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Everything posted by LunaOscar99

  1. Been two months since Oscar went to kitty Heaven. I think about him sometimes, and miss him. But he was sooo old and in bad shape, I guess it was time. Otherwise I'm doing ok. Maybe next pet will be a Galapogos Tortus that lives for 200 years.
  2. I just thoroughly cleaned Oscars room. It was a mess. Dried vomit in multiple places under the bed. And apparently he was bringing food under the bed to eat. I guess that was his little safe space, or the dining room who knows. Why did I decide to do this now? I felt like I was treating the room like an off limits cemetery and I don't think it was incredibly productive for me. Every time I saw the room and the blankets and the smells it made me sad. Felt like time was just standing still in that room. I kept some things of his that are important to me, and weren't completely destroyed with vomit and poop. Still have his wonderful climbing tower, which the other cat loves but Oscar for whatever reason decided he did not like anymore. Still have one of his original beds which he loved. Of course this is the one that was not turned into a disgusting mess in my previous home.
  3. Every day i feel a bit better about losing kitty. We will start cleaning his room today, yesterday i threw out the filthy rug. "His" room was supposed to only last say 3 months, but ended up being a year as was taking a long time to try to get the two cats to be friends. But now it can be an office again, which was always the plan. Point is, each day i feel a little better. Its good to know I can heal.
  4. What food are you feeding her? Hill's Biome worked really well for a while, making his poo much more solid. But then he kinda stopped liking it so I switched to Royal Canin Gastrointestinal Moderate Calorie. That also worked well and Oscar liked it. They have wet and dry, cats obviously prefer wet and its better for their digestive system. My cat had IBD for years and was on steroids for years, and it really seems to have extended his life. I think he may have been 19 when he passed, so you could have at least another 4 years. Oscar also had pancreatitis and the steroids seemed to help both.
  5. Sounds like kitty was really suffering. Im glad the suffering ended. Hearing my cat scream from pain was very scary, especially when we just dont know what to do. I tried sooo many different combinations of meds, foods, treatments, etc. Its very frustrating. Be nice if animals spoke English.
  6. i could have been better to him, i could have spent more time with him. his medical conditions were very difficult to deal with. he would often poop and pee on my bed. The medicines didnt always do the trick. then when we moved him to the new house, it turned out that he HATED other cats, so that caused a ton of new issues. we hired a therapist to help us get the two cats together and after about 8 months, their last two interactions that actually touched noses and were peaceful. IT was amazing to see, i did not think it was possible. sadly they did not have time to become closer friends, but these two little moments were just such a success. I too have gone back and forth feeling terrible guilt. but knowing that the prednisolone both saved his life for 5 years, but also likely wore away his muscle tone, and the three vets working with him were sure this is what had to be done, makes me feel i did my best. what more can you do for a possibly 19 year old cat with severe IBD? i will always miss him.
  7. I have been giving Luna lots of snuggles and play time. I know she needs it. It doesn't help the way i thought it might, but she is a special kitty and deserves it.
  8. How do I feel right now? at this moment, very sad, as my cat that I had for 14 years died on Sunday. I did some research and it looks like that the steroid which literally kept him alive for I guess the last 6 years, may have also worn away his muscles which led to his constant falling and his eventual passing. I guess. Makes me feel less guilty, as i feared the steroids killed his heart, but it didnt. I guess i did the best i could, as i listened to the doctors and constantly sought updated advice as how to help him best. i asked soo many questions, and did what they said. drove hundreds of miles trying to find his special food. i miss him a ton, sometimes i feel like im dieing on the inside, but each day is a little better. hopefully by this weekend ill feel almost normal. we will see. trying hard to NOT look at photos of him.
  9. The house feels soo quiet without him, even though he had become a very quiet kitty. Mostly.
  10. Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it. Im healing, but slowly. I just need to learn the right way to think about this, and im moving forward.
  11. My cat died on Sunday. He was at least 18 years old, maybe 19. He had been dealing with IBD for many years, but maybe 4 months ago arthritis started to kick in. He reached a point where he just kept on falling, everywhere. Whenever he walked, jumped, tried to get on anything, he'd often fall. He'd fall off the radiator after sleeping. It was soo terrible to see. On Sunday his heart just gave out, and he was gone. I know he was suffering terribly, constant pain, just trying to do kitty cat things. I know that it was no life for a cat, and he even meowed to me Sunday morning to tell me something was wrong. I snuggled with him, then put him to bed. And in a few hours I knew something was wrong, and at the ER he was already half gone. I know, putting him to sleep was an act of kindness and mercy. They told me he likely wouldn't have woken up the next morning. Its just sooo hard. He seemed like he refused to give up. He just kept on trying. And it seemed like and felt like he was never gonna give up, so I just wasnt prepared. I keep having fantasies that this is a terrible nightmare, and I will wake up and he will be there. That I can go back in time and make different decisions that would have helped him more and he would still be here. But I also know, that he lived a VERY long life, very long for a cat. But he was with me for sooo much. Im having trouble letting go mentally. Its just so hard to accept, and I have issues sometimes not accepting things in life that are terrible and I feel like i made choices that led to it. I take meds for OCD with clearly help with my obsessions, but it can only help so much I guess when major trauma happens. We have another cat, who is very sweet and lovable and fun and only 5, and I know she loves to play with me. I just hate feeling like we are just moving on and forgetting about him.
  12. Anafranil saved my life. And helped me have a life. Barely any side effects.
  13. My mom wasn't a very good Mom when I was growing up. She was dealing with a lot of depression and other issues, so of course she wasn't there for me. And when she was there, she was often saying very inappropriate things, which made me feel very uncomfortable and that I could not connect with my mother even though I was desperate to.So now, its hard for me to let people like me, be they friends or girlfriends. I often assume someone who wants to be my friend soon after I meet them, is Gay. I also very often reject women who show quick interest in me.Worse of all, I obsessively go after women who clearly reject me, or who give me some attention but who also reject me alot, can't be with me for long periods of time, or who are unjust unhealthy for me.I have been dating a woman for almost 4 months now. She is very nice to me, cooks for me, spends time with me, loves my cooking. But its very hard for me to deal with someone liking me this way.What do I do? How do I deal with this? How do I keep myself from rejecting her, and from having tons of anxiety when we hang out?
  14. so, i feel like Im a loser who will never have a partner and never have kids. as I always do, I got involved with someone that was impossible to work, in this case she lives 3,000 miles away. she's also bi-polar, but i didn't know that when i first met her, i just thought that i liked her, and as i had no prospects with the opposite sex at the time at home, i figured "what the hell, might as well try a long-distance relationship". well, now i know how hard they are. i mean, i could move to another place if the person had a great job, great life, great things going on. but this person is highly medicated (as am I), she's only been at her job a year, makes almost half what i make, and who knows, could be hospitalized tomorrow. such prospects are very scary, what happens if it doesn't work after 6 months..and Ive given up my job and apartment?????? i just feel like i cant meet someone that i really like at home. or maybe its that i reject the women i can have, and always go after the women that i cant have. i know, as someone who is most likely BPD, that i do this. but i also reject women who are not good for me. i guess i also don't give ones that may be good for me, a chance. hmmm....ugggg.
  15. the other question is kids. i have suffered greatly from anxiety and deppression, as did my mom. my sister suffers from anxiety. my mom's cousin is bi-polar...as is my uncle. i fear if i have kids with someone bi-polar, our child will have some serious illness too. :(
  16. How does a mother with bi-polar disorder, who feels she needs at least 7 hours of sleep every day, deal with motherhood when she may get barely 3 hours of sleep a day when a child is first born? Are there models or practises that such women can follow so they can get less sleep...but still function?
  17. we hung out for 5 days in July, and 4 days last weekend. between then we've spoke every day on the phone.
  18. So I am in a long-distance relationship with a woman, who just told me on Sunday that she is bi-polar. I asked her about her symptoms, and she said her symptoms tend to be in the mania area, where she can't sleep..sometimes for days. But she says she regularly takes her meds, exercises, eats well, socializes, and due to this she hasn't had an episode in 4 years. I also have my own issue, and suffer from extreme deppression and anxiety. But Im on my own meds that for the most part keep me free of depression and anxiety. But the idea of dating someone bipolar really frightens me, mostly due to what we see on tv, movies, read in the news, about the disorder. And yet, I see on various websites about bipolar people living relatively normal lives, even having kids. I don't know hat to think. But Im very scared. ...and yet, she seems to be in such good control of herself. And Im the one freaking out. Thoughts?
  19. a response or two, would be helpful and greatly appreciated
  20. So for the last month Ive pretty much been in a long-distance relationship with a gal. We met when we were both on vacation and we've texted and talked on the phone for more than a month. I visited her for 4 days this past weekend, and had a lot of fun together, cooked together, swam, hiked. But then she told me she is bipolar. I knew she was a littly wacky and impulsive (as am I), but never imagined bipolar. I asked her about periods of mania and depression, but she said her symptoms more consist of sometimes not being able to sleep, sometimes for days. She is now on Seroquel and Lithium, and says her sleep issues haven't been a major problem for 4 years. As for mania and depression, she didn't give me any extreme examples of this, other than thinking she would be able to me Prime Minister of of her country when she was applying for jobs a while ago. She works full time, and her employers seem to very much respect her work. So I am soo confused. She doesn't seem to have any extreme symptoms of the disorder, yet tells me if she doesn't sleep she could have to go to the hospital for days...even weeks. How do I deal with this?
  21. talked to my sister on the phone today. Its been a while. she seemed in high spirits. baby was making nice sounds. i was able to talk to her for 4 minutes 20 seconds before baby wanted attention again.
  22. sister's boyfriend emailed me, telling me he misses my friendship. sister sends me a new email pic of baby every 3 days or so. the important thing is, i think i got the obsessiveness and compulsiveness out of my system. i will not be contacting the bf during the week, ever. i will email my sis maybe 1 or 2 times a week, to see what's new.
  23. sister emailed me today, more pics of baby. uggggg.......getting frustrated with ignoring her. feel like she is lonely. so i emailed her. kept it impersonal and to the point.
  24. sister emailed me back, telling me the email was great and they will respect my need for time. of course she just texted me today, asking me to help my parents down load pics from their new camera. .....as if they couldn't ask me themselves to do that. (shaking his head in disbelief in the utter absurdity)
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