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About mommabuck

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  1. I am going to a mental health clinic, and since I have insurance that covers mental health, I was told they would have to base the charge on what my copay is, using that amount I make too much money. If they don't bill insurance, using the sliding scale, the amount is the same was my insurance copay..lol I saw the psychiatrist yesterday and he said he really recommends I continue counseling. So, I talked to the counselor today and now will be going every other week. Will see how that works.
  2. I got my first bill from counseling. I have insurance but even with that, I can't afford it. So that ends that.. Will go to my last on Friday and explain. Psychiatrist tomorrow so will talk to him about my prescriptions. Were hoping to get some help, but seems it's just not financially possible..
  3. Have been in counseling for two months and I'm trying to give it a chance, thinking if I stick with it it'll maybe help. I leave the office feeling worse than when I went in. He spends this time digging in his ear with his pen, and his amazing words of wisdom to everything is "don't think like that". Um.. yeah.. So he asks me to make a list of things that bother me. List has never been discussed. Today was make a list of 3 things that YOU can do to change your situation - meaning me being in a temporary office, boss won't decide if it's permanent, so chance of having to return to my former place, which is UNBEARABLE to me, is always over my head. So, I told him the list is simply this.. Wait, wait, wait. I've proven I can do my job here, I've proved it's not affecting anyone else in the office, I've proven I can continue as usual just from a different desk. I've proven the others in the former office are fine with me moving. So, what am I suppose to do? Bribery? Kiss her ass? What?? No, my only option is to wait.. and wait some more.. I've been in the temp office for six months, to me plenty of time for her to make a decision. My wanting the boss to make a decision is "being a control freak". His solution? "don't think like that" I go back to psychiatrist next month so maybe he'll have another option..
  4. I would say I've had varying degrees of depression all my life but always figured it was stress. I'd go to the doc, get meds for that, take them til life got better then stop. In the last few years it seems to be happening more, and even during times when life should be great. I've been on Paxil and Xanax since July, started Fioricet for tension headaches last month. I've been waiting to see a psychiatrist since July, took 4 months to get in! Only one in town that took my insurance.
  5. Things have been going good. The fog lifted a bit, things just seemed to be a bit brighter. Now, seems to be heading down again, just days I would rather not.. well, not do anything. I'm wondering if meds need increased. Been on the same dosage for two months, added in a daily med for tension headaches. No more daily headaches, yeah! But just feeling like a funk is coming on. Have first psychiatrist appt next week so thought maybe we could actuallly talk, but with it being the first appointment not sure how much actual talking will get done. Think I should ask my family doc to increase or just hold out and see what psychiatrist says?
  6. Oh, depression? Good thing it's just that, you can take a pill and be cured....
  7. Definitely a problem for me. Can't even explain why.. Put paying the bills off, even though all can be paid online in less than half an hour. Tell myself to do it, then it's the next day. I put off a lot of things. Now at work, I do things on time, get my job done, and done correctly. But outside of work.. I tend to put things off until it MUST be done.. No idea why
  8. The last two days have been stressful to the max.. yesterday started ok, until we started getting ready for the clinic today and realized our boss hadn't ordered supplies.. so on the phone begging from every dr's office, or health department within driving distance to get enough supplies, redoing forms, pretty much total chaos. Today have to go in early, by 7, and arrive to a parking lot packed, people parked on the street, in neighboring businesses, and the line of people going clear around the building. I HATE these clinics, do them every other month and I dread them and it causes actual heart palpitations. Job is to sit in a room full of people signing them in and taking their information. Way too much noise, way too much confusion and find myself getting more and more stressed and irritated as time passes. Finally the line clears and that is my cue to go open the front office. So I'm sitting in the front office, alone, dealing with everything up there while the rest finish working the clinic. I asked the boss if when we do these if I could at least sit at the end of the table instead of in the middle, sitting elbow to elbow with coworkers. At the end at least I wouldn't feel so boxed in and "caged".. she said ok.. so next time I am at the end and WILL fight for the spot...lol I get there about 10 minutes after the clinic actually starts due to getting my son on the bus. Today we did the most we have ever done.. it was absolute total chaos.. and even when the clinic ended the feelings didn't. I felt like I did weeks ago, cranky, easy to pi** off, headed to my car the first opportunity I had and had a good cry.. Have been feeling pretty good. Did get my own office on a trial basis, which is so fantastic, but yesterday and today I've felt like I did a month ago.. wound tight and ready to blow. The feelings suprised me.. thought I was doing good. Tomorrow is shot clinic, which means chaos again. Flu shot season has begun... Friday is adult flu clinic ALL DAY.. so no end this week..
  9. I've been taking meds for depression/anxiety/stress for about six weeks, Paxil and Xanax. I have noticed improvement and I do feel a bit better, less tense and irritable. But I have also for the past month been sick every weekend. The first weekend I thought I had a bug, then fine during the week. The next Saturday I woke the same, headache, upset stomach, extremely cold, and to tired to function. Sunday was the same. Spend most of the weekends sleeping, get up, try to get things done, take a two hour nap, get up, try again, then another nap, all throughout the weekend. Monday comes and I wake up with no headache. I tried doing on weekends like I do during the week, same routine, up at 5:45, coffee, etc. This weekend, was the same, yesterday wasn't too bad, no throwing up like usual but today, it was nearly 6 before I could say I felt "Ok" I had severe migraines years ago, requiring meds, and a few ER trips when my meds didn't do the trick. Then the pain was unbearable, and once I threw up, I started feeling better. It was found then they were stress induced, only meds I could use were meds for once I felt them coming on. It's different now, the pain is bad but nothing like the ones before, no sensitivity to light and noise. No relief from throwing up, I have to just wait it out. I can't take any pain reliever because if I do it comes right back up. Weekends use to be the time I got caught up, did the grocery shopping, laundry, etc. Now it's to the point I pretty much plan on not getting much done on weekends, so have to get things done during the week, which just seems to cause more stress. I guess I just can't understand and wondering if anyone else deals with weekend migraines?
  10. Got everything moved Friday. I have to say working all afternoon with no interruptions, radio quietly playing was pretty darn nice. I can still hear the phone from the front, so no problem grabbing it if necessary, they won't need to page me if they need me because a simple "Hey" will do the trick. Hopefully this will work. Only problem is the height of the counter means my chair is as high as it can go so my feet dangle.. but have a box here at home I'm taking in tomorrow to set my feet on. Really hoping this works, for everyone.
  11. Well, after weeks of back and forth with the boss, weeks of talking and explaining, I think the boss finally got it! Tomorrow i move to the "fax" room, on a temporary basis for now. I've cleaned it out, moved things around, taken out all unnecessary things and tomorrow I move my computer and files I use daily into there. For now it's temporary, to see how it works with me not being in the front office, if it's not a huge problem for the other three in the front office. If it works out ok for everyone, then my desk and everything goes in and it becomes my office. After getting through to my boss I wasn't trying to get out of work, that I wasn't trying to pass some of my jobs on to others, that I wasn't after a pay raise, that I simply wanted to be able to do my job, and after emailing her the list of my duties and she saw that the jobs that have been added to my responsibilities weren't jobs from people that had quit, but employees that still work there and simply didn't want to do the job she saw that I did indeed have a lot of duties that needed me to be able to actually think. That many of the reports I have to do and that have deadlines are having to be done during the times the front office is a total madhouse she got it, I think she finally understood and I think she realizes that a pill won't "cure" me. So progress is being made.. we'll see how it goes!
  12. Long story short, problems at work, dread going to work, overwhelmed, overworked, too many duties involving too many things. Were called into the office for a "are you ok" talk.. So ended going to the doctor, said Situational depression caused by chronic stress, recommended counseling and prescribed medication. So, through our insurance we are allowed three counseling sessions at no charge. I chose phone counseling as the closest of their providers was too far away. So this was a laugh really. Was a career counselor. But she did suggest the exact same solutions to the problems I had requested from the boss. Move out of the front office and all the chaos. She also heavily suggested I buy a book, so much so I wondered if they get a commission from the sales or something..lol I suggested changes office spaces with a coworker. She works two days a week and has her own office. I work 5 days, and have a corner in the front office along with 3 others. In the middle of the chaos and madness during clinic days. She did suggest I send a list of my current job duties to my boss, highlighting all the new responsibilities I now have and who previously did the job. I've been given jobs of coworkers because I "understand" it better, or I'm "better at that type of thing". I've taken over jobs from some because they weren't doing it and I NEED it to do MY job. If I have a job, I intend to do it the best it can be done, on time, and complete. The only way I could do this was to do others jobs. So I sent this list, highlighted all the things that have been added to my job duties. The boss said she'd look at it.. and not a word from her since. All I get from her is "are your meds working yet". If only a pill cured everything. Since all this started I've been given MORE things to do.. Not things that need done every day, but things that take time. Today I ended up with coworkers upset with me, because a form I made online for people to register quit working. A job I was given because "i understand that stuff better". Of course the form quit working. When I did the form I told the boss since it was the free version, we could only have 100 submissions. When we hit 80 I suggested paying the fee to upgrade. She said no. When we hit 95 I again told her we NEED to upgrade, as there is still 3 weeks of registrations to go. She ignored me.. So today, they have a hallway meeting about this program, they meaning everyone BUT us up front. Next thing ya know we all get an email where they had sent out a MASS email telling everyone to go register. Guess what wasn't working? and guess who's fault it was? Guess who had to upgrade the site and then get on the phone for an hour because the upgrade didn't work?? This job should have been the public relations/health educators job OR her assistants. Her assistant is the one who works two days a week. An entire page of my duties are jobs that USE to be the health educators, that I now do. Her "assistant" makes copies. Anyway.. I realize no one gives a d***.. Dosages of both meds have been doubled... At times I do feel better..less rage, less imagining taken coworkers out, but still have days I come home and just go to bed.. not able to deal with one more thing.. all I can say is thank goodness my kids at home are 17 and 19. Have a psychiatrist appointment in November.. so just waiting it out I guess.. because there is no help at work.
  13. The phone counseling was a joke! Must get a commission from the author of this book she kept talking about.. over.. and over.. and wow I can get it on Ebay for like 75 bucks.. It was an infomercial for a book.. period
  14. Oh yeah, that's what I heard today.. all I could do was laugh.. said..well.. sure.. it could be. None of her business that I had premature ovarian failure and officially entered menopause 10 years ago at 38. So, if she thinks I"m menopausal.. at least there's some type of sympathy and understanding. I work with all women, me being one of the youngest, and they're all hitting the age of menopause so that's the reason for anyone's "moods".. and everyone is so understanding and tolerant. Depression? Stress? Anxiety? Not allowed but being sad, upset and moody because of menopause is totally understandable and accepted..
  15. Now I'm 5 ft 105 lbs.. 3 years ago I was 160 lbs. Oddly enough.. losing the weight sure didn't help a darn thing..lol Always think if I was only thinner life would be great.. well.. no it's not.. Still the same.
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