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LucyLynn

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About LucyLynn

  • Birthday August 20

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  1. My husband is in a job search...his company folded. He's got temporary work with one of his previous business' clients in the short-term. The advice on networking is good advice; also "informational interviews" is a great idea. I'm going to recommend that to my husband. I can relate to the stress and pressure of job searching. Although I'm experiencing it second-hand, I am trying my best to try to manage the stress, anxiety and depression by trying to temper ruminations, listening to relaxing music/apps/videos, exercising (just walking, actually) and trying to get decent sleep. While these aren't going to help you find a job, they may make this time a little more bearable and make the interview process a little easier. I wish you all the best. I'd love to hear updates. ~LucyLnn
  2. Metal_Falcon, That is tough to lose your dad when you are so young. I'm sorry you felt like people abandoned you. I felt that bigtime after I lost my nephew tragically...we were very close, he was more like a son than a nephew. People couldn't cope with my grief and rollercoaster of emotions. duck, good for you for standing up to people. I think it's good you don't intend to be a doormat. I'm sorry you lost your dad not so long ago. The grieving process takes awhile and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. My hubby expected me to "snap out of it" the day after we buried my mom. I had to stand up for myself and say I had the right to grieve.
  3. Thanks, Epictitus and Laurencat. I am feeling sorry for myself. :) When I put things in perspective I am glad I am there for my loved ones...I couldn't be different if I tried. Everything I do is for them. My dad is the one that taught me through his actions to always be there for others, and I walk in his footsteps. I miss him and I feel it most at times like this. Laurencat, I'm sorry you didn't get as much time with your dad as you would've liked but it isn't the amount of time we spend with someone it's who they are to us. I'm glad you have good memories of him. My mom had a lot of hatred towards my dad but they stay married. It's hard when one parent tried to drive a wedge between parent and child. Thanks again for taking the time to respond. :) LucyLynn
  4. ...and he's been dead for 10 years now. I've gotten over the loss and accepted it but sometimes I still miss him terribly. He was the one in my life I could lean on and count on. I've filled his boots because I'm the one in my family (meaning my hubby and my daughter) that is the one that takes care of everything. My daughter's dad isn't there for her (my husband is her step-dad) and my husband is like having another child. He has plenty of time and money to play golf and goof off but no time and money for us. We pretty much have separate finances and I get stuck with all the extra bills, repairs, insurance and all the "yucky" things to spend money on. And my hours got cut at work due to an injury. My daughter's dad is loaded and she just got hit with a huge car repair and of course I am going to help her out. Not only financially but I was the one who had to figure out what to do, get it to a dealership in another town, do all the talking on the phone, etc. If my dad were still around I wouldn't expect him to do it, but he'd just be there so I wouldn't feel so alone. He'd help me do what I need to do. He'd look out for me. I miss that protectiveness. I don't have that with my husband. I look out for him but he doesn't look out for me. Sometimes I wish I had a safety net instead of being the safety net. ~LucyLynn
  5. I am like you, feel guilty for feeling depressed. I went through a grieving period after a tragic and untimely loss of a loved one, when I did not want to stop hurting and being sad because I didn't want his death to ever be OKAY. But other than that I usually feel guilty for being depressed not happy.
  6. Lucerne, good for you for taking that hard step and reaching out for help. You should be very proud of yourself. I hope you get your call back soon so you can move forward and get out of this feeling of limbo and waiting. The stress you are feeling right now is understandable...you've put the wheels in motion and that can be very scary. But I think once you get your appointment set and go to that first appointment you will feel a sense of relief wash over you. You will no longer be waiting but doing. I went through some very difficult circumstances with trauma in my life and the whole time I felt the need for counseling and support to get through it but never reached out and took steps to get it. When I finally did--much after the fact--I wondered why I waited so long. I was so glad I finally did it. I can remember the feeling of anxiety by taking that step--nervous to make the call, setting the first appointment, that first meeting, etc. I hope by now you've gotten your call but if you are still waiting, maybe try to do something that will distract you and calm you that you can focus on when your anxious. For example, I can't read when I'm feeling anxious but I can do a jigsaw puzzle. If you are worried about what to say when the counselor calls, perhaps write down a few thoughts? More than likely they will ask you questions, but if there is something important you want to be sure to say, having a note might be helpful. Please let us know how it goes. ~LucyLynn
  7. Thanks, all, for your replies and for listening. I haven't lost my job--yet--but pretty much put on notice and can't miss another single day, period. Have a follow-up appt with my doctor next week and scheduled for an MRI but leaning towards canceling...if I need more surgery and have to miss work I won't have my job. I will fight it and hope that you all are right and they can't do this to me but I think they can. They want to create a new position and I have a good hunch that by eliminating me they will free up the budget for their new position. I've seen it done before. I am just going to continue skating the thin ice, doing the best I can, and of course KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT ABOUT DEPRESSION!! Ironically that is the smallest piece of things but once I mentioned it to my supervisor it blanketed everything else. I know there many of you who can relate to this.
  8. I have worked at the same place 25+ years and have always done a good job until I got injured over a year ago. I had to take leaves for surgery, recovery, etc. and am dealing with chronic pain. I have missed a ton of work due to pain and or side effects and depression that has been brought on by all this pain. I know my bosses want me out. I very much feel that my direct supervisor doesn't believe I hurt and says very condescending things to me when I talk to her about the chronic pain. I struggle with depression but mostly its controlled and mild. I made the mistake of sharing this with my direct supervisor and feel from that point on especially she thinks I'm making stuff up about my health/pain. I had a really bad week and pretty much blew off work because I was in so much pain. I have a meeting set up. I pretty much think this is it, that I've run out of chances and I will no longer have my job. I'm scared to death. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening. :)
  9. I hope you had a fantastic day :)

  10. I am so happy that you found the information I posted useful and I was able to spread awareness about Emotional Deprivation Disorder and depression in daughters of BPD mothers. My mother is also not officially diagnosed as BPD (borderline personality disorder)....and most mother arent...well that is the main thing about BPD mthers is that they never ADMIT they have a problem, so they can never be cajoled to be taken to therapists. But i am so glad my information helped you learn something new. I urge you to please GO THROUGH experiences of other daughters as seen in the review of the book + several books on daughters of BPD mothers on amason. I shall be posting more experiences so please follow my posts for those.... BTW, can you share something more about your father? -Was your mother mean to your father as well? -Does your mother love your sibling but not you? - If so, why did she choose her over you? - Did your mother often degrade and humiliate you? - Did you mother often say that she herself is a victim? -What did you do to escape from such degrading behavior? -Did your father protect you? - Are your parents divorced? -Are you relationship with your mother better now? thanks Hi Danaz, My access is spotty so understand my delays in replying. Thanks for your questions...I'm happy to share. My father was the biggest target of my mother's abuse. My mom stood in the way of his relationship with my sister so when I came along he took a stand. I was his shadow. My father never left my mother and I believe that is because she threatened to **** me if he did so he stayed. Here's the answers to some of your questions: --My mother was extremely mean to my father...verbally, emotionally and even physically abusive. --My mom had more of a hold on my sister. She expressed more love for her because my sister didn't stand up to her like I did and also my mom was successful in ruining her relationship with our dad. She would side with my mom and be mean to me and my dad which delighted my mom. My sister is also BPD only worse--she's a sociopath, narcissistic and just plain evil. No doubt due to my mom's influence on her from birth. --I think she chose her over me because she was born first and there is quite an age difference between us. I was a late baby. So she also resented me for that. She often told me I ruined her life and was the cause of all her problems. She also chose her because as mentioned above she had a great deal of influence over my sister. --Yes, my mother often degraded and humiliated me to no end. Very, very personal attacks often centered around my sexuality/femininity as I went through puberty. My sister was even nastier. --Yes, my mother was always the victim in her eyes! And she was big on guilt trips. --Did my father protect me? Yes and no. He did by getting me out of the situation at times and by standing up to her at times and taking the brunt of her madness. But the way he protected me the most was indirectly, by showing me that that's not how everyone acts because he didn't act that way and I modeled myself after him. So I'm like my dad not my mom. And of course my mom hated that. --To escape when I was a kid, I usually tried to leave the house or lock myself in my room. My dad would also get me out of the situation by saying "you're coming with me." As an adult, I'd hang up the phone on her, or cut off our relationship, and stood firm with boundaries best I could. --My parents never divorced. Both my parents are dead now; my dad died first. --It may sound strange to say my relationship with my mom is better now when she's dead. I say that because once the chaos stopped it was easier for me to let go of the anger and embrace the good side of her. It's easier to see how sick she was. Of course like you said she never got help, "it wasn't her fault, it was everyone else's making her act that way". She could never say she was sorry or even admit she did the things she did. She'd just make a favorite meal or do something nice and expect everything to be swept under the rug. Thanks for opening up the topic and sharing. I will be checking in when I can. ~LucyLynn
  11. Hi Danaz...your post captured my attention. My experience growing up with my mother was similar. She also tried very hard to turn my sister and my dad against me (and me to them, especially my dad.) My dad was my rock and role model. He wasn't perfect but I learned from him what I needed to survive. My mom wasn't always mean, either...I think this is the hardest part of all--the inconsistency. I'm really sorry you are going through this with your mother. I don't have the right advice to give but I can relate and understand the toll it takes on a person. I am not familiar with Emotional Deprivation Disorder so it's very interesting the information you posted. Although my mom was never diagnosed from what I've learned I believe she had a borderline personality disorder. I can completely point to my mother and my family dynamics as a reason for my depression and struggles throughout life. Talking to a therapist has helped me a great deal.
  12. Definitely the beach is what my spirit craves when I need comfort but unfortunately I'm landlocked. I either listen to ocean waves or watch a looping video of the ocean. It soothes my soul.
  13. Bluestate, I'm just following up on this thread and wanted to say good luck at your dr appt tomorrow! I'm sorry to hear you are going through this but try not to let the anxiety rule. Do things that are calming and will take your mind off it. Thinking of you. Make sure you keep us updated as you go through your surgery, recovery, waiting time (always the hardest). Sent from my DROID RAZR
  14. Good post and good answers! This has been so on my mind lately as I know coworkers are talking behind my back bigtime, and after hearing my hubby's family slamming people then be so nice to their face it made me think I wonder what they say about me! My self esteem is really low right now and I feel inadequate and it doesn't help. Letting it roll off your back and not thinking about what others say is the best advice. You can't control it, you can't even confront it or deal with it, so why let it get you down? Sent from my DROID RAZR
  15. Someone very close to me was misdiagnosed with anxiety when in reality she had pulmonary hypertension, a very serious disease. Her real diagnosis and treatment was postponed almost a year because the docs thought it was just anxiety. She was having fine anxiety too because of how she felt which exacerbated the problem but yeah, I think there are lots of people who are diagnosed with anxiety out develop it because there is a real underlying problem that is missed. Glad you were properly diagnosed! Sent from my DROID RAZR
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