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seashellocean

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About seashellocean

  • Birthday March 2

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    Somewhere in the US

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  1. Hi HangOn, I'm a newbie myself and I don't post often on these boards but I just wanted to say thank you. I also have depression (for about 17 years now) and although I've gotten better, I still go through times where I go into a slump - one of those times where I get more depressed more than usual and have a hard time functioning in general. Today is one of those days and reading your beautiful poem made me feel better. Thank you for sharing. It's not often that I get encouragement from other people who have been through the same thing and truly understand what it feels like, but it's a tremendous relief and comfort when I do. Best wishes
  2. Although there are common symptoms when we experience depression, I was wondering how other people subjectively feel/experience when they are depressed. For example, when I am really depressed, I feel like I'm living through my life in third person mode - yeah I'm alive and I can move and talk other people but at the same time, I'm feel like I am looking at my life through a window rather than experience life hands on. Time seem to stand still and everything around me is gray, dull and gloomy. As for the inside, I feel numb and I don't feel any emotions other than hopelessness and sadness. There is also a horrible constant gnawing emotional pain that I just can't pinpoint where it's from, and it doesn't go away. Nothing I do helps and if I'm in a situation where I can go to sleep, I just drift off into sleep and hope that everything is better when I wake up. What does depression feel like to you?
  3. This might be a bit off-topic but for anyone who plays video games or watch videos of other people play video games, I highly recommend that you check out a PC game (or videos of it) called The Cat Lady. The main character has depression and the game depicts the pain, loneliness and hopelessness of depression beautifully. It really hits the mark in telling others what depression feels like. The pace of the story is kind of slow but it is an amazing story, and the music is also beautiful. Just for the record, the game is intended for mature audience as there is blood, violence, and a LOT of dark themes, but if you're ok with that kind of stuff, you should definitely check it out.
  4. I just found this topic and felt I had to reply. I used to be in the same shoes as you: I was a straight A student in highschool (most of the time) and I got into a great university. Unfortunately I also developed depression from when I was 13 due to the horrible social life I had and no emotional support from family members. And yes the depression never really left me, I've had it for almost 15 years now. Anyways, my grades basically dropped a lot when I started university. Things got really bad in my third year and I started getting really low grades in many courses. It's such a shame because I really wanted to study well in that university but depression basically ruined that for me. My dream was to get into med school and looking at my gpa I knew there was absolutely no chance that would ever happen. I had absolutely no will to keep studying, I didn't know what was I going to do with my life and my counselors that I was seeing weren't very helpful. The only thing that helped me going was my anti-depressants. It took my about 5 and a half years to graduate and I felt so ashamed of myself. Currently I'm 28, I've spent many more years in a nearby university and got another bachelor's degree. I am trying to get into medical school after many years of not even wanting to try. I applied last year and got turned down, As for this year, I'm currently on the waitlist. Unfortunately, my family is still upset over my "failure" and they constantly criticize me and occasionally tell me about other people my age who get into med school. I try not to let it bother me. Thinking back now, if I had gone back home and rested for a year to work on my depression, I definitely could have saved myself lots of unnecessasry pain. I could have saved some time between graduating and applying to graduate school but hey, what's done is done. I don't really see it as a set back now, I've come to accept it and I'm working to forgive myself. It was due to an illness, not personal failure. I just wanted to say, if you ever find yourself too overwhelmed, don't be afraid to take a year off. Failing courses can really drop your gpa and it will take a long time to bump that gpa up. Make sure you keep seeing a psychiatrist. And to all the students with depression that are reading this, don't feel ashamed of yourself and don't compare yourself to other people. They're not going through what you're going through. Living with depression is already difficult and having to study on top of that is an enormous task. Be kind to yourself!
  5. I just wanted to say that you're not a sociopath. A sociopath feels no guilt, remorse or sadness when they hurt other people. Nothing. They simply don't have the mental capacity to feel those emotions. It's not that they don't want to feel, it's that they can't feel, as if they weren't wired with those emotions in the first place. That is completely different from expressing anger at others when they've hurt you. In fact, if you're very sensitive, especially to other people's states and emotions, feels guilty when you hurt others, and tries your best to care about others, then you are a very caring person (which is what I would assume from reading your post). This is what I learned in abnormal psychology class.
  6. I know things seem like they'll never get any better but they will. You probably have heard this many times, you might be even sick of it but it's actually true. I've suffered from depression for more than 10 years and at its worst, I have thought of the same things as you. Now that I'm beginning to recover after what seemed like ages, I am so glad that I didn't give up on life. I do get depressed sometimes still but at other times I feel better. Going to a counselor/psychologist may seem fake but it can be helpful. People can be fake and cold, downright rude to people who are depressed but know that you don't deserve any of this. I know that a lot of people including my parents and friends wanted to have nothing to do with my problems when I was depressed. I lost all of my friends and I only have one at the moment (though she hasn't talked to me in more than a year). My parents were unsupportive and even at times hostile. But when I started to recover, I found people wanting to talk to me whereas before they would just ignore me. I think most people like that, unfortunately. So you should just live for yourself, I mean, you shouldn't harm yourself because of other people, who probably don't care. Please care for yourself as you would care about other people because you deserve it. If you need to talk to someone, I think many people on this forum including me, would be happy to chat. Also going to a psychiatrist may be a good idea if your depression is so severe that counseling has little effect.
  7. I heard somewhere that the more detailed goal you set for yourself, the better it can help you achieve it because you would know exactly what to do. If you set a goal that's vague, it's hard to know when you've reached your goal or not. Hopefully this might be useful for some people. Also they say it's important to set goals that are reasonable and achievable. Believe me I've finally learned this the hard way over a long time. I mean it's really hard to accept limits to certain things I wanted to do and to not take it as failure on my part.
  8. Does anyone have any tips on improving their concentration and memory? Currently I'm studying at a college and I just can't study for as long as I used to. I get really tired after concentrating for about an hour and I just have to stop. I mean, studying used to be so much easier, and the frustrating thing is I know I can do better but my memory just isn't what it used to be. I mean I understand the materials but I can't remember them well. My memory is even worse: unless I pay close attention to where I put my things like keys and phone, I won't remember where I put them. Also the thought of having poor concentration and memory is making my depression worse. I'm taking antidepressants right now and have talked to counselors before. I feel a lot better than before but my concentration and memory seem to stay the same. Does depression affect your memory/concentration? If so, do you do anything to counter it?
  9. I would date someone who has depression. I think if we understand each other and we can work together, we can help each other manage our depression. I don't know, I've never been in a relationship with a depressed person so I can't say for sure. However, if I had to step outside of myself and evaluate myself as someone I would want to date or not, I would have to say no. There's just too many problems. Why get into all of that when I can just easily find someone else without all these problems. It's definitely a concern for me (and maybe other depressed singles), and sometimes it makes me think I should just stay single my whole life.
  10. Hey Max, I'm been suffering from depression for more than 10 years, and although I'm not a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist, I think you NEED to go see one. I suggest you go to a psychiatrist first and explain your condition so that they can work with you. I'm currently on prescription, and even though I was really reluctant to take medicine at first (outright refused them), it has really helped me and it gave me a fighting chance against depression. Go and look for a counselor too, that's the person who's going to sit down and talk to you about why you're being depressed. Think of the psychiatrist as someone who helps deal with your symptoms and the counselor as someone who tries to solve problems in your life that cause depression in the first place so you can actually become less depressed in the long run. I dislike seeing doctors and counselors, but I gave them a chance and it has worked for me. I had to spend a lot of time and shift through dozens of counselors/psychiatrists to find the right ones though. This might be tough to hear, but you need to try and stop wallowing in self-pity (even for a short time) so you can get help. Tell your family and fiance that you are going through severe depression and need sometime to recover from what is a REAL illness. Don't expect them to understand, as not a lot of people understand what depression is even though they maybe our family and friends (my family didn't understand). But remember, this is depression talking, it's not your weakness as a person. Many people experience procrastination, lethargy, incessant self-criticism and self-pity among other symptoms. This is the result of depression, not because they are weak as a person and can't snap out of it. No one can snap out of depression. It's not your fault and it's not your fiance/family's fault either. Keep yourself calm, ask the people around your for some help or even just some timeout. Keep working with psychiatrist/counselor on managing depression. It's always important to remember that it CAN get better.
  11. I can relate, except in my case, it's not friends but my parents. My parents are the only contact I have and they often tell me to snap out of it or just stop thinking negatively when I tell them that I've been feeling blue and don't have any motivation. They don't understand depression and no matter how much I try to tell them what I've learned about depression, they don't believe me. They think that thinking positively will just "cure" depression. It's ridiculous and tragic. Fortunately, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist who do understand. My advice is to find someone who will take you seriously because depression is a serious medical condition. No one can just "snap out of it" because if that's was all there is then we wouldn't be suffering from depression for so long. Not lot of people know what depression is, and even less would care but don't give up. Go find a therapist if you can afford it because getting help (the right help) matters a lot. And about your friend, I wouldn't talk about depression with her anymore if I were her.
  12. My depression started at 13 years old and now I'm 25. Throughout the years I've been gradually losing friends one by one until I found myself with literally none around me. That was two years ago and now my parents and the aquaintances at volunteering whom I meet every Tuesday are the only social contact I have. I literally have no friends that I could call or meet in my life right now. Is anyone else this way? I didn't choose to stop befriending people but once I started having depression I've felt it harder and harder to make new friends or keep old friends. I'm also getting really busy these days in my life so I tell myself that I don't need friends but that's just a lie to keep me going for a little while. Anyways, for the people out there, how do you deal with the loneliness? Do you ever feel ashamed of being this way? (I have sometimes).
  13. I have never joined forums before but today I decided to join this one. I'm usually pretty shy but I finally got the courage to join, yay! Anyways, I'm a 25 years old female and I'm in university going for my second degree in pscyhology. I'm ultimately trying to go to medical school but I'm extremely anxious about whether I would get in at all. You see, I've had depression since 13 years old and have been stuck with it ever since. I have had professional help especially within the last few years with medication and therapy but I still am depressed so I thought to find some solace in here. I can honestly say that I don't have a friends living close to me right now and it's been this way for about almost 2 years so most of the time I find myself alone. It sounds depressing I know. Anyways, this looks like a pretty nice forum. It's nice to be here :)
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