued headcount for next project - in short, they want us to do the same for less, and with less people since we overdelivered this time around despite all odds. Oh, and they're selling our product for an unrealistic price in a vain attempt to recoup these inflated costs - it's setting our product up for failure. Something doesn't add up, and my contract will expire along with a co-worker of mine. Someone out there wants to get ahead at our team's expense. It's terrifying that many people might be about to lose their jobs because of someone out there who wants to play a numbers game. **** corporate life.
  14. Don't want to sound too negative but, The more I think about it, the more I believe a lot of peoples' depression these days is a symptom of the lower quality of life and potential modern society has. Everyone seems to struggle so much for so little gain and it seems like the people in power are just taking advantage of everyone the world over to enrich themselves. The end result is the petty squabbling we see, the bread and circuses we see in the media, everyone struggling for crap wages in crap jobs, which in turn affects their interaction with each other (and friends and family). Looking back at the causes of my own depression (of which I've vented about here in the past), I think I am somewhat right. My ex turned into someone completely different after long term exposure to the administrative cockups at the hospital she worked at. Long hours, crap pay, hazardous conditions made her susceptible to all sorts of craziness, and somehow it destroyed my seven year relationship with her as collateral damage. Also, the company I was at for 7 years finally folded after years of mismanagement at the hands of a CEO and his good old boy network of cronies (rotten to the core, they sued the bankrupted company for millions after they got booted out for damages in lost wages and one guy who was brought on specifically to change the company finances sued claiming he was "misled" about said finances he was supposed to fix in the first place lmao). I got a layoff and a couple of months of severance as a result but my self esteem took a dive and I had to move back in with my parents, for I couldn't find work for months at a time, subsisting on small contracts at startups which inevitably seem to lose a lot of funding. Considering I'm in my mid 30s, that was a significant blow. tldr: People have lives and feelings, and in the rush for efficiency and money I think our overlords just simply either are ignorant about the knock on effects of poor people management, or just simply don't give a crap. Our rampant depression is a result of the crappy conditions we're forced to live in these days, fighting for scraps and even a small shred of hope. One has to look at the despicable "sharing economy" that some "disruptive" startup types are expousing lately (i.e. Task Rabbit/Uber/Lyft bulls***). Right. Work for the lowest bidder, for the crappiest wages, no benefits, no healthcare, with no accountability from the people who "hire" you on contract. Such a crappy deal for the average person but a great deal for those startup types! LOL Good Lord I'm cynical tonight.
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